White Picket Fences and Apple Trees
by FlatOutCrazy
Summary: Two years after that summer on Brokeback Mountain, Ennis del Mar leaves his wife and daughter to start a life with Jack Twist. Sixteen years later, Alma is dead and Junior is sent to live with her father and --surprise!-- the MAN he loves. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Note: Everything from canon leading up to the four year reunion and the reunion itself is intact in this story. I just pushed it all up. Instead of four years, it's two. Ennis has just one daughter, and I made Bobby older than Junior.

* * *

Ennis del Mar held his four-month-old daughter's small body close to his own. He breathed in deeply the smell of her curls, that smell of baby powder and Junior. He didn't know when he'd hold her next, when he'd again get that smell in his nose. He was leaving—had a bag packed and in the truck already, Alma's eyes red-rimmed and nose running. Jack was waiting for him in town.

"Ennis, I think you'd just better go," Alma choked out. He closed his eyes, squeezed that baby as tight as he dared without waking her up, and set her down. She kicked one leg sleepily. He planted one last kiss on her forehead, smoothed a lock off her cheek, and hunched his shoulders. He stopped just outside the apartment, doorknob still in hand. _Turn around and walk back in and go to work and stay here, stay stay stay stay…_

"Never meant to hurt you, Alma," he said softly. She didn't say anything. He swallowed hard and quietly shut the door. His jaw was clenched painfully tight, as were his fists, but he didn't allow any thoughts to flood his brain as he drove away from his small apartment over the Laundromat. He'd never thought of it as home, anyway.

His baby would never know her daddy. He wondered what Alma would tell Junior when she was old enough to ask after him. If she ever asked.

So much for not thinking about it.

When the endless drive was over and Ennis got to the motel and into the room he'd been sharing with Jack for the last two nights, he finally let those thoughts slide fully into his brain. He crumpled into Jack's arms and let himself be held, Jack stroking his cheek and whispering "It'll be alright, it'll all work out," into his hair.

* * *

In the two years since his sheep herding days up on Brokeback, Ennis del Mar had gotten married and had a daughter. He wasn't dying, so he figured he was pretty happy. His wife was a good woman, his daughter made him happy. So life wasn't bad. 

The only time he felt he _was_ dying was when his dreams turned to dimples and smoke and bleating sheep and that hard-muscled body and those eyes, those blue, blue eyes…

Then Ennis knew he wasn't happy. When that ache burned him, he knew he wasn't happy. When his stomach clenched and churned, he knew he wasn't happy. When he flipped Alma's soft little body to her stomach, he knew he wasn't happy. But he didn't see any way out of this misery, so he mainly tried to ignore it.

And then Jack had sent that postcard. Wanted to get together. And in that reunion, Ennis's life was flipped upside down.

* * *

Jack had come down off Brokeback, bruised (physically _and_ emotionally) and tired, and headed straight for the rodeo circuit. He figured the only way to get around the trampling on his heart was to get a trampling on his body. And that was exactly what he got. He won a few times, earned himself one helluva belt buckle and even some money. And then he'd met Lureen. They'd taken things fast—got married fast, had a kid fast, hit a rough patch real fast. 

Jack was miserable. He hated his life. Lureen had insisted he quit the rodeo when Bobby was born. Just another thing to add to his list of things he missed, along with

Ennis. 

_Brokeback._

_Ennis._

_Mama's cherry cake._

_Ennis._

_Ennis._

Finally, when he and Lureen were so alienated from each other as to sleep in separate rooms, he sent that postcard. He sent that postcard, redlined it all the way to Wyoming, spent a blissful three days wrapped up in Ennis, and then had to deal with his heart getting all ripped up again.

They'd spent the time wrestling, kissing, bickering, drinking, and mostly having sex. They did that a lot. Jack had tentatively mentioned a life together. Ennis shot it down, citing Earl and Rich and tire irons. Jack couldn't get him to change his mind. Too soon, it was the night before they had to leave. Both had "lives" to get back to. The tent was cold and they were wrapped into each other. For warmth, of course.

"Ennis?"

"Hmm…?" Ennis cracked an eye open. It was pitch dark.

"Can I ask you something?" Jack was sitting up, arms wrapped around bare knees. He was biting his lip.

"Uh…sure." What time was it? Why the hell was Jack up?

"Do you ever think about what life would be like if we had a life together?" Jack's voice was quiet. Ennis sagged. Not this again.

"Jack, I told you. Two guys—"

"I know, I know. 'No way.' But just tell me, do you ever think on it?" The look in Jack's eyes told Ennis that he'd better not do any bullshitting right now. He sighed.

"Maybe so…once in a while…" He shrugged, like it was no big deal, but Jack saw right through him.

"What do you think it'd be like?"

"Jack, it's probably better not to talk about it."

"Ennis, please?" Those eyes, that voice…Ennis sighed again.

"Okay. We'd have ourselves a nice ranch, lots of land. Coupla dogs, little pups for you 'cause you like 'em so much. Lots of horses. Good horses, not no nags. Full heada cattle. Maybe some chickens or something." He shrugged again. Bit at a hangnail. Jack just breathed for a minute.

"Wanna know what I think it'd be like?"

"Sure."

"Well, do you or don't you? I'm not telling you if you don't actually want to hear it." Jack knew he did, but he wanted Ennis to admit it. Ennis shifted so he was facing Jack.

"Tell me."

"'Kay. Just like you said, we'd have good horses, a nice cow and calf operation. And the house'd be real big, for company and such. We'd have a big window in our room, so's we could look out and see what we got, everyday. And we'd have all kinds a trees. Apple trees, and willow trees, good for climbin." He was quiet for a minute. "But you know my favorite part?"

"What?"

"The fences. We'd have white picket fences." Jack laughed a little. There was just a touch of bitterness. "Just like some damned woman, huh?"

Ennis shut his eyes. He could see green grass moving in the wind, those damn white picket fences looking real nice coming up the driveway. Maybe they'd have a sign? Before he could stop himself, Ennis breathed,

"Sure wouldn't mind that life." The dreamy spell was broken.

"Then why can't we have it, Ennis?" Jack was excited now, voice too loud for the still night.

"Jack, two men can't ranch up together. Just wouldn't work."

"Ennis, you want it as bad as me. I know you do." Jack crawled over to Ennis, let his hands rest on Ennis's back.

"Jack…"

"Ennis, we could live real quiet like. No one'd have to know. We'd just tell people we ran the ranch together."

"They'd ask about wives."

"We could say they was both dead. Ennis, we could say our wives was sisters and they died and hell, we're practically brothers now, so we figured to start something up together! Say it was their dying wishes or some shit like that. People eat that up."

"Jack, who'd believe that?"

"Who gives a shit who believes it?"

"I'm sick of going 'round in circles over this." Ennis's voice was cold, final. Jack moved back over to the bedroll, away from Ennis, taking his warmth and his hope with him.

"Yeah. Yeah, guess you're right." He said dully. "Stupid idea anyway."

Now Ennis felt guilty. But, God, couldn't this man get it through his thick skull? It didn't matter how bad either of them wanted it—they couldn't do it. Just couldn't. He settled back down next to Jack, nestled the other man into his arms.

"Wish things was different, Rodeo. Swear to God I do." He planted a soft kiss on the side of Jack's head. Jack sighed.

"Let's just go back to sleep, Ennis. Got a long drive tomorrow and I don't wanna be bitching 'bout lack of sleep."

_You'll just spend it bitching over everything else_, Ennis wanted to say. But sometimes his silence had a good side.

A last desperate kiss, a pat on the back, and Ennis found himself in his truck, pulling away. He put on the radio to avoid listening to his thoughts. It hurt to let Jack leave again. Hurt worse than the first time because he knew the empty feeling he would get when he was away from Jack.

_No, I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving. But I guess that's just the way the story goes. You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows, yes, it shows._

Ennis took a big gulping breath. Just a song. Don't put no stock to it. Almost against his will, he glanced in his rearview mirror to see Jack still just sitting there by his truck, head down, not moving.

_Can't live if living is without you._

Jack swiped at a lone tear on his face.

_I can't live, I can't give anymore._

His head came up, staring longingly after Ennis's truck.

_I can't live if living is without you._

And suddenly Ennis was pulled to the side of the road and turning around so fast gravel flew under his tires and his poor old truck whined and he didn't care because Jack heard him coming back and got the hope back in his eyes and Ennis was out of the truck with the keys still in the ignition and Jack was in his arms and Ennis was whispering into that dark hair, "Oh darlin, oh darlin," and Jack was shaking and they were kissing and he thought _No more tears. No more._

* * *

Lureen had taken Jack's leaving much easier than Alma had Ennis's. She'd frowned over the phone, asked if he was going to come home to pick up his things, and why couldn't he have left a year ago before she'd had that son of his? And while they were at it, what did Jack plan to _do_ with that son of his? Lureen sure as hell weren't going to raise him on her own. 

Jack, frustrated, had asked if she wanted him to take Bobby with him. She was quiet for a long minute.

"Well, that would be easier," she finally said. Jack was taken back for a minute, but when he thought on it, was not wholly surprised. Lureen wasn't real good with the baby and she bemoaned her lost social life almost every day.

Already, at a year old, Bobby looked like his father, and Lureen seemed to take personal offense to that. He didn't seem to have inherited one bit of her. From the minute he was old enough to care, his favorite shoes were those damned cowboy boots his daddy'd bought him. He wore that little cowboy hat constantly, and he adored that shiny belt buckle Jack wore nonstop. No one could really tell if that was because he admired Jack's rodeo days or just because Jack kept it so clean Bobby could see his reflection in it, but Jack liked to tell anyone who'd listen that Bobby was going to ride bulls, just like his daddy.

Jack wondered how Ennis would take it. He hoped Ennis'd be excited, but that man was just so damn unpredictable. Probably part of him would be happy to have a son and the other part would lash out about having another mouth to feed, another body to worry about. But Jack was pretty sure he'd be happy. Ennis had a soft spot for kids and animals that Jack found endearing.

Walking back to the truck, Jack couldn't keep the grin off his face. He even whistled. They were actually going to be a _family_. Sure, it was one fucked up family, what with two daddies and all, but he didn't care. The point was, he'd have his boy and his Ennis with him, both at once.

* * *

**Sixteen Years Later**

"Ready to meet your daddy?" The social worker asked Junior. Junior gave her a blank look and didn't answer. The woman kept that fake smile pasted on her face.

"I know it'll be hard, sweetie, especially since you just lost your mother. But try to think of it as a good life change." Junior wanted to throw up. This woman had just met Junior three days ago and suddenly she was "sweetie?"

Alma had never remarried. She had supported Junior on her own, living in the same apartment over the Laundromat for the last sixteen years. Ennis sent money once in a while. Alma wished she were too proud to use it. But in truth, she was too poor to be proud.

Junior didn't know any details about her father—just that his name was Ennis, he was a cowboy, and he'd left before she was even a year old to make a new family with someone else. She knew he had slanted, shaky handwriting, like he wasn't sure of his writing. He sent her a card and a present every Christmas and on all her birthdays. He'd sent a few letters that Junior hadn't opened, but her mother made her write thank-you notes for each present. All were the same—

_To my father,_

_Thank you very much for the present. It was kind of you to send it._

_Your daughter_

Her mother's poor heart had finally given out, and Alma had died. Junior would rather have lived with her aunt, but the court sent her to her father—a man she couldn't remember in a town six hours away from home.

An old pickup pulled into the parking lot. A man with blondish hair curling around his ears rolled to a stop. He had a tan hat, worn jeans, and cowboy boots. He took off his hat and cleared his throat nervously.

"Uh, Junior?"

She just stared at him. So this was her father? He chewed at a thumbnail. He fidgeted when the social worker stretched a hand to him. He murmured a "Pleasure to meet you, ma'am." with downcast eyes. Junior had always thought he would be strong and charming. He was just plain nervous.

"All set?" He asked her. She stood up wordlessly, endured a hug from the social worker stiffly, and picked up her one suitcase. Ennis quickly moved to take it from her, but she clutched it with white knuckles. His shoulders hunched and he nodded, just once.

Junior stared out the window the whole ride, even though the scenery stayed the same the whole time. Flatness and dust, that's all she saw. Ennis cleared his throat.

"So, uh, I sure am sorry 'bout your mama." He sounded sincere enough. Junior didn't say anything.

"She was a real good lady."

"Not good enough for you, apparently." She used her most biting tone. Ennis's jaw tightened, and they rode the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

A/N: The song Ennis hears in his truck that makes him turn around is "Can't Live (If Living Is Without You)" by Harry Nillson. It wasn't out in 1965--I don't think it was released until the 70s--but I plead creative liberty. 


	2. Chapter 2

This was not the four-month-old baby Ennis had left behind. The Junior Ennis remembered smiled when she saw her daddy. The Junior he remembered had bright eyes and curls. The Junior he remembered was just a baby. Sitting next to him was a sixteen-year-old with a blank stare on her face. She hadn't said anything aside from her biting remark, and before that Ennis had started to fear the girl had some kind of brain damage. He'd heard trauma did that. Did your daddy leaving you for a man count as trauma? Probably.

"So, uh, I don't know what you been told 'bout where you're coming to live." Ennis ventured bravely. He never used to be one to initiate conversation. But Jack had been working on him the last sixteen years.

"Nobody told me nothing." Junior's voice was bitter. But not as much as before. Ennis took that as encouragement and kept talking.

"Oh, well, I'll tell ya then. We live on a ranch, cattle ranch, if you want specifics. We been getting by just fine last couple years, but we got some new heifers gonna calf that I think's gonna bring us in some big money. Now, the horses are really the best part—" Ennis broke off his babbling when he realized Junior wasn't listening. She had her chin resting on her hand, staring out the window. He mumbled something about her having her own room, but his words were dying in his throat.

He wasn't used to talking with no response. Jack always pushed him to talk more, and Lord knew Bobby was one for talking. But this…he realized with a start that this conversation was like talking to himself, the way he used to be. _No_, he thought confidently. _I at least grunted every once in a while so's the person knew I was list'ning._

"Who's us?" She asked about five miles of silence later. Her voice made Ennis jump.

"What?"

"You said _we_ live on a ranch, _we_ been getting by just fine, new heifers gonna bring _us_ big money. Who's this new family you done started?"

"Uh…"

Ennis's mind flashed to the home waiting. Flashed to Jack and those blue eyes, those dimples letting him know when he'd done something right. He thought of those apple trees they'd planted first thing, before they'd even bought the horses (despite Ennis's grumbling on that part), and those damn white picket fences he'd gone to all that trouble surprising Jack with.

_He'd slaved the last four days on end, digging fence posts and slamming them in like a crazy man. Jack had taken Bobby to Childress to visit Lureen for her birthday. He'd done it more for Bobby than for Lureen, truth be told._

_Ennis sat in the kitchen, back aching from all his work, when he heard the tires spinning on the gravel driveway. He knew Jack'd seen the fence by now. A car door slammed._

_"Ennis!" In a flash, Jack was in front of him, mouth hanging wide open in a grin that stretched for miles. Those dimples! Ennis could look at those all the daylong._

_"How was Childress?" Ennis asked nonchalantly._

_"You built it! You built a fucking white picket fence!"_

_"Oh, that." Ennis ducked his head, suddenly shy at the awe in Jack's voice. "Know we said that was something we'd have, and here it's four years later and you ain't got your fence. So…I built it."_

_"Ennis…" Jack had tears in his eyes. "I love you so damn much." Jack wrapped his arms around Ennis, just had time for a crushing kiss before Bobby started yelling from the truck._

_"Daddy, let me out! Daddy!"_

_Ennis laughed into Jack's mouth._

_"You forgot the kid in the car, asshole!" He left Jack crying in the kitchen, went out to get Bobby. Jack could hear Ennis talking to Bobby, asking how his mama was, what he wanted for dinner._

_"Jack?" Ennis asked as he came through the door again, this time with Bobby on his shoulders. "Why don't we call that girl from down the road to watch Bobby, we can go into town for dinner tonight?"_

_And Jack knew that was Ennis's way of saying his own endearments._

"Is this it?" Junior asked as they pulled in. She didn't sound awed but she didn't sound disgusted, either.

"This is it." Ennis couldn't keep the pride out of his voice, Junior noted. She also noted two more trucks in the driveway. Three trucks? What kind of rich people were these folks?

Ennis got out of the truck, stretching those long legs of his after the drive. He cracked his back, re-tucked in his shirt. Junior wondered who was getting himself all prettied up for. She didn't know her father well enough to know that it was a nervous habit, just like chewing his fingernails and hunching his shoulders.

"Ready to go in?" Ennis started around the truck to open her door. She did it herself and jumped out. He looked awkward for a minute—didn't know if he should try to carry that suitcase or not—so she looked expectantly at the house. He took off his hat and hung it on a hook by the door. There were two next to it, one black and one brown. So she had two half-brothers, Junior figured. She wondered if Ennis had any other daughters she'd have to deal with.

"Jack?" Ennis called out. "Bobby? Come on down, meet Junior." A thundering of footsteps flew down the stairs. Junior was surprised to see that one of the men now in front of her was about the same age as her father. The teenage boy at his side could only be his son; it was like looking back in time to look at that boy.

"Hey there, Junior, good to finally meet you." The father said, welcoming her with a big hug. She stiffened. She didn't even know this man's name and now he was _hugging_ her?

"This here's Jack, and that's Bobby," Ennis introduced. Junior gave him a blank stare. Was she supposed to know these people?

"Uh…didn't no one tell you 'bout Jack?" Ennis asked nervously.

"Nobody told me _nothing_." Junior said, a touch bitterly.

"But…your mama never mentioned…?"

"My mother," Junior spat, her dander up now. "Did not talk about you. She was a strong woman who didn't need a man to help her and she didn't see no point in dragging up things she couldn't change. And in sixteen years you didn't never once come visit me, so excuse me for being a little confused." At that point, Junior didn't care who Jack and Bobby were. She wanted to go to the bathroom. She'd been holding it for six hours, but she certainly didn't want to point _that_ out to the three open-mouthed men in front of her.

"May I please be shown to my room?" She asked.

"Junior, just let me explain—"

"I'd really like to go to my room and lie down right now."

"But, see, Jack—"

"Jack could be your queer lover for all the care I've got right now." She did not notice the way six eyes widened or the silent conversation between Ennis and Jack before Ennis picked up her suitcase and led her down the hall to her room. Thankfully, there was a bathroom attached, so she peed and flopped on the huge bed.

Someone had obviously made an effort to ready the room for her. There was a vase of wildflowers on the windowsill and paper on the desk. The bedspread was an awful bright pink, with ponies—yes, _ponies_—prancing across it, manes and tails flowing in some imaginary wind. There was even a _doll_ resting on her pillow. Junior didn't know whether to laugh or throw up. She was sixteen, not six. Even when she _was_ six, she would have never liked a room like that.

Junior spent a good hour just laying on that bed, decidedly _not_ thinking about her mother or home, ignoring the rumble of her stomach and the restless, antsy feeling in her legs. She just wanted to lie still for a minute. A rap on her door made her sit up and push the long auburn hair out of her eyes.

"Yes?" She made special effort to make her voice icy.

"Uh, Junior, it's Bobby. Dinner's ready."

Silence.

"Um, you coming?" She could practically see him shrugging.

"I s'pose so." She smoothed her shirt and left the bedspread rumpled. The doll had slipped halfway under the bed, and she kicked it the rest of the way there on her way out. When she flung open the door, Bobby was still standing there, looking awkward.

"Sorry 'bout that quilt," Bobby said with a grimace. "Told Dad 'n Ennis you're too old for something like that, but neither of them's too good around girls."

"Hmm."

He led her to the kitchen, where Jack was bringing food over to the table. Bobby hurried to help him while Junior stood uncertainly. She looked at her shoes. She did _not_ want to be here. She wanted to be at home, wolfing her cold cereal before leaving for work, scrawling a little note for when her mama got home, to brighten her day much as she could.

"Take a seat, ma'am." Bobby said politely. Ma'am? He was barely a year older than her. No boy her age had ever called her ma'am. Clearly he wasn't quite as good around girls as he liked to think.

Ennis came in just then, pausing at the back door to kick off muddy boots. He looked up and saw Junior, his shoulders immediately taking on a hunch. He cleared his throat and slunk into the kitchen. Junior could hear the low rumble of his voice and Jack's answering tones. Bobby took the seat next to her, leaving just two chairs next to each other.

"Well, hope your hungry, Junior," Jack said brightly as he walked in, Ennis slowly following. Jack set a plate of burnt biscuits on the table beside her. She couldn't help wrinkle her nose slightly. Bobby noticed and chose not to comment.

Ennis and Jack took their seats and the three men started to load up their plates. Junior sat motionless. Jack noticed and looked at her.

"Don't you say grace over your food?" She asked, sounding less disdainful than she'd planned. Jack shot a half glance to Ennis. Ennis sat up a little straighter.

"Ain't really a habit we're into." Ennis said.

"Oh."

"Would you like us to?" Jack asked, voice kind and gentle.

"Not on my account."

"Well, I figure us godless boys should prob'ly pray once in a while, anyhow." Jack bowed his head, Bobby followed suit uncertainly, and even Ennis resigned with a sigh.

"Lord," Jack began. "We thank you for this food. And we thank you for Junior's safe arrival and for the healthy calving this morning that ol' Morning Star had. We thank you for that rain we got last week. And we thank you that the truck's still holding up." Jack started to loosen up, really got into his prayer. "We're real thankful Bobby's rib healed proper last spring and Ennis didn't bust nothing when he took that spill last week. And we're thankful…" Jack droned on, and Junior regretted asking for a prayer.

She heard Ennis shift uncomfortably a few times next to her. She heard a sharp kick under the table. Jack's voice changed from reverent to angry and his prayer suddenly included some four-letter words in the middle of his thankfulness for that buck Ennis'd had shot two winters ago.

"Lord, I'm thankful for that stubborn-ass next to me that you sent to torment me. Real thankful he ain't wearing those steel-tipped boots I bought him for his birthday. Bless this food to be edible. Amen."

"Amen." Ennis echoed. Junior wondered what kind of place she'd come to—three trucks, they didn't pray, and when they did they included swear words. She didn't feel too hungry anymore.

"Junior, you want some of this steak?" Ennis held a plate of oozing, thick steak to her. Her stomach turned. She shook her head wordlessly and opted for the green beans instead. She took a potato and picked at her food. She didn't even try to brave one of those biscuits.

"Sorry the food ain't too good," Jack apologized. "I ain't no cook, that's for sure." Junior didn't say anything. Jack's smile started to slip just a little. What happened next was natural for three out of four people at the table. The fourth person's heart stopped at this natural motion. Ennis's hand took Jack's. Squeezed. Held on, right there on the tabletop. Two men holding hands at the dinner table.

Junior stared, horrified, at the clasping calloused hands in front of her. Her father…this man…

Oh, God.

"Junior, you alright?" Ennis asked. How could he ask her that, while he was holding hands with a man? He followed her wide eyes and noticed what she was staring at. He dropped Jack's hand like he'd been burned.

"Uh, Junior…"

"Is this why you left my mother?"

A thick blanket of tense silence fell over the table. A muscle was going in Ennis's cheek. Jack's fingers twitched, like he wanted to take Ennis's hand again, but he held himself back. Instead he clenched at a biscuit, crumbled it to black bits on the wood table. Bobby didn't move, didn't take a bite, maybe didn't even breathe.

"Yes, I left you and your mother to be with Jack."

"You left us for a man."

"Yes."

"You're a…"

"Yes."

Junior stared at the scarred wood of the table. Her mother must be rolling in her grave, knowing the company her daughter was in at the moment. Alma Senior didn't lash out about much, but homosexuals were one thing she felt passionately about enough to tirade about.

Oh.

That made more sense now.

"May I be excused?" Junior asked politely.

"Junior, you sure you don't want to talk about this?" Jack asked.

"May I be excused?"

"Junior…"

"May I be excused?" She was capable of only question at the moment.

"Yes." He was capable of only one answer.

* * *

Hours later, quiet had fallen on the house and Junior sat alone in her room. She worried a hangnail on her thumb. All those dreams she'd had as a little girl, the excuses she'd come up with for why her father had left…shattered.

She'd wondered if maybe he'd secretly been a spy, and he'd had to leave on a mission, and one day he'd come back for her.

She'd wondered if maybe he'd been put in the witness protection program after cracking a murder case and saving countless lives, and one day he'd come back for her.

She'd wondered if maybe he was in the army and was off fighting a far-off battle, and one day he'd come back for her.

She'd always wondered if he loved her at all, if he wondered after her, if he even thought about her at all.

She sat with her knees pulled up to her chin, biting that hangnail like it had kicked her dog. Unbeknownst to her, Ennis was sitting up in his bed in the same position—knees drawn up, head leaning back against the wall, tearing at that thumbnail.

"Ennis," Jack said sleepily. "Ennis, go to sleep."

"Uh huh."

"Ennis." Jack sat up, rubbed his eyes blearily. "Ain't nothing you can do right now. Okay? You need to get some sleep. You know you'll be up early checking on Cream and Sugar and the calves."

"Uh huh."

Jack sighed and scooted closer to Ennis. He tested out putting an arm on Ennis's shoulder. No resistance, so he pulled Ennis into his arms.

"Oh, cowboy," Jack murmured. "This ain't how you thought it'd go at all."

"_Jack!" Ennis called out, hanging up the phone. His voice sounded sad, fearful and excited all at the same time._

"_What is it, Ennis?"_

"_Alma died, Jack." He looked at the ground, somber. He had loved her, in some way, he had. Even amongst all the bitterness, he'd still nursed a soft spot for that woman._

"_Oh, Ennis, I'm sorry." Jack moved up behind Ennis, wrapped him up tight in those arms._

"_My girl…my Junior's gonna be coming to live with us."_

_"What?"_

_"Court ordered her here. I'm gonna see my baby again." Ennis's eyes filled, but he turned his head so Jack wouldn't see. Jack didn't hide his own._

_"It'll be great, Ennis. We'll make her feel right at home."_

"No, this surely ain't." Ennis's voice was hollow.

"I'm sorry things ain't working out how you planned, friend. But give it time, alright? Her mama just died and she had to leave her home and her friends and probably some boyfriend or something. It ain't easy."

"Know that."

"And she'll get used to us. She will, just you wait and see."

"'Kay."

"Ready to go to sleep now?"

"Yeah."

Jack kept his hold on Ennis as they settled into bed. Ennis sighed, deep, let Jack cradle him and hold him like he so rarely did. Jack stroked his hair until he quieted and slipped into an uneasy sleep. If that girl had been a boy, Jack would've just knocked some sense into that head. But she wasn't a boy, she was a girl, and Jack didn't know quite how to deal with those.


	3. Chapter 3

Junior was dreading that breakfast table. First of all, she was fairly certain she was going to starve to death if Jack was doing all the cooking around here. Second, she didn't even want to _see_ these people.

She made the bed and then sat on the edge. Should she just go out there? She wasn't real hungry anyway. What was she supposed to do all day? It was summer. It took hours to get into town. Not that that really mattered, as she didn't know a soul there. What did people _do_ here?

"Junior?" Jack's voice floated through her door. "You up? There's breakfast out here if you want it."

"Okay." She knew her mother would have wanted her to say thank you, but she just couldn't muster up the words. She waited until she heard his footsteps retreat to walk out. She didn't want to deal with having to walk with him or, worse, make conversation.

She slid into the same seat she'd taken the night before at dinner. Ennis came in the backdoor, slid off his boots just like before, and took the seat to her left. He brought a dirty pinky to his mouth to bite the nail. Jack brought a plate of blackened toast and a stick of butter to the table. He leaned in to Ennis for a kiss. Junior felt a crawling feeling on her skin. Jack had a little smile on his face as he leaned in and puckered up.

Ennis turned away before Jack could kiss him.

Junior saw hurt flash over Jack's face. She didn't know it, but that marked the first time in nearly fourteen years that Ennis had shied from a kiss in his own house. Neither Jack nor Ennis said a word about it, but Jack withdrew into the kitchen again. Ennis lowered his eyes guiltily.

Bobby came in the house just then, yammering about Fudge and how he was so sure she was set to calve that very day, probably right around lunchtime, wouldn't you agree Ennis? Ennis didn't say a word and Bobby paid him no mind, just kept on chattering away.

Bobby was the only person who talked during the meal. He could tell something was wrong, had a disturbed look on his face that said he didn't really like talking to himself, but didn't ask. Ennis would grunt once in a while and Jack would nod and muster up a smile. As soon as Ennis left for the barn, Bobby turned to Jack.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Jack's voice clearly said _Don't ask_, but Bobby ignored it.

"Well you're both acting all funny. Something wrong?"

"Everything's just fine." Jack slammed a plate into the sink and left the house. Junior kept her head down. She had a feeling that whole kiss debacle had something to do with her. Bobby turned on her and she cringed.

"What did you do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well did you see what happened?"

"Your father leaned in for a kiss and my father turned away." She said it in appropriately disgusted tones, she thought. Bobby's eyes widened and he sucked in a breath.

"Shit." He muttered. It was the first time he'd cursed in front of her and he quickly apologized for it. Who _was_ this kid? It was 1981 for crying out loud! He called her ma'am and went to pains not to swear or spit in front of her.

"Well maybe my father is just getting some sense." Junior sniffed. And that was about when Bobby's good manners snapped.

"Look, why don't you just cut this disgusted shit right now, okay? I'm pretty sure you're at least halfway alright with this but you act like you're not just to have something else to pin on Ennis and my dad. We all get it. You hate it here, you hate us, and you would like nothing better than for all three of us to drop dead. Well guess what? You're stuck here at least until you turn eighteen so why don't you just do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?" He grabbed his hat from beside him on the table and stomped out of the house.

Junior sat, stunned, for a full minute before she was able to pull herself together enough to huffily tromp back to her room. How _dare_ he talk to her like that? He didn't even _know_ her. But deep down, buried way past all the resentment and anger and fear and hurt, that reasonable part of her that had always lived deep down stirred.

_He makes a lot of sense_, that part said.

_Shut up_, the rest of her snarled back.

_You're being a big whiny baby. Aren't you supposed to try and make the best of any situation you come into?_

_Yeah well, I didn't count on that including my father being a queer._

A knock on her door made her jump.

"Junior?" It was Ennis. "Uh, I'm really sorry if Bobby hurt your feelings. He…talks a lot, huh?"

"I'm not a baby," she spat. "Just because I'm a _girl_ doesn't mean I get my feelings hurt anytime someone raises their voice at me."

"Oh. Uh…okay…" Ennis clearly had no idea how to respond. He mumbled something about he'd be in the stables and shuffled away.

_You are going to hell,_ that sensible part of her brain told her.

* * *

Jack and Ennis were working in silence. Jack understood why Ennis had pulled away. But it still stung a little. Ennis left with a wheelbarrow full of manure and old cedar chips. When he came back, he kept his eyes on his feet. 

"Jack…" He shifted his weight to his other foot. "Listen, uh, 'bout this morning…"

"Ennis, it's okay."

"But…I just…"

"Ennis. I get it." Jack leaned against his shovel for a second, pushed his hat back a little. He was starting to get a little gray around the temples.

"Sure?"

"Sure."

Ennis leaned in then, kissed Jack soft and slow. Jack knew this counted as an apology. If he'd waited a little longer, he may have been able to get Ennis to actually use the words _I'm sorry_. But he knew how hard it was for Ennis to use those three word phrases. Phrases like _Sure am sorry_ or _I miss you_ or _Please don't go_ or most of all, _I love you_. Phrases that he hadn't heard much before Jack, so he hadn't felt the need to use. Jack thought of the first time Ennis had told him he loved him—outright, not just a _Yeah, me too_ after Jack said it first.

_It was warm and sunny outside, Jack's favorite kind of day. That fence Ennis'd built him looked damn fine. Brought a smile to his face every time he looked at it. He was sitting on the porch, watching Ennis put Bobby up on Pepper and lead him around, Bobby's laughter ringing out through the whole yard. After a while, Bobby was distracted by the new kittens the rangy calico had had, and Ennis joined Jack on the porch._

_"Hey there darlin." Ennis nudged Jack with his boot. "Whatcha smiling 'bout?"_

_"You."_

_"Oh yeah?" Ennis looked out over their land, a pleased flush taking over his ears. The trees were sure getting big. He let out a low whistle. "Who done built that mighty fine looking fence, huh? Sure looks nice."_

_"Sure does." Jack agreed with a laugh. "Good thing you're so humble 'bout it, too."_

_"Well, I had good reason to make it look so good." Ennis pushed his hat off his head, swiped a hand across his forehead._

_"What reason is that?" Jack teased. Ennis turned to him, eyes serious. No teasing there. He looked down, eyelashes fluttering as he took a steadying breath._

_"Well, 'cause I…love you." He mumbled it, slow and quiet, wouldn't even look Jack in the face while he said it, but Jack could have screamed. He'd said it. He had finally, finally said it. Jack felt tears well up and he blinked them away. Turning into a woman, he was._

_"I love you too," he choked out. "Love you so much I can hardly stand it."_

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Think we could get back to work sometime today?" Ennis had his hands on his hips, his eyes narrowed but a small grin threatening to tug up the ends of his lips.

"S'pose that could be arranged, Cowboy. That is, if you've got nothing better in mind than work."

Turns out, Ennis _did_ have a few things in mind that he admitted, gasping, were much better than work.

* * *

Bobby gladly noted that Jack and Ennis were back to their usual selves, bickering and taunting each other and sneaking little touches like teenagers who couldn't keep their hands to themselves. He knew a lot of his friends found it gross when their parents did things like that, but Bobby had always found it comforting. 

As long as they were still touching each other, it meant one wasn't going to leave. And he had always found that their love extended to him, as well. As long as they loved each other, they loved him. They weren't going to ask him to leave.

It may have been stupid, or it may have made sense, but Bobby had always had a deep-rooted fear that he would wake up one morning to find himself alone. When he was younger, he'd run in to Jack and Ennis's room first thing to make sure they were still there. He never told them why, but he was pretty sure they knew anyway.

Bobby was no psychologist, but he was no idiot either. He knew that his fear that Jack and Ennis would leave him was due to his mother's abandonment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knew his dad would never leave him, and really he knew that Ennis would never leave, either. But sometimes he just got scared. Like when they fought. Or when they went on overnight trips and Bobby was left at home by himself. Sometimes he felt like he was holding his breath, not breathing until they got home and hugged the air back into his lungs.

He went into the house to go to the bathroom and saw Junior sitting on the couch, staring into space. She looked sad and scared and he immediately felt bad for her.

"Hey," Bobby said softly. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You look…" He searched for the right word. "Lost."

Ouch. He nailed exactly what she was feeling.

"Well, it's just…" She stopped herself before she poured her heart out to a boy she'd met less than twenty-four hours ago. "I'm fine."

"Miss your mama?"

Unable to speak, Junior just nodded. She felt tears threatening to well up, so she blinked a few times before looking up.

"I'm fine." She said one last time, trying to convince both of them. She went to her room and flopped onto that horrific pink bed.

Junior's throat was painfully tight. For the last sixteen years, it'd been Alma and Junior. They'd gone to church together every Sunday, ate their meals together, even went to a few movies together when Alma didn't have to work and they'd had the money. They were in no ways best friends, but Alma had been Junior's mother and now she was gone. Junior felt hollow. Her birthday was in a week. She thought of her last birthday, turning sixteen years old and life was still sweet. Or as sweet as it got, for them.

_"Happy birthday, sweetie." Alma's voice was strained and tired. She had half an hour to get to work. Just enough time to give Junior her present. She laid the box in front of Junior, who gasped when she opened it. It was a dress—a beautiful dress, soft yellow, little flowers inlaid all through the skirt._

_"Ohhh!" Junior breathed._

_"To wear to your big dance," Alma said as Junior flung her arms around her mother. "You'll be the prettiest one there, I just know it."_

_"Mama, how'd you afford this?" Junior asked, hugging the dress to her chest. There was no possible way her mother could have paid for something so fancy._

_"Don't you worry about that. Go try it on, let me see it on you."_

Junior curled into a ball on that huge bed and cried. She missed her mother so much. How was she supposed to get through being sixteen years old without a mother?

* * *

"Hey Junior, you want some dinner?" Ennis's gravelly voice called down the hall and woke Junior from the uneasy, exhausted doze she had cried herself into. She stumbled groggily from the bed, pushing hair out of her puffy eyes. 

"You alright?" Ennis asked, noting all the signs of crying. Junior's throat, to her horror, got tight again. She clenched her teeth and nodded. Ennis left it alone. Jack and Ennis held hands again. Junior couldn't find the emotion to care. She wasn't accepting it. She was just too damn tired and numb to feel _anything_.

"Hey, you two gotta go into town tomorrow, register for school," Jack said. Bobby made a face.

"I can't wait to graduate and be done with school."

"Done with high school," Jack corrected. "Then you got college to go to."

"I don't see why I need to go to college to be a rancher. You and Ennis never went to college." Bobby stabbed at a noodle on his plate.

"Yep, and we're dumb ol' birds." Ennis broke in. Junior could tell from the looks on their faces that this was not the first time this discussion had come up. Bobby grumbled some more about damn school and damn reading and just damn it all.

"Bobby, watch your mouth at the table." Jack scolded. "Jesus, boy. Sound like we ain't taught you no manners."

"Sorry," Bobby muttered with a roll of his eyes.

Junior kept her head down, picking listlessly at her food. Ennis frowned at the top of her head and Jack shrugged.

"Junior, you sick?" Jack asked. "Or is my cooking just that bad?" She just shrugged, didn't even look up.

"You gotta eat, doncha? Huh?" To stop their questions, Junior took a big bite of whatever it was they were eating. Everything tasted the same to her, and she felt sick chewing it. She pushed the plate away with a small sigh.

"May I be excused?" Her voice sounded scarily like her mother's after years of hardship and work. She sounded beaten and exhausted. _Guess that's what pain does to you_, she thought. She didn't wait for an answer, just pushed her chair back and left the table.

In her room, Junior could hear the three of them talking about her in low voices.

"I think it's got less to do with the two of you then you think," Bobby was saying. "Her mama just died. That's hard."

"Yeah, it is," Ennis said quietly.

"Ennis, why don't you talk to her 'bout it? You know how it feels." Jack sounded excited. He knew how it felt? Junior hadn't known that.

"I don't know…" Ennis said uneasily. "It's not quite the same."

"Ennis, losing your mama is losing your mama. I think you should try."

"Don't know that she wants to talk to me."

"Never know 'til you try," Bobby broke in. Ennis was quiet for a minute. Junior could hear him tapping his fork against his plate.

"Well, I guess we'll see. I gotta go check on the heifers." Junior heard his footsteps go out the door.

"Think he'll talk to her?" Bobby asked Jack. Jack sighed.

"I don't know, bud. Ennis ain't one for talking 'bout nothing, 'specially not his folks. I'll work on him, see what I can do." Both Twists were silent. "You gonna call your mama tonight?" Jack asked, quiet-like. Junior strained to hear. What was the story on Bobby's mother?

"Daddy…" Bobby sighed. "You know she asked me to stop calling over there."

"Aw, she don't mean that, son."

"Think she does."

"Well. She ain't never been the smartest girl in town. S'pect I'd better be getting out to the barn, haul Ennis in here 'fore he finds some more work to do out there."

* * *

Junior looked over at Bobby on the drive to the school. He had a dark scowl on his normally happy face. He and Jack had argued more this morning about college. 

"You really hate school, huh?" She surprised both of them when her voice filled the car. Bobby frowned but didn't say anything. He kept his eyes intent on the road.

"I don't read real good," he finally said. "I…I don't know, it's just always been real hard for me. I almost had to repeat the fourth grade. But my daddy and Ennis got me a tutor." He shifted, looked at her for the first time. He looked defiant, ready for her laugh at him.

"Oh." She didn't know what the polite thing to say in the situation was. I'm sorry? Congratulations? She settled for nothing and he went back to his driving.

"Here it is," he said some time later, killing the engine. The school was _tiny_. Junior's old school had been far from huge, but this was unbelievable.

"How many kids go here?" Junior asked, amazed.

"Uh, I'd say 'bout two hundred."

"Are you kidding me?" The thing was like a time warp. It was red brick and had a bell on top. It even had a sign declaring SCHOOL in big block letters.

"Well, we better go," Bobby sighed.

A few kids waved at Bobby. Girls in particular seemed anxious to talk to him. He'd flash his big smile, showing off those dimples, and a few girls actually sighed. Junior rolled her eyes. A few beefy guys came over and all clapped Bobby on the back.

"Practice starts tomorrow," one of the biggest ones said.

"Can't wait. I got a feeling, boys. This is our year!" Bobby slipped easily into his jock-self. Junior felt another eye-roll coming on.

"Who's this? New girlfriend?" A tall boy wiggled his eyebrows at Junior suggestively. Bobby gave him a dark look.

"This is Junior. She's my…" He bit his lip, looked at Junior for assistance. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"I live with him." She said, overly sweet. "My father helps his daddy with the ranch."

"_Oh_." The tall boy said, backing away a little. "Ennis is your father?"

"Yes."

"Didn't know he had no kids. Well, I really hope you like it here, ma'am." The whole group slunk away. Fast.

"What was that all about?" Junior asked.

"Aw, they're all scared a Ennis."

"Can't imagine why," Junior said sarcastically. Bobby gave her a look, one that said _Shut your trap_, and led her inside the building.

"Oh, Bobby, how has your summer been?" A gray-haired woman in a long dress smiled brightly when she saw Bobby.

"It's been real good, Mrs. Fuller. How 'bout yourself?" He graced her with a charming smile. She laughed.

"Oh, I've been just fine. Have you been reading those books I gave you?"

"Uh…"

"Bobby," she scolded. "You're not going to get any better at reading if you don't practice. Hear me?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And where are your manners, boy? Poor girl's been standing here in the dark this whole time, you gonna introduce me?"

Junior was starting to feel a little worn out from all this meeting people business. She wanted to go home. To Riverton.

"Um, this here is my…well, see…well, you know Ennis, Mrs. Fuller, this is his daughter, Alma Junior."

"Oh, I didn't know Ennis had a daughter!"

"Yeah, no one did," Junior muttered bitterly. Bobby elbowed her softly.

"Well, let me just get you two your books…" Mrs. Fuller went on, explaining about the library and books and classes and handed them each a slip of paper with their locker combination on it. Junior tuned her out.

"Where's your locker?" Bobby asked.

"Number 105."

"Oh, well I'm 106, so we're right by each other."

"Wonderful." Her voice revealed that she thought it was anything but.

"You oughta smile sometime, you know. Didn't your mama never tell you if you keep your face all frowney it'd get stuck like that?" At the mention of her mother, Junior shut her eyes briefly. When she opened them, Bobby looked guilty.

"Sorry. I'm real sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine. Why don't you show me where my locker is?"

Bobby set off down the hall, jabbering away about football and a rival school and something about an outhouse. Junior wondered, horrified, if the school had indoor plumbing. She considered hitch hiking home. Decided against it. Who knew what kind of people drove around this town?

"Junior? Are you evenlistening to me?"

"No," she said truthfully.

"Well, this here's your locker. Try it out, make sure it works."

"Panty Twist!"

"Shit." Bobby made a face and turned to face the boy behind him. Junior caught her breath. This boy was _gorgeous_. He had shaggy dark hair and big green eyes, and were those?—yes, freckles.

"Bobby, aren't you going to introduce me?" Junior said sweetly.

"Yeah, boy, where are your manners?" The boy gave Junior a once over and gave her a wide smile. Junior didn't notice the way his eyes lingered on her breasts, but Bobby did. He frowned.

"Well, Junior, this is Jimmy Kent. Jimmy, this is Junior."

"Pleased to meet you, ma'am." Jimmy tipped his hat to her. Junior felt butterflies flutter through her stomach.

"Actually," she said. "My name is Alma."

"That's a very pretty name."

"Thank you, I was named after my mama."

"If she's as pretty as you are, I may have a predicament on my hands." Jimmy grinned again and Junior laughed. Bobby felt sick to his stomach.

"Well, Junior, we best be heading out now."

"So soon?" She asked innocently.

"Actually, Alma, ma'am, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to get some lunch with me. I could take you home after."

"We already ate." Bobby said, taking Junior's arm. She pulled it back.

"I'd love to, Jimmy."

"I don't know that your daddy would like that, Junior," Bobby warned.

"She's old enough to make her own decisions, Twist."

"I don't think he'll even ask, Bobby." She walked off arm in arm with Jimmy. Bobby knew that Ennis _would_ ask and he'd be none to happy to hear that his daughter was in the company of a snake like Jimmy Kent.

"Fuck." He muttered. "I justknow I am somehow going to get blamed for this."


	4. Chapter 4

"Where's Junior?" Ennis asked the minute Bobby came, solitary, through the door. Bobby bit his lip.

"Uh…she went for some lunch with a fella she met at the school."

"Didn't she already eat?" Ennis sounded confused.

"It ain't about the food, cowboy," Jack said in a singsong voice. Ennis gave him a dark look.

"Well, who was it?" He asked Bobby. _Shit shit shit_. Ennis absolutely loathed Jimmy Kent's father and didn't particularly like Jimmy, either.

"Ennis, now, don't get mad…"

"Who was it, Bobby?" Now Jack could tell something was wrong. The only reason Bobby would tell Ennis not to get mad was because he knew Ennis _would_ get mad.

"It could have maybe possibly been…Jimmy Kent." Bobby cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth and Jack cringed right along with him. Of all the boys, Junior had to run off with that bastard.

"_What_!"

"Ennis, it's just lunch! She ain't marrying the guy!"

"He'll try something on her, I just know it! Why didn't you stop her? You know what kinda trash he is!" Ennis grabbed his hat from the hook by the door and pointed it at Bobby. "You know where they went?"

"No sir." Bobby knew Ennis would yell at him some more after he got home, and he could use the _sir_ as ammunition. Prove he was respectful. Ennis slammed the door on his way out and Jack sighed, pulled himself off the couch with a small groan.

"Guess I better go with him. Make sure he don't kill nobody. I swear, I spend half my life keeping his ass outta trouble, stubborn old son of a bitch…" He grumbled all the way out of the house and had to chase Ennis down to get in the truck. When that man had a mission, he sped to it.

Bobby sank onto the couch and took off his hat. Well, that went better than expected. He was still alive. Course, he knew Ennis would never hurt him, but damn if that man wasn't scary when he got all fired up. Bobby could still remember the first time Ennis had blown up at him.

_Jack was away on business, buying farm equipment or something along those lines. Bobby was in full five-year-old glory, whining and tugging on Ennis's hand, begging Ennis to put him up on Lightning, one of the horses Bobby wasn't allowed to take out himself._

_"Alright, Bobby, alright." Ennis sighed. "Just let me finish chopping this wood."_

_"Okay, Bobby," he grumbled. "I've just got to move some of these hay bales."_

_"Hang on, Bobby. I'll be done in just a minute."_

_Bobby, never very patient, decided after an hour that Ennis was just too slow. He decided to go get Lightning himself. He walked confidently to the pasture where the horses were out grazing. Lightning raised his head when Bobby approached._

_"Hey boy," Bobby crooned, just the way Ennis'd taught him. "I'm gonna ride you, 'kay?" He took Lightning's snort as a good sign. He had to stand on the bottom rail of the fence to open the gate, but that didn't daunt him. He got the latch open and hopped off the fence to swing the gate open._

_In a flash, Lightning was thundering over to the open gate, making a break for it. A few other horses raised their heads to check out the situation, but decided their grass was better than their shot at freedom. Bobby, eyes wide, called feebly to Lightning._

_"Whoa boy! Hey, stop! Lightning, no!" The horse paid him no attention. Ennis looked over, took in the situation, and dropped the fence post he'd been wrestling into place for the last five minutest. Lightning was rapidly approaching the gate—and Bobby. The small boy was just realizing that it was probably a good idea to move when Ennis barreled over, shoved him right into the gate, knocking him flat on his back into the dust. The wind oofed its way right out of Bobby's lungs, and Ennis was up and catching Lightning before Bobby even realized what happened. After scolding the horse and firmly latching the gate, Ennis came over to Bobby, still lying there in the dirt. Bobby knew, from the look on Ennis's face, that his short life was over._

_"Robert. Jack. Twist." Ennis's words could hardly get out of his mouth, his jaw was so clenched. His hands balled into tight fists. Bobby was sure Ennis was going to kill him, right then and there, and started to cry._

_"I'm sorry, Ennis! I wanted to ride Lightning and—"_

_"Told you time and again Lightning ain't a kid's horse. And I _know_ I told you how important it is to keep the gate shut tight. What if he'd run out to the road, huh? What if a car hit him and he got killed?" Ennis was pacing back and forth, hands on his hips. Bobby's sobs grew louder as only a five-year-old's can._

_"Don't you ever let me catch you near this fence without me or your daddy ever again. You understand what I'm saying, boy?"_

_"Y-y-yes sir." Bobby hiccoughed. Ennis sighed, picked his hat up off the ground, where it'd fallen during his mad dash to Bobby._

_"Get on up to your room. You stay there until your daddy gets home, you understand me?"_

_"Y-yes sir."_

Bobby didn't even go to dinner that night. He'd cried for the rest of the night, half because he was scared and half because he was mad.

_'Course, Ennis had heard his crying and folded right quick. Sitting at the table all by himself, he could hear Bobby upstairs and didn't like it one bit. He knew what it felt like to be sitting in your room with an empty belly and full eyes. He took some supper up to Bobby and hugged him close, telling Bobby he was sorry for losing his temper with him._

_"Scared me bad, pardner. Thought that horse was gonna run you right into the ground."_

_Jack found it funny that Ennis, tough ol' Ennis with the iron fists, had kept the punishment up for only an hour and a half._

_"You big softie," Jack teased affectionately._

Bobby sighed and picked up his hat. He could go muck some stalls. That'd get him back on Ennis's good side..

* * *

Junior wasn't exactly having the best time with Jimmy. He was quite the charmer on the first date—really laid it on thick. He complimented her endlessly. It actually made her a little uncomfortable. So her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. Didn't everyone's? Yes, her hair was long. And?

She found herself watching the clock as he tried to look deep in her eyes. He even leaned in, like he thought he was getting a kiss on the first date. Junior smiled thinly but made no effort to meet him halfway. He took the hint.

On the dirt road a few miles from the house, they passed Ennis and Jack, flying down the little road like the devil himself was on their tail.

"Fuckin' idiot," Jimmy grumbled about Ennis. Junior felt no agreement with his sentiment. But then again, she felt no disagreement, either. She felt like Jimmy was talking about someone she had no attachment with, instead of her father. When Ennis realized the car he had just passed, he flipped a U-turn and honked several times. Junior saw Jack clutching the door handle and distinctly saw his lips moving, surely telling Ennis exactly what he thought of his driving. Jimmy stubbornly kept driving all the way to the driveway. Junior looked at him when they stopped.

"Well," she said politely. "Thank you for taking me out. I think it'd be best if you hurried on outta here."

"Prob'ly so. That bastard always thinks he's gotta prove how tough he is. Think he's compensating. My daddy says he's queer."

"How does your daddy know that?"

"He been living with a man for sixteen years, Alma."

"And just where do you think I came from? The stork?" Junior had no idea why she was defending Ennis. It had less to do with the fact that she felt loyalty to her father and more that she just wanted to disagree with Jimmy. Jimmy laughed.

"S'pose you're right. Queer guys ain't got the balls to have kids." Rolling her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day, Junior thanked Jimmy again and got out of the truck. Jimmy sped off just as Ennis was hopping out of his own truck. Ennis was sure to give Jimmy a hard glare, and Jack had to push his hand down to stop him from giving the boy the old one fingered salute.

"What in the name of hell were you doing on a date with that boy?" He hissed.

"I had lunch with him, that's what I was doing," she answered coldly. "Not that it's really any of your business where I go."

"He ain't the kind of boy you should be busying yourself with. Understand?"

"How would you know? You don't even hardly know me!" And with that, Junior promptly burst into tears and ran into the house, confusing the two men outside as well as herself.

"…The hell?" Ennis finally asked, completely bewildered.

"No fuckin' idea," Jack answered with a shake of his head. "Women."

* * *

After the Jimmy Kent incident, the rest of the week slid on relatively quietly. Little events happened, events that had to do with getting used to living with new people. Events that the inhabitants would likely never tell each other about.

Like when Bobby left the toilet seat up—way he had since the day he first started using a toilet—and Junior went in after him. She'd never had anyone leave the seat up before, didn't even think about it, and suddenly found herself a lot closer to the toilet water than she would ever prefer to be.

Or when Ennis had shuffled his way into the bathroom, happened to glance into the garbage can as he was taking a piss, and noticed one of them "women diapers" as he so eloquently called them. Near about died of embarrassment. Told the story to Jack in hushed tones, ears and neck crimson. Jack had laughed his ass off, of course, and found Ennis's discomfort over the whole thing even more hilarious. Ennis strode off in a huff, left Jack snorting and dissolving into fits of giggles every time he thought on it.

Two days before her birthday, Junior got a phone call from one of her cousins back home in Riverton. The only phone was in the kitchen, and the call came just around dinnertime. Junior was not pleased to have everyone listening in on her conversation, but it wasn't likely that she could call back later. The phone service was faulty at best.

"Is it just awful there?" Lucy asked sympathetically.

"Well…yes." That was slightly a lie. There had been _some_ good things. One of the barn cats had just had kittens and Junior was in love with a little striped one. And the horses were certainly a bright spot. When Ennis let her near them.

"Knew it," Lucy said in a low voice. She let out a puff of air into Junior's ear. Hearing her voice and the babies in the background filled Junior with a sick ache. She could hear her aunt's voice, so much like her mother's, and it near brought tears to her eyes.

"I miss home." Junior whispered.

"Aw, Junior…I'm trying to tell mama to get you back here. Sure the judge would see you're better off here. But you know mama, she hates them courts and lawyers. Says they're all going to hell."

"Yeah." Junior sighed. "So what's going on there?"

"What do you think? Nothing, o'course. Oooh, but Sarah and James are _sleeping together_!"

"Are not!" Junior heard herself slip into gossip mode and didn't care one bit that three men were in the room with her.

"They _so_ are. James had _condoms_ in his backpack."

"No!"

Ennis found himself startled over the change in Junior. She was chattering right away with her cousin, while in the past week she'd hardly said three sentences. Well, that wasn't entirely true. If he got her mad she could spit coals at him.

"Might be the first time I've seen her smile in the house," Jack said around a mouthful of potato. Ennis grunted his agreement.

"Told you, she just misses all her friends and everything." Bobby waved his fork around for emphasis. "Soon's she gets friends 'round here, she'll be like all them other girls. Won't shut up a minute and you'll wish she was still miserable." He punctuated his wise words with a huge bite of steak, not chewing enough and nearly choking.

"Jesus, boy." Jack pounded his back. "How many times I gotta tell you? Chew _then_ swallow."

Ennis chuckled heartily and choked on his own mouthful. That set all three of them to laughing, and Junior got off the phone to find the three of them guffawing. She glanced, unsure, at them. Ennis sobered as soon as he saw her and Jack lowered his eyes. Bobby went right on laughing like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Nice talk with your cousin?" Jack asked kindly. The fact that Junior couldn't help but like Jack made her angry. As far as she was concerned, Jack was the reason her mother was dead. He'd stolen Ennis away, and if Ennis had been there Alma wouldn't have had to work so hard. Junior wanted to say something hateful to wipe the smile off all three of their faces, but her throat was so tight she couldn't speak. Instead, she fled to her room, just making it before the waterworks started. An awkward silence filled the kitchen for a minute. Finally, Ennis broke it, shaking his head and voicing what all three men were wondering.

"All girls cry that much, or is it just 'cause of us?"

* * *

Bobby tossed restlessly. He could hear his father and Ennis arguing down the hall. His clock read 12:13. He knew what they were fighting about. There was only one thing they fought about at midnight. He was no fool.

Ennis had been significantly less affectionate to Jack with Junior around. Kisses were only given after a quick search found her no one in sight. And they were all hurried and quick. Bobby didn't have to ask to figure they probably hadn't been screwing much lately. He made a face at the thought. Gross.

Jack was telling Ennis exactly how he felt about this whole thing. It wasn't so much the lack of sex hurting him—though that was certainly a big deal, too.

"Ennis, this is _our house_. What we do is our business."

"Just don't feel right, doing it with a kid downstairs."

"We been doing it with a kid down the hall for the last sixteen years, Ennis. Why you getting shy now?"

"It's different."

"How?"

"What you mean, how? She's a girl."

"That ain't the only reason it's different, is it, Ennis? It's different because before it was _my_ kid and not yours!"

The words hung like a black cloud between them. Ennis felt them shoot to his very core. Jack crawled over to Ennis.

"Ennis, oh Ennis, I'm sorry."

"You didn't say nothing that ain't true. Bobby's your son, he ain't mine." Ennis's voice was pure heartbreak. Jack felt panic and shame rise up in his gut.

"Ennis, no, that ain't true, you know it ain't true, Bobby loves you much as he loves me, loves you like you was his daddy—"

"But I _ain't_ his daddy."

"Ennis, you're his daddy much as I am. Just 'cause your spunk didn't get him here don't mean nothing. You know he's got two parents, and Lureen sure ain't one of 'em." Jack reached a tentative hand to Ennis's shoulder. Ennis didn't shove him away, but he didn't reach out and pull him in, either.

"Cowboy," Jack whispered. "I am so sorry, bud." But it was too late. Ennis felt like Jack had just drawn a line down half the room, dividing it into each man's portions, way K.E. had way back when. He retreated to the farthest corner of the bed and turned his back to Jack.

Bobby lay wide-eyed in bed. That old fear rose up again. Through the years, he'd heard some serious fights between Jack and Ennis. But never, never, had they been about him. He'd never even thought about how Ennis felt about Bobby as a son.

Honestly, he'd never thought on how he felt about Ennis as a father. He'd never called him daddy, not that he could think of. He called him Ennis. He introduced him as Ennis, his daddy's friend. Did that bother Ennis? Deep down, Bobby knew that Ennis was a second father to him. But did it bother Ennis that Jack would always be Bobby's first father—his _real_ father?

The worst part of the argument was the quiet afterward. Jack and Ennis were never quiet with each other. They were always talking, laughing, bitching at each other. The only times they were quiet like that were times they were really, _really_ mad at each other. Or hurting bad. And Bobby knew which one this was.

He kicked the blankets off and pulled his jeans on. Quiet as a breath, he eased out of the house and into the stables. It was pitch dark, but he didn't need lights to navigate the barn. Hell, he didn't need _eyes_. One, two, three stalls. Left. His horse, a pretty little Arabian mare named Firefly. Present from Ennis for his tenth birthday.

She saw him and nickered low in her throat. She dropped to the ground as he let himself into the stall, lying still in the straw. He curled into her furry side the way he had many a time. He never worried about flailing legs or her rolling over and crushing him. He'd slept coiled into her more times than he could count. Ennis had found him more than once but never said anything. Bobby suspected Ennis knew a thing or two about sleeping in the stables with a horse as your blanket and straw for your mattress. Bobby let the great rise and fall of her ribcage beneath his head ease him into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Junior slept fitfully. Hearing from her cousin had been torture and bliss all at once. Bliss because her cousin was her best friend. They did everything together, and it was wonderful to hear from her. But torture for the same reasons. Junior felt like she was suffocating out here by herself, like the life was slowly being choked out of her by the prairie wind and the bad food.

She'd been having nightmares lately, terrible nightmares. She saw her mother dying in several different ways, and she watched them all emotionlessly. Then Ennis, Jack, and Bobby all suffered violent, shocking deaths, and she watched all those, too. Left in the empty house, she strangled herself with her sheets and died alone.

Junior was awake when the sun started to peak over the horizon. She knew she'd never go back to sleep now. She was sick of tossing and turning in this bed. She was sick at staring at the cracks in the plaster of the ceiling. She threw the sheets back and padded down the hall to the bathroom. The girl in the mirror didn't look like Alma Beers, Jr. Alma Beers, Jr. had a wide smile and bright eyes. Alma Beers, Jr. would have been peacefully sleeping at this time of morning. This girl's eyes were sunken and dull, with dark circles. Her face looked haunted.

_Is that really me?_

Suddenly, she couldn't stand to look at her reflection any longer. She used the toilet hurriedly (careful to make sure the seat was down—it wasn't, and that pissed her off) and focused on her hands as she washed them. She wandered back to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, wondering what to do now. She didn't feel like getting back in bed, but she didn't have books to read or anything like that.

Why not head out to the barn? Ennis wouldn't be there breathing down her neck like he usually was. That man sure was particular about his horses. She could spend some time with them without worrying about doing the wrong thing. Why not?

Junior bumbled her way to the stable. When she got there, she stood still for a minute with her eyes closed. The sound and smell brought back deep memories—she couldn't remember the memories, but she knew they were there. Stables and horses always made her feel safe and at home. She didn't know where it came from, since she'd never lived in a place with horses. She'd lived in an apartment all her life.

She wondered which horse to visit first. Looking around, she chose Thunder, a dark gray with enormous hooves. She wasn't scared of him.

"Hello there," she mumbled to him. She felt a little foolish talking to an animal, but shoved it aside.

"Hello yourself."

Junior about jumped out of her skin. She heard laughter and spun around. Bobby was leaning on the stall door, hair sticking up every which way and hay stuck to his shirt.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" Junior asked, one hand to her heart.

"I could ask you the same question." He didn't say it in a mean way or as if he were prying. Junior felt no need to answer him and shrugged instead.

"You like Thunder?" Bobby asked. Junior didn't want to seem overeager about the horse (though she so was) so she just shrugged again. But she couldn't pin down the smile that came to her face when Thunder nuzzled her hair.

"Yeah, you like him." Bobby said, nodding. "And he likes you. Have you ridden him yet?"

"Are you kidding?" Junior snorted. "I'm not allowed near a saddle with a ten foot poll until _he_ thinks I'm ready. Who knows when that'll be." She didn't have to say who _he_ was. Bobby knew all too well who the horse-Nazi was.

"He's pretty touchy when it comes to his animals," Bobby said knowingly. "But he'll come around."

"Whatever." Junior pretended not to care and Bobby pretended not to see right through her. He bit his lip and checked his watch. It was barely 4:30. They had almost an hour until Ennis would be out…

"Do you want to ride him right now?" Bobby blurted. He knew it was not a good idea to go behind Ennis's back when it came to his horses. That was like playing with gasoline by a fire. Junior gave him a long look. She was battling her desire to ride with her desire to distance herself from Bobby. The horse won.

"Okay," she said nonchalantly, proud that she wasn't jumping up and down and squealing, as she felt like doing.

"Well follow me. First thing you have to learn is to saddle your own horse, 'cause I can tell you right now, I sure as hell ain't doing it and neither will my dad or…" Bobby paused, wondering how it would feel to call Ennis _dad_. He could try it out right now, without Ennis. Junior gave him a curious look.

"Neither will either of my dads." Bobby said it slowly, testing it out on his tongue. It didn't feel too unnatural, but it sure sounded funny to say. Junior snorted and rolled her eyes. Bobby glared at her.

"You want to ride or not?"

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry."

Bobby made Junior carry the saddle from the tack room to Thunder's stall, with the saddle blanket over her shoulder and a brush in her hand. By the time she heaved it all to Thunder's stall, she was ready to forget the whole thing. But she was afraid Bobby would make her carry it all back, and she'd gotten this far, so she figured she'd stick it out. He made her go back and get the bit and the reins. She sustained it all with only a glare—didn't even make a nasty comment. Bobby decided that was progress.

"Okay, now I'll show you how to put it on. Pay attention, 'cause if you don't cinch it right you're gonna end up on your butt in the dirt more than once."

Junior was obedient and Bobby preened with his new authority. He made her un-cinch and re-cinch the saddle three times. Junior was starting to wonder who she was here with—Bobby or Ennis.

"Bobby, you make me do it one more time and I swear the second I get on this horse I will run you down."

"Threaten me again and you ain't getting _on_ that horse."

"Oh, shut up." But she looked to him for more instruction. He showed her how to slip the bit into Thunder's mouth and only made her practice twice.

"Now. Lead him out the door…careful, don't let him squish you…okay. Getting up could be pretty tricky, since you're kinda short…"

"I am not short," Junior huffed, though she was. Damn, that girl had disagreeance ingrained in her. Bobby wondered what her mother must have been like. He felt bad and apologized silently for thinking ill of the dead, especially someone's mother.

"Well anyway," he said, heading over to the stump he'd had to use as a mounting block until he'd hit a growth spurt. "You can use this to get up." Junior stared at him for a minute.

"Uh…"

"What are you waiting for? Hop on up." She was giving him a funny look, and Bobby didn't get why. Suddenly it dawned on him—she didn't know how.

"Well, I…"

"Sorry, I forgot you've never ridden a horse before." Thunder tossed his head and stamped impatiently. Junior stared at those gigantic hooves and thought about how it would feel to be under them.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea." She said. Bobby heard the note of panic threatening to creep into her voice. What was he supposed to do now? He refused to let his first teaching job fail.

"No, no, this is a good idea, I promise. Just don't be afraid of him. He'll smell it on you and take advantage of it." Telling her not to be afraid of him just made her _more_ afraid. Were there things she didn't know about Thunder that would make her afraid? Oh, God, he was a big, big thing. And she would be up on his back? Uh-uh. No way.

"I don't think I can do this!" Junior's voice rose about an octave and Bobby cringed. This was not going as expected. He wondered what Ennis would think of this abysmal attempt to teach Junior to ride and found the key to getting her on the horse.

"Well, I guess you're right," Bobby said, shaking his head. "Just like Ennis said. He knew you'd be too scared to ride." He carefully did not look at Junior, but out of the corner of his eye he saw her stiffen. Her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, he said that, did he?" She'd show him. And Bobby, too. And then she'd wipe that ever-present grin off Jack's face while she was at it. Those dimples drove her nuts.

"Put your foot in that stirrup and just kinda…" Bobby tried to think of a way to explain it. "…Hoist your way up." He was thankful that she didn't laugh at his word choice. He left himself a mental note not to use the word _hoist_ again. When he had time, he'd think of a replacement.

Bobby suddenly realized that they were just outside the stable, way out in the open, and Junior had never ridden a horse before. If Thunder decided he felt like running, then run he would. Bobby quickly grabbed the reins and pulled them over Thunder's head.

"All set? We gotta move to the round pen."

"Okay." Junior didn't really know where the round pen was or why they had to go there, but then Thunder started moving and she stopped thinking about anything but holding on for dear life to that saddle horn. Bobby glanced back and saw her white knuckles but decided not to say anything.

Had he been that scared when he first started riding? He reminded himself with a little smirk that he'd been riding so long he couldn't remember ever learning. His dad said he was born already on a horse.

"Musta been some labor," Ennis'd commented lazily. "Prob'ly made all the headlines, huh?"

To say that Junior was a natural on horseback would've been a lie, much as Bobby hated to admit it. He'd kind of assumed that though she'd never ridden before, since she was Ennis's daughter she would just know what to do.

This was not the case.

She bounced around in the saddle, her teeth jarring together and her brain rattling around in her head. She had awful posture, and she kept dropping the reins to hold the saddle horn. Thunder, for his part, was perfect. As soon as she dropped the reins, he would stop. As the little lesson trudged on, he started to make a sort of sighing sound. Poor guy.

Several times, just as Bobby would look up, ready to suggest they call it quits, he'd catch sight of Junior's face. She was _glowing_. He'd never seen her look that happy, even when she'd talked to her cousin on the phone. He didn't have the heart to end it when she was finally having fun.

Finally, he glanced at his watch.

"Shit!" Junior looked up.

"What?"

"Ennis'll be going out to the barn in like ten minutes!" The color drained from Junior's face.

"What should I do now?" She screamed at him.

"Get off!"

Thunder, however, had had just about all he could take of this behaving business. He snorted, tossed his head, and started dancing antsily.

"Whoa," Junior said, voice shaky. And then, miraculously, Junior showed that she'd been paying attention to Bobby's lesson. She pulled the reins tighter—unevenly, so Thunder ended up turning, but that was beside the point—and sat deeper in the saddle. Bobby felt his mouth fall open a little in surprise, comical as it seemed.

He remembered that they were in a rush and hurried to hold Thunder while Junior dismounted. Her legs buckled when she hit the ground and she leaned on Thunder for support.

"Whoa, careful."

"Ugh, my legs are like dead."

"Yeah, you're definitely going to feel that one. Listen, you hurry up to the house, I'll put Thunder away. If Ennis sees me, I'll just say that I took him out for a ride."

"Won't he be mad at you?"

"Probably not. I've gone on morning rides before. He'll probably just wonder why I didn't take Firefly. And I'll just say…I decided to give her a break." Bobby shrugged. "Hurry, or you'll pass him on his way out."

Junior started running to the house. She stopped and turned. Bobby was about to yell, exasperated, at her to hurry again. She bit her lip.

"Thanks, Bobby!" She called, then took off again. Bobby shook his head, wondering why he was so shocked (and possibly pleased) to get a simple thank you. He made sure to slip Thunder a handful of treats back in the barn. A check to his watch told him Ennis should've been out there already. Where was he? He was never late. Not when it came to his horses.

Bobby started making the rounds, giving the horses their morning oats and checking on each of them. He finished. Still no Ennis. It was six o'clock. Ennis never slept in this late. What was going on? Was he sick? Bobby moved on to the cattle. He milked all seven of their milk cows by himself. Now he was less worried, more pissed. This was not a one-man job. Usually, the three of them made short work of it all. By himself, it took forever.

He stomped into the house. Junior was sitting at the table, looking troubled. She was by herself. Bobby could smell no cooking (or burning) food. His stomach gave a lurch that had nothing to do with his hunger.

"Where're my dad and Ennis?" He asked slowly. Junior shrugged.

"They're usually down here already." She commented.

"Yeah, I know," Bobby snapped.

"Well, ex_cuse_ me." He ignored her and tromped up the stairs. Their door was closed. He wondered for a wild second if their fight had turned violent after he'd left and they'd killed each other. He knocked cautiously on the door. There was no answer. He paused with his hand over the doorknob. Suppose they'd already made peace with each other and were…making up? He grimaced. He screwed his eyes up and pushed the door open a crack. _Please don't let me see anything nasty_.

He saw…nothing. The bed was unmade, but neither man was in it. Cold fear washed over Bobby. They were gone. They were gone! They'd left him! He pushed into the room. Searched the closet. All their clothes were still there—good sign. Where had they gone, so early in the morning, without telling him?

He ran to his room to see if they had maybe left him a note. Nothing. _Calm down. Calm down._ But the wild fear wouldn't listen. He couldn't take a full breath. His father's voice rang through his head. _Count as high as you can until the fear goes away._ Okay. Yeah, he could do that.

_One. Two. Three. Fourfivesixseven_…

"Bobby?" Junior called up the stairs.

"They're not here!" If he hadn't been so afraid, he would've been ashamed at how panicked he sounded. Junior paused for a minute.

"What do you mean, they're not here?"

"They're not in their room, they didn't leave a note, they're gone!" He flew back down the stairs. "Check out front! Are the trucks here?" Pressing his face to the windowpane, he could see that Ennis's rusty old truck was parked in the driveway. But Jack's pickup was gone.

"They're really gone…" He whispered. _Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty._

"So?"

Bobby didn't answer her. He sunk to the couch, resting his head in his hands. _Calm down_, he ordered himself. _Maybe they just went into town_.

"What's so bad about them being gone?"

_They're just buying groceries. Getting gas. Maybe they had to pick up some medicine for one of the animals. And just didn't tell me because…_

"Bobby! Answer me!"

_Forty-fourforty-fiveforty-six._

Bobby clenched his hands in his hair, trying to check the tremors running through him. _You are seventeen years old. Stop being a baby_.

"Bobby? I don't understand why it's so bad that they're gone…?" Her voice was softer, concerned now.

"Because," the words slipped out before he could stop them. "What if they don't come back?"

Junior stayed quiet for a long time, just staring at him. Finally, she tentatively moved closer, even rested a small hand on his shoulder.

"Why wouldn't they come back?"

"Look." Bobby sighed. "I know they'll come back. I know it in my head but I just…I still get scared. Because—well, because my mom didn't want me as a baby, so I guess I'm always afraid my dad and Ennis'll get sick of me and take off. They usually tell me if they're going somewhere, or at least leave a note, or something…and last night I heard them fighting…about me…so I just…I freaked out." He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to slow his hammering heart, trying to make that cold feeling go away.

_Sixty-two. Sixty-three. Sixty-four._

Junior didn't know what to do or say or even where to look. What an awful thing to be worried about your whole life. Faintly, Junior remembered a similar fear just after she'd found out why she didn't have a daddy.

But she had stopped being afraid when she was about eight. Alma was gone a lot and had to sit down with Junior and explain that she would always come back.

_"Sweetie, sit here with me," Alma patted the couch next to her. Junior curled up next to her mother. "Aunt Amy told me you get scared when I leave. You think I'm not coming back?"_

_Junior, thumb in her mouth, nodded tearfully. Alma put her arms around her daughter and squeezed her tight._

"I will always come home," she said, holding out her pinky for a pinky promise. "I love you too much. It would hurt me to be away from you, okay? I promise I'm always coming back."

Well, she hadn't come back last time, had she? Junior pushed that bleak thought out of her head. Clearly, no one had ever sat Bobby down and told him those things that he'd so desperately needed to hear, and Junior couldn't find the words to promise a frightened seventeen-year-old that those two men raising him loved him more than anything on the earth. Instead, she stood up.

"Why don't we get some breakfast?" She suggested. Bobby let her lead him into the kitchen and into a chair at the table, like he was one of her little cousins who couldn't find his way without her.

She rummaged through the fridge and the cupboards and came up with oatmeal. Oatmeal she could handle. Just water and oats. She'd made it for herself hundreds of times, when she'd woken up and her mother was already at work.

This whole thing had made Junior realize something—she'd been jealous of Bobby this past week. She'd never had a father and here he had two. And one of them was supposed to be _hers_. But now she felt a sort of sadness for him. His two fathers, much as they loved him, hadn't been able to give him what her one mother had.

* * *

Jack examined Ennis over a cup of coffee. Ennis had shaken him awake at three in the morning and led him to the truck. Jack was not a morning person, and was practically a zombie. He followed Ennis willingly. They'd been driving nonstop, and Jack really had no idea where they were. They'd stopped off for a coffee break and Jack was trying to get some answers out of Ennis.

"Where are we going?" It seemed a simple question to Jack. Ennis sighed and swirled the coffee around in his cup.

"Riverton."

"Uh…why?"

"Tomorrow's Junior's birthday. It needs to be special."

"So us going to Riverton makes it special…how?"

"Well, I don't know what to get her. She ain't gonna tell me. So we're just gonna have to ask her cousin."

"You are _joking_." Jack forgot that his coffee was getting cold. Ennis was taking him on a _six-hour drive_ to ask what to get his daughter for her birthday?

"Ennis? You know that square thing on the wall, has a little handle you can pick up? It's called a phone. Strange new invention. You can talk to people—"

"Oh shut up, Jack. I got something in mind, but I need Amy's help."

"Well, what is it?"

"It's…" Ennis hesitated. "Some pictures of her mama. I heard her on the phone saying she don't got any. And I thought maybe she'd want some." He shrugged, like it was no big deal. Jack stared at him for a minute. If they'd been alone, he would've taken Ennis's hand. But they weren't. So he tapped the tabletop a few times with his finger.

"Ennis, that's a mighty good thing for you to do."

"Yeah, well..." Ennis shrugged again and coughed uncomfortably. Jack looked down into his coffee.

"Look, Ennis…'bout last night…" He bit his lip. Ennis looked away. "Friend, I didn't mean what I said. You gotta know that. You know me, sometimes I talk out my ass."

"Sometimes?" Ennis muttered. Jack let it go because he was in hot water. He looked Ennis straight in the eye.

"Ennis. You're as much Bobby's daddy as I am. You understand me? You've raised him with me and he loves you as much as me. Maybe more. Sometimes I swear he's more like you than me. Okay?"

"I think that's the problem."

"What?"

"Jack, I been acting like Bobby's been my kid, raising him with you, teaching him things you learn from your daddy. But he's _your_ s—"

"Ennis." Jack glanced around. No one was looking. The dingy truck stop they were in was practically deserted. He grabbed Ennis's hand and laced their fingers together. "Bobby is _our_ son."

Ennis looked down, that sting of tears threatening to overwhelm him.

"Okay?" Jack whispered. "Ours. I love you, cowboy."

"Love you too," Ennis choked out. One last squeeze, and Jack released Ennis's hand just as the waitress came over. Ennis kept his head turned so this stranger wouldn't see his tears. Jack paid the check and she left.

"There's a payphone right there," Jack said, nodding to it. "Think we should call the kids?"

Ennis smiled at the terminology. _The kids_. He nodded.

"Let's call _our_ kids."


	6. Chapter 6

"Daddy!" Bobby could have cried with relief. "Where are you? When are you coming home? Is Ennis with you?"

Jack frowned at the anxiety in his son's voice. He knew Bobby didn't like staying home alone, but he wasn't alone—Junior was there. So what was he all worked up about?

"Well, if I tell you where we're going you can't tell Junior. It's a surprise for her birthday. And I know you can't keep secrets so I ain't gonna tell you more than that. We'll be home later tonight, I s'pect. And course Ennis is with me, you know I can't get rid of that asshole if I tried." He kicked at Ennis, who was standing a few cautious feet away. Ennis rolled his eyes.

"Well, I went out and did the morning chores, and no one came out, and then I went in the house and you were gone, and there weren't no note or nothing, and…" Bobby shrugged, though Jack couldn't see it. Jack frowned again.

"Bobby, what'sa matter with you? You sound like a scared jackrabbit. Swear I can hear your heart beat from here."

"I just…got a little worried." There was a small tremor in Bobby's voice.

"Worried?"

"I heard you and Ennis last night, and I got up and you were gone, and…"

"Oh, God." Jack shut his eyes. In a rush of Bobby's trembling voice, everything made a whole lot more sense—all those times Bobby'd hated him to leave, every time Bobby had near tackled him when he'd gotten home.

"Jack, what?" Ennis asked, now at his elbow. Jack shook his head slowly.

"Bobby. Son…" Jack had so much he wanted to say to Bobby. But it didn't feel right, under the gritty lights, holding a filthy black receiver, to say it when he was nearly six hours away from his boy. Could it wait even one more minute to be said? He'd left those words unspoken for so many years.

"Daddy?" The word almost made Jack cry. A seventeen-year-old boy calling his father daddy.

"Look, Bobby, we got some things to talk about when I get home. Tonight. Got it?"

"Yessir." Bobby knew what he meant. He looked at the floor, voice quieter now. "Can I talk to Ennis?"

Jack made the hand off and put a hand to his eyes. What kind of shitty father was he? How could he let his son worry and stew for _sixteen fucking years_ and never even notice? He could kill himself for it. Ennis was talking to Bobby, asking him about the cows and the horses, making sure he'd remembered to check on the mare who'd had colic the week before—just generally being picky, way he was.

"You and Junior getting along? That's good. Oh, you remember to fill up them extra stalls, just in case some of the heifers get to calving? Okay. Just checking."

Jack nudged Ennis with his elbow. He wanted to get those pictures and redline it back home.

"Okay, well, we best be getting on. We'll be home late tonight. Here, talk to your daddy again. Mm-hmm. See you tonight. Bye." He rubbed his ear after he pulled the phone away. Thing was probably crawling with germs. And not the good, honest kind that came from animals and hard work—these germs were probably the kind that hippies had. Ennis had a thing against hippies.

"Ennis, let's go. Hurry, quit your dawdling." This was a strange change—usually Ennis was telling Jack to get his head out of the clouds, not the other way around. Both were a little surprised.

"What's your hurry?"

"Need to get home and have a talk with Bobby. Ennis, you know how Bobby hates to be home alone?"

"Yeah, but he ain't home alone. Junior's there."

"That's just it. It ain't being home alone that's the problem. He's afraid we're gonna just up and leave him someday."

"What? Where would he get a crazy idea like that?" Ennis paused. "Oh. Right. Because Lureen…and because I…"

"Because you what? You ain't given him any idea that you'd leave him."

"Jack." Ennis gave him a pained look. "Left a kid before. He knows that. Prob'ly figures I'd do it again."

* * *

Bobby hung up the phone with a sigh. He'd heard from his father's voice that Jack had finally put two and two together. Now they'd have to have _a talk_. Whenever Jack sat Bobby down to have _a talk_, it turned out wholly uncomfortable. 

_"Daddy," seven-year-old Bobby asked one day. "How do babies get into mommies stomachs?"_

_With a drop of that bomb, Jack had had his first sit-down 'man talk' with Bobby. Bobby soon found that he did not want to have many more of these talks._

_"Well, son…you see…mommies and daddies love each other a lot." Jack felt a little hypocritical telling this to his son. He was lying. Oh, sure, some—hopefully most—mommies and daddies _did_ love each other a lot. But he and Lureen hadn't really loved each other all that much._

_"Okay…?"_

_"And when they love each other a lot…" Jack scratched his head. How _exactly_ did he explain this to a seven-year-old? Where was Ennis? Wait. Probably better if Ennis wasn't there. Ennis could barely use the 's' word with Jack—no way he'd use it with Bobby._

_"Um, when they love each other a lot, they want to make a baby."_

_"Does the mommy eat the baby and it goes in her stomach?"_

_"Well, no—"_

_"And how does the baby get out? Does the mommy throw it up?"_

_"No, Bobby, what happens—"_

_"I don't see where the baby comes out if the mommy don't throw it up." Bobby folded his hands sensibly and looked at Jack expectantly. A hot flush spread across Jack's face._

_"Well, Bobby…it's all a miracle brought by God." Jack said it in a rush, hoping Bobby would just take the answer and let the subject drop. Bobby narrowed his eyes at his father. "And the stork," Jack added for good measure._

_"Alright," Bobby said with a shrug, getting up and heading out to the barn to see if Ennis would let him ride one of the horses. Bobby decided his daddy didn't know either but didn't want to sound stupid. He didn't want to hurt his daddy's feelings, so he'd go along with that theory until he could find someone who _did_ know._

Jack and Bobby's first heart-to-heart hadn't gone so smoothly, but their second had, if possible, gone worse. Bobby had been almost fourteen, and Jack decided it was high time for the boy to learn about the birds and the bees. It ended up with Jack red faced and stammering and Bobby doing a lot of uncomfortable staring at the floor. Finally, Bobby had looked up, face flaming, and told Jack that he'd already learned all this in school, now could he _please_ go outside. Jack had agreed.

"Where are they?" Junior broke into his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, he didn't tell me."

"What?" Junior sounded annoyed. "Didn't he hear how upset you were? Why would he not tell you where they were?"

Bobby just shrugged. He was embarrassed that Junior had seen his breakdown. He had trouble meeting her eyes, wanting to apologize but too embarrassed to do so. He wanted to tell her it wasn't always that bad—he just hadn't had any warning and panicked. But how do you say something like that? She clucked her tongue and muttered something about men and their feelings. He grabbed his hat and went back out to the barn—the one place he felt normal these days.

* * *

"You." 

Ennis cringed. Alma's sister did not sound happy to see him. Not that he could blame her. He coughed and stared at his feet.

"Amy." He said her name with difficulty, tipping his hat politely. Amy's eyes shifted from Ennis to look past his shoulder.

"That him?" She asked in a low voice. Ennis coughed again. He shot the smallest glance over his shoulder. Jack was leaning against the truck, waiting for Ennis to motion him over.

"That's Jack." He chewed at his thumbnail. Amy made a small noise in her throat. It sounded halfway between a grunt and a snort. Either way, it clearly spelled out her disgust. Ennis sighed.

"Amy. I came for some pictures of Junior and Alma."

"What?" Amy's eyes went hard to hear her sister's name out of Ennis's mouth. Way she saw it, he had no right, no claim to her name.

"She don't got pictures of her mama. Heard her say it myself. Figured it'd be a good birthday present." He shrugged. Amy stared at him a minute, finally nodded slightly and opened the door wider. Ennis turned and waved Jack over.

"He's not coming in my house."

"Yes he damn well is," Ennis growled. "Drove six hours with me, got up at three. He ain't sitting out here in the damned heat."

"You drop out of the sky after sixteen years and think you can just order me around?"

"I'm doing this for Junior."

"Should've just brought her home!"

"I'm trying to make things easy as possible for her," Ennis said softly. "All I can think of to do." Jack had ambled over by then. He flashed one of those smiles, all dimples and pearly whites.

"Howdy, ma'am," he said sweetly, sweeping off his hat. She glared at him but walked away from the door, letting the two men in behind her. Ennis sighed again, and Jack put a hand to the small of his back—just a slight supportive pressure, then it was gone. Stupid as he thought it sounded, Ennis felt his shoulders straighten and his chin lift. He was stronger now, more comfortable with Jack here.

Amy had albums and albums of pictures—three especially of Alma and Junior. Ennis wanted to ask why she hadn't just let Junior take some of these pictures when she'd left, but he couldn't quite form the words.

"Just go through and take whatever you want," Amy huffed. "Then get on out of here 'fore any of the kids see you."

"Yes ma'am," Jack murmured. Ennis didn't even bother answering. He and Jack each took a photo album and started looking through. Jack started pulling whole pages out. Ennis looked at him and he shrugged.

"Might as well take a lot," he said, getting back to work. Ennis leafed through more slowly. Junior's first haircut. Junior's piano recital. Mother's Day after Mother's Day, birthday after birthday. Ennis felt an ache start up for all these moments he'd missed. No Father's Day pictures. No Ennis in a single picture.

He followed Jack's lead and took pages instead of individual pictures. It was less painful to grab a bunch at once—time to look through and pierce his heart later. Between the two of them, they'd racked up twelve pages, about thirty some odd pictures, when they decided it was enough. Ennis snapped the album shut and stood up. He heard Jack draw in a sharp breath and looked at him questioningly.

"N-nothing." Jack stuttered. "Uh…ribs. From them bulls." Ennis nodded. If they'd been at home, he would've put a hand on said injured ribs, possibly kissed them, if the mood struck him. But here, in Riverton, in his ex-wife's sister's house, he felt all that old fear gathering in him again. Visions of blood and tire irons and Jack's mangled body danced in his eyes.

"Let's get out of here," Ennis whispered.

"Go on, cowboy. I'm right behind you."

Ennis crept out of the house, felt like he was some kind of burglar. Jack sucked in another breath and pulled out the picture he'd seen to make him gasp. He tucked that one into his shirt pocket and picked up his stack, following Ennis out of that stuffy house.

* * *

Jack and Ennis drove straight through, all six hours, with no stops for food or coffee or even to pee. Jack would have whined if he weren't so worried about Bobby. His quiet made Ennis nervous. They turned down the long driveway at almost five. 

"Well, house is still standing," Ennis commented. "Good sign."

"S'pose so." Jack wrenched his door open and stretched. He bit his lip as he looked toward the house, wondering if Bobby was going to come tearing out like usual to greet him. The door stayed closed.

"You…you want to talk to him alone?" Ennis asked softly. Jack considered. Part of him—most of him, really—wanted to. But what about what he'd just told Ennis hours before, that Bobby was their son, together?

"I figured you could help me out." Jack paused and gave Ennis a long look. "He needs to hear it from both of his parents, don't you think?" Ennis grunted. Jack sighed as they walked toward the house.

"Can't believe I never realized he was so worried. Can't believe I let him go on worrying for so long." Jack's voice was bitter, self-blaming. Junior, watching silently from a tree in the yard, leaned in a little. _That's right, Jack Twist_, she thought. _You feel guilty._

"Ain't your fault," Ennis murmured low in his chest. "I noticed he'd been sleeping in the barn some nights we was away and never thought on it."

"Still feel guilty about it." Jack scuffed his boot against the ground. Ennis closed the gap between the two and wrapped Jack into his arms. They didn't say anything for a minute, just held each other and breathed the same air. Junior felt herself holding her own breath. They separated after a minute and Ennis reached a hand up to Jack's face, rubbing one thumb against his cheekbone. He said just one word, but the one word, and the emotion in his voice, made Junior's throat tighten.

"Darlin," he whispered. They walked into the house silently, but side by side, four shoulders squared and two minds working at what to say to Bobby.

Junior didn't move from her perch for a long time. In the last week, she had heard Ennis use the endearment several times, but only for his horses. The way he'd said it to Jack was so intimate, so personal, she felt guilty for hearing it. Ennis wasn't one for words, she knew. A part of her felt she had just stolen the most important one he had.

* * *

"Bobby?" Jack dropped his jacket on the couch. Ennis picked it up and hung it on a hook by the door. Neither man really even noticed the actions—it was routine, habit, ground in by daily occurrence. 

Bobby came down the stairs slowly, looking abashed. He wasn't real sure where to look, wasn't real sure he could meet his dad or Ennis's eyes, wasn't real sure where to sit when he got downstairs. Why did he feel so strange in his own house?

"Bobby, the three of us gotta get this thing squared up. I need you to tell me—us—exactly what you were so worried about this morning." Jack _knew_ what Bobby had been so worried about, but somehow he felt he needed to hear it from Bobby's mouth. Ennis just sat next to him on the couch, quiet, drinking the whole thing in.

"Well, uh…" Bobby licked his lower lip, breathing in hard through his nose. Ennis wished he could record Jack and Bobby doing that at the same time, that expression they shared of discomfort and uncertainty.

"I just…I mean, you was fighting last night, fighting…fighting about me. And I heard it. And then I got up this morning and went out to do the chores, and you didn't come out to help, and I did 'em all by myself, and then I went in the house and you were both gone, and…I got scared."

"Scared that we'd left you and weren't coming back."

"Yeah."

"Why?" Ennis asked, quiet.

"Huh?"

"Why did you think we wouldn't come back?"

"I…" Bobby looked down at his shoes. "I know if something's coming 'tween you, you get rid of it. Like…" Bobby hesitated. "Like when you got rid of both your wives. To be together." Both men winced slightly. "And I thought, since you was fighting about _me_, that I was what was coming 'tween you now, and maybe you'd gone so you could be happy together again." Bobby pushed a puff of air out between his lips. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You listen to me, ain't nothing for you to be sorry 'bout. You understand that right now." Jack shook his head. "Didn't do nothing wrong."

"Yessir."

"We's the ones should be 'pologizing to you," Ennis said. "Shouldn't a let you worry for so long."

"Well, ain't like I ever told you." Bobby shrugged. The three looked at each other uncertainly. Well…what now?

"Bobby…we wouldn't go off without you, you know that, right?" Jack said it gentle, a hand finding its way to Bobby's shoulder to rest there.

"I just know you'd do anything to be happy together."

"Ain't gonna be happy together without you, boy," Ennis broke in. Jack smiled and nodded, lacing his fingers with Ennis's.

"Promise?" Bobby sounded like such a little boy, it made Jack's heart ache.

"_Promise_." Jack pulled Bobby in for a hug. "I love you, son."

"I love you too."

Ennis took his turn hugging Bobby, though his was shorter than Jack's had been, and then, red faced and staring at his shoes, his voice gruff, he told Bobby he loved him. Bobby threw his arms around Ennis again and told him he loved back a million more, a phrase Jack used to use.

"Alright, alright, let's not get carried away," Ennis muttered, but he couldn't stop smiling. Jack and Bobby laughed at him.

Junior crept past the living room doorway. She saw the three of them on the couch, laughing and talking, Jack and Ennis holding hands and Jack's arm around Bobby, and felt a lonely longing.

Where was _she_ supposed to fit into this family?


	7. Chapter 7

Junior woke up slowly. It still took her a minute to remember where she was, but the realization came easier than it had earlier in the week. Today was hard, though. It was her birthday. She stayed under the sheets for a minute, just staring at the ceiling, not really thinking. She wanted to sleep through the day. Actually, she wanted to sleep through the rest of her life.

She finally pulled herself out of bed and went to her suitcase for clothes. She had yet to unpack into the bureau in the corner of her room. It would seem too much like making it her home, and she knew this home wasn't hers. Besides, she was afraid taking the clothes out of her suitcase would change the smell—get rid of the smell of home and bring in this smell. She just didn't think she could handle that.

She should have showered and she didn't. She felt subdued in a way she hadn't before. It wasn't the cold, awful numb feeling she'd had. It was different. Junior felt the emotions—hurt, pain, definitely still some anger—but they all felt far-off, like she was reading about them in a book.

Breakfast was lavish. Jack had managed not to burn the waffles and her napkin bore a happy birthday message. She was too downcast to tell anyone that she didn't like waffles and that whoever had written on her napkin had spelled birthday wrong. It was missing the 'h'. The four exclamation points at the end seemed slightly over the top, as well.

"So, how's it feel to be seventeen?" Jack asked, all too cheerfully. Junior shrugged and murmured something akin to fine. Bobby sat across from her and just gave her a sympathetic look. She wanted to cry but couldn't summon the feeling.

"You know, you get to pick what we eat for dinner tonight," Jack said. Junior didn't want dinner. She didn't want breakfast and she didn't want lunch and she didn't want to be here on her birthday while her mother was growing cold in a grave four towns over. Junior shrugged at Jack and kept her head down.

"After breakfast, you and Bobby should go into town. Buy some new school clothes?" Jack tried again to get her to raise her head. Junior shrugged again. She heard him sigh and, distantly, felt bad. He was just trying to be nice.

"Thank you for breakfast," she said softly, pushing an un-eaten waffle away and retreating to her bedroom.

"I'm sorry," she heard Jack say as she walked out. His apology brought her tears to the surface, and she leaned against the wall in her room for support. What was wrong with her? She felt so strange. Like her feet weren't her own, like she couldn't fully understand everything happening. She felt like a small child.

Some time passed, but Junior had no idea how much. Someone knocked on her door. Her voice sounded strange when she said, "Come in." Bobby cracked the door open and saw her sitting on the floor, head in her hands. She didn't bother to move.

"Do you want to go into town?" He asked quietly, nicely. She almost said no but somehow found herself nodding yes. He stood uncomfortably in the doorway while she stood and tried to gather herself. He grabbed her arm to steady her when she stumbled and she ended up crying into his shoulder for several minutes while he patted her hair.

"Okay?" He asked after she'd blown her nose.

"Okay." She whispered. He nodded once and they got in the truck.

"_Ennis_," Jack hissed. "Ennis, they're gone. Come on!"

Like bandits, the two slipped into her room, both shy and afraid to be infringing on her privacy here. Ennis almost bolted when he saw her pajamas on the foot of her bed. Jack took the bag from him and carefully started putting framed pictures on every surface.

Alma smiling and holding newborn Junior (Ennis nowhere to be found—"Like usual," he commented mournfully) went on the desk. Toddler Junior screaming and hurling peas from her high chair went atop the dresser, along with Alma and eight-year-old Junior at a fair, Junior holding pink cotton candy and Alma looking exhausted.

A picture of Junior and her cousin giggling on the couch together found the top of the bookcase. Picture after picture filled the room, slowly making its way from guest room to personal. The pictures that they hadn't framed they'd put into a small photo album. In the very last space was a note.

_Happy birthday, Junior. We wanted to let you feel a little more at home and thought these pictures might help. Hoping you'll be happy here real soon._

_Love,_

_Your family_

It was written in three different handwritings, as if this short note had taken all three men's brains. The word _love_ had been started twice in shaky handwriting before a firmer pen had taken over. There had been a small debate over _your family_ and whether or not it was the right thing to say.

Ennis stood in the middle of the room, looking around. You could get to know a lot about a person from old pictures of them. He couldn't stop feeling guilty for not being in a single one. Jack noticed his head hanging a little and slipped his arms around him.

"Oh, cowboy." He breathed. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Why do we need to do something with me?"

"Because you need to forgive yourself." Jack let his chin drop to Ennis's shoulder and squinted at the side of his face. Ennis grimaced.

"Don't think I can. Don't deserve it."

Jack shook his head and buried his face in Ennis's shoulder for a minute, breathing in deep the smell of horses, sweat, and laundry detergent.

"Ennis. Look at me." He did, after a minute. "You _do_ deserve it. Okay? You did the best you could. Alma didn't want you there. You sent letters, you sent birthday presents, you tried to call a few times. And now Junior's here, and you're doing the best you can. Look what you just did for her! Now you gotta quit this. Right now. Do you like hurting me?" Ennis didn't say anything. "Do you?"

"No."

"Well you're doing it."

"Guess it's just something I'm good at."

"Ennis, I'm getting sick of this shit." Jack pushed away and looked Ennis square in the face. "Quit playing the pity party, you hear me? If anyone here should feel guilty, we both know it's me. I'm the big bad wolf who stole you away. Do I feel bad for doing it? Sure I do. But I'm sure as hell _glad_ we did it, and I wouldn't change a thing if'n I had the chance. I fucking love you, you shithead."

Ennis couldn't help but chuckle a little at Jack's outburst. How did this man always do that? Make him laugh when he felt like tying himself to a horse and letting him fly?

"Ain't you just a sweet talker," he murmured, pulling Jack close. "You know how I feel about you, Jack fucking Twist."

They kissed and grabbed at each other for a few minutes before Ennis started to feel guilty and uncomfortable in the glaring gaze of the pictures. He just had a hard time unbuckling Jack's fancy rodeo belt buckle with his ex-wife and his baby daughter, frozen in time, watching him.

He pushed Jack out the door, fingers traveling and caressing and his lips all the while on Jack's neck, in his hair, finding his ear. Jack let himself be pushed, willing, always so willing for Ennis. They slammed into walls and bumped into the table. Ennis wondered how they would maneuver the stairs when Jack pushed him into the living room instead.

They sank onto the scratchy couch, Jack intent on Ennis's buttons and Ennis setting to work on that damn belt buckle. The metal was cool under his fingers and made him shiver. Jack licked his ear and sent a different kind of shiver through him.

Soon they were going at it on the couch like teenagers, quick and frenzied as if a parent would walk in any minute. Ennis knew Jack liked it face to face—he did, too—but damn if the old way wasn't good, too, spit and pain and all. Jack gasped when Ennis first pushed in—not teenagers any more, after all—and Ennis leaned down to place a feather-light kiss on his shoulder before they found their rhythm, moving together—together, they way they were, the way they should be, always together.

Ennis's panting "Fucking love you, fucking love you, _fucking love you_" marked his release, more growl than sweet-talk, but certainly what Jack loved. They lay curled up together, clothes forgotten and forsaken, for a long time, arms and legs tangled in a heap, sharing slow kisses leading to nothing more.

"Well, cowboy," Jack drawled. "How you feeling now?"

"Damn good, darlin. Real damn fucking good."

* * *

Junior shopped listlessly, letting her hands slide across sweaters and jeans without actually looking. She picked three sweaters, all blue, and Bobby tentatively asked if she didn't want to choose another color. She stared at the sweaters, mumbled that she hadn't noticed they were all the same color, and switched two for green and yellow instead.

Bobby took Junior's arm and steered her to the register to pay. They didn't talk on the ride home and Junior kept her eyes on the flat brown landscape whizzing by. Finally, they stopped in front of the house and Bobby licked his lips.

"You know…things'll get better."

Junior got out of the truck wordlessly, her hunched shoulders the only sign that she'd heard Bobby. He sighed and followed her in. Jack and Ennis (clothes, thankfully, back on) were asleep on the couch, Jack's head on Ennis's chest and Ennis's hand on Jack's face. Junior went straight to her room. Bobby knew what was waiting for her in there and wasn't sure if he should wake the two or not.

Junior pushed the door open, head slumped, and didn't look up as she dropped the bag to the floor. She didn't notice anything until she sat on her bed and felt something beneath her. A photo album? Her dresser caught her eye—pictures on top staring down at her. She couldn't breathe. She sat down on her bed, hard, and concentrated on sucking in air for a while. In. Out. In. Out.

She recognized these pictures, knew exactly when they were taken, where they were taken, why they were taken. This was her life, here in the room with her. She knew they'd meant well, but seeing those pictures made her feel as if she was slowly choking. Maybe if she'd had some warning…seeing a smile on her mother's face, so unexpected, was strangling her.

Junior jumped off the bed as if bitten and rushed out of the room, gagging a little. Bobby was lingering in the hallway and looked at her, concerned.

"You don't like 'em?"

"I just…I…" She covered her eyes with a hand. _Breathe_, she commanded her lungs. Deep, slow breathes, she meant to take. But quick, ragged breaths were what she got.

"Junior?" Oh, great. Now Ennis was up, bleary-eyed, squinting, hair curling around his ears and sticking up in the back.

"I'm fine—I'm sorry—I can't—" Junior stumbled, rushing out the door, trying to breathe, trying to get away, trying to…trying to…trying…

Her thoughts spun off like so many dropped marbles, hitting the ground and running in a million different directions. She ran out, across the property, trying to put as much distance between her and that house as she could. She threw her arms around an old willow tree, older than she was, older than the house was, older probably even than Jack and Ennis. Somehow old trees were always the most comforting.

She didn't cry, just stood holding onto that worn bark for dear life, like if she relaxed her arms even an inch she would slide down and down and down and the ground would open up and she'd sink. Finally, her breathing started to return back to her, her thoughts slowly following suit, buzzing around gently in her head. Her hand brushed something on the back of the tree.

A sloppy, lopsided heart was carved into the tree. There were no initials inside, the way she'd seen in the movies, but she had no doubt who that heart was for.

"Junior?" Ennis's voice was gruff, as always, but soft. Unsure. "You, uh, okay? I'm sorry if the pictures upset you…we thought it'd be nice…" He shrugged, coughed, kicked at the dirt.

"Would you have stayed if I were a boy?" The words were out before Junior had even fully recognized the question in her brain.

"What?" No sense in backing down now—she wanted to know.

"If I was a boy. Would you still have left?" Her voice was still shaky. He gave her a long stare. Ennis was getting tired of dancing around this girl. He was getting tired of daintily side-stepping the tough questions, he was getting tired of studiously ignoring her bad behavior, and he was altogether getting tired of her distaste toward him.

"Yes."

"Absolutely nothing on the earth could have held you to your family?" She spat the last word at him. Why was she acting like this? Here he'd tried to do something nice, to make her comfortable, and she thanked him for her kindness by attacking him.

"You listen here, girl, I tried to stay. I did. I pretended for _two years_ that I were Superman, husband and father and ranch-hand, all rolled inta one. You want to know something? I was miserable. Fucking miserable every minute of every day. And Jack came to me and I weren't miserable no more, not while he was there, and then he gave me a shot at this sweet life. So, no, nothing on this earth could have kept me _from_ my family."

"You were _ours_ first."

"I sure as hell was _not_. Met Jack 'fore you was even _born_, if you're wanting to know the truth."

"You carve this heart?" The change of subject, so abruptly, threw Ennis off a little.

"As a matter of fact, Jack did."

"Not too handy with a knife, huh?"

"Looks mighty fine to me."

Junior stared at him. His jaw was clenched and his hands were balled into fists and she saw, for a minute, her own anger reflected back at her.

"I hate you for leaving us." She said bitterly.

"I hate myself for leaving him."

Junior turned and walked away from him, down the long driveway, ignoring his calls after her. He didn't follow her. She didn't know where she was going and she didn't care. It was a strange feeling, knowing that your own father wished you'd never been born.

"Shit." Jack could tell from the window that Ennis's talk with Junior had not gone well. He hated to say that he was less than surprised. He went out to the porch.

"Ennis?" He was over at the tree—_their_ tree—tracing the heart with his finger over and over. Up, curve, curve, down. Up, curve, curve, down. One curve was wider than the other and one straight edge wasn't completely straight.

_The only tree already on their new property when they bought it was an old willow, tall and drooping. Jack thought of Ennis—hunched but sturdy, and rugged to boot. Bobby was taking a nap inside and they were checking out their land, baby monitor in an old gun holster strapped to Jack's hip. Of course, that gun holster hadn't stayed on long; it was the first thing to come off and lay at the bottom of the pile of clothes and boots and hats._

_They were just inside the shadow of the tree, the long ropey switches touching the ground making a kind of curtain around them. Gnats swarmed at the sweat on their bodies in the fading sunlight, but neither paid the insects any mind. They were a little busy. When they'd finally abated their desire—for now, anyway; their need for each other could never fully be fulfilled—they stretched out beneath the tree._

_Ennis drowsily felt Jack get up and wanted to protest his movement but was too far into that half-sleep world to muster words. He could hear Jack behind the tree, heard him flick out his knife and set to work on the tree. Ennis made himself get up, stood behind Jack and just watched for a minute before wrapping an arm around his shoulders._

"_Ennis," Jack let out a laugh that could only be called a giggle, the sound warming Ennis straight to the core. "You're bumping into me and making me mess up."_

_Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck, swaying them back and forth. It resulted in a really rather hideous, badly carved heart, but it was the most beautiful heart Ennis had ever seen carved into anything. It may have been the _only_ heart Ennis had ever seen carved into anything, but that didn't matter. Jack put his knife away and studied his handiwork._

"_Kinda ugly," he finally said._

"_Looks alright to me," Ennis mumbled into Jack's hair. Jack turned, was getting ready to plant a nice warm kiss on Ennis's lips, was inches away…when Bobby started squabbling on that baby monitor, barely audible under all the clothes._

"Still kind of an ugly thing, ain't it?" Jack said lightly.

"Looks alright to me."

They stood silently for a minute, Ennis's finger still running along the edges of the heart. Jack finally pulled it away, held Ennis's hand in his own.

"What happened?" He asked gently. Ennis sighed.

"Couldn't keep my tongue civil in my head."

"What'd you say?"

"She asked if I woulda stayed if she'da been a boy. Told her nothing woulda kept me there." He looked up after seconds of dodging Jack's eyes. "She told me she hated me for leaving…and I told her I hated myself for leaving you." Jack sucked in a breath. A selfish sliver of himself was pleased Ennis had said that. But he had to push that sliver far down and focus on how it must have felt for Junior to hear that.

"Oh, Ennis…"

"And she took off and she don't know anything 'round here."

They were quiet again, Jack running his hand up and down Ennis's arm, idly trying to calm his other half. Ennis had his eyes closed, head drooping like it was too heavy for his neck. When Jack finally spoke, Ennis did not appreciate his comment.

"So…all in all, not the best birthday she's ever had, huh?"

* * *

Ennis pulled to the side of the road. Junior steadfastly kept her eyes forward. He cranked the window down.

"Get in."

"No thank you. I don't accept rides from strangers."

"Get in. Now."

She shrunk a little under his glare and her stubborn resolve broke. Well, cracked. She got in the truck but refused to look at him. That was fine with him, because he had some talking to do and it would be easier without her eyes on him.

"Now listen here. I ain't gonna say these things more'n once. Leaving you and your mama was the hardest thing I ever done in my life." _Lie. Leaving Jack was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life_. "Those two years I was away from Jack…I told you I was miserable every minute of every day, but that weren't really true. See, your mama's a good lady, you know that, and you…" Ennis sighed. His next words were so quiet Junior almost didn't hear them. "You were pretty much the only reason I didn't just kill myself and get it over with."

She sat, motionless, taking in what he'd said. She kept her eyes on the floor, watching her shoes make dusty little prints. Junior may not have known him very well, but there was no doubt she was her father's daughter. She had no idea what to say. So she said nothing. She hunched her shoulders and sighed a little, and Ennis knew that she'd heard him and was thinking it over. He put the truck in gear and they drove home in silence.


	8. Chapter 8

Junior kicked the blankets off. She couldn't sleep. Again. She could see the photo album on the floor, taunting her. _Look at me,_ it jeered. _Shut up_, she ordered it. She stared at the ceiling, finding shapes in the plaster. Donkey. Cloud. Elf. Blob. This game wasn't very fun.

She sighed and rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. She couldn't stay like that for long—she couldn't breathe. She wondered what would happen if she just…stayed there…stopped breathing…

But she couldn't. She just kept on taking breaths. She vaguely remembered learning in school that you couldn't help but breathe. _Stupid body._ She scowled at the ceiling some more. Sighed again. Rolled over again. Got cold and pulled the blankets back up. Got hot again and shoved them down. Settled for one leg in and one leg out. Got goose bumps on the leg out and sweat on the leg in.

"Urrrrrgh."

Junior propped herself onto one elbow, lips pursed, looking at the leather cover of the photo album on the floor. She was dying to see what was in there. Maybe. Just not yet.

"I'm not looking," she whispered defiantly. The light of the moon seemed to catch on the book. She stared at it another minute before getting out of bed. She picked it up and shoved it into a desk drawer.

It didn't stop her thoughts.

* * *

Ennis stared at the ceiling. He was a horrible person. He'd known that for a while now, but it felt worse tonight. His argument with Junior spun around and around in his head. He'd simply run out of patience. But, come on! Her goddamn mother died not even a week before and here he was screaming at her. He rubbed a palm over his eyes.

"You are one horrible son of a bitch, del Mar," he mumbled.

"Yep." Jack's voice was raspy with sleep.

"Shut the fuck up, Jack."

"Whoa, Ennis, what's wrong with you?"

"You! Just fucking leave me alone!"

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me? What the hell's going on here?" Jack could feel anger rising up against his will.

"Jack, you are so goddamn sensitive." Ennis put some space between them in the bed and turned his back to Jack. He didn't know why he was lashing out like this on Jack.

"What the fuck?"

"Just shut up!"

"Ennis?" Jack pushed his anger away and scooched closer to Ennis, tentatively putting a hand on his shoulder. "Come on now, what's wrong?"

"How come…how come I can't figure out how to make her feel better?" Ennis's voice made Jack's heart hurt. He sounded completely at a loss.

"Oh, Ennis," Jack sighed. He tugged on Ennis's arm, making him reluctantly roll over. Jack pulled him into his arms and stroked his hair. Ennis buried his head in Jack's chest, listening to the _thump_ of his heart until he could speak.

"I always say the wrong thing, Jack. And I _know_ I shouldn't say it and I do anyway." He sighed. Jack stayed quiet, waiting to see if Ennis was going to go on, idly tracing circles on Ennis's back.

"Do you think…you maybe purposely want her to stay mad at you?" Jack spoke carefully, not wanting to set Ennis off again. Ennis looked up at him questioningly. "If she's mad at you, it gives you a better reason to stay mad at yourself." They were both quiet, digesting that. Ennis laughed a little.

"God, Jack. When'd you become a shrink?"

"Well, see, this guy I live with, he's nuts. Gotta keep up with him."

"Not very nice to call your son nuts."

"Who said anything 'bout Bobby?"

"Funny, Jack. Clever."

"I do try." Jack held Ennis a little tighter, nestled him more securely into his arms and dropped a kiss into his hair. "Gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. Just gotta…figure it all out, I s'pose."

"Don't worry, cowboy. We will."

* * *

Ennis stared at the top of Junior's head, bent over her plate of bacon and hash browns. He pursed his lips at Jack. _What do I say?_ He asked silently. Jack raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Ennis rolled his eyes and took a bite to mull things over.

"So—" He had just worked up the nerve and the words to say something to Junior when she cut him off.

"When's church?"

"Huh?"

"It's Sunday. Church?"

"Uh…" Ennis shot Jack a look. They weren't exactly in the habit of going to church—not without wives to enforce it. Sometimes they went on Christmas, but no one could call them regulars.

"Oh…you, uh, probably don't go to church?" Junior bit her lip and nodded a little. Right. There was that whole…thing…to keep them away from it.

"Not, um, not much." Jack felt a flush creep up his neck, wondering what his mama would think if she knew her boy hadn't stepped foot in a church in almost three years.

"I'll take you," Bobby offered. Bobby went to church on occasion. Maybe once every two months. Jack had wondered at first if he'd actually liked the atmosphere or something. Now he just thought Bobby had a crush on one of the girls in the choir.

"You will?" Junior asked.

"I was planning on going anyway," Bobby lied. He hadn't gone much since the new reverend took over. This new guy was young and felt he needed to prove himself, so he kicked his condemnations into overdrive. A little too much fire and brimstone for Bobby's tastes.

* * *

"…Thrust you into the fiery pits of hell!" Reverend Clark bellowed for, Bobby was sure, the eight-hundredth time. He wouldn't be surprised if next the reverend told them breathing would send you to hell. Just about everything else in the world would. Bobby's eyes had been glazed for the last forty-five minutes—blustery and long-winded to go with; go figure. He was ready to just get up and leave, rude or not, when he finally heard the blessed word—amen.

"A_men_!" Bobby chorused with gusto. He still had to sit through another song from the choir and a prayer that would no doubt be lengthy, but now he knew the end was near. And then Junior wanted to go meet the reverend, so Bobby would have to suffer through the meet-and-greet business.

"Reverend Clark, this is Alma del Mar, Junior."

"Alma Beers, Junior." She corrected. Bobby frowned at her. He hadn't known she went by her mother's last name instead of Ennis's. Reverend Clark shook her hand.

"You're Ennis del Mar's daughter, then?"

"Yes sir."

"Couldn't get him to come out here to church with you?"

"Um…no, things're getting pretty busy at the ranch right now, he's gotta help…" Bobby jumped in. The older man fixed a searching stare on Bobby's face. Bobby tried not to squirm or blink.

"What about _your_ father, Robert?" He said it with a quirked eyebrow. Bobby had to fight from narrowing his eyes.

"What about him? Sir," he added. No reason to be impolite. Jack and Ennis had drilled manners into his skull; might as well use them.

"Haven't seen him in church once since I took over here."

"Well, sir, he ain't really one for church. Just ain't that kind of man, I s'pose."

"Pity. He will wish he _had_ been when his soul is burning in hell's fires. That's where his kind of man goes, you know."

Junior shifted uncomfortably at the exchange. Bobby's eyes were narrowed to slits and Reverend Clark had an arrogant little smirk on his face. Junior could tell the reverend wasn't exactly talking about people who missed church. From Bobby's face, he'd caught the reverend's meaning just as well as she had.

"We should be getting on home, sir, if you'll excuse us." Bobby kept his tone even, the only sign of his agitation his clenched jaw and the way his hands balled into fists for just a second. He didn't wait for the reverend to answer, just turned and took off toward the double doors. Junior followed him, throwing a nice-to-meet-you over her shoulder. She caught up to Bobby just outside the door but neither spoke. In the truck, he sat completely still for a minute, breathing deep, before starting the truck. He didn't say a word the whole ride home, and Junior didn't try to coax conversation out of him.

"So what'd you learn about today?" Jack asked conversationally when they came in.

"Ignorant bastards." Bobby muttered.

"Bobby?"

"Ain't never going back there, tell you right now." He stomped up the stairs. Jack and Ennis both looked to Junior, who promptly blushed crimson and got tongue-tied. Was she supposed to tell them what Reverend Clark had said?

"Uh…"

"Something happen?"

"Uh…"

"Junior?"

"Well…that reverend, he's, uh…see, he just…." She trailed off helplessly. He hadn't _really_ said anything about the nature of Jack and Ennis's relationship, but he'd sure as hell meant it.

"He go on about sins of the flesh?" Jack asked quietly. Ennis coughed lightly and squirmed.

"Um…kinda." Junior shrugged a little. Sure, that answer would work. Jack shook his head a little.

"Bob gets real upset when preachers talk 'bout that sort of thing." Jack didn't need to say what _that sort of thing_ was. Junior was torn. Part of her wanted to tell them that the Bible said it was wrong—of course a preacher would speak out against it! It was wrong and it was vile and it was revolting.

…Wasn't it?

That was the problem. The other part of her was starting to doubt that first part.

* * *

Ennis was brushing his teeth when Jack came in the bathroom. The blue-eyed man stared at himself in the mirror for several minutes, Ennis watching him from the corner of his own brown eyes. Ennis spit out his mouthful of toothpaste, rinsed, spit again, rinsed again. Jack was still just staring at himself.

"You ain't _that_ pretty, rodeo," Ennis teased.

"You think I'm going to hell, Ennis?"

"What?" The question startled Ennis. They'd never really worried about heaven or hell before. At least, he hadn't.

"It's just that…every preacher I've ever heard says that guys like me sure ain't going up after we die."

"Guys like you?"

"Ennis, I made you leave your wife and kid to live in sin with me." Ennis would have laughed if Jack hadn't been so serious. He found the whole conversation ridiculous and wondered why Jack was worrying at all.

"You made me leave? And when was the last time anyone _made_ me do anything, Jack?" Jack didn't meet his eyes, just shrugged, and Ennis was a little taken aback to realize that this thought actually _bothered_ Jack. He thought he was going to hell, and he was upset about it.

"Jack…I don't think you're going to hell."

"Oh, please, Ennis."

"Really, I don't."

"I have sex with men."

"Men? As in, more than one? You got something to tell me, Twist?"

"Ennis, you know what I mean. Don't try to make light of this." Jack turned away from the mirror and leaned against the countertop, arms folded across his chest. Ennis sighed and settled in next to him.

"Jack, why you worrying 'bout all this? Didn't know you believed in heaven and hell and God and all that." Ennis shrugged. "I don't."

"You don't?" Jack turned to face Ennis, eyes serious.

"Not really."

"Ennis, you don't believe in God?"

"You do?"

"Yes, I do."

"You _do_?" Ennis could only repeat himself stupidly.

"Ennis…" Jack tugged Ennis's hand and led him out of the bathroom, to the window that looked out to their land. "Look what I got." He gestured to the horses, the trees, the beautiful slop of the hill, then to Ennis himself.

"With all I got, I figure there must be a God out there somewhere."

* * *

Bobby slid under the covers, body sore from yesterday's football practice. He wasn't as big as some of the other boys, so he had to work twice as hard to stand out. He was a damn good running back, though. If he did say so himself.

Reverend Clark flitted into Bobby's head, making his stomach coil. Where did that man get off, thinking he knew Jack and Ennis? The old reverend had come by one in a while, letting them know that even though they didn't go to church, they were always welcome should the want arise.

That Reverend Clark wasn't welcoming to anyone—not even the real church-y folk in town. He held himself on a higher pedestal than everyone else and it drove Bobby up the wall. Stupid self-righteous bastard.

The anger Bobby was stewing with left a bad taste in his mouth. He rolled over, wincing as a sharp pain slid up his hip. Those damn tire agility drills always left him hurting. He couldn't fall asleep. Tomorrow was the first day of his senior year. He was not excited.

The only thing he was looking forward to was football, and then baseball in the spring. It would be a long winter. He'd used to be on the wrestling team, but the school district had cut it from lack of funds last year. He wouldn't play basketball. _Guess I could get some rodeo in during winter,_ he thought groggily, drifting to sleep. His last conscious thought was on those books he was supposed to have read. He hadn't touched them all summer.

* * *

Junior looked around the cafeteria helplessly. She wondered, lonesome, where Bobby was, and then kicked herself. How pathetic was she? She looked around some more, not recognizing a single face. Pretty pathetic. Finally, she found those blue eyes. But she didn't want to just run over. Bobby was sitting at a table surrounded by his friends—she didn't know any of them and didn't want to look like a loser.

Bobby saw Junior standing all alone at the front of the cafeteria. She glanced around a few times, looking like she was going to cry. Hadn't she made any friends yet? _Of course not, idiot_, Bobby scolded himself. _She's Ennis's daughter. She don't talk._

Their eyes met and Junior bit her lip. He knew she didn't want to seem eager to sit with him. She had to keep up appearances, after all, of being miserable and aloof and angry. Well, _he _didn't have an image to uphold. He stood up, waving wildly.

"Junior!" He bellowed. "Come on over and sit, girl!" She shrank a little. How could a person be so damn willing to make a fool of themselves in public? She heard titters around her, but people just shook their heads and laughed _well, that's Bobby Twist for ya_.

She slunk over to the table, eyes on the floor as Bobby started introducing her to everyone.

"Hey, shove over, Sam," Bobby scolded, making room for Junior on the bench. She sat down and peered into the brown paper sack Jack had handed to her this morning. She almost gasped. It was quite the lunch.

Thick roast beef sandwich, big shiny apple, a juice box, and a brownie. She'd never had a lunch like that. Back home she'd had a bland peanut butter sandwich every day since the third grade. Bobby had an identical lunch, though she noted that he had two sandwiches and inhaled them both before she was done with hers.

Junior mostly ignored the conversation around her. A few kids had kindly tried to include her, but Bobby steered them onto other topics. She made a note to thank him for that, though she knew she never would. She happened to glance up and saw a pair of eyes watching her.

"Sorry," the eyes's owner said sheepishly, blushing a little. She had a feeling she'd been introduced to this boy, but she couldn't remember his name.

"I'm, uh, Troy," he said. "Me and Bobby play baseball together."

"Baseball's nice," Junior heard herself say. _Baseball's nice?_ She asked herself incredulously. What kind of stupid thing to say was that? His eyes unnerved her. They were deep and dark and she felt like they could see through her if need be.

"Yeah, I like it." They lapsed into silence. "So, you liking it here so far?"

"Um…" Junior didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell him she was miserable, either. He obviously didn't know about her mother and she didn't know him well enough to fill him in.

"Hard to move, huh?" He nodded sympathetically.

"You ever move?" She asked.

"Well…no. But I know I wouldn't want to leave here. May not be fancy, but it's the only place I know. So I'm sure it can't be easy." He flashed a crooked smile her way, revealing decent teeth. They weren't perfect, but they sure weren't awful. Her stomach moved.

"It ain't," she mumbled. The bell startled her. Troy smiled at her again, told her he hoped he'd see her later, and joined the throng heading to class. She started folding up her lunch sack.

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked curiously. "Why are you keeping your bag?"

"Well…to use it again," she answered cautiously. He gave her a strange look.

"Why? We got tons at home. Ain't like we're gonna run out soon. And if we do, Daddy'll just buy more."

"Um…" Truth was, Junior had always had to reuse her lunch bags.

"_Junior, honey, you're gonna have to bring those bags home when you're done with 'em. Just can't spend money on that many." Alma's eyes had new lines around them, and her face sagged at this new financial failure._

"_That's fine, Mama," twelve-year-old Junior answered cheerfully. "I can decorate them so they're nice and pretty!"_

"Junior? We better get to class." Bobby hovered at her elbow. His face had changed from the strange look from before to an expression she knew all too well—pity.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ennis, we got the last apple group coming through tomorrow," Jack said at lunch Monday. It was just the two of them, the kids back at school, the few hired hands they had preferring to eat outside. Ennis grunted. During the late summer, groups paid to come pick their apples. Jack took care of that—chatting them up, leading tours. Jack was just better with people. "And then…" Jack hesitated. "We gotta go into town."

"We?"

"We. Both of us."

"And why's that?" Ennis spoke slowly, still chewing, telling Jack with his tone that he didn't plan on joining him on this trip to town. They never went to town together. Well, except to go see Bobby in whatever athletic endeavor he was pursuing. Jack personally thought that Ennis never missing a single football or baseball game and making it to every rodeo, sitting at Jack's side, was a bit more suspicious than, say, two business partners going drinking together, but Ennis had his ideas and most of the time Jack let him have them. But not this time.

"We got us a business meeting."

"In town?" Ennis frowned. "Thought business meetings were done at the business. Whoever this is can't come here?"

"Ennis, it's a business prop'sition. We gotta show we're good ol' boys, shoot the shit awhile, maybe get him nice and drunk, and then pop the deal."

"Well, sounds like you got it mighty figured out. Reckon you can handle that on your own. You know I ain't real good at shooting the shit."

"We business partners or ain't we?"

"Jack—"

"No, Ennis, you listen to me. This ain't about me wanting to go into town with you or you being too damn paranoid to go to a bar, this is about our _business_. Now, we got a fella wants to set up a long-term contract, our bulls to his cows and maybe even some horse deals. This could be big money, cowboy, and I ain't gotta tell _you_ twice that we could use us some big money. This is something takes both partners, and if you ain't going, neither am I." Jack folded his arms across his chest and sat back for emphasis. He had that stubbornly angry look on his face, the one that told Ennis he was serious and no amount of arguing would set his mind different.

"I ain't got no choice in this?"

"Nope. Either we go together or we don't go at all. 'Less you're wanting to handle a business lunch on your own." Jack raised his eyebrows. They both knew _that_ would never happen. Ennis didn't say anything for a while, trying to figure out a way to consent without bruising his pride. He still hadn't said anything when he and Jack finished lunch and started heading out to the south pasture to help with the new fence.

"Well," he finally said as Jack held a post for him to pound in. "S'pose we can't let a big deal like that get away. Guess we'll have to go."

_

* * *

_

_They had just bought their property, busy fixing up the house and the stables and getting ready for some stock. They didn't know anybody yet. They were hesitant to let people get to know them. But after two weeks, a few neighbors had come by and whatever food the men had stored up was gone. Truth be told, they would've held out a little while longer, but Bobby needed milk and neither Jack nor Ennis could ever deny that little boy anything._

_So the three of them went into town, met a few more people. They went with Jack's idea of their wives being sisters, both dead, and both men heartbroken. Women shook their heads and clucked sympathetically, men held their wives a bit tighter, and people all around agreed that it was great they had each other. No argument there._

_But in the grocery store, Ennis hit a little bump in the road. He was getting milk, Jack an aisle over muttering over different kinds of toothpaste, and he was enjoying the view as Jack bent down to examine the bottom shelf. He felt a hot flush creep up his neck as he realized how obvious he was being, so he quickly looked away and busied himself in the cold refrigerated section. That was when he realized that he was not the only one savoring Jack's ass in those tight jeans._

_A man was staring blatantly at Jack with beady eyes, a little sweat breaking out on his forehead. Ennis felt a slow boil start up under his skin but tried to push it away. Long as this fella was just looking, Ennis could keep a lid on his anger. Maybe._

_"Reckon he's a queer?" The man asked Ennis._

_"What's that?"_

_"Lookit them jeans. Pretty tight."_

_"Looks like maybe just works too hard to buy hisself a new pair."_

_"S'pose so. Sure hope he ain't queer. We don't need folks like that here. Disgusting." The bulge in that man's pants contrasted his words. Ennis felt the anger bubble._

_"You gonna take care of it if he was?"_

_"Maybe." The man gave a careless shrug. All this time he still hadn't taken his eyes off Jack. Ennis wanted to snap at Jack to _stand up, goddamnit

_"You listen here, you ever lay a finger on that man and I will pull your guts out through your mouth." Ennis growled the words, his low voice scraping the bottom of his register. The man finally tore his eyes off Jack to squint at Ennis, the wheels in his head turning so loud Ennis was sure he could hear them._

_"And what's he to _you_?"_

_"Brother."_

_"Don't look like brothers."_

"_Ain't your concern_."

_"Well, he still looks queer to me." The man said it dismissively, and Ennis quickly narrowed the distance between them from four steps to less than one. He had just grabbed hold of the front of this stranger's shirt, was ready to land one right on that man's high cheekbone, when a little voice squeaked out,_

_"Ens!"_

_Ennis glanced down. Bobby was waving those chubby baby arms at him, outstretched, wanted Ennis to pick him up. He had what appeared to be tear streaks on his cheeks. Ennis hesitated. He was seeing red with this man—couldn't let him look at Jack that way, couldn't let him say those things about Jack, couldn't let him hurt Jack. But Bobby had set to crying again and was calling "Ens, Ens!" out again, needing Ennis to hold him._

_Ennis shoved the man away roughly, hard enough to let him bounce a little painfully against the closed glass of the milk section. He stepped away, bent down and scooped Bobby up, bouncing him in his arms, trying to soothe him or at least hush him._

_"What's your name, mister?" Ennis asked gruffly, while softly swiping at Bobby's tears. The man bristled._

_"Not sure as I owe that to you."_

_"Insulted my brother. I owe _you_ a kick to the teeth. Seems I'm doing you a favor. Now, unless you want me to set this crying boy down and give you what you deserve, you tell me your name." Ennis shifted Bobby a little, cooing softly to quiet the child. The man glared._

_"James Kent," he finally said. "Best remember that name, boy." He left, sidestepping Jack with a glare, spitting out, "Brother, my ass" quietly. Jack looked confused but shrugged it off at the sight of Ennis comforting Bobby. His face split into a grin as he walked over._

_"My two favorite people."_

_"You get what you need and we're leaving." Ennis snarled, heading for the door with Bobby. "And we ain't coming into town together no more. Not ever."_

* * *

"Hey there, Junior," Troy said shyly, blushing a little and ducking his head. Junior felt a blush start up herself.

"Hi, Troy."

"So, uh…I know we don't really know each other too much, but I was just wondering, if, uh…well…" Troy shrugged awkwardly. "You going to the football game Friday?"

"Um…I was planning on it," Junior sort of half-lied. She'd been undecided so far, but if Troy was planning on it, well, then…

"Oh, really?" Troy's voice squeaked and Junior felt her stomach drop. She felt like screaming. What kind of emotion _was_ this?

"Uh huh."

"Well…um, do you want to maybe sit with me?" He was red in the face and couldn't even look at her, but Junior felt every part of her shriek. She fought to keep herself under control. She didn't want to say oh, sure nonchalantly—she wanted him to know she was excited, but she didn't want to squeal and let him know she was that excited.

"That'd be nice," she said softly. She couldn't keep the huge smile off her face. Troy quickly had a matching grin.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you then?"

"Well, we'll probably see each other before then…it's only Monday…"

"Right, uh…yeah. I'll…um, I'll see you around. I better get to class." He scurried off, blushing and smiling. Junior leaned into her locker with a sigh, feeling like she'd just stepped out of a movie.

"What was that?" Bobby asked, making her jump.

"God, you scared me. Troy asked me to sit with him at the football game."

"What did you say?" Bobby narrowed his eyes.

"Yes!"

"Well, you just make sure he behaves himself." But he said it half-heartedly, his camaraderie with Troy fighting his new protectiveness over Junior. Junior rolled her eyes. But secretly, she felt a bubble rise up in her stomach. She'd always heard her friends complain about their big brothers—overprotective, always scaring boys off, the like—complaining but always smiling all the while. Junior had always been jealous. She had a sudden urge to hug Bobby. She fought it off.

"Get to class, Robert Twist," she said with a roll of her eyes, a shake of her head, and a small smile. He stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes at her as he walked off. She laughed and walked to class, thinking of Troy's shy smile and adorable blush.

* * *

Ennis bounced his leg nervously. Jack was making small talk with Roberta, the waitress, while they waited for this business guy to show up.

"You know, honey, I could find some real nice gals for the two of you…" She tried, as always, to get them to date.

"Oh, Roberta, you know I just couldn't." Jack shook his head and put on a sad smile. "I found the love of my life a long time ago. That place in my heart" he touched the area for emphasis "just couldn't be filled by anyone else." Roberta thought he meant his "dead" wife. But he ran a boot up Ennis's leg as he spoke. Ennis blushed a little and nodded his agreement when Roberta turned her eyes to him.

"So romantic," she sighed as she wandered off to refill someone's coffee cup. Jack gave Ennis a big grin across the table, still playing footsie. Ennis couldn't help the small smile that lip up his own face. Just then, Jack glanced at the door and stood up quickly.

"He's here," he hissed out of the side of his mouth while putting on a winning smile and reaching out a hand. The man was beefy, wearing a big white Stetson. Ennis coughed nervously and tucked in his shirt.

"Ennis, this is Jerry Smines. Mr. Smines, my partner Ennis del Mar." Jack (pathetically, he told himself) got a small thrill at calling Ennis his partner with no repercussions. Of course, the man just assumed he meant business partner, but it meant a lot to Jack.

"'Lo," Ennis said quietly, shaking hands obediently the way Jack had strictly told him he had to. Smines squinted at him. Ennis shifted a little but sat straight and tall for Jack's sake. Jack gave him an encouraging half-smile behind Smines's head for his efforts. Ennis felt it was worth it. Smines grunted at him.

"Hard worker." He commented. Ennis shrugged, unsure if he was supposed to respond and choosing not to. The three men sat drinking black coffee while Smines and Jack chattered away about rodeos and women and such.

"…Ain't that right, Ennis?" Jack said pointedly, pulling Ennis involuntarily into the conversation.

"Uh…?"

"Bobby's the best running back I ever did see."

"Oh, that sure is right. Boy's got magnet hands, catch a football outta nowhere." Ennis couldn't help but feel proud over this. After all, he and Jack had spent endless hours tossing the ball around with Bobby, teaching him how to tuck the ball in, practicing with him.

"You got kids?" Smines asked. Ennis almost blurted out that Bobby was his, too, but he stopped himself, his eyes sliding over to Jack for barely a second. Jack bit his lip.

"Yeah. I got a girl. 'Bout the same age as Jack's boy."

_Our boy._

"Girls are harder than boys," Smines said with a sigh and a weary chuckle. "Got myself three teenage girls. Tell ya, it ain't easy."

"No, it is not." Ennis agreed with a shake of his head.

"And raising her on your own…don't know what I'd do if Alice wasn't there to handle 'em. They get in fights over their clothes and their make-up and they cry all the time…" He trailed off and shrugged helplessly. Ennis nodded sympathetically.

"Can't imagine three of 'em." His voice was awe-struck.

"Well, course, they're worth it. You know, make up for the troubles and all."

"Course."

"But shit…"

"Yep."

After a while more of moaning and groaning about teenagers and girls and the economy, they set down to business. Smines, for all his jolly talk and smiles, rode a hard bargain. But so did Jack. Ennis had never known that before, and he found it very, very sexy to see Jack shaking his head emphatically, refusing to back down, bluffing and calling Smines's bluffs.

"Alright," Smines finally consented to Jack's terms. "Can you bring them bulls tomorrow, and then the horses in a week or two?"

"Sounds good," Jack said, handing Smines a business card Ennis didn't know they had. "Just go ahead and give us a call for the horses."

Smines tipped his hat and was gone in a rush. Jack motioned to Roberta, and Ennis thought he meant to get the check. No such luck. He wanted more coffee.

"Jack, we ain't got time to be sitting here dilly dallying." Ennis glanced around as he spoke, checking out the other diners—an old couple and three teenagers. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Aw, Ennis, it's just another cup of coffee. 'Sides, I don't think anyone's gonna take a tire iron to me right here in the diner." Immediately, he wished he could pull those words back out of the air and shove them down his throat. Ennis blanched.

"Don't talk like that." He hissed. "It ain't funny."

"I'm sorry, Ennis, I'm sorry."

"Just drink your coffee." Ennis shook his head. "Goddamn, Jack. That just ain't funny."

"I know. I'm sorry." He ran his foot up Ennis's leg again, but Ennis jerked away. Jack sighed and pushed his still half-full coffee cup away. "Let's go," he said, his euphoria over clinching the deal sliding away. He dropped some bills on the table, leaving a big tip for Roberta like he always did, and let his hand brush casually—accidentally, of course—across Ennis's shoulder. Ennis gave him a look and Jack sighed again. Neither spoke until they were in the truck.

"Jack, you ain't never careful enough in town. You're so…so…" Ennis couldn't think of a word he liked.

"So what?"

"I don't know! You just act like everything's a fucking joke."

"No, I just don't act like every fucking thing is life or death."

"Everything _is_ life or death, for us."

"Drinking coffee is life or death?"

"Jack, we shouldn't give people cause to think on our situation here. What would people think if they saw the two of us sitting drinking coffee together?" Ennis bit nervously at a thumbnail. Jack pulled his arm away.

"Probably that we're business partners having coffee. Maybe even brothers, least by marriage. 'Sides, I don't give a fuck what they think about our _situation_."

"You will once you've got a tire iron imprint in your teeth." Ennis said it quiet, shaking his head slightly. He tried to sound cold, but Jack heard the break in his voice and exhaled loudly, frustrated to his wit's end.

"Ennis del Mar! We have lived together for sixteen fucking years, and I ain't never been threatened with even a fine."

"Not yet."

"You are impossible. Fucking impossible."

The half-hour drive was tense and silent. Ennis smoked and stared out the window. Jack smoked and drove. Finally, after minutes that ticked by like days, they turned into the driveway. Ennis stomped off to the barn and Jack stayed in the truck. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel.

Jack Twist was tired. He was tired of hiding out on the ranch, he was tired of fighting with Ennis, and mostly, he was tired of pretending. He wasn't just tired—he was exhausted. He wondered what it would feel like to walk into Roberta's holding Ennis's hand. He wondered what it would feel like to have dinner parties, invite their friends over to their home, show people the fun side of Ennis. He wondered, if people didn't care, if Ennis even wanted all that.

That was what stung the most—he wasn't sure Ennis ever _would_ hold his hand out in front of people, even if the whole damn world threw them a party. If God himself looked down from the heavens and said, "Ennis del Mar, ain't nothing wrong with loving Jack Twist," damn if Ennis would get off his high horse and accept it.

Jack closed his eyes. He let the sound of wind moving through the grass take him back eighteen years—take him up that mountain, take him to the place where everything just made sense. No one to hide from, no lies 'bout dead wives.

_"Ennis. You awake?" Jack asked hoarsely, adding a poke to the other man's ribs._

_"Sure am now." Ennis grumbled. "Why you awake?"_

_"Lookit the stars."_

_"Are you crazy, boy?" Ennis shook his head but did as he was told. He saw the same thing he always saw—a black blanket with holes of light poking through. "Just stars, Jack."_

_"Just stars?" Jack echoed. "Cowboy, don't you ever wish you could reach out and hold onto one of those? Be like holding something special, like holding something important in your arms."_

_Ennis pulled Jack over, tucked him in close and tight and warm into his embrace. He wanted to tell Jack that was how it felt to hold him in his arms, but he just couldn't say it out loud. He pushed his nose to Jack's hair, breathing deep and squeezing Jack tight._

_"Used to wish it, I s'pose," Ennis finally mumbled, the dark making him braver._

_"What made you stop wishing?" Jack half turned to look at him, but Ennis nestled his face further to Jack, down in his neck, almost inside his collar. He held Jack snug against his chest._

_"I got one."_

"Rodeo, you coming to help me in the barn or what?" Ennis rapped on the window. Jack jumped, a hand to his heart.

"Shit, Ennis!"

"What you doing out here? You sleeping?" Ennis's eyebrows were pushed close, his nose wrinkled up. Jack swung out of the truck and leaned against it, throwing a shrug at Ennis. Ennis ducked his head, shuffling his feet for a minute, making up his mind. He walked over and pressed right up against Jack.

"You was driving me crazy there. Real tough guy, huh?" His breath warmed Jack's neck. And other areas. Jack dropped his head to Ennis's shoulder, grinding hard into him. Ennis grunted, breath coming fast now. Jack pulled away.

"Where you going?"

"Thought you needed help in the barn."

"And just what the fuck did you think I meant by that? Sent the hands home for the day, kids at school…" Ennis shrugged. Jack gave him a devilish grin, threatening to send him over the edge with just a flash of dimples and teeth. Damn.

"Well, then, mister boss man, guess we better get us out to the barn and get to work, huh?"

They didn't talk about their argument, didn't come to any sort of agreement. They couldn't—not really. Nothing could stomp the fear out of Ennis and nothing could make the threat of tire irons go away. Maybe they couldn't hold hands in town and maybe that had bothered Jack even just minutes before.

But suddenly, hiding out on his ranch did not give Jack any reason to complain.


	10. Chapter 10

"What you wearing Friday night?" Bobby asked Junior at dinner on Tuesday. He asked teasingly, pointedly not looking at Ennis, and Junior gave him a dirty look.

"Nothing special," she answered nonchalantly.

"What's Friday night?" Ennis asked.

"Football game."

Jack shot Bobby a look, telling him _don't you torment that poor girl none, you know how Ennis gets._

"Whatcha care what she's wearing to a football game?"

"Well, _I_ don't care. But I'm sure _Troy_ will." Clearly, Bobby either didn't understand his father's look or just chose to ignore it. The glint in his eye led Jack to believe option number two.

"Troy Ellis?"

"Yessir. He and Junior are _sitting_ together at the game."

"Bob_by_!" Junior had that angry tone that women everyone had perfected eons ago. _That was kinda poetic,_ Jack mused to himself. _Should write some of this shit down._ Ennis set his fork down quietly and looked at Junior with narrow eyes.

"Not sure you're old enough to be running 'round with no boys."

Junior clenched her teeth and somehow managed not to scream. This she was used to. How many times had she and her mother gone through this same argument?

"I'm seventeen. Isn't that when you met my mother?" She'd never been brave enough to use that one on Alma. Ennis gave her a look.

"Yeah, that turned out real good." He shook his head and shot a look at Jack. Jack pursed his lips and gave Ennis a look back. Junior could tell they were having some sort of silent conversation. It just made her mad. Jack finally decided to talk out loud.

"Ennis, I think she's plenty old to sit where she wants." Jack raised an eyebrow. Ennis glared at him and left the table, fleeing to the barn, as always. Jack gave Junior an apologetic smile.

"Well, you go ahead and sit with Troy. Don't you worry none 'bout Ennis." He went out to the barn, his retreat much quieter than Ennis's had been. Junior threw a dinner role at Bobby.

"Asshole!" She yelled, sending a carrot next.

"Hey! He woulda found out eventually!"

"You can't never keep your big mouth shut!" She threw a spoon. Bobby yelped and ducked as she picked up a fork.

"You poke my out and I swear to God I will kill you!" He threw his own roll back at her. The fight quickly lost any angry heat and they started laughing. Bobby had the gall to grab the remains of Ennis's steak and send it flying at Junior. She shrieked as it hit her shoulder and soon Jack's strawberries were nothing more than a pink splatter in Bobby's hair. He had to hand it to her—the girl could aim.

------------------------

Ennis was cleaning out a stall that didn't need to be cleaned out, shoveling hard despite the lack of mess.

"Ennis, knock it off." Jack started irritably.

"Jack! You don't think it's a problem with her to sit with some boy?"

"Ennis, it ain't like they're getting married. And it's _Troy Ellis_. You know the kid—he probably don't even have the balls to look straight at her when he talks."

"Oh, Jack, you 'member being seventeen clear as I do. Don't matter none how shy you are, you got one thing on your mind." Ennis dug the shovel in harder, scraping the concrete bottom of the stall. Jack laid a gentling hand on his shoulder, took the shovel from him.

"Ennis," he said softly. "She's done some growing up since you last seen her. She ain't no baby no more."

"I know that."

"Well, then quit being an asshole. Why you always get to be the mad one and I have to come calm you down? How come it's never the other way around?"

"Dunno," Ennis muttered. He did know—Jack didn't fly off the handle as easily as Ennis. It was just harder to faze the blue-eyed man. Without turning to face Jack, Ennis admitted, "Maybe 'cause I'm just wrong more'n you are."

"Hmm, good point." Jack bumped Ennis with his hip. "And 'cause you're a big baby, ain't ya? Come on, now, admit it, cowboy."

Ennis refused to succumb to Jack's baby talk or sparkling eyes or that damn grin. He was _not_ going to admit that he was a "big baby." Instead, he pushed Jack up against the wall and kissed him hard, grinding just enough to make Jack whimper.

"Now who's the baby?"

------------------------

Ennis and Junior managed to stay polite all week. No big blow-ups, no shouting matches, not even any stare-downs. They weren't exactly buddies or anything, but they weren't enemies, either, and that was all Jack could ask for so soon.

Friday was hot, the Indian summer Jack's favorite weatherman had predicted holding true. Bobby didn't even pretend to pay attention in class—it was too hot and it was the first game. No one really expected the football players to even show up, but Jack had told Bobby that he _would_ go to class, no matter what the other boys were doing, or he _would_ receive bodily punishment.

"Yeah, yeah," Bobby had muttered, heading out the door. Same speech every Friday for the last three years. All about the importance of an education and integrity and some shit about upholding your honor. Bobby never really listened.

"Robert, would you read the paragraph out loud?" Mr. Thomas gave Bobby an encouraging smile. He was a new teacher, wasn't being nasty or mean, just happy Bobby had come to class on game day and wanted to get him involved in the lesson.

"Uh…well, I don't know where we are…" Bobby squirmed a little in his seat.

"I'm sure Lindsey could point it out to you."

"Yessir." Bobby pulled the book closer to him, nodding his thanks to the girl next to him who pointed out where he was supposed to read.

"Many sk…scien…tists believe that…" Bobby sighed. _Photosynthesis_. What in the hell was that word? "P-ph-photo…" He sighed again, hating stupid school and stupid science and stupid himself. He decided to guess. "Photography…" A few giggles rang out. Bobby felt his face catch fire and he found a spot on the table to stare at, pushing the book away and shaking his head. No way he was reading any more.

"Ah…Jesse, would you finish up for us?"

"Yessir. Many scientists believe…"

Bobby dropped his head to his arms and closed his eyes. When the bell rang, he kept his head down and didn't look at anyone. He was the last out of the classroom.

"Robert?" Mr. Thomas just couldn't leave well enough alone, could he? "Robert, I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

"It's okay, sir." Bobby said gruffly, shifting his weight to his other foot.

"Have you considered a tutor?"

"I had one…but she moved to Alabama at the end of last year."

"You getting a new one, son?"

"I dunno…it don't really help me much…"

"Oh, I'm sure it does," Mr. Thomas said cheerfully, clapping a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "Would you like me to set one up for you?"

"Nah…I'll do it m'self." Bobby nodded at Mr. Thomas and left the classroom quickly. He didn't need a tutor—he needed a new brain.

------------------------

"Jack, you ready to go?" Ennis bellowed up the stairs. "We're gonna miss kickoff!"

"Shit!" He heard muffled from upstairs, then a thud, then another "Shit!"

"What the hell you doing up there?"

"I'm trying to put my damn pants on!" Jack snapped, coming down the stairs, still sliding a belt through his loops. If they hadn't been so short on time, Ennis would've made a comment about how that sounded like a dumb idea to him, why would Jack wanna do a thing like that? and come on now, let's head back upstairs…

"Ennis, I know what you're thinking, but we ain't got time right now." Jack grabbed Ennis's ass as he walked by him, out the door to the truck. Ennis huffed and followed him, muttering to himself. He could hear Jack laughing.

"So," Jack started conversationally, about halfway to the school. "Junior ride with Troy to the game?"

"Hell if I know," Ennis grumbled. He didn't want to think about what they could be doing in that truck of Troy's.

"Ennis, Junior grew up with _Alma_ as her momma. She probably don't even know what sex is," Jack pointed out, as if reading Ennis's thoughts. Ennis hadn't thought of that. After all, the girl _had_ voluntarily gone to church. That had to count for something. He harrumphed and kept driving. He was lost in thought until he felt Jack's hand on his knee…then his thigh…then his hip…and then…

"Jack! You trying to run us off the road!" Jack just laughed and pulled his hand back.

"Just thinking 'bout being a teenager, trying to get some groping in on the car ride home. Then I thought, why wait for the way home when I could grope ya right now?"

"Maybe 'cause I'm driving?"

"That ever stop us 'fore?" Jack raised an eyebrow and Ennis blushed. Jack scooted closer on the bench seat and leaned close to Ennis, whispering in his ear without touching him. Ennis's eyes widened.

"Goddamn, Jack! Gotta go out in public like this!" Ennis gestured to his, ah, rapidly growing _problem_. Jack laughed at him again.

"You so easy to get all flustered, Ennis del Mar, and it's fun."

"You're a damn tease."

"Only for you, cowboy."

"Yeah, well, joke's on you, 'cause you got yourself hard as you got me, darlin. And we are here." Ennis swung into a parking space, Jack suddenly quiet next to him. He glanced over to find Jack's face dangerously close to his.

"Always the bathroom at half time…" Jack whispered. Then he pulled away and got out of the truck.

"Damn tease, Jack fucking Twist!"

------------------------

Junior and Troy had gone out with a group of kids to eat before the game. The burgers were greasy and the fries were limp, but it might as well have been a five-star restaurant as much as Junior cared. She and Troy smiled stupidly at each other across the table, not touching and not saying much, but just smiling and smiling.

Finally, the group headed back to the school for the game. Alone in Troy's truck, an awkward silence descended over Junior and Troy. Junior could feel her palms sweating. She was seized by the sudden irrational thought that her ears were dirty. What if he needed to whisper in her ear and saw a bunch of earwax? He'd be grossed out!

"Hey, Junior, can I ask you something?" Troy's voice made her jump.

"Uh, sure."

"Where'd you live all this time?"

"Riverton." She gave him a strange look. He knew she was from Riverton—she'd told him that.

"No, I mean, _who_'d you live with? I thought your daddy and your uncle moved here 'cause both their wives died."

"What? My uncle?" What the hell was he talking about? Now Troy gave her a strange look. It suddenly dawned on her—their cover story. Jack was her uncle. Right!

"Oh, right! See, Jack ain't really my uncle."

"He's not?"

"Nope. I been living in Riverton with my mama. See, Ennis had an affair." She said conspiratorially. Well, it was true; he _had_ had an affair. "Then he and Jack moved down here and I stayed there with my mama."

"Oh. He had an affair? Really? Never thought Ennis was the type a man to cheat on his wife. Did his wife know, 'fore she died?"

"Sure did." Junior said, thinking of the haunted looks her mother got every time Ennis was mentioned. "She definitely knew."

"So how come Ennis didn't marry your mama after his wife died?"

"Um…he just didn't care for my mama that much."

"That's terrible!"

"Sure is." Junior settled back against the seat. She felt only a small sliver of unease and guilt. She wasn't completely lying. Ennis had had an affair, and he hadn't cared for Alma enough to stay married to her. Of course, it wasn't exactly that easy, but it was still all partially true.

"So how come you moved down here?"

"Um…" Junior looked out her window. They whizzed by a mailbox. Whoever lived there had mail. Did they know? Junior wondered who it was from. "My mama…my mama died." She said with difficulty.

"Oh…" He was uncomfortable now. Why'd she have to invite her dead mother into the truck? "I'm real sorry. Must've made it lot harder to move, huh? 'Specially to live with Ennis."

"Yeah," she said quietly, looking at her twisted hands in her lap. Troy quickly, awkwardly, patted her knee without looking at her. She felt the weight of his hand long after he'd moved it away. A small blush creeped down her neck.

------------------------

"Pass! Aw, come on!" Jack threw his hands into the air, scoffing at the quarterback as he went down hard. Ennis shook his head.

"Not going so good," he commented. It was a bit of an understatement. They were two minutes away from the half and they were down thirteen nothing.

"Probably be better if the quarterback would pass the damn ball," Jack growled, but quietly, because the quarterback's mother was three rows in front of them. The rest of the half passed without either side scoring. Jack stomped a boot against the bleachers when the clock ran down and the boys ran off the field. He turned to Ennis, lowering his lids and his voice.

"Bathroom?" He asked suggestively. Ennis's eyes bugged out of his head.

"Jack!"

"Fine then." Jack shrugged. "You seemed pretty excited 'bout it earlier…"

"Shut up!" Ennis's voice squeaked a little and Jack laughed.

"You know I'm just kidding, cowboy."

"Good Lord, Jack, some things you don't kid about."

He was still muttering and shaking his head when Junior approached them, Troy-less. Jack elbowed Ennis in the ribs as she scanned the bleachers for them. Jack waved big.

"Hey there, Junior! We're up here!" He called, just as his son had done in the cafeteria the week before. Junior blushed a little as everyone stared at her curiously, ducking her head and climbing the bleachers carefully. Jack made room for her to sit down, thinking how _nice_ it was that she would come chat with them.

"What exactly were you planning to tell people about me?" She lit into them right away. So much for a nice chat.

"Huh?"

"Troy asked me where I've been all this time," she hissed. "Asked me how come I lived in Riverton when my daddy and my uncle moved here after their wives died."

"Oh." Ennis shot Jack a panicked look. They hadn't thought about that.

"What'd you tell him?" Jack asked, a tad worried.

"Oh, the truth." Both men choked.

"The truth—?"

"You what—?"

"That my father had an affair and then left my mama alone to raise me." She said it matter-of-factly, like she didn't care. Ennis ran a hand over his eyes.

"Look, Junior—"

"No, it's fine. I get that you had to tell people something, but it was just a bit of a shock to hear it." They were quiet, Junior out of words and Ennis and Jack shamed into silence. "I'm going back down to Troy. Just thought you should know what Troy'll probably tell people—that you're an adulterer."

"Junior—"

She left and didn't look back. Ennis swore quietly. Jack tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, just a quick clap, nothing suspicious.

"Why's it gotta be so damn _hard_?" Ennis moaned. Jack shook his head but stayed quiet, knew Ennis probably wouldn't listen if he talked, anyway, but let his leg rest against Ennis's, probably closer than necessarily for two business partners but Jack didn't care and Ennis didn't snap at him to move away.

Jack wanted to pull Ennis into his arms and kiss his hair and stroke his back and just hold him until everything was better. Obviously, he couldn't do any of those things, so he settled for the small comfort he could pass to Ennis through his leg. Halftime was over; the marching band filed off the field as the players filed on.

No comeback was made; the home team somberly left the field, defeated in their first game of the season. A gloom settled over the fans, mostly parents feeling the chagrin of having to deal with surly teenage boys angry at the loss. Jack craned his neck, trying to meet Bobby's eyes, but Bobby stalked off the field without talking to anyone, side stepping the gaggle of girls trying to talk to him, silently making his way to the locker room.

"Bobby drive here?" Ennis asked. Jack nodded; he could see Bobby's truck in the parking lot. "Should we wait anyway?" Ennis voiced Jack's thoughts.

"I don't know…looked pretty mad."

"Well, let's wait. He don't have to talk to us but we can make sure he don't drive himself off the road over a game."

They leaned against Bobby's truck, waiting for the crowd to thin out before lighting up. No one could call them inconsiderate. They watched as some of the players started to trickle out. Bobby would be one of the last—always was, 'specially after a loss.

"Reckon we should quit smoking one of these days?" Jack asked, for the sake of conversation more than a real health concern. He'd brought it up before, and he knew what Ennis would say.

"I been smoking since I was twelve years old and I don't aim to stop anytime soon, Jack Twist."

"You know they say it's real bad for you."

"Who says?"

"Doctors."

"Well, I don't trust 'em anyway."

"Alright." Jack shrugged, but he put his cigarette out. Ennis sighed, exasperated, and followed suit.

"Reckon it wouldn't hurt to cut back a little, if it'll get you to quiet whining 'bout it," he muttered, not looking at Jack. Jack grinned.

"I got you so wrapped around my finger, Ennis del Mar…" He sang quietly.

"Don't think it's your finger I'm so attached to, but you got the general shape."

"Ennis!" Jack laughed and shoved Ennis. "Lookit you dirty talk me, right here in the parking lot. Someone might think you was trying to get lucky later tonight."

"Someone might be right. You fucking owe me for earlier."

Bobby shuffled over, bag over his shoulder and letter jacket on, head down, hands in his pockets. He jingled his keys in his pocket, didn't look at either of them, didn't talk. Jack slung an arm around his shoulder. Bobby didn't push it off but didn't respond to it, and Jack took it off, not offended in the least. They'd all gotten used to the routine—Bobby's team wasn't exactly the best around. Jack had wondered if Bobby would get used to losing, much as they did it, but apparently not.

"You okay to drive home?" Ennis asked firmly. Bobby nodded. "Don't need to ride with me or your daddy?"

"I'm fine."

"Alright then. Get going, we'll be right home." The parking lot was mostly deserted. One of the other boys from the team had his girlfriend pressed up against the tailgate of his truck, tongue securely in her mouth. Engrossed as he was, Ennis thought it would probably be safe to sling an arm around Jack's shoulders. Just nice and friendly; a man walking off with his brother-in-law and business partner and friend. Neither teenager gave them a second look, but he did earn himself an ear-to-ear, full dimpled, eye-crinkled grin from Jack Twist.

Now _that_ was something he could live with.

------------------------

"Thanks for sitting with me tonight, Junior," Troy said shyly. He gave her a half-smile.

"Thanks for asking me," Junior answered, her own smile shy as Troy's voice. He walked her to the door. The porch light was on, but no other lights were. No one else was home yet. Was he going to kiss her? Part of her wanted him to, but the other part didn't. She didn't kiss on the first date. But boy…she wanted to kiss him.

She should've known Troy wouldn't kiss her. After all, he was a country boy, polite and respectful and shy, and his mama had probably taught him not to go for a kiss on the first date. He gave her a short hug and actually shook her hand before walking back to his truck. Junior giggled a little to herself, waving as she went in the house. Had he really just shaken her hand?

Junior flipped on the hall light and the light in her bedroom. After closing the door, she flopped happily onto her bed. She liked Troy. A _lot_. Propping up on one elbow, she could see the two pictures she hadn't put face down—one of her and Lucy at a fair, and the other of their group of friends having a slumber party, all spread out on the floor in their pajamas with pillows and bright smiles.

She thought idly of her mother's smile. Her heart nearly stopped when she realized she couldn't picture her mother's face. No, of course she could—this was her _mother_ she was talking about! Of course she could picture her face—her hair framed her face…how? Her nose sloped down…how?

With a gasp bordering on a sob, Junior flew over to the dresser and grabbed up the framed pictures of her mother. There—there it was. The hair and the cheeks and the eyes and the nose and the chin. Right there. Just how she remembered—silly girl, just how it's always been.

Junior ventured over to the desk and dropped to her knees, opening the bottom drawer. She stared at the photo album for a minute before taking it out. She held it a minute before opening it. And she kept her eyes closed for a minute before looking. Did she truly need to look at the pictures? Could she really not conjure up her mother on her own anymore?

She took a deep breath and looked. And looked. And looked. Pages of smiles, of frowns, of food flung on walls and screaming Junior and long suffering Alma. Junior didn't realize she was crying until she felt the wet splash of tears on her chin. But it wasn't a bad crying—not really. She found herself laughing through the tears at some pictures, laughing through the tears at some of the memories the pictures brought up.

She felt a rush of gratitude for her father, for this Ennis, this person she hadn't fully allowed herself to know. He had done this for her. And Jack, too, he was always trying to help her fit in there. And Bobby, the one person in the house she'd gotten close to. She turned the last page, but there wasn't a picture, there was a note. She had to squint to bring it in to focus, had to dash some tears from her eyes so she could read it.

Junior cried some more at the note. It was so short, but it meant so much to her. They were trying _so hard_. They even called themselves her family. They must be—strangers wouldn't do something like this. Strangers wouldn't know that she would eventually need these pictures. She held the album close to her heart, trying to absorb her mother and this new family all in one. Because she could have both. She could hold her old family, her mother, dear, and still welcome in these men that welcomed her.


	11. Chapter 11

Ennis knocked softly on Junior's door. He wasn't sure if she was in there, but the light was on. It was eleven thirty—she'd sure as _hell_ better be in there.

"Yeah?" Her voice sounded thick, so she'd either been asleep or crying.

"Uh…y'alright in there?"

"Um, yes, I'm fine." Junior debated over whether or not to invite Ennis in. Old Junior won and she didn't say another word.

"Mind if I come in for a minute?" Ennis asked through the door. God, did he read minds or something? Junior stashed the photo album under her bed, not sure why but for some reason didn't want Ennis to know she'd been looking at it.

"Okay, sure."

Ennis cracked the door open and poked his head in. Junior was sitting up in bed, just her feet under the covers. Her eyes looked a little red and her nose was running.

"You…been crying?" He asked gruffly. She sniffed almost involuntarily.

"I'm fine." She mumbled.

"That Troy try something on you?" He pushed all the way into the room, angry.

"No, no, nothing like that." She almost laughed, remembering the handshake at the door. Ennis relaxed a little, leaned awkwardly against the doorframe.

"Look, uh, Junior, I wanted to tell you that…well, 'bout what me and Jack told people…I mean…" Ennis rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, biting a nail. Jack always got on him about how ragged his nails were, asking if Ennis had a stomach full of fingernails. He stopped chewing at the nail.

"It's alright," Junior said with a shrug. "Just caught me a little off-guard, made me a little mad."

"Well, I…I'm sorry." Ennis dropped his eyes to the floor, scratching his back against the wall.

"It's okay."

"Right. Well…Troy keep his hands to hisself?"

"Yes."

"Good." He gave her a nod and turned to leave. After some hesitation, he turned back around. "G'night," he added apprehensively.

"Night," she answered with a small smile. His lips twitched just once—she supposed it was a smile—and he left.

Ennis walked up the stairs slowly. His bed was practically calling him from here. He could hear water running from the bathroom in his room, Jack getting ready for bed, and he quickened his pace just a little. He paused at Bobby's room, poked his head in with no knock because this was Bobby and he was a boy and Ennis wasn't real worried that he'd see anything embarrassing.

"Hey, there, Bobby."

"H'lo." Bobby sounded appropriately gloomy. Ennis had a hard time figuring out the big deal. It was football. Win or lose, it didn't bring home money and it was a game. Back when he was a kid, he and K.E. had played over chores. Winner got first choice of chores, so the play had sometimes gotten downright nasty. But it was still fun. Bobby just played for the hell of it. How could it not be fun?

"Get some sleep, you hear?"

"Yessir."

Ennis went down the hall, his bed practically calling to him. As he was brushing his teeth, Jack came in the bathroom and let his hands rest softly on Ennis's sides.

"You talk to Junior?"

"Uh, yeah." Ennis rinsed. "Kinda."

"Well, I figured talk was a relative term. Guess I shoulda asked, you look at her and grunt and bite your nails?"

"You're very funny, Jack. But yes, I happened to do all three." He flipped out the light and they made their way to the bed.

"Well, it's a start. Least you looked at her." Jack smiled and pushed Ennis down, landing on top of him with a wink. "Now, don't I owe you a little something?"

"Sure do." Ennis felt a grin start. Exhausted? Him? No way.

--------------------------------

Bobby didn't want to get out of bed. He wanted to sleep through the rest of the day and forget about last night's awful, awful game. And plus he'd acted like a huge baby in front of his dad and Ennis and that was embarrassing.

Finally, his grumbling stomach drove him from his bed. He knew he'd already missed the morning chores and a small part of him felt guilty. He peeked his head out the door before stepping cautiously out of his room. He didn't want to talk to anyone. So far so good. He crept down the stairs, pausing at the end to peer around the corner. Not a soul.

Figuring the house was empty, Bobby stole into the kitchen for some breakfast. Two pancakes and three pieces of sausage were begging to be microwaved and eaten. He rustled up some bread for a few pieces of toast and grabbed a banana to tide him over while he waited for his food to heat up. He thought glumly of the game. He'd missed two passes and hadn't been able to intercept a ball almost directly to him.

Banana gone and still thirty-four seconds on the microwave. Damn. He grabbed an apple and bit into it forcefully. Apples were better to eat angry than bananas were. If you bit into a banana forcefully, you just clanked your teeth together. The microwave finally beeped at him and his toast popped up seconds later. He dug in. The pancakes were a little rubbery, but manageable. It took him all of five minutes to stuff his face, so he headed upstairs to shower.

Maybe he could go into town. Last night Leslie Johnson had offered to take his mind off the game. Maybe he'd take her up on the offer. He shook his head at the thought. First of all, she'd been drunk when she offered, and second, her dad was scarier than Ennis. Even if the offer still stood, Bobby wasn't sure he was stupid enough to take it.

He heard a sound from his dad and Ennis's room. It sounded like a scuffle of feet accompanied by a gasp. His dad and Ennis, he knew almost certainly, were not in there. It was ten thirty in the morning. They were not in their room. So who was?

Bobby peeked in slowly, just in case maybe they _were_ there taking advantage of Bobby sleeping like a log. Well, that was not a mental image he needed, especially not while he was still half asleep.

"Junior?" He asked, confused as hell and not afraid to let it show. She let out a sound halfway between an _eep_ and a screech and leapt around to face him. He looked past her and saw she'd been staring at the calendar on the wall—more specifically, the writing on the calendar on the wall. _Junior's birthday_ was written in Ennis's best scribble.

"It's there every year, you know." Bobby pulled on her arm.

"Huh?" She let Bobby lead her out of the room.

"He writes it in every year."

"He does?"

"Yep. Only three birthdays Ennis writes on his calendar, ever—yours, mine, and my daddy's."

"Not his own?" Who didn't write their birthday on their own calendar? Junior still kept a countdown within a month. Well, she used to, anyway.

"Nah. He says he don't care if he gets a year older 'cause living with my daddy and me makes him a year older every day. So Daddy's gotta write it in for him every year and make a big fuss over the party and everything." Bobby shrugged. It was just something that happened every year. He didn't even hardly think on it anymore.

"Oh." Junior bit her lip, chewing that one over. It felt funny, knowing that she was written in, same as Jack and Bobby. Did that make her equal to Jack and Bobby in Ennis's eyes? Not even possible.

"Did he ever say anything about me? On my birthday?" Suddenly Junior would die if she didn't know. Did he tell stories about his baby girl? Did he ask what he should get her for a present?

"Well…" In truth, Ennis didn't really talk about Junior, but Bobby always knew when it was her birthday. Ennis got a storm cloud over him and was a zombie the whole day.

_Bobby was five, a little bundle of energy in tiny cowboy boots. He was bouncing his way into his daddy and Ennis's room, ready to start the day and maybe Ennis would pull him into the saddle with him and let the horse run. Jack only did that on horses that he said were "safe" but Ennis'd do it as soon as Bobby turned a pleading stare his way._

_The door was open and Ennis was sitting on the bed, his back to the door and his head in his hands. He was sitting completely still and Jack was next to him with his arms around him._

"_Daddy?" Bobby wanted to know what was going on. Jack turned to look at him, not taking his arms away from Ennis, but Ennis didn't move. That wasn't like Ennis, not that Bobby could think of._

"_What do you need, son?" Jack asked._

"_What's wrong with Ennis?"_

"_Bobby boy…" Jack sighed, gave Ennis a last squeeze and a kiss to his temple, then stood up and swung Bobby into his arms. He carried him to the bathroom down the hall and set him on the countertop so they could look eye to eye._

"_Ennis is sad today." Jack told him._

"_Oh. Why?"_

"_Today is his baby girl's birthday."_

"_Ennis got a baby girl?"_

"_Sure does, bud. She's 'bout your age."_

"_Oh. Why is he sad on her birthday?" Birthdays were fun, even if they weren't your own. You still got cake and one time Sammy had a piñata and Bobby'd got to crack it open to get the candy inside._

"_Well, 'cause he don't get to see his little girl. And it makes him sad to think that it's her birthday and he can't be there."_

"_Oh. Why?"_

"_Why what?" Jack was really starting to rue that word—why. Bobby used it almost with every breath._

"_Why can't he be there?" Bobby let his legs swing and hit the cupboard under the counter with a thump thump thump._

"_Well…" Jack was lost. How could he explain this to a five-year-old?_

"_Is she real busy?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Is she too busy to see him, like my mama?" Mama hadn't come to his birthday party because she was too busy at work. But she called and told him he was getting to be a big boy and didn't need his mama anyway. He thought that was probably a good thing, since Sammy told him girls had cooties. He hadn't said anything about mommy's having cooties, but they were girls too, weren't they?_

"_Oh, Bob…" For some reason unknown to Bobby, Jack scooped him up and held him tight. Bobby endured for a minute before wriggling enough that Jack would put him down._

"_Is Ennis still sad?" Bobby asked, hands on his hips. He wanted to play._

"_Yeah, buddy, he is."_

"_How long he gonna be sad?"_

"_I don't know, Bobby."_

_Before Jack could grab him, Bobby slithered between Jack's legs and was back in the bedroom. He dropped to his knees on the floor._

"_Ennis?" He was trying to see in Ennis's big hands to look at his face. Daddy always told him to look at people's faces when he talked to them. All he could see was Ennis's mouth, and it was pulled tight into a line._

"_Ennis?" He repeated. He traced the line of Ennis's mouth. "Are you sad?" He whispered. Ennis nodded. "Do you want to play with my trucks? You can be the green one," Bobby wheedled generously. The green one was his favorite but Ennis could play with it if he wanted._

"_Bobby!" Jack was about to tell him to leave Ennis alone when Ennis dropped his hands from his face to his knees and stood up slowly. He tousled Bobby's hair and picked him up, set him on his big shoulders._

"_Let's go play trucks." He said in his gravelly voice._

"He always bought you birthday presents. Didn't you get 'em?" Bobby avoided her question with one of his own.

"Yeah, I got 'em. I used to get real excited, asking mama for days and days around my birthday if my daddy was going to come and bring me my present 'stead of just mail it. But he never did."

"Well, that's 'cause your mama told him not to."

"Huh?"

"Didn't anyone tell you?"

"No. What the hell you talking 'bout?" Junior was really, really getting sick of being left out of the loop on things that were pretty big and concerning her.

"Well…I don't really know the details…" Bobby said uneasily. He had a feeling he wasn't supposed to be telling Junior this. "All I know is your mama told him not to come see you."

"But…she told me he didn't want to come…" Junior felt faint. Her mother had lied to her? And about something that big? Why would she have ever told Ennis not to come?

"He wanted to!" Bobby said angrily. "You trust me, he wanted to real bad. He always got sad on your birthday 'cause he wanted to see you and your _mama_ wouldn't let him."

A small part of Junior thought she should probably be defending her mother, but she was too in shock to know what to say. All those years, he'd _wanted_ to come see her? And her mother, her own _mother,_ who did everything for Junior, had kept him from her?

Junior went downstairs, thinking she'd go to her room and try to figure this all out. But Jack and Ennis were in the kitchen and she had to pass them to get to her room. She pretended nothing was wrong and even managed a bright, "Oh, I'll get it!" when the phone rang. She was half-hoping it would be Troy.

"May I speak with Mr. del Mar, please?"

"One minute." She covered the phone with her hand. "It's for you." She said. Bobby had traipsed downstairs behind her and now all three men gave her a blank look.

"Which you?" Jack asked with a little chuckle.

"Um…" Dad? Daddy? My father? That one? Should she point? "E-Ennis." She finally stammered. He grunted and stood up slowly to take it, a nod to her. Jack gave her an unreadable look and she scampered off to her room. She had a thought and flipped through her photo album. No pictures of Ennis. There was even a picture of her mother holding her in the hospital—Ennis had been around then; why wasn't he in the picture? Someone knocked on her door and scared her half to death.

"Yeah?"

"Uh…the phone's for you." Ennis said awkwardly.

"It is?" She couldn't remember hearing the phone ring, but then again she'd been focused. She felt a flutter in her stomach. It was Troy. She just _knew_, somehow, deep down, that it was him. It didn't hurt that she couldn't think of anyone else who'd be calling her.

"Yup…think it's that Ellis boy."

Junior rushed to the kitchen. Ennis rejoined Jack and Bobby at the table. The three of them clearly had no plans to give her some privacy. She stretched the cord as far as it would go, but that was only about four feet. Great.

"Hello?" She asked calmly, though something was trying to crawl out her stomach.

"Junior?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Troy."

"Hi!"

"Hey. So, um, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," she said. It was true. Jack listened while trying to look like he wasn't listening. Bobby and Ennis were both very blatant in their eavesdropping, Bobby even going so far as to rest his head on his hand and watch her. As if she were some kind of TV show. She made a face at him.

"So, um, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the drive-in with me this afternoon?"

"Really?" It slipped out before she could stop it.

"Uh…yeah…" Troy sounded uncertain. Was this a good sign or a bad sign?

"Um, that sounds great." Junior twisted the phone cord around a finger. Did she need to get permission? "Hang on a sec…" She pressed the earpiece into her shoulder so Troy wouldn't be able to hear the fight that was sure to ensue.

"Any plans for today?" She asked nonchalantly. Bobby smirked and Jack smiled and Ennis glowered.

"No, honey, you go on ahead and have some fun," Jack said with a grin and a wink. She grinned back.

"Thanks Jack!" She told Troy it'd be fine and he said he'd pick her up at one. He asked if she wanted lunch first and she said that'd be all right but didn't tell him that she probably wouldn't be able to eat anything. After some more awkward stammering on both ends, they somehow managed a "see you later" and hung up. Junior leaned against the wall, momentarily forgetting she wasn't alone until Bobby burst out laughing.

"Oh, _Troy_," he said in a falsetto that was not even _close_ to how Junior sounded. "I'd _love_ to!" He made kissing noises until Ennis silenced him with a glare. He guffawed a few more times into his pie that he'd somehow rifled up even though it wasn't yet eleven AM.

"So, where you kids going?" Jack asked conversationally.

"Lunch. And then the drive-in."

"What?"

"What?" Junior's tone was decidedly more sweetly innocent than Ennis's.

"The drive-in?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well, I don't think…" He trailed off when Jack shot him a look. Ennis sighed and stared at his hands for a minute. "Well…you just be careful with that boy. Teenage boys are only after one thing, you know."

"Hmey!" Bobby tried to sound indignant through his pie. No one paid him any attention.

--------------------------------

Junior changed her shirt for the third time. The other shirt brought out her eyes better but this shirt made her boobs look bigger. Should she add a necklace? No, the only necklace she had gave her a rash on her neck. She looked at her watch. If Troy were prompt, he'd be there in exactly two minutes. She heard a knock on the front door and almost screamed. He was _early_. Was that good?

She hurried out of her room, wanting to open the door before anyone else had a chance to. No luck. Bobby beat her and was good-naturedly ribbing Troy—throwing fake punches and pretending he was offended that Troy would take Junior out. Troy smiled awkwardly at Junior. Ennis gave him a squinty-eyed stare and Jack shook his hand.

"Okay, well, we'd better go…" Junior said, hoping to make an escape.

"Listen here," Ennis broke in. "Drive careful. Don't see any trashy movies. Don't eat at that new burger place—they wouldn't tell me who gives 'em their beef so I don't trust 'em. And you better be home in three hours or less."

"Yes sir," Troy said faintly. Jack smiled at him and nodded toward the door.

"And Ennis forgot to say have _fun_." Jack added. Ennis made a face. Junior gave Troy an apologetic smile and they left. And suddenly it was the return of the Awkward Silence. Junior looked at her hands in her lap. Troy kept his eyes on the road to drive safe, as instructed. Silence.

"Um…" Troy stuttered. "That shirt really brings out your…uh, eyes."


	12. Chapter 12

Junior and Troy got less awkward as their date played out. Lunch was relaxed, and Junior felt herself settling in well with Troy. He made her laugh more times than she could count, despite being so quiet and shy.

"Hey, do you want to forget the movie?" Troy asked. Junior's heart sank. He wasn't having as much fun as she was. He wanted to leave right away. He was tired of her already.

"Uh…okay…" She said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"I was thinking we could go to the new mini-golf place instead. You like mini-golf?"

"Mini-golf? I've never done it."

"You haven't?" Troy looked shocked. "Well, that settles it. We are going mini-golfing." He shot Junior a smile and she felt herself blushing. God, he was gorgeous.

---------------------------------

When Junior came in, her face was bright. Jack was on the phone, but he couldn't help smiling. She looked positively giddy. He remembered the feeling well—after that second night in the tent, he felt he could float into the clouds. After Ennis had agreed to make a life together, Jack could have sworn there was no gravity anymore.

She'd been gone more than three hours, making Ennis fret and pace, but he was in the barn now, so her happiness could go on before he turned on her. Bobby had gone out with some boys from the football team, leaving Jack to get the details. He hung up and looked at her expectantly.

"Have a nice time?" He asked, smiling almost wistfully. When was the last time he'd felt so light and giddy? Oh, right. Last night, when Ennis'd...

"Oh, it was fine," Junior said nonchalantly, not wanting to gush and not wanting to seem like she actually liked Troy all that much. Jack just smirked.

"Just fine? What movie'd you see?"

"Oh, we actually didn't see a movie. We went mini-golfing instead."

"Which would explain why you were gone for so long." Jack raised an eyebrow, mostly just teasing, but Junior's eyes widened.

"Oh, God, is he mad?"

"How should I know how God is feeling?"

"You know what I mean."

"Well…" Jack shrugged. "Yeah. Kind of. Not at you. More at Troy. But he won't say anything. He's never been one to be on time, so he can't blame anyone else."

Just then, speak of the devil, Ennis himself came through the door. He paused, looking at Junior, his brow furrowed and his lips in a thin line. Junior could almost feel herself shrinking under his gaze. Jack frowned at Ennis and they had another one of those infuriating silent conversations. Ennis seemed to relent; he took off his boots and left them just inside the storm door, hung his hat on a hook and went to the kitchen without a word.

"Anyway," Jack said with a roll of his eyes. "Who won?"

"Huh?"

"Mini-golfing. Who won?"

"Oh. Troy did." Junior laughed a little, thinking of her abysmal golfing skills, mini or not. "He really showed me who was boss."

"You ain't a champion mini-golfer?" Jack was so exaggeratedly staggered by this revelation that Junior couldn't help laugh, a wave of affection running through her. Those Twist men sure knew how to break the ice. Their laughter finally brought Ennis out of the kitchen.

"Asked you to be home in three hours," he said quietly. "You left 'round one and now it's five thirty. Ain't three hours."

"Well, we got some lunch and then we were mini-golfing and then we got some ice cream." Junior knew an apology should've been tacked to that sentence somewhere, but she really didn't think it was that big of a deal.

"Really tells you what kind of character a boy has, not doing as your daddy asks."

"You ain't my daddy." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She cleared her throat. Better finish what she started. "You're my father. But you ain't no daddy to me."

She regretted the words even as she said them. Hurt didn't begin to describe the look on Ennis's face. And Jack, her ally all this time, was all out pissed. No one had the right to hurt his Ennis that bad. He told Junior that in the look on his face. Ennis just quietly walked up the stairs, hunched and slow, like some kind of old man. And once they heard the sound of the bedroom door quietly close, Jack turned on Junior.

"Okay, I been trying real hard to be patient and civil to you and make you feel real comf'rtable and welcome. So I been biting my tongue these last few weeks. But I just can't sit back and bite my tongue on this one, girl. You got no cause to say that to him."

"Well, it ain't like he's been the daddy I dreamed of all these years."

"And you think you're acting like his dream daughter?" Jack shook his head. "I can't even talk to you right now." He stomped up the stairs, no doubt to open his arms to Ennis so they could lie in sin together. Okay, Junior had stopped thinking like that almost a week ago. Thoughts like that only sprang up in spite now.

Truth was, she'd never thought about what Ennis had thought she'd be like. He probably hadn't anticipated an angry teenage girl fighting him at all turns. She should probably be more pleasant. Easier said than done, though.

Instead of retreating to her room, as Junior was known to do, she found herself sitting in the tall grass of the pasture, her back against a tree trunk. The sun was still shining strong, the air dry and warm. A fly buzzed by her head before deciding the horse manure four feet to her right was more appealing.

She sat out there for a long time, sitting criss cross applesauce, as her kindergarten teacher had called it. She wondered what her kindergarten teacher was doing now. She wondered what her mother would think of her behavior. The sound of a slight wind in the grass and the horses' snuffling breaths lulled Junior into a half-sleep. One of her old daydreams resurfaced, one she'd first dreamed up when she was about seven. It was one of her various "Daddy really does love me" dreams.

Only this time, Daddy had a face. His hair curled a little around his ears and he bit his nails a lot. He was tall and sinewy with long, long legs. And instead of hugging her close and kissing her hair and declaring "Oh, Junior, I love you, baby girl," this new Daddy with a face squeezed her shoulder and simply called her his lil' darlin.

---------------------------------

Junior snuck back into the house late that night. The sun had gone down hours ago, and she'd finally gone in because the pasture was very, very scary in the dark by yourself. She had no idea what time it was. Her neck and her back were stiff and sore from sleeping against a tree, and she had acquired several mosquito bites.

The house was dark. Junior banged her shin against a chair as she crossed the kitchen precariously to get to her room. A flip of her light switch left her squinting for a minute while her eyes adjusted. Her photo album sat on her bed, open to a picture of her smiling mother. Junior thought of how stern her mother got when her daughter forgot her manners. Said daughter cringed. Did that sternness extend to her mother's ex-husband who had left her for a man?

"Jesus said we're to love everyone, Junior," she'd been scolded on more than one occasion. But how was she supposed to love someone she didn't even know?

_Get to know him_, her mother's voice, which had long served as Junior's conscience, told her smugly.

_I don't know how_, she thought tiredly. She wanted to know Ennis. She always had. She wanted him to love her. She wanted what she'd dreamed. But she didn't know how to get past her anger to let him in.

_So ask_.

---------------------------------

Ennis stared at the ceiling, listening to Jack's breathing. One of Jack's arms was resting on Ennis's stomach, and Ennis had dropped a hand to Jack's chest, feeling his heart beat in his warm chest.

Junior's words had stung. Because they were true. He wasn't a daddy. He didn't really know how. He hadn't had one—he'd never called his father "daddy" as a child. It was always "sir." Yes sir or no sir or I didn't mean to, sir. He'd never called out for his father because yelling in the house earned you a wallop from the belt. He'd never had to introduce his father to anyone because his father had never come to any kind of school function.

Daddy. How many times had that word been directed at him? None. No one had ever called him daddy. Bobby called Jack that. Ennis knew that Jack was a real daddy—a damn fine one. A daddy went to football games and rodeos and bought cotton candy at the fair even though they hadn't had dinner yet. A daddy read bedtime stories and used different voices for different characters and said _alright, just one more_ when pleaded. A daddy bundled warm arms around a quivering body, hearing the cries from under the blanket and coming to quiet the tremors brought on by a nightmare.

Ennis had never done any of those things for Junior. So he wasn't her daddy. He was her father. He'd thought of father as always being a harsh kind of title—imposing, mean, ready to let fists fly without listening to an explanation. But he hadn't even given Junior _that_ to pin to the word. He'd simply impregnated her mother and left.

Ennis closed his eyes and focused on Jack's steady _in, out, in, out_ breaths instead of his thoughts. His thoughts still broke in. He moved closer to Jack, a welcome warmth at his side. Thoughts still there. He cuddled into Jack, burying his face in Jack's neck, breathing in that smell. His thoughts quieted and he eventually fell asleep.

Jack woke a few hours later, Ennis all tangled around him, and knew that Ennis hadn't been able to sleep. He wished, not for the first time, that the world could just stop being so difficult for them. Ennis didn't need extra worries. He snuggled closer into that body he loved with every part of himself and let sleep come back to him.

---------------------------------

Junior didn't come to breakfast. Jack knocked on her door and got no answer. He cautiously poked his head in and found…nothing. She wasn't there. Her bed was made. He bit his lip. Ennis was going to blow a gasket. Well, her suitcase was still there, so she hadn't run away or anything like that.

"She not eating?" Ennis asked.

"Uh…no." Jack felt his ears getting red. Damn. Ennis would know that meant something was up. Jack avoided Ennis's squinting eyes.

"Jack?"

"She's not in her room."

Quiet. Jack snuck a peak at Ennis. He had his eyes closed, a sigh making its way out of his lungs. He lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Well, where is she?" He asked, voice strangled.

"Uh…"

"Goddamnit."

"Ennis, all her clothes and everything are still here. She's gonna come back."

"Guess it don't really matter anyhow. If she wanted to ahead and hitch a ride back to Riverton, I ain't gonna stop her."

"Ennis!" Jack couldn't believe his ears. Ennis didn't condone hitchhiking to anyone, especially not his seventeen-year-old daughter who he'd fought with over a mini-golf escapade.

"Jack, I just don't know what to do with her no more. I tried my best." Ennis shrugged. "Didn't work. I just ain't a good daddy."

"Ennis…" Jack went to where Ennis was leaning against the countertop. "You _are_ a good daddy."

"To who?"

"To Bobby, Ennis!" They both glanced at the stairs, but they boy didn't appear. It was not quite nine on a Sunday morning. No way he'd be up. Jack put his arms around Ennis.

"Listen to me, cowboy. I seen you with that boy. You taught him everything he knows 'bout horses. And Lord knows he didn't get his shooting skills from me."

"But…" Ennis tried to remember the things he'd thought last night. "But daddies take kids to the fair and give 'em shoulder rides and tuck 'em in."

"Are you saying you ain't never taken Bobby to a fair?"

"Well, you was always with us."

"So? I know he's seen the view from your shoulders and I know you've tucked him in. Snug as a bug in a rug? Never heard that 'til you said it. Come on, Ennis. Ain't we been over this?"

"Yeah." Ennis hung his head. Jack tipped his head back up and kissed him softly.

"Ennis, you are a fucking amazing daddy, a'right? But you weren't within two weeks. So give it some time, cowboy. You're doing good."

This declaration, coupled with another kiss, led to more kisses. A lot more. Bobby came downstairs, rubbing bleary eyes, hair sticking up in the back, and witnessed a kitchen make-out scene.

"God, do you have to do that in the kitchen?" He asked irritably. Bobby wasn't much of a morning person. Jack and Ennis pulled apart, Ennis blushing a little, but kept their arms around each other.

"Well, good morning sunshine." Jack laughed. Easy for _him_ to be in a good mood; he was getting some. Bobby, on the other hand, was not. He figured he was allowed to be cranky. He walked past them to the fridge, pulling out eggs and cheese.

"I'm making eggs," he announced. "Anyone want some?"

"Oh, I'll help," Jack offered.

"No, that's okay," Bobby said quickly. Jack only looked mildly hurt. Ennis laughed and Jack punched him. Just then, the front door opened and Junior walked in. Ennis stopped laughing abruptly. All three men looked at her. Ennis bit his lip. Jack gave her a look. She couldn't read the emotion there. Angry? Apologetic? She just couldn't tell.

"Where were you?" Bobby asked curiously. He didn't know anything about the blow-up or her disappearance.

"I went to the early church service. With Troy." She didn't look anyone in the eye while she said this, but she was not looking at her feet. She had her confrontation face on—not looking for a fight, but ready should one arise. Ennis grunted but didn't say anything.

"Was it any good?" Jack asked.

"Um…yeah." Junior was surprised Jack was talking to her. Wasn't he mad? "It wasn't bad." She ignored Bobby's snort and grumbles about ignorant assholes.

"That's nice. Maybe I'll go to the late one." Jack said it like it was no big deal, but the look Ennis gave him told Junior that this was not an everyday thing.

"You will?"

Jack shrugged. "Maybe. Don't want to be burning after I die."

Junior bit her tongue, fighting the thought that came as a reflex: _too late._ She didn't know if she'd ever be able to staunch those thoughts completely, but she certainly didn't have to voice them. See, wasn't that progress? She needed to apologize for the things she'd said.

"I sure was sorry…" She hesitated. Ennis glanced at her but quickly glanced away. Jack gave her a nod. _Keep going_, she told herself. "Sure was sorry…to leave."

It wasn't a real apology for saying awful things, and Junior herself wasn't even sure what she meant about being sorry to leave, but she'd used the word _sorry_ and Ennis knew what she meant. He'd botched up enough apologies in his time to know one when he heard it. Jack got it too, and gave her a smile, dimples and all.

"Well, sure lots of folks felt the same," Ennis mumbled. Junior couldn't believe her ears. He was apologizing too! She hadn't even dared to hope for that. "If that Troy'll sit through church with you, guess he can't be all that bad." He added, quieter and with more difficulty. Bobby was looking back and forth from Ennis to Junior like he was watching a tennis match. He had no idea what they were apologizing for, but from the look on Jack's face, this was a break-though.

Things were getting real awkward real fast, so Jack decided to break the moment, as he was often known to do.

"Bobby, you burning those eggs?" He barked out.

"No!" Bobby yelled back defensively, playing his part even though he was still confused over the whole exchange.

"Boy, I just don't understand how you could burn _eggs_."

"Musta got it from _you_."

"Me? I'm a cul'nary genius. Musta got it from ole Ennis here. He can't cook for shit."

"I seem to remember those words coming outta someone else's mouth all them years ago." Ennis broke in with a small grin.

"Don't know what you're talking about."

Well, Junior certainly _didn't_ know what they were talking about, but she could see it was some kind of joke. And she could appreciate jabs at Jack and Ennis's cooking. They collaborated most nights, and it wasn't much better than either man by himself. So she felt herself grinning along, too, though it was some kind of inside joke she didn't quite get. Ennis said something about beans, and it set Jack off on a tirade about them damn things, Ennis laughing and Bobby rolling his eyes, and Junior felt herself smiling and smiling.


	13. Interlude: Must Be Doing Something Right

Inspired by Billy Currington's song "Must Be Doing Something Right."

-------------------------------------------------

Jack and Ennis were on the couch, half-dozing in front of the TV. Bobby and Junior'd gone out with a big group of friends. Jack had made some noise about that, but Bobby's reply had been, "It's Saturday, Daddy!" Jack relented, mainly because Bobby was in a much better mood than the weekend before. They'd won last night and he'd intercepted three passes.

Ennis knew Junior was just going to be with Troy, but it was okay if Bobby was there, too. He'd given Bobby a look that clearly said _look after her_. Bobby'd nodded. And then Ennis had given Junior a similar look, telling _her_ to look after _him_. Bobby was a good kid, but he was still a seventeen-year-old boy, and seventeen-year-old girl's had a tendency to be more mature than the boys. Even Ennis knew that.

The newsman was squawking about the new baby elephants at the zoo three counties over. Why anyone cared about baby elephants was a bit of a mystery to Ennis. Elephants smelled something awful.

"Elephants?" Jack asked lazily. "Didn't know baby elephants was so newsworthy."

"Me neither."

They were quiet, neither paying attention to the TV, breathing evening out. Ennis tugged on Jack's arm, pulling him over so they were sprawled out on the couch together. He loved holding Jack in his arms, wrapping him up, knowing for sure he could keep him safe. Jack let his head rest against Ennis's chest, listening to the reassuring sound of Ennis's heartbeat. He sighed, yawned a little, playing a drowsy game of sock-clad footsie with Ennis that left them both smiling.

Both men felt warm and sleepy, wrapped up in each other, the fading light streaming in through the window. Ennis ran a hand up and down Jack's back, tracing random patterns and shapes. Before long, Ennis's eyes drooped and his hand laid flat against Jack's back. Jack felt his own muscles relax and his eyes close, breathing in time with his love.

When Jack woke up (not sure how long he'd been out—it was dark now), one leg was asleep. Ennis was snoring, mouth open, a little drool peeking at the corner of his lips. Jack smiled, fond and still half asleep. Only when he was half-asleep could he find Ennis's drool endearing. Ennis snorted and woke with a start. Jack couldn't help laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ennis asked grumpily.

"You woke yourself up with your snoring."

"What the hell you talking 'bout? I don't snore."

"Uh, sorry, cowboy, but I was sitting right here, and you surely do snore."

"You musta been hearing yourself, 'cause you sure saw wood every night."

"I don't snore!"

"Then who wakes me up in the middle of the night sounding like a bear's in the room?"

"You!"

"I don't snore!" With a growl, Ennis yanked Jack beneath him and—Jack could hardly believe it—started _tickling_ him. It was one of those rare moments that Jack filed away in his brain for when Ennis started pissing him off or got grumpy. See, Ennis _is_ fun. See, Ennis _can_ play.

Unfortunately for Jack, sixteen years together left no hidden ticklish spots. Ennis knew them all and used them wickedly. Jack was laughing helplessly, couldn't even move.

"Stop!" He gasped. "I'm gonna piss myself!" Ennis paused, because if Jack pissed himself Ennis would find himself in the crossfire. Not to mention he'd get roped into cleaning up the couch. In his pause, Jack rolled them over.

Too bad the couch really wasn't that big.

They hit the floor with thumps and groans. Jack landed on top of Ennis. It broke his fall; that was nice. It knocked the wind out of Ennis; that was not so nice. Ennis was going to protest, but Jack was straddling his hips and he realized that, air or not, that really wasn't such a hardship.

"Hey," he said breathlessly.

"Hey." Jack grinned down at him. He looked at Ennis, really _looked_. A lot of times, he got so caught up in working, in making calls, in Bobby (and now Junior), that he hardly saw Ennis. Sure, he was usually a stall away and they ate together and wound up in the same bed together every night and even had sex most nights, but he didn't see him, not how he could see him now. Looking at him now, sprawled on the floor, the light of the TV casting weird shadows on his face, it took Jack's breath away.

"What're you thinking so hard about?" Ennis rumbled.

"Just you," Jack said with a soft smile, stroking Ennis's cheek. Ennis didn't move away, didn't look around, didn't frown or tense up. Even after sixteen years, Ennis was still wary of affection and tenderness—he weren't no queer, after all—so when he allowed it, Jack took full advantage.

Right in that moment, Ennis would have done anything Jack wanted. How could that man do this to him? Here was, laid out on the floor after tumbling off the couch, another _man_ on top of him, stroking his cheek like he was some sort of woman or weakling. And what did Ennis feel? Nothing short of bliss. Ennis took one of Jack's hands and entwined their fingers, using the other hand to pull Jack's face to his for a slow kiss. Jack sighed, started a little smile against Ennis's lips, those blue eyes disappearing because he could never keep his eyes open while Ennis kissed him.

Ennis's hand moved from the back of Jack's neck to his hair, that hair Ennis loved to feel between his fingers, sliding smooth against his skin. Jack was still caressing Ennis's face, tongue flicking out to meet Ennis's and send shockwaves through both of them. Jack started to get up, go to the bedroom, but Ennis shook his head, let go of Jack's hand and his hair long enough to grab his hips and pull him back down.

"We got plenty a time, rodeo. Let's stay like this for a while." He whispered it, and Jack couldn't help staring for a minute. _Plenty a time_ wasn't an expression they used abundantly. Usually there was never enough time, never enough. Always chores to be done and stock to care for, business to deal with, so many things to do. But Jack surely wasn't going to argue with leisurely kisses, even if it did mean lying on the floor.

Instead of getting back to those kisses, as Jack had expected and, yes, hoped for, Ennis propped up on one shoulder and just gazed at Jack. Jack almost didn't want to breathe, afraid to break the spell. He pretended not to notice that Ennis would never look at him if he thought Jack knew, but deep down, it was nice to have Ennis's eyes, dark with lust and love and all kinds of emotions, roaming his body.

As he looked at Jack, Ennis rubbed lazy circles on the other man's chest. He knew that Jack loved to be looked at, loved to be cuddled, loved those soft, slow kisses, and he knew that he hardly ever gave them to him. He didn't rightly know why, but tonight, all he wanted was to make Jack know how much he loved him. It was hard for him to say the exact words, unless Jack said them first or unless he was in the throes of an orgasm (in which Ennis could get _quite_ vocal, Jack had learned quickly), but he knew how much Jack loved to hear it. Knew because whenever Jack said it to him, Ennis felt warm and weightless and full on smiled for an hour or more.

"Jack?"

"Mm?" Jack had closed his eyes, but he cracked one open at the sound of Ennis's voice. Ennis settled back onto the ground, settled into Jack's arms, and laid his head on Jack's strong chest. With Jack stroking the curls off his forehead, Ennis closed his eyes and relished the feeling of strong arms around him and a strong body beneath him.

"I love you." Ennis didn't stammer, didn't duck his eyes away from Jack, didn't say it in that growl that he used when saying it on his release. His voice was soft and Jack was brought back all those years to the first time Ennis'd said it. Just like then, he felt his throat tighten and the prick of tears.

"I love you too," he choked out. Ennis rose up, off Jack's chest, and kissed him. It was warm and long and Jack felt his eyes slide closed, just like always.

"I don't tell you enough," Ennis whispered, their foreheads touching.

"You show me."

"Don't show you enough, either."

"Cowboy, every day you don't leave, you're showing me."

"No, that ain't enough, Jack."

"Ennis, that ain't the only way you show me. When you kiss me every morning and you hold my hand in the kitchen and you corner me in the tack room when you think all the hands are busy…" They both chuckled. Ennis did have a habit of that.

"Well." Ennis kissed Jack again, firmly, the kind of kiss that made Jack dizzy. "I just don't wantcha to think I don't, and go running off to find someone else who does."

"Ennis!" Jack's voice was sharp, startling Ennis in the peace of the moment. "Don't you say things like that, Ennis del Mar. Ain't no way I'm leaving you. Understand? Lord, Ennis. You get all steamed up when I worry, and here you are doubting me every day."

"Not every day," Ennis interjected.

"Well don't worry at all. Ever."

"Yessir." Ennis shot Jack a lopsided grin and went back to dizzyingly slow kisses, hands roaming, and soon shirts were coming off and belts were being pulled through loops. It was some kind of strange phenomenon; the two of them just couldn't seem to stay clothed if their kisses went on for more than ten minutes. They needed to feel skin on skin without pesky denim getting in the way.

Once they'd shed their clothes, Ennis set to looking again. Jack wondered if it was his birthday and maybe he'd forgotten. Nope, it was only September. Wasn't his birthday. Was it Ennis's? Nope, not his either. Had Jack done something special today, to deserve this treat? He couldn't think of anything. He hadn't burned a single meal that day. But he'd done that before and only got mock shock.

"Jack, whatcha thinking 'bout _now_?" Ennis was gently teasing him.

"Well…" Jack furrowed his brow. Ennis kissed the wrinkles there. "That. Why you being so…" Jack bit his lip. How could he say it? He looked helplessly at Ennis, who got what he meant anyway.

"Just want to do right by you." Ennis shrugged a little, shoulder scratching against the carpet. _Oughta get softer carpet_, he thought absently. He kissed Jack and felt Jack smile. "Must be doing something right," Ennis mumbled.

"Mmhmm." Jack murmured against Ennis's lips.

They'd tried taking it slow before. It always started slow enough—sweet kisses, tender words, smiles and sighs—but they could never stay slow. They would get so full of emotion that they had to show each other how they felt _right away_ and it turned hungry and urgent. Ennis knew that was mostly his fault. Not that Jack didn't get eager and ravenous, too, but the times that Ennis had stayed gentle were less than innumerable. But this time, he was determined to take it slow the whole way. This time, he was determined to stay tender and sweet and loving and all those things Jack loved.

Somewhere in the course of the long kisses and soft caresses, Ennis had ended up on top of Jack. With only slight hesitation, he moved off Jack (amidst some protest) to lie on his back on the ground, then reached over and pulled Jack on top of him. Jack's eyes widened, asking Ennis without words if he was sure. Ennis was, and he told Jack with a kiss.

They didn't hurry. They didn't pant and groan and grunt. They sighed. At one point Ennis made some kind of mewing sound that near about made Jack say _fuck it_ to going slow and tender. But the look in Ennis's eyes made him slow down again.

Afterward, Jack held Ennis in his arms, kissing his hair and stroking his arm and whispering the kind of things that made Ennis bury his face in Jack's neck and just try to _inhale_ him, because he loved him so much he almost couldn't stand it.

"I love you, Ennis del Mar," Jack breathed. Ennis took his hand, laced his fingers with his own, pressing each of Jack's knuckles in turn to his lips. He ran a hand across Jack's chest, down his side, feeling him the same way he'd felt him that night in the tent.

"I love you, Jack." It was whisper-quiet, little more than a sigh, interspersed with kisses to Jack's neck, his chest, his collarbone. Jack had heard people describe Ennis's voice as gruff, harsh even. But Jack knew different. Jack knew Ennis's real voice, the quiet whispers and murmurs, the voice he was hearing now. The voice that was music to his soul.


	14. Chapter 13

Junior was suddenly helpful. She still wasn't exactly cheerful, but she wasn't crying and slamming doors anymore, either. Jack, Ennis, and Bobby came in from the barn Monday morning to find her making breakfast. Jack asked why she'd been holding out on them. Bobby pretended her cooking was less than adequate. Ennis just grunted a _better than beans_ with his head down.

She cleaned the whole house (except Jack and Ennis's room—she couldn't bring herself to that room) and washed load after load of laundry. She added homey touches to the house, like real curtains on the windows instead of just sheets strung up. It was suddenly as if they'd hired a housekeeper.

One thing she wouldn't budge on, however, was Troy. To Ennis's displeasure, Junior didn't stop seeing that boy. Finally, after two weeks of Junior-the-housekeeper going out with Troy almost every night, Jack invited Troy to dinner. The poor boy was just picking Junior up. He was standing innocently in the living room while Junior got her shoes from her room. Jack, Ennis, and Bobby were watching football. Jack looked up, looked at Troy, squinted, and said,

"Say, Troy, we been seeing you around a lot."

"…Yessir." Troy had no idea how to answer, and he was trying to figure out why Jack and Ennis were sitting so close together on the couch.

"But we ain't really seeing you much."

"Um…?" Troy shrugged. Ennis must've noticed how close he was to Jack, because he slid over a little, his hand accidentally brushing Jack's thigh, lingering a little as he reached for the remote between Jack's legs.

"We don't really know you that much." Jack continued, stretching a little, hand knocking the back of Ennis's head. Had he stroked Ennis's hair?

"Uh, guess not." Troy said uncomfortably. Those two sure seemed a lot closer than Troy ever had been with his brothers. Or any of his friends. Junior came in the room then, making Troy breathe a small sigh of relief. Ennis frowned a little at the shirt she was wearing—a little low-cut, to his way of thinking—but she gave him a small smile to appease him.

"Why don't you come to dinner tomorrow night?" Jack dropped his bomb.

"Huh?" Troy asked, surprised.

"Huh?" Ennis asked, surprised, slightly more panicked than Troy.

"Huh?" Junior asked, surprised, definitely more panicked than either Troy or Ennis. Bobby laughed at them all.

"Yeah, we'll have dinner, get to know you. See if you're good enough for our girl." Jack winked at Junior, who was just staring at him. She closed her mouth with a snap. Troy shot her an unsure look, shifted his weight to his other leg, scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, uh…I'll hafta talk to my mama…but, um…s'pose it'll prob'ly be okay…" The poor boy looked cornered. He swallowed anxiously and gave Junior a look, begging her to take the initiative to get them out of the house. She took his arm gently.

"Well, that'll be…that'll be something. We're gonna head out now. I'll be back by midnight."  
"'Leven," Ennis answered.

"'Leven thirty."

"Fifteen."

"Thirty."

"'Leven."

"'Leven fifteen," Junior agreed. Ennis grunted. After a minute, he looked at Bobby, kicked back in the chair by the TV.

"You do your homework, Bobby?" He knew the answer was no; Bobby'd gotten home from practice in time to help with the last of the evening chores just before going in to wolf down some dinner, and he'd been sitting in the same spot ever since. Bobby squirmed a little.

"Uh…ain't got any."

"Bobby," Jack's voice held a warning. "You know you gotta do your work if you want to play football."

"Aw, Daddy…" Bobby sighed. "I don't got the time."

"You been sitting here watching TV for almost an hour." Ennis pointed out. "We gotta bring back those rules? No TV 'til we check your homework?" Bobby sighed again.

"It's just too hard." Bobby picked at a fuzz ball on the arm of his chair. Jack frowned at Ennis, who frowned right back.

"What happened to that tutor?" Jack asked.

"Oh…she moved at the end of last year." Bobby still didn't look up, knowing they'd be mad he hadn't said anything.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I hate having a tutor." Bobby made a face at the offending fuzz ball, which refused to be picked off its post.

"Bobby…"

"I feel so stupid." He knew Jack and Ennis hated him to use that word, but it was the only one that did justice to how he felt. He heard his father sigh.

"Bobby, you ain't stupid. You just don't learn fast as other kids."

"What would you call that, then?" Bobby asked bitterly.

"Bobby, quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something 'bout it!" Ennis broke in. "Lord, if there's one thing I hate it's seeing you give up."

"Yeah, well, you would too if everyone laughed at you!"

"Who laughed at you?"

"The whole class." Bobby kicked at the coffee table angrily. "Science teacher made me read out loud. Couldn't even get through the first sentence." Bobby, to his horror, felt his throat tighten. God, did he have to be stupid _and_ a baby? He stood up, head hanging, muttering something about going to bed. Jack stood quickly and grabbed his arm, pulled him down onto the couch between the two men. He knew Bobby didn't want to cry in front of them, and that throwing his arms around his son would only let those tears lose, so he held back. Instead, he put a hand to the back of Bobby's neck and squeezed briefly.

"Bobby boy, it don't matter how fast or slow you learn or what you can or can't read. You ain't stupid and that's that." Jack felt his eyes getting hot. Why did his boy have to have such trouble? He was a good kid, polite, a hard worker. He didn't deserve to have this making him feel bad about himself. Bobby didn't say anything, but his chin was starting to quiver in quite an un-manly way.

"You're a far sight smarter than I am," Ennis added. Jack didn't think that would really help—he wanted Bobby to learn not to put himself down because of this; how could Bobby learn that when Ennis called himself stupid almost weekly?

"Just so embarrassing," Bobby choked out. "Seventeen years old and I can't even fucking read!"

"Oh, Bobby." Jack sighed. "You can read. We're gonna get you another tutor, okay? Real good one, help you lots. You're gonna keep your grades up so you can play football and baseball and graduate. I know you can do it, son."

Ennis marveled, not for the first time, at how Jack could know the right things to say. Ennis never knew where to look, what to say, how to make Bobby feel better, but Jack always knew, always knew when to hug and when to hold and when to sit back and watch, always knew what words should be said when and in what order.

Bobby nodded, wondering what kids did if they didn't have parents who cared. He thought about the baby he'd heard about on the news when he was nine.

_"Our top news story tonight is not a happy one…" the newscaster said, appropriately solemn._

_"Never is," Ennis muttered._

_"An infant was found abandoned this afternoon. Police investigators say the baby, less than two weeks old, was left outside in a run-down barn for three or four days before a neighbor's dog brought the child to attention. It was dead and nearly frozen when the dog's owner found it."_

_Bobby felt his eyes grow wide. He heard his father breathe "Oh, Goddamn" and saw Ennis shaking his head in disgust._

_"Where was the baby's daddy?" Bobby asked, confused._

_"Well, son…looks like no one wanted this baby."_

_"But…why?"_

_"I have no idea, bud. Some people just ain't right in the head."_

_"Police are asking for any information on the newborn's parents. A memorial service will be held tomorrow," the anchorman broke in again._

_"So that baby's daddy just left him in a barn and now he's dead?" Bobby asked, a cold feeling in his stomach. Why would someone do that? Jack nodded. "I just…I don't understand." Bobby felt tears rising up for this little baby he'd never known, never even seen. "Why?"_

_"I don't understand, either, Bobby." Jack said sadly. A picture of the tiny body, blue with cold, flashed on the TV screen, and Bobby started to cry. Ennis flipped the channel quick and Jack pulled Bobby close. Bobby sobbed into his father's shoulder, Ennis's hand in his hair and Jack's arms around his back. It was one of the first times in Bobby's memory that he'd really appreciated how much love he got at home._

_"Don't worry, bud," Jack murmured. "You got us."_

The three of them may have had themselves a heart-to-heart that night, but Junior was engaged in a bit of mouth-to-mouth with Troy. She was new to the art of make-out sessions, but she was catching on fast. In the last two weeks, she'd effectively hidden three different hickeys.

"Troy," she murmured as he left her another one just above her collarbone. "You better take me home, I'm gonna be late."

"Mmm." His hands meandered up her shirt and she wondered if she should push him away. But he just rubbed circles on her back, not straying any higher, so she let him be.

"Troooy." She tugged at his ear with her lips one last time before pushing away from him. "I'm serious, now, I was late last night and Ennis was ready to skin you alive. We gotta get going."

"Fine." Troy blew out a frustrated breath. "I don't get it. I mean, you're seventeen years old and your curfew's eleven!"

"Eleven fifteen."

"Whatever. I don't gotta be home 'til one."

"Well, it's a school night. You know on Fridays and Saturdays I can be out 'til twelve thirty, if I work on Jack 'stead of Ennis." Junior had learned that particular trick pretty early on. Troy looked at her funny as he put the truck in gear.

"Hey, uh…how come Jack gets to say when you can be home? He ain't even really your uncle, and it ain't like he's your daddy or anything..."

"Um…" Shit. Junior brought a finger to her mouth and started worrying the nail. "See, Ennis been helping Jack raise Bobby all this time, so they're just kinda…a team. Ain't easy to raise a kid with just one parent, I can tell you that. They're brothers, kinda, and best friends, so…" She shrugged. Troy shrugged too.

"They seem pretty close." He didn't sound suspicious, just confused. Junior found herself thanking the Lord for his less-than-genius brain.

"Well, they are."

"Hmm." He dropped the subject, choosing instead to take one hand off the wheel and let it rest on Junior's thigh. She scooted closer to him on the seat.

"So, you gonna come to dinner tomorrow night?" She asked, resting her head on his shoulder while he drove.

"I don't know…your daddy gonna kill me?" He gave her a wary smile. He'd known Ennis through Bobby, seen him at some baseball games, and he'd seen him mad. It was scary.

"I don't know." Junior knew she should be putting Troy's mind at ease, but she didn't want to lie. "I don't think Jack'll let him."

There was Jack again. To Troy, it seemed whenever someone talked about Ennis, Jack was soon to follow. Was it just because they were business partners? Or brothers? Or best friends? Because they lived together? Something about the two of them made Troy vaguely uncomfortable, but he couldn't place why.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jack was nervous about having Troy for dinner. And when Jack got nervous, dinner suffered. He chopped potatoes absentmindedly, watching Ennis make the salad, and nearly sliced his finger clear off. He didn't want Troy to think they were weird and break up with Junior for it. Would Troy realize…Jack stopped that thought before it went further. He'd better just focus on making sure Ennis behaved himself.

Ennis was a bit nervous, himself. What if Troy and Junior ran off together? He'd just gotten his girl back; he didn't want some kid stealing her away again. Nah, they were too young for that. Weren't they? Kids were so strange these days. He didn't understand half the words that came out of Bobby's mouth sometimes.

Jack put his arms around Ennis from behind. Ennis leaned into Jack's body with a little sigh.

"Nervous?" Jack murmured.

"Little."

"Me too."

"You think he'll…uh…figure it out?" Ennis took one of Jack's hands. Jack considered the question, the same one he'd been worrying over.

"Not if we're careful. We been pretty good the last sixteen years. Figure we can hold up another night."

"Yeah." They were both quiet. Jack rested his head against Ennis's strong back, his hand in Ennis's, and wondered if maybe they could just stay like that forever. But then they heard tires on the gravel outside and reluctantly pulled apart, back to the kitchen and back to the charade.

---------------------------------------------------------

"So, Troy, you playing baseball this year?" Jack asked.

"Yessir, I planned on it."

"Well that's good. You and Bobby might be the only seniors, huh? With Samson gone?"

"No, sir, Jimmy Kent's coming back this year. His suspension's up."

"Ah, damn, forgot about him." Jack didn't say it too meanly; he wasn't sure on Troy's feelings about Jimmy. He heard Ennis make a soft derisive noise next to him.

Jack and Ennis were doing very good on not touching. Sure, maybe their hands brushed one another when passing food around, and maybe once in a while Jack's fingers landed on Ennis's thigh, and maybe Ennis's foot was tangled slightly with Jack's under the table, but really, they were doing pretty well. Surely Troy had no idea.

Actually, he really didn't. He figured the discomfort he'd felt was just because these were the men in charge of Junior and maybe if they didn't like him he'd be out on his butt with no more Junior. Sure, that was it.

After dinner, Bobby and Junior took Troy outside to see the rest of the ranch, leaving Jack and Ennis in the kitchen to clean up and rustle up some dessert. Alone. They waited until the door was firmly shut and the clomp of feet on the porch faded before breathing sighs of relief and reaching for each other. They only held each other for a minute. No need, really, to linger—after all, they could cuddle and hold each other all night long. It was just the knowing that they _couldn't_ touch if they wanted to that made them want to touch each other more.

"So, what's the verdict?" Jack asked, clearing the table. Ennis harrumphed, squinting at the pie in the oven. Was that golden brown or was that just brown?

"Well, I think he's a pretty good kid." Jack went on. "Least he's polite and he kept his hands to hisself."

"Unlike you," Ennis said with a raised eyebrow.

"You didn't either!" Jack shot back indignantly.

"Well, you started it."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"Did not."

"Think the pie's burning."

"Shit!" Jack rushed over. "No, it ain't, dumb ass. It says to leave it in 'til it's golden brown."

"And just what would you call that color?" Ennis asked, hands on his hips.

"I see the golden, but I don't see no brown."

"I think you need your eyes checked."

"Oh, look who's talking."

"Ain't there some way to tell if it's done? Like…don't you stick a tooth pick in the middle or something like that?" Ennis didn't know if that was for pie or not, but he remembered his mama and Alma sticking toothpicks in stuff all the time. Well, toothpicks or a fork. Whatever was handy.

"I don't know. Guess we could try." Jack couldn't find a toothpick, so he went with a fork. He'd seen the cook Lureen hired do that a few times. Unfortunately, Jack was no one's hired cook. He gouged the top of the pie quite liberally. Half the top of the pie caved in.

"Ah, shit." Jack grabbed the oven mitts and yanked the pie out. The insides, which were very much visible at this point, were bubbling.

"Reckon it don't matter," Ennis said with a shrug. "Don't gotta be pretty to taste good."

"You saying I ain't pretty?" Jack asked, mock outraged. "Or maybe you're saying I don't taste good?"

"Look better than any damn pie." Ennis pulled Jack to him, oven mitts and all. "Now lemme taste ya, make sure you taste better, too."

It was unfortunate that the oven timer was going off, covering the sound of footsteps on the back porch. It was unfortunate that Troy was the first one in the door. It was _very_ unfortunate that he caught himself an eyeful of Ennis catching himself a mouthful of Jack's tongue.

"Oh my God," Troy breathed, eyes wide. Jack and Ennis both gasped, almost comically, and pulled apart. Jack still had the oven mitts on. The timer was still buzzing away.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," Bobby chanted.

"What the hell!" Troy yelped. "You two…and…you ain't brothers!"

"Uh…" Jack couldn't think of a single thing to say. Ennis was just frozen, red all over, eyes wide.

"I'm getting outta here." Troy said, shaking his head. He rushed through the house and let the door slam closed behind him, not looking back even once. No one moved. Jack let out a long breath and finally reached over and turned off the oven timer. Ennis turned his head a little to see how Junior was reacting.

She hadn't even made it in the door. She stood, frozen in the doorway, one hand over her mouth, barely breathing. Her eyes were wide, focused on the spot Jack and Ennis had been standing in together.


	15. Chapter 14

As soon as Ennis could breathe again, he tore his eyes away from Junior's horrified face and turned to Jack.

"What do we do?" He asked, more panicked than he wanted to let Jack know. But, of course, Jack _did_ know. He moved almost unconsciously to Ennis, wrapped him up in his arms and held tight. If Ennis's brain had been functioning, he would've shied away in light of what had just happened as a result of getting too cozy with Jack. As it were, he was too frazzled not to accept the comfort Jack wanted to give him.

"I don't know." Jack's voice was muffled, his face buried in Ennis's shoulder. Jack could feel little tremors running through Ennis, so he ran his hands up and down Ennis's back.

"What if he tells people?" Ennis asked, his face now pressed into Jack's hair.

"I don't know," Jack repeated.

"He won't tell anyone," Bobby spoke up. Ennis took a deep breath and pushed away from Jack, separating from him so they could think again.

"What makes you say that?" He asked, voice low and wary.

"I just don't think he will." Bobby shrugged. "He don't really talk much at all, 'specially when he's all freaked out like he was when he lit outta here."

"What you mean?"

"Well…when his mama got real sick last year, he didn't tell nobody for almost a month. We didn't even find out until Terry Jameson's mama saw her in the hospital. Troy just…he just don't talk."

Junior still hadn't moved, but this seemed to wake something in her. She didn't say a word, but she crossed the kitchen to the phone. She hesitated a bit, looked at the clock, then bit her lip and straightened her shoulders, picked up the phone and dialed quickly.

"Hi…is Troy there?" She waited, her shoulders tightening. "Hi."

Jack was dying to know what Troy was saying. Junior was staring at her shoes as he talked, one foot scuffing around on the floor. She blinked a few times, breathing in puffs.

"I know," she said softly. "I…okay. But please…alright. Bye." After hanging up, she stood for a minute with her eyes closed, just breathing. Then she walked to her bedroom without even looking at anyone. Ennis looked at Jack. Jack shook his head and let out a breath.

"I think you should go talk to her." Jack ran a hand through his hair as he said it, not looking at Ennis because he knew Ennis's eyes would bug out at the thought of conversing with anyone, much less a teenage girl who currently may or may not hate his very being.

"Jack…"

"Ennis, you need to. She needs you to."

Ennis didn't argue with that. He squared his shoulders and walked down the suddenly too-short hall to Junior's room. He knocked softly and got no answer. After a minute, he knocked again. Still no answer.

"Junior?"

Silence.

"Junior?"

Nothing.

"Junior!" He hemmed and hawed for a minute, then made his decision and followed through. He pushed the door open. She wasn't crying. She was just sitting on her bed, knees pulled up tight to her chest, chin resting on her knee, staring at her toes.

"Uh…you alright?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Ennis sighed. He wasn't an idiot—he knew she wasn't alright. But what was _he_ supposed to do about it? He bit his lip.

"So, uh…Troy." Shit. Where exactly was he going with _that_? She didn't say anything. "He lit outta here pretty fast, huh?"

"We're going to talk tomorrow," she said dully.

"Oh. He…is he going to tell anyone what he saw?"

That was not what Ennis meant to say. He'd meant to apologize for being careless, for not thinking, for letting Troy see what he'd seen, for being a bad father, for not fighting harder to see Junior, for her dead mother. He'd just meant to apologize for his existence. Junior looked up at him now, her eyes flashing, angry, looking so much like her mother it almost hurt. In the bottom of his selfish, selfish heart, he wished terribly that she looked like him.

"_No_, he ain't gonna tell anyone what he saw."

"I…"

"Can you just leave me alone?" Her voice broke at the end. And Ennis, not knowing what else to do, did as she asked.

It was early, but he climbed the stairs to his room anyway. Jack was already under the sheets. Ennis slipped out of his clothes and slid in beside him. Jack didn't ask how the talk went—he could tell looking at Ennis that it had gone about as well as any of the others had. Instead of talking, using words that wouldn't matter in the end, Jack rolled over and laid his head on Ennis's chest, turning his head for just one kiss to Ennis's hard muscle. Ennis sighed and let his arms slide around Jack.

-------------------------------------------------

Junior and Bobby didn't talk on the way to school. Bobby snuck a few glances at her, but he didn't say anything and she was grateful. She didn't know what she was feeling. She was mad at her father and Jack for ruining things with Troy. She was mad at Troy for running out like that. And she was extremely worried about what he was going to say. Deep in her stomach, she was sure it was over. He couldn't handle her father's love for another man and he was _gone_.

She knew she probably wasn't going to marry Troy—who met their soul mate in high school?—but she didn't want him to break up with her, either. She stared out the window. She did that a lot, she realized. They pulled into the school and Junior felt the shakes start to set in. Would he be waiting at her locker, like usual? Would he avoid her? He'd better not. Bobby looked at her again, lips pressed together and eyebrows raised in a question. Junior didn't know what the question was so she simply shrugged and got out of the truck.

He was waiting at her locker. She could see him all the way down the hall. She took in a deep breath. Was everyone staring at her or was it her imagination? Were people whispering? _Oh, God, I'm going crazy_, she thought frantically.

"Hi," she said quietly as she came up next to him. He turned and pecked her cheek in his usual way. Was he simply on automatic? He just looked at her for a minute, then exhaled deep and cocked his head.

"We okay?" He asked. Junior gaped at him.

"You tell me," she said, sounding a little more bitter than she'd meant to. Troy winced, probably remembering his words on the phone the night before. _Look, don't talk to me right now. I need to be away from you. We'll talk tomorrow. I honestly…I don't know what to say to you._

"I'm sorry 'bout that," he murmured, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, just like he always did when he talked to her. Huh?

"Uh…" She shot a quick glance around. No one was paying them any attention. "You're not all freaked about…" Another look around, just to be safe. "…About Ennis and Jack?"

"Oh. Well…" His face colored a little. "Yeah, I guess I am. But you're more important than that." She just stared at him for a minute. Was he being serious? One night, and he was over it, just like that? He smiled at her and leaned in for a short, chaste kiss. "I'm sorry. Can we just…pretend it didn't happen?" He gave her another lopsided smile.

"Sure," she said, though it made her uneasy. She pushed those feelings away and let him take her hand and walk her to class.

-------------------------------------------------

"Robert, can I speak with you for a minute?" Mr. Thomas didn't seem to understand that Bobby _hated_ the name Robert. No matter how many times Bobby told him, he'd smile and say _Well, Robert is what I have on my records_. Bobby grumbled a little as his friends all left the class.

"So, Robert, have you gotten a new tutor yet?"

"No, sir, not yet," Bobby mumbled. "My daddy's working on it."

"Robert, may I ask about your mother?" It didn't seem like much of a question. Bobby shrugged.

"What about her?"

"Where is she?"

Bobby hesitated, the word _Texas_ hovering on his lips. No, to everyone in town, his mother was dead, not in Texas.

"She died." Bobby worked to put some grief on his face. He had the look down pretty well, if he did say so himself.

"Does it bother you?"

"Uh…I don't really remember her, she died when I was just a baby."

"And your father never found anyone else?"

_Yes, he did, thank you._

"Look, sir, I'm gonna be late to my next class…" Bobby took a step toward the door, trying to sound regretful when he wanted nothing more than to bolt out that door and never go back.

"Well…" Mr. Thomas looked unhappy. "Be sure to find a new tutor, alright? Grades are coming out in three weeks, you know, and if you don't get your grades up you won't be able to play football."

"Yessir."

Bobby rushed out of class and right into someone solid.

"Oh, sorry," he said quickly. It was a guy he didn't know, huge and tall. Bobby felt his eyes widen a bit at how tall the kid was.

"No problem." The boy said with a shrug. Bobby barely reached the boy's shoulder, and Bobby wasn't exactly little himself.

"You new here?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, my family just moved here Friday afternoon and my mom made sure first thing we did was get registered at school." The kid didn't even roll his eyes, way Bobby would've. Bobby extended a hand.

"I'm Bobby Twist," he said, trying not to wince at the boy's strong grasp. Christ, they could use this kid on the football team.

"Kurt McGowan."

"You happen to be interested in football?" Bobby asked with a grin. Kurt gave him a rueful smile.

"Not much. Everybody asks, but I'm not really an athlete. You guys got a science club here?" His eyes lit up greedily as the word _science_ passed his lips. Bobby stared at him like he was speaking French. Science club? People wanted to do science besides in class?

"Uh…I got no idea." Bobby squinted up at him and asked teasingly, "You some kinda science geek?"

"Oh, hell yes." Kurt grinned crazily. "I'm gonna be a scientist when I grow up. I do all sorts of experiments in my room. Drives my mom nuts."

"Say, where you from?" Bobby asked. The kid had a funny accent.

"Oregon."

"_Oregon_?" Bobby gaped at him. "Ain't that clear up by Canada?"

"Well, sort of…not really. It's on the west coast, just below Washington, above California." Kurt rattled off the names of states Bobby had only ever heard about. Bobby thought for sure Kurt'd been to these far off places that seemed a whole different world to Bobby.

"Boys, you better hurry on to class," Ms. Carls warned. "Got 'bout thirty seconds 'til that bell rings and you're late."

"Oh, yes ma'am," Bobby said. He looked back at Kurt. "So, what's your next class?"

"Honors English."

"_Honors_?" Bobby was dumbfounded. This kid really _was_ a geek.

"Yeah, you in there?"

Bobby snorted. "Yeah right. I can hardly read." He shrugged it off, as he always did, but Kurt peered at him with an eyebrow up.

"Oh, really? Do you have a learning disability?"

Bobby shuffled a bit. "Dunno. Just hard to read."

"Do you have a tutor?"

"No," Bobby sighed. "Ain't got a tutor."

"Do you _want_ a tutor?"

"Not really, but my daddy says I'm getting one anyway. I need one to help keep my grades up so I can play football."

"Well…" Kurt shrugged. "I worked as a tutor back home. If you give me a few days to help my mom settle everything in, I'd be happy to help you."

"You would?"

"Sure. You just gotta do me one favor."

"What's that?" Bobby asked suspiciously.

"Please please _please_ help me find the science club!"

-------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Daddy, I got myself a tutor," Bobby said at dinner.

"Oh, that's great, Bobby! Who is it?"

"New kid. Name's Kurt. He's from Oregon."

"Oregon? Where in the hell is that?" Ennis asked.

"He said it was on the west coast. Wonder if he lived in one of them beach houses people talk about."

"He a smart kid? Gonna be a good tutor?"

"Reckon he's pretty smart. Taking honors English and he wants to join the science club."

"Science club? Oh yeah, he'll be a great tutor." Jack said with a snort.

"So, uh…where's Junior?" Bobby asked cautiously. Ennis stared intently at his potatoes, grunted a little.

"With Troy." Jack said stiffly. No more was said about the subject; they spent the rest of the meal discussing football and the stock.

When Junior slipped into the house a few hours later, Ennis's eyes flitted over to her but he said nothing. Jack pursed his lips but also stayed silent.

"You sure go out a lot these days," Bobby said, not worried about being quiet. Junior didn't answer, just went to her room and shut the door. But he'd seen her eyes, and she looked troubled. Maybe all wasn't well in paradise.


	16. Chapter 15

Things were relatively calm for two weeks. Almost normal. Junior and Troy kept going out, though Junior found reason after reason to go home earlier or not go altogether—homework, headaches, her night to cook dinner, anything she could think of. Troy acted pretty normal, though he never came in to pick her up anymore. But he was getting bolder with each passing day—his hands roamed more freely, his kisses were deeper. Junior pushed his hands away time and again, doing all she could to keep the peace without going farther than she wanted to.

"You're home pretty early," Jack commented once when Junior had returned after only an hour with Troy.

"Oh, yeah, uh…Troy had a lot of chores to help his daddy with, so…" She shrugged. Jack didn't bring up the fact that Junior had used that excuse the last two nights in a row, plus once the week before. He just nodded.

Junior knew something had to give. She was stressed, spread thin, almost to her breaking point. Every minute with Troy was a constant battle—a persistent nagging was telling her something was up with him. He was still sweet, but there was something underneath. Junior didn't know what was going on. It was getting harder to push him away. Not just because he didn't want to be pushed away, either. Despite her instincts, Junior still had the strongest feelings for him that she'd ever had.

She sat on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest, closing her eyes and trying to think. Her mother always told her she needed to wait until she was married. But that was such a dated notion. Wasn't it? Junior was so confused. She looked up at a knock on her door. Jack came in and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Hey…I know you prob'ly don't wanna talk about it, least of all to me, but if you want to…" He shrugged. "We're the only one's home. And I promise I won't tell your daddy if you don't want me to."

Junior considered it. Really, she did. But somewhere between thoughts and words, something got stuck. She couldn't figure out how to make the words. She knew she would never have even talked to her mom about it. How could she talk to this man?

"No thank you," Junior said softly. "I just…I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed." Jack looked hard at her for a minute, those blue eyes boring into her. She dropped her eyes to the bedspread, getting the crazy thought that if she kept eye contact with him he'd be able to see into her head and read her thoughts.

"Okay." He nodded. "That's fine. But, look…sometimes it really helps to unload your mind. If you keep it all in you'll just keep getting wound tighter and tighter and 'ventually you're gonna snap."

Jack gave her a hug. She didn't remember that she was supposed to resist and pull away until he was already out the door.

----------------------------------------------

Bobby looked around Kurt's house. It was cluttered with boxes needing to be unpacked, but from what he could see, it was pretty nice. Why anyone would move from such an exotic place as Oregon to boring old Wyoming was a mystery to Bobby. When he voiced that thought to Kurt, he'd had to wait almost a full minute while Kurt laughed his ass off.

"Oregon? Exotic?" Kurt dissolved into laughter again. Bobby rolled his eyes and turned his attention to movement in the kitchen. A girl a few years younger than them poked her head out to see what the commotion was. Bobby assumed she was Kurt's sister, because she had his eyes and the shape of her face was just like his. Fortunately for her, she didn't have his height.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"Bobby Twist, ma'am," he answered with a tip of his head. He didn't wear his hat to school so he didn't have it with him. "Kurt's tutoring me."

"Oh. That's nice." She sounded bored and went back to the kitchen.

"That your sister?" Bobby asked Kurt. He nodded.

"Louisa. She's almost fifteen. She's kind of a bitch."

"Shut up, Kurt." Louisa called from the kitchen. Bobby felt his eyes bug out a little.

"You talk 'bout your sister like that?"

"Well, it's true."

"But you're her big brother. You're s'posed to protect her and all that." Bobby had never had any younger siblings, for obvious reasons, so he still held that ideal that all only children hold. He would be the perfect older brother, he was sure of it.

"I don't need anyone to protect me!" Louisa protested. Apparently she was not above eavesdropping. The door banged open and Bobby was engulfed in sound. Four boys all came in at once, talking and yelling. A dog came with them, barking his head off and jumping all over Bobby.

"Get down, Snappy!" Kurt ordered. Snappy ignored him. He was a huge dog, some kind of unidentifiable mutt, and if Bobby hadn't grown up with big animals he probably would've been scared of the monster.

"Snappy?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. Kurt rolled his eyes and jerked his thumb toward Louisa. The door opened again and a little girl toddled in. She was wearing some kind of dress, but it was dirty and ripped. She was crying.

"Weesa!" She sobbed. "Freddy pushed me."

"I did not!" One of the boys countered. "She just fell. Don't lie, Gretl."

Gretl? Louisa? Kurt? Bobby knew those names. _The Sound of Music_ had been one of his favorites as a little boy. Well, to be honest, it was still one of his favorites. But he wouldn't admit that to anyone. He certainly wouldn't admit that just three weeks ago he'd watched it in one of those rare times when he was home alone and he'd sung along with the movie at the top of his lungs. He looked at Kurt.

"Are you all named after…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "_The Sound of Music_ was the first movie my parents saw together. My mom wanted to have seven kids and name us all the names of the kids from the movie. But she had more boys than girls, so she had to…improvise on some."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, me, Louisa, Gretl, and Friedrich all got the real ones. But then…" He pointed at each of the boys gathered around. "Max. Rolfe. And…" Here he grimaced, pointing sadly at the last boy. "Georg."

"Ooh." Bobby winced too. The boy rolled his eyes.

"Don't know why _I_ had to get stuck with the _gay_ name." He said. Bobby felt himself shrink a little at his angry words. So maybe the McGowan family wouldn't be heading out to the ranch for dinner anytime soon. Or ever.

Kurt explained in an undertone, "He gets…some flak for it."

"I can imagine."

"My dad tried to talk my mom out of it, but she was pretty set. We just call him G."

"There're seven kids in your family?" Bobby asked. He felt a mixture of awe and jealousy. He'd always wanted siblings. One time he'd asked his dad and Ennis if they could have another kid. They'd just looked at each other. The next day he'd woken up to find they'd gotten him a dog.

"Uh…well…eight. I have another brother. But he's, uh, he's in college." Kurt seemed really uncomfortable.

"What's his name?" Bobby asked, amused. He couldn't wait to hear this one.

"Roger."

"Roger?" Bobby asked, puzzled. "I don't get it."

"Like Rodger and Hammerstein."

"Oh." Bobby wanted to ask why, if he was the oldest, he hadn't been given the name _Kurt_, but he didn't push because the rest of the kids seemed to quiet and slither away at the mention of their oldest brother. Except Gretl.

"Rogey?" Her whole face lit up. "Is Rogey coming home?"

Louisa gave Kurt a look Bobby didn't understand and scooped Gretl into her arms. "Not today, baby." She said softly. They left the room.

"Uh…did I do something wrong?" Bobby asked.

"No, no, it's fine." Kurt stared at the ground for a minute. "So, uh, we should get going on some of that work, huh?"

----------------------------------------------

Ennis stamped a boot against the bleachers. His foot was going numb. It was Friday night, they were at the game, and it was absolutely _freezing_. He couldn't feel his nose or his ears or his fingers. And now his toes joined the list. But he kept quiet, because he wasn't the complaining kind, and they were winning, anyway.

"It is _so. goddamn. cold._" Jack ground out, teeth chattering. Jack was bundled up way more than Ennis, but he was complaining with every breath. "We're gonna freeze to death 'fore we even make it into the fourth quarter! What the hell's going on here? We had an Indian summer and now we're hitting a cold snap? Lookit that, there's my breath! Right 'fore my eyes. I can't feel my face. I can't—"

"Jack." Ennis growled. "Shut up."

"I'm freezing. I'm freezing my balls off. I am gonna die, right here. My headstone better say I was a good father, because I'm gonna die watching that boy. Yessiree, he better be damn grateful—"

"_Jack_. Just shut the hell up. Everyone's freezing. No one else is complaining like some kinda little girl. Not even the little girls. So shut up."

Jack huffed indignantly, still muttering a little under his breath. Ennis leaned in close, mumbled low so no one could hear but Jack. "I'll warm ya up when we get home. So you best not freeze those balls off just yet."

Jack's eyes bugged out and he grinned. He even had the nerve to wink at Ennis. Ennis rolled his eyes and settled back into his seat, both of them considerably warmer. They were huddled as close together as they could get without looking suspicious. Ennis envied the husband-and-wife groups dotting the "parent section" they were sitting in. Couples huddled under blankets, wrapped up in each other's arms for the added warmth. Jack and Ennis couldn't do that. Not if they wanted to live.

Ennis saw Junior all cuddled up to Troy. Was that boy's hand…it was! It was under Junior's shirt! Ennis was about to leap over there when he saw Junior frown and push Troy's hand away, muttering something into his ear. His eyes flashed angry for just a split second. He kept his arms around her, but on the outside of her clothes.

"What?" Jack asked, following his eyes. "Ennis, they're just sitting."

"He had his hand _up her shirt_!"

"He what?" Jack narrowed his eyes. "Who does he think he is? She push him away?"

"Yeah."

"I got a bad feeling 'bout that kid."

"I had a bad feeling from the start. Nobody listens to me, huh? Now look what's happening."

Jack rolled his eyes. "If everyone listened to you every time you went on one of your paranoid rants, we'd never leave the house."

"Maybe I never want us to leave the house," Ennis growled into Jack's ear.

"Damn, what's got into you?" Jack asked, grinning wide. "All full a fire tonight or something."

"Just so damn cold," Ennis griped. "Makes me want to get warm. _Real_ warm." He tipped his head so he was breathing on Jack's neck.

"Ennis…" Jack groaned. It was a good thing he had a big coat on, or the lady walking up the stands just then sure would've caught herself an eyeful. Ennis pulled away a little. Jack moved his arm back and forth a little so that their shoulders rubbed against each other. Ennis smirked and stretched his legs a little, letting their thighs brush for just a second. Jack twisted his hands in his lap, wanting so bad to touch Ennis. It was a little game they played sometimes at the games, seeing how much they could touch each other without being conspicuous.

Three rows up, Kurt McGowan saw the whole thing. He'd noticed the two men during half time, muttering out of the sides of their mouths at each other, never letting their eyes linger. He knew the one with the black hair had to be Bobby's dad—no way they weren't at least related—so he assumed the other was his uncle. Bobby'd mentioned both men, in offhand ways, when talking about home and the ranch and the rodeo. He knew Bobby's cousin was probably somewhere down in the student section. Kurt didn't know enough people to go down there.

He'd seen the girl—Junior?—once or twice over the last week, in passing. Bobby'd waved huge and embarrassed her one day in the hall, and then another time she'd come home just as Kurt was leaving. She didn't seem to talk much.

But now…was she really Bobby's cousin? The two men he saw—now Bobby's dad stretched and happened to let his hand land on the other guy's back for just a second—didn't look like brothers to Kurt. The blond one leaned in close and mumbled something, an eyebrow raised and a look in his eyes that didn't look like brotherly love to Kurt. And Bobby's dad's eyes widened, and he shifted in his seat a little, said something back.

Kurt was fascinated. He was a people watcher, and these two were by far the most interesting he'd ever seen. If he wasn't mistaken, Bobby's dad was hiding under that coat. But he must be mistaken. Bobby'd said that guy was his uncle. Bobby wouldn't lie about his family, right? _You did_, a little voice chirped at Kurt. _You lied about Roger_. But that was entirely different. Entirely.

----------------------------------------------

"So, where we going now?" Troy asked. The clock had just run down and they'd won 40-0. Junior had felt bad for the other team. That was how her old school had often fared in sports, so it was kind of nice to go to a winning school, but she still felt bad for the losers.

"Um…" Junior shrugged. She was freezing. She wanted to go home and snuggle up in her bed. Actually, strangely enough, she had a picture in her head of sitting in the living room, drinking hot chocolate, Ennis and Jack on the couch and Bobby by her in the chair. Maybe they'd let one of the dogs come in the house? Ennis wasn't a big fan of dogs in the house, but Jack had been wearing him down on the cold nights lately. But Troy obviously wanted to hang out more. And part of her did, too.

The fans had crowded onto the field, as they always did after home games. Junior spotted Bobby and waved him over.

"What're you doing now?" She asked.

"I don't know. I think a bunch of us were gonna head to McDonalds. You guys coming?"

Troy opened his mouth to protest, but Junior cut him off. "Yeah, sounds fun. I guess we'll meet you there."

"'Kay." Bobby sounded a little suspicious, looking from between Junior's overly pleasant face to Troy's sullen glare. But then some girls from his math class came over to congratulate him and exclaim over the sweaty state of his hair, so he turned away from Junior and Troy.

As they crossed the field to get to the parking lot, Troy said angrily, "I thought _we_ were gonna hang out tonight. Just us."

"We always hang out just us. It's good to be social sometimes, you know."

"I want to be social with _you_. I don't want to have to share you." It could have been sweet, if he wasn't glaring at her the way he was. Junior just gritted her teeth and kept quiet as a big group of their "friends" came over.

"You guys coming to McDonalds?" Someone asked, and suddenly Troy was the one who'd thought of it, he was on board and ready to hang out. Junior felt completely drained and wanted to sleep for a week, but she couldn't go home now—not after she'd made such a fuss. Troy was sweet and back to normal all the way there, so she relaxed and they had fun again.

Why weren't they like this always? This was why she couldn't tear away from him. He threw a French fry at her, eyes alight and laughing. She feigned indignation and threw one back. They laughed their way through the outing. But then they all headed out to the Peak. The Peak was...well, it was like the Lover's Lane in movies. Only reasons people went to the Peak were to play chicken or to make out. Troy had Junior pressed up against the side of his truck, kissing a line down her neck, when his hand dropped down the waistband of her jeans. She pushed him away, and Bobby saw, from a few cars over, an angry exchange. He'd seen enough; he made some excuse about not feeling good to the girl he'd been playing tonsil hockey with and stepped over to the unhappy couple.

"Hey, Junior, I know you were prob'ly looking to stay out a little more, but I ain't feeling too great. Think you could drive me home?" Bobby asked, putting on his best sick face. Troy frowned.

"Can't nobody else take you?" He asked, annoyed. Junior gave him a look.

"Makes sense for me to take him, so no one else is just stuck out there. And I gotta go home eventually anyway. I'll see you…tomorrow, I guess."

"Fine, whatever," Troy said, glaring at Bobby. Bobby glared right back. He and Troy had never really had a problem in the past, but then Bobby'd never realized what an asshole Troy was until now. Before they left, Troy gave Junior a long, deep kiss, letting his hands drop to her ass. Bobby cleared his throat and gave Troy a threatening look.

"Look, man, you better watch it, okay?" Bobby started.

"Bobby, stop."

"Oh, yeah? What do you care?" Troy taunted. "You barely known her longer 'an me. I prob'ly know her better. You in love with her or something?"

"Troy, knock it off."

"You don't go grabbing a girl right out in the open, you asshole!"

"Oh, I forgot. It ain't _Junior_ you're in love with; it's your new boyfriend Kurt! Ain't that right, Panty Twist? You don't want to see me groping no girl 'cause you like the boys better!"

"Troy!"

"Oh, shut the hell up. You—"

"Bobby, please, let's just go—"

"You just like your daddy, ain't ya, Panty Twist?" People were gathering around, listening in, sensing the potential fight. Junior was between the two boys. Bobby heard a pounding in his ears.

"Yessir, Bobby Twist's daddy is a _queer_. Seen him myself, kissing up on Ennis del Mar. Why you think they been hiding out all them years? Never come into town, never invite people o'er. 'Cause them queers can't keep apart for long enough to be in respectable company. They—"

Bobby didn't remember closing the distance between himself and Troy. He didn't remember pushing Junior aside. He didn't remember pulling his arm back. But he definitely remembered the sweet, satisfying thud of his fist against Troy's face. He remembered the blood running from Troy's nose and the screams of the girls gathered around. He remembered grabbing Junior's arm and pulling her over to his truck. He remembered shaking with anger so bad Junior took his keys and drove home, stalling a few times because she wasn't practiced in driving a stick.

"What's going on?" Ennis asked as they came in the door, rage coming off Bobby in waves, his hand hanging limp at his side, Junior biting her nails anxiously. Bobby didn't answer him, but there was blood on his shirt.

"Bobby, why's there blood on your shirt?" Ennis hollered as Bobby stormed into the kitchen. Unfortunately, Jack was in the kitchen grabbing a beer. He saw Bobby and froze.

"Bobby, what…?"

Bobby washed his hands, grabbed some ice for his bruised knuckles. He still hadn't said a word, but his breathing was ragged now and Jack couldn't tell if it was anger or if Bobby was crying. Ennis came in, Junior meekly following.

"Somebody better tell me what the hell is going on!" Ennis thundered.

"Troy…" Junior started. "He…"

"Troy grabbed himself a handful," Bobby spat. "Right there in front of everyone." Ennis's eyes widened. Jack shot a glance at Junior, but looked back to Bobby.

"So you punched him?" Jack asked, somehow pretty calm considering his son had a splatter of blood across his shirt. Bobby was battling with something in his head. He knew he should tell them that Troy had told everyone up at the Peak what he'd seen. He knew, and yet he hated to say the words, to see the looks on their faces. Junior gave him a look, knew what he was thinking but knowing they had to tell.

"Not quite," Junior said quietly. "Troy was saying some things. Bobby kept it pretty calm, but then…" She hesitated, clenched her jaw, and stared at the kitchen tile. "Troy was yelling 'bout…'bout what he saw."

"What he s…" Jack stopped. His whole self just seized up. _What he saw_. He saw them. And now all those kids knew. Ennis made some sort of sound in the back of his throat, eyes wide with fear.

"How many people were there?" He managed.

"Lot of people were already gone…" Bobby hesitated. "But I'd say 'bout fifteen or so." He kept his eyes down, couldn't look at that fear and horror on Ennis's face anymore. All his fault. If he'd just ignored Troy, they wouldn't in this mess.

"Oh." Jack said. He left his beer on the counter and went upstairs, not saying another word. Ennis stared after him, completely lost. Junior was crying a little and Bobby was fighting it. Shouldn't he have some words of wisdom or something? He was the parent here. Make things better. But all he could do was stand and stare at the blood staining Bobby's shirt.


	17. Chapter 16

"Jack?" Ennis asked quietly. Jack was nestled under the comforter, lying on his side with his eyes wide open. He didn't answer Ennis. "Jack?"

"What." It wasn't a question. Jack kept his back to Ennis.

"What are we going to do?" Ennis sat on his side of the bed, kicking off his boots. He sounded like a scared little boy and he knew it.

"I was planning on sleeping right now, to be honest." Jack sounded strange, his voice flat and controlled, showing no emotion.

"How you can sleep?" Ennis asked incredulously. His stomach was in knots and he thought he might never sleep again. He'd checked every lock in the house three times and had considered making Junior move to the guest bedroom upstairs.

"I close my eyes and count sheep."

"Jack."

"Ennis, if I'm sleeping I don't have to see you pack up your shit and leave."

Ennis stared at Jack for a minute. "What?"

"I know you, Ennis." Jack finally rolled over to face him. "I know you're okay with us long as nobody knows. Well, folks know now, Ennis. You ain't gonna stick around now."

Ennis didn't know what to say. He was hurt that Jack thought he would leave him. But he didn't know how to respond, so he avoided the accusation. He got up, couldn't sit anymore, had to pace.

"We just gotta lay low." He said.

"Lower'an we're already laying?" Jack asked, incredulous. He got out of the bed, pacing now too, in just his boxers. "Christ, Ennis, what's next? We need to find ourselves some women to sleep around with? Make sure nobody suspects nothing?"

"Well, I do got my eye on that waitress…" Ennis was trying to joke. But Jack didn't want to make light of the situation. He cursed and grabbed his jeans, yanking them on while still muttering.

"Jack, I'm sor—"

"Don't you tell me you're sorry!" Jack whirled around, jabbed a finger right into Ennis's chest. Ennis looked at him helplessly.

"But I _am_ real—"

"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear your 'pologies!"

"Then what the hell do you want to hear!" They were standing nose to nose, angry spit and sparks flying between them. "I don't never know what to say to you! You're always wanting more! First you want me to talk to you, up on Brokeback. Fine, I talk to you. But then we gotta be friends. So fine, I'm your friend. But then you gotta go and make us more'n that, even! And then I think, fine, after Brokeback, it'll all be over. Nope, not with Jack Twist! You want me to come away with you. So I do that! I leave my fucking wife and baby and that's _still_ not enough for you!"

"Oh, all this is my fault, huh? I tied you up and had my way with you up on Brokeback, that's how it went? And then I tied you up again and threw you in my truck to bring you here? What the fuck, Ennis!"

"What the fuck _you_, Jack! We been living together sixteen years and now you think I'm gonna up and leave you? Only reason I ever wanted us to be so careful was so nobody'd ever hurt _you_. So you think I'm gonna sneak out in the middle of the night and leave ya where I can't make sure you're safe?" Ennis sagged, anger deflating and leaving him cold and tired. He stopped pacing, pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and talked around his hands.

"I don't know how to make this right, Jack. I just keep seeing you laying in some ditch somewhere, dead. And Bobby and Junior right with you, and me just standing there…" Ennis broke off, shuddering, voice cracking.

And Jack couldn't handle it—never could. Couldn't handle Ennis's worry, couldn't handle his fear, his pain, his anguish. Couldn't sit there and watch the shivers running through Ennis's body.

"Ennis…" Jack sighed, crossed the room to wrap his arms around that damn man. Couldn't never find it in him to stay mad. Ennis closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Jack's bare shoulder.

"What're we going to do?" He asked again, voice breaking, revealing how truly terrified he was. Jack rubbed up and down Ennis's back, turned his head to kiss Ennis's hair.

"I don't know, cowboy. But I do like the _we_ in that sentence."

-----------------------------------------

Bobby could hear Jack and Ennis fighting. He rolled over and tried to drown out the sound. It wasn't working. He slipped out of the house, planning to head to the stables and snuggle up with Firefly. Junior was on the back porch, wrapped in a heavy sweater. Tears were rolling silently down her cheeks.

"Junior?" Bobby asked softly. She jumped and turned to look at him, swiping at her eyes.

"What?" She asked, her nose all stuffed up from crying.

"You okay?"

"Is that a joke? I ruined your guys's whole life. Everything was fine until I got here and messed everything up. And everything with Troy is so screwed up and I don't know what to do and I _want my mother_." She was all-out sobbing now. Bobby didn't know how to respond. He'd never felt any real longing for his own mother. For a mother in general, yes, sometimes. But for the most part, he counted himself extremely lucky with Jack and Ennis.

_What if one of them died?_ He thought. He shuddered and dropped to the step next to her.

"You didn't screw everything up," he said, resting his elbows on his thighs and his chin in his palm.

"If I hadn't been with Troy, he never would've seen them, and this whole thing wouldn't have happened. And you're saying life's been picture perfect with me here?" She laughed bitterly. "I can hear them fighting, too, you know. Somehow I doubt they've always fought that much."

"Junior, they _always_ fight. It don't always mean anything."

"But these big ones they been having do."

"Yeah, but they ain't your fault. You think they would've kept themselves a secret for the rest of their lives? There were already people in town who suspected some things. This ain't your fault, Junior. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"How?"

"They never woulda stayed put in one town if it weren't for me. They woulda been perfectly happy to drift around, town to town, only they figured that weren't no life for a kid. So they picked a town and decided to stay put. If they'd kept on moving along, no one would know."

"You think they regret having you here with them?" Junior's voice was hard with some kind of anger. "Bobby, anyone can see you're the best thing they got. Their lives revolve around you."

"I know." He whispered. "But I think that's the problem."

"That ain't a problem; that's how it works. That's what they wanted. That's what a parent _is_, Bobby."

"Maybe they shouldn't have had to be my parents. Maybe if I'd been a better kid my mama wouldn't have dumped me on them."

"If you really think that, than you're a complete fucking idiot, Bobby. I don't want to hear you say something like that ever again."

They were quiet, Bobby shamed into silence and Junior thinking hard. He had a mama who didn't want him and she had a daddy who didn't want her. What a pair. _Your daddy does want you_. That voice—her mother—nagged. _You know he does. What a hypocrite you are, telling Bobby not to think like that and then turning around and thinking it yourself._

Junior blinked away any self-pitying tears that might remain and stood up, shivering and pulling her sweater tighter around her. She'd lost weight since coming here. She needed to eat.

"Come on, it's freezing out here," she told Bobby. He stood and they eased into the house. Just before she went down the hall, he grabbed her arm.

"Junior?" He whispered. "It's a good thing you're here. I ain't…well, you're close to a sister as I'll ever have, right? Just wanted you to know that I don't regret you coming here."

Junior felt tears well up in her eyes again. She managed a _thanks, Bobby_ before slipping to her room. She couldn't completely say that she didn't regret living here—it had cost her mother's life to get her here, after all—but she had to admit she didn't regret getting to know this other branch of her family.

-----------------------------------------

Kurt woke up with a tickle of hair against his chest. It took him a minute to remember it was Gretl snuggled in next to him, thumb in her mouth, because she'd had a bad dream last night and couldn't sleep in her own room; not with the monsters in there, after all. She'd asked him twice yesterday when they were going home, and Kurt didn't know how to explain to a three-year-old that this _was_ their home now. It was Saturday morning, so he didn't have to get all the kids up. And Louisa could sleep in longer, with Dad home to cook breakfast.

Kurt tried to go back to sleep, but he could hear commotion in the room across from his that held G and Rolfe. Max was still asleep in the bunk above Kurt's head. He slipped away from Gretl and into their room.

"G was crying in his sleep again," eight-year-old Rolfe said solemnly.

"Wasn't crying," G protested, but Kurt could see that he had been. He gave his eleven-year-old brother a look. G fought the tremble of his bottom lip.

"Rolfey, why don't you go sleep in my bed? You'll have to share with Gretl, but she's out like a light. Just stay quiet so you don't wake up her or Max."

"'Kay." Rolfe grabbed his teddy bear and his blanket and ambled across the hall. Before he left the room, he turned and looked back.

"G-bee, are you okay?" He asked in a small voice. G's lips quivered, but he nodded and gave Rolfe a weak smile. Rolfe nodded once, seriously, and continued on his way.

Kurt sat down on the edge of G's bed, picking at the old quilt that had once been Roger's, then Kurt's, and then Max's before finally being handed down to G. In another year, it would go to Rolfe. Kurt traced the familiar line of the cowboy on his horse, faded now almost into obscurity.

"Same dream as always?" He asked, quiet.

"Yeah."

"Rolfe wake you up in time?"

"No. I saw it all again."

Kurt blew out a breath while G fought shivers that his blanket couldn't fight. "Am I ever gonna forget it?" He asked in a small voice. Kurt sighed.

"Don't think so, G-bee."

"You think even when I'm a grown-up, even when I'm married and I have kids of my own, I'm still gonna wake up in the middle of the night screaming 'cause of it?"

"Hope not."

"Me too." Snappy came in then, whuffing, tail wagging. He rubbed his head against Kurt for just a second before jumping onto the bed and settling in beside G. G pressed his face into Snappy's fur. Kurt rubbed the dog's ears and stood up.

"Whatcha want for breakfast?"

"Can't eat."

"You need to eat, G. How 'bout pancakes?"

"Just nothing with ketchup." G tried to grin, tried to make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't a joke. G couldn't eat ketchup. Not since that night, with Mom and Roger and all that blood.

-----------------------------------------

The mix-and-match people living under the same roof were all gathered in the living room. Jack was sitting on the couch, Bobby next to him, Junior across from them in the comfy chair. Ennis was pacing.

"What should we do?" He asked. No one was sure if he wanted input or if he was talking to himself. Sometimes it was hard to tell with him.

"Ennis, would ya hold still?" Jack asked. Ennis ignored him. "Well, any suggestions?" Jack asked the kids. Junior shrugged. Bobby looked at his feet, focusing on the hole in his sock.

"I don't think…I'm not sure anybody will tell their folks. Might tell other kids, but no parents. Not for a while, anyway."

"Why's that?" Ennis asked, finally stopped his pacing to look at Bobby.

"Well…nobody wants to tell their parents where they heard all this." He was blushing, keeping his eyes trained to the floor. He shot a quick glance at Junior, beet red in the cheeks and staring out the window.

"Where were you?" Jack asked, eyes narrowed. When neither answered, he shook his head. "You was up at the Peak, weren't ya?"

"Yessir."

"Robert Twist!"

"But it's good news, now!" Bobby defended himself. Ennis and Jack were both glaring at him. Junior knew she should've probably jumped to his defense, but she was just glad she was off the hook.

"And who were you passing the time with?" Ennis folded his arms angrily.

"Uh…Karen Marshall."

"Karen Marshall? Ain't she the one who looks like a dog?" Ennis asked no one in particular. Jack couldn't help but laugh at that. He laughed harder at the look on Bobby's face that clearly said that was the one.

"Well, she didn't have a date…and it was dark, anyway…" He shrugged, blushing harder now. Junior giggled. Mistake. Now they remembered that she'd been at the Peak too.

"You and Troy go to the Peak a lot?" Ennis growled. Junior stopped giggling.

"No."

"How many times you been there?"

"Um…" She shot Bobby a look. He shrugged. She didn't help him, he wasn't helping her. "Three or four." She mumbled.

"_Three or four_!" Jack exclaimed. "My Lord, girl, thought your mama taught you all the evils of sex."

"We never had sex!" Junior screeched indignantly. "I do have _morals_, you know. And at least Troy is good looking!" She added, shooting Bobby a glare.

"That's debatable."

"Shut up!"

"Not like all his good looks matter, anyhow. He's an asshole." Bobby said with an angry shake of his head.

"Well…that's true." Junior conceded.

"Okay, look." Jack held up a hand. "We need to figure out what we're gonna do. We don't wanna move. But…we may have to."

To be honest, Junior didn't really care if they moved. She'd only been here a month and a half. But Bobby dropped his eyes to the floor. They were going on seventeen years in this house. His bedroom wall still had his height marks penciled in. The window in the kitchen didn't match the other windows in the house because he'd broken it playing baseball with his dad and Ennis. He didn't want to leave. And what about the horses?

"I'm thinking we could wait it out," Ennis said quietly. Everyone stared at him. Surely he would be the one to demand they leave immediately? But here he was, saying they could stay.

"Huh?" Jack asked.

"Well, no sense lighting outta here if these kids aren't even gonna talk…" Ennis was mumbling. He said some more, but the only word Bobby caught was "…home…"

So, Ennis didn't want to leave either. He had some fear in his eyes, they could all see that, but they weren't leaving. Not right away, anyway. Bobby grinned and stood up, grabbing his boots.

"Where you going?"

"Out to the stable. Don't we gotta do the chores?" He looked from Ennis to his father.

"Yeah, yeah, we do." Jack and Ennis both started grabbing their boots. Ennis also grabbed the rifle.

"What's that for?" Bobby asked, confused.

"Just in case." Ennis said with a shrug and a hard look in his eyes. He turned to Junior. "You lock the back door after us. We'll knock, but don't you open it 'til you know it's us. If someone comes to the door, don't open it if we're not here."

"Ennis, don't you think that's all—"

"Just do it." He left the house, looking around warily, wanting to check out the barn before Jack and Bobby got out there. Jack watched after him for a bit, then sighed.

"Just do what he says," he told the kids. "Don't let him scare ya over it. He just wants to make sure we're all safe."

-----------------------------------------

Monday morning. School. Bobby and Junior were still in the truck, both dreading the day to come. A few kids stared as they walked by. Junior's palms were sweating. She'd cried a little last night. Things were over with Troy, no doubt about that. She wasn't happy about the way he'd treated her and she wasn't happy that he'd told everyone about Jack and Ennis, but she'd still spent the last month thinking about him and spending time with him and kissing him. It wasn't easy to just cut him out of her heart like that.

"Ready?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Guess so."

"Come on." They got out. Junior kept her eyes on the ground, but Bobby didn't. He kept his head up defiantly, teeth gritted, ready for a fight if one should arise. They were almost late, so not many kids were out in the parking lot.

Whispers followed both of them all day. Junior didn't have many friends—really, almost none—so she kept her head down and tried to ignore them. A lot of Bobby's friends suddenly had other places to be. Bobby and Junior sat together at lunch, just the two of them because no one else would sit with them.

Kurt came up with a few minutes left of lunch and dropped to a seat beside Bobby with a sigh.

"Almost blew my head off in the science lab," he said with a laugh. "Coulda sworn Mr. Brown said a _liter_ of—"

"Look, Panty Twist and his boyfriend are sitting together. Ain't that precious." Jimmy Kent sneered as he walked by. Troy was with him. It was the first time Junior'd seen him all day, and it made her stomach flop. He kept his head down and didn't say anything. Kurt stared at them as they moved on.

"So all those whispers I've heard all day are about me?"

"S'pose so. I'm real sorry 'bout that." Bobby said, eyes down.

"Oh well."

"Oh well? People are saying you and me are queer, Kurt."

"Well, if it's not one thing it's another." He said with a shrug.

"Huh?"

"Back home I got teased 'cause I'm tall, 'cause I'm a nerd, 'cause I don't like sports. Better for them to tease me over something that's not true than over my mo—" Kurt cut himself off and cleared his throat. "Um, I don't really care." He said quietly.

Bobby stared at him for a minute, wondering over his slip. It sounded like he was going to say "my mom." Why would someone tease him about his mom?

"So, how'd this rumor get started, anyway?" Kurt asked curiously. Bobby shifted uncomfortably and looked at Junior. She shrugged. This Kurt guy didn't seem to care much about being called a queer. Maybe he wouldn't care about Jack and Ennis.

"Well, Troy started it."

"Why? I thought that was your boyfriend?" He looked at Junior. She bit her lip and looked away.

"Not anymore."

"Oh. That's too bad, I guess. He's kind of a jerk."

"Uh, yeah." _I kinda figured that out, thanks._

"So, what, he was just mad that you two broke up? Is that where all this came from?"

"Not exactly." Bobby took a deep breath. "See, uh, I've grown up here, you know, and it's always just been me and my daddy and Ennis. And we've always told people that Ennis is my uncle and Junior here's my cousin."

"But that's not true."

"No."

"What _is_ true?"

"My daddy and Ennis, ah…well, they're…" What were they? Surely they were more than boyfriend and…boyfriend. They weren't married. It seemed a little stupid to sit here in the middle of the cafeteria and tell Kurt that Jack and Ennis were in love.

"Oh." Kurt blinked a few times. "They're…a _them_?"

"Yeah." That explanation seemed to fit just fine.

"So people think you must be too?"

"Yeah."

"And since we've been spending a lot of time together…" Kurt nodded.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Junior spoke up for the firs time. She couldn't help the incredulous tone she could hear herself use.

"Well…it's not like I'm thrilled that people think I'm gay. But it's not like I'm going to go kill myself over it."

"Is it true?" Junior challenged. Part of her was mortified at the way she was treating this poor boy. _You don't ask someone that!_ Her mother's voice scolded her, like she was five again and asking the woman in front of them at the grocery store why she was so fat. "Sorry," she mumbled, blushing.

"It's okay," Troy said, laughing. "No, I'm not gay. But I had some friends who were, back home. People are people, you know?"

"Right. You're just okay with it because you're a real forward thinker." Junior snorted. Bobby gave her a look.

"What's your problem? You think he must be gay because he's okay with other gay people? What about me, then?"

"That's different. You grew up with it around you."

"Maybe I did too." Kurt shrugged. "My best friend knew he liked boys since we were eight. He was still my best friend."

Junior didn't know what to think now. These people from Oregon sure were strange. Although, Kurt was the first person she'd ever met from out of Wyoming. Maybe she was the strange one.

-----------------------------------------

"How's mom doing?" Kurt's dad asked when he came home from work.

"Gretty said she came out for a little while to give her lunch and then went back to bed." Louisa reported. Mr. McGowan sighed.

"What'd Gretty do all day?"

"Played with her dolls. No real big messes. Snappy kept her out of trouble."

"We gotta find her a day care or something. They have day cares around here?"

"I don't know. I could ask some of the girls at school."

"Thanks, princess." Roy gave his oldest daughter a kiss on the top of her head. The boys got their height from Roy—he was six five with no shoes.

"G, you do your homework?" Kurt asked as G flipped the channel on the TV.

"Yes. Louisa locked me in the bathroom with my backpack and wouldn't let me out for an hour. So I had to."

"You didn't make soap bombs?"

"Well, I did. I didn't have an hour worth of homework." G shrugged and Kurt laughed. Roger had taught them all how to make soap bombs when they were younger. Kurt couldn't wait to show him—

No. Kurt wouldn't get to show him anything. Roger was gone. Kurt felt that claustrophobic feeling rise up in his chest for a minute when he remembered that Roger would never come home again. To battle it, he thought of the periodic table. It took a minute, but he could breathe again.

"_Kurt, I'm gonna take Roger and G to the store real quick, they both need new shoes," Mrs. McGowan called. "Can you make sure everyone does their homework? And keep Gretty out of the bathroom unless she has to go, will you? She keeps dumping the shampoo in the toilet."_

"_Okay."_

_But two hours later, they still weren't home. And dad hadn't come home from work yet, like he should've. Kurt was trying to figure out what to do for dinner when the phone rang._

"_Kurt, Kurt, we're at the hospital…" His father was frantic, babbling, Kurt could hardly understand. Kurt caught a few words, "accident" and "doctor" and the like, but he didn't really know what his father was saying until he realized his father was crying._

"_Dad, what…?" His voice wobbled._

"_G and your mom are okay, scraped up, G's arm is broken and your mom has a slight concussion, but Roger…" Roy sobbed._

"_Dad, what's wrong with Roger?" Kurt's voice had risen a few octaves and Louisa was suddenly next to him, eyes wide. Max looked up from his homework._

"_Roger's dead."_


	18. Chapter 17

They needed groceries. They'd put it off for as long as they could, but they'd been out of milk for three days and bread for two. Now they were out of toilet paper and that was where the family (more specifically, Junior) drew the line. Bobby offered to go to the store on his way home from practice, but Ennis told him to come straight home. Ennis sighed, just a little, resigned to head into town. He was almost out the door when Jack grabbed his hat, too.

"Where you going?" Ennis asked.

"Coming with you."

"No way, Jack. You crazy? If anybody was doubting the rumors, they'd know for sure."

"Ennis, you're so paranoid right now you'll punch anyone who so much as looks at you funny. I ain't letting you lay out half the town."

"No, Jack!" Ennis grabbed Jack's black hat, a new one that he'd bought him for his birthday a few years before, and set it back on the peg. Jack picked it back up, that stubborn fire lighting up in his eyes now.

"Ennis, I'm coming with you and I don't give a fuck what you say."

"Jack, you want to get us killed!"

"I don't think we're gonna get murdered in the middle of the grocery store, Ennis! Goddamn!"

"Fine, but don't expect to be tagging along behind me in every aisle." Ennis stormed out without waiting for Jack. Jack cursed a few times under his breath, grabbing his head and storming off right behind Ennis. Junior and Bobby hardly looked up from their homework.

"Uh, Junior?" Bobby asked sheepishly. "Can you…can you tell me what this word is? I been working on it for almost five minutes and I tried sounding it out but I just can't get it…" He shrugged, embarrassed.

"Bobby, ain't nothing to be embarrassed about." She pulled the book closer to her. "Mag…" she squinted. "…Magnesium."

"Magnesium. Alright."

"What're you reading?"

"Some book Kurt said I oughta read. Help me with my science." Bobby shut the book with a sigh. "It's pretty hard. He was supposed to come over to help me with some of this shit, but he can't."

"Why not? Not as okay with the queers as he said he was?" Junior didn't know why she was so hostile to Kurt. She just had trouble trusting him. Bobby frowned at her.

"First off, quit calling 'em the queers, would ya? Jesus." He shook his head. "And second, lay off Kurt. Don't know what you got against him. He came over yesterday, 'member? He didn't have no problem with my daddy or Ennis. Prob'ly he's just busy with some unpacking and stuff."

Junior couldn't think of an answer, so she just grunted and went back to her work. Bobby stared at her for a minute. She could be so much like Ennis sometimes. He remembered some teacher somewhere along the line harping on about nature vs. nurture. She had so many of Ennis's characteristics, even without having Ennis around all her life to pick up on them. But Bobby _had_ had Ennis around all his life, and he'd picked up those little habits too. So which one was it—nature or nurture?

-----------------------------------------------

Ennis kept looking around warily, trying to guess if the lady in the other aisle knew and if she was hiding a tire iron behind her box of diapers. He figured probably not, but it _was_ a big box.

"Ennis, calm down," Jack hissed. "Making me nervous, looking 'round like that."

"You _should_ be nervous." Ennis muttered.

"Ennis, nobody's given us cause to be nervous."

"Yet."

Jack just rolled his eyes at Ennis, exasperated, couldn't think of anything to say in response. They were just about finished with the shopping, and no one had given them any trouble. Of course, there wasn't a real extravagance of shoppers at Al's Market at nine thirty on a Tuesday night, but Jack felt the four other people in the store had paid them no mind.

Ennis, on the other hand, was over analyzing things, as he was notorious for. Had wizened old Al's sleepy blinks been more curious today? Was it just him, or had the bell chimed rather half-heartedly at them?

They were getting ready to pay, Ennis fidgeting and looking every which way, Jack calmly (albeit loudly) asking Al how the grandkids were. The bell chimed. Ennis looked suspiciously to the door. Jack glanced casually at the door. Al couldn't hear the bell over Jack's chattering. Both Jack and Ennis sucked in breaths between their teeth.

James Kent had just walked in. He was staring at the men like they were aliens. Jack knew, from the look on Kent's face, that he knew. Ennis hadn't breathed in hours, it seemed. Jack felt his stomach clenching up. He didn't care about what that bastard though of him—but Ennis did. And Jack didn't want Ennis to get into anything.

"Ennis," he said, low and as soothing as he could make it while he felt like his throat was coated with sand paper. "Ennis."

"Hush up, Jack."

"Ennis, don't."

"Shopping together, huh?" Kent sneered.

"Look here, mister—" Ennis was ready to fight—no warm up required, no hesitation.

"Ennis, just stop." Jack said quietly.

"Wifey wants to get on home, huh?" Kent was looking at Jack now. Jack felt his jaw tense—he wasn't _nobody's_ wife, that was for damn sure—but he took a few deep breaths.

"We ain't here to give anybody no trouble." He started, one palm up.

"You been trouble since you first got to this town."

"Something wrong?" Al wheezed. Nobody paid him any attention.

"You got anything to say to me or to Jack, you go ahead and say it," Ennis growled.

"Ennis, quit."

"Jack, you just shut up and let me handle this."  
"Like hell I will," Jack snorted.

"Lover's quarrel?" Kent asked, feigning innocence.

"You don't know nothing about us," Ennis rumbled.

"Know enough. Know what Tom's boy saw with his own eyes."  
"Gentlemen, if you've got some kind of business—" Al tried to break in again.

"That boy oughta keep his mouth shut."

"Ennis, we're leaving." Jack didn't wait for Ennis to shush him again; he grabbed that damn arm and yanked roughly. He knew Ennis would want to clock him for it, and right now he just might be mad enough to do it, but Jack only felt a pressing urgency to _get out of there_.

"You stay outta here, fucking queers!" Kent spat after them. Ennis tried to pull away from Jack, go back in there and take care of Kent, but Jack shook his head, cursing under his breath, and kept his hold on Ennis.

"Jack fucking Twist!"

"Ennis, I ain't getting into it with you right here on the street," Jack muttered angrily as a few people looked over at the commotion.

"Why you gotta make me look like a fool, huh?" Ennis either didn't notice or didn't care about the people staring at them now.

"Christ, Ennis! I ain't gonna stand there and watch you get your face busted in! I'm in no fucking mood to jump in and get my _own_ face busted, neither, and a brawl in the middle of Al's store is a helluva lot more trouble than we need right now, friend."

"He can't talk 'bout us that way."

"Ennis, get in the truck."

"Shoulda let me teach him a lesson."

"Get in."

"I ain't no fucking queer."

And Jack lost control. Later, he would regret the words—or rather, the volume at which he screamed them. He just couldn't handle the disgust in Ennis's voice, those awful words, the anger and shame burning in Ennis's eyes.

"You're no fucking queer, huh! Last night we was just too drunk to know what we were doing? And the night before? And most every night for the last fucking sixteen years, that's just convenient living 'rangements, ain't it? We share a bed 'cause it's warmer that way, that it, Ennis? What about when you're moaning and hollering my name and—"

Ennis punched Jack, just like all those years ago on Brokeback. And then he drove off without Jack. Just like all those years ago on Brokeback.

-----------------------------------------------

Jack sat on his butt in the dust, swearing fit to make a sailor blush. He ignored the scandalized looks the two old biddies on a bench a few feet away were throwing him. He finally got to his feet, spat in the dirt. No blood in his spit; good sign. His cheekbone was already throbbing, though. Damn, but that man could land a punch.

Jack glared at a few people still gawking at him, grabbed his hat and dusted it off with as much dignity as he could work up, and then got to walking. He knew he wouldn't have to walk all the way home; Ennis would be back, still angry and sullen but contrite all the same.

Sure enough, Jack hadn't been walking even twenty minutes before Ennis pulled over. He didn't even toss a glance Jack's way, his jaw set and tight, but he was there and Jack knew what it meant.

Jack didn't break the silence in the truck, and when they got home, he didn't wait for Ennis to speak. He went into the house, ignoring the startled looks his bruised face elicited from Bobby and Junior. He was already up the stairs when he heard Ennis slam the door. Bobby's anxious tone flitted up the stairs, but Jack couldn't make out the words. He felt more than heard the low rumble of Ennis's voice. And then Ennis's heavy footsteps were coming up the stairs. Jack went in the bathroom. And locked the door. Ennis tried to open the door, confused when it was locked. They didn't lock their bathroom door. Ever.

"Jack!" He pounded on the door. He got no answer except the sound of the shower turning on. "Jack!"

Nothing.

"Shit."

He sat on the bed, smoking, waiting for Jack to come out. Had he honestly punched Jack? Over the years, there'd been some big fights, but never—_never_—had either of them resorted to physical violence. But Ennis just had. He put his head in his hands. Oh, God.

_Jack shouldn't have stopped me from beating on James Kent_, Ennis thought stubbornly.

_Oh, shut up, you bastard. You know James Kent woulda kicked your ass into next week._

_Well, Jack shouldn't have screamed 'bout us being…that way…in front of the whole street._

_Well, you shouldn't have punched him, either._

_But now all them folks know 'bout us._

_Prob'ly already knew, anyhow._

_I ain't no queer._

_Oh, really?_

Ennis flopped backwards onto the bed with a groan, brain spinning in circles and going nowhere. Usually when that happened Jack listened to all his different thoughts, even when they conflicted each other. Now Jack was pissed and rightly so. The shower finally stopped but Jack still didn't come out.

"Jack?" Ennis asked softly, knocking gently this time. He still got no answer.

"Jaaack." He rested his head against the door. "I'm…I'm real sorry, darlin. I know it don't make up for it, but…well, I'm sorry and I sure wish I could take that punch back."

"I ain't your wife, Ennis." Jack's voice was muffled.

"Uh…" Ennis knew that—was glad, truth be told. He didn't see how this statement fit into his apology, but he didn't know what to say, either. "Know that."

"You shushing me at the store, now here you coming up to apologize all sweet like it'll make it all better…I ain't a fucking woman, Ennis, and I'm really getting sick of being your bitch."

"Jack, what the hell?" Ennis asked, perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"Who does most the cooking, Ennis? Who does our fucking laundry? I can't fucking stand the way you always screw something up and then come on up and apologize for it."

"You don't want me 'pologizing when I fuck up?" Ennis had no idea what was going on. Maybe he was just too damn stupid to understand, but he was completely lost. Jack made a disgusted sound and yanked the door open, standing there in his boxers, hair all messy and wet. Ennis bit his lip. Now was probably not the time to grab Jack and take him, right there on the bathroom floor.

"Me and Lureen?" Jack started. "Even if she was the one who done something wrong, it was always _me_ doing the apologizing, 'cause I'm the man and she's the woman and that's how it goes, right? Well, whenever we're fighting, Ennis, _you_ always end up being the sorry one and I'm the pissy bitch."

"Jack, that's 'cause I'm a stupid fuck-up and I'm always the one who done wrong. I ain't apologizing just…just to get to the make-up sex or something; I'm apologizing 'cause I done ya wrong and I hate thinking that."

"Fucking Christ, Ennis! I told the whole damn town that we're together and now here you are, trying to make up!"

"I fucking _punched_ you, Jack! You got the proof right there on your face!"

"Well, maybe I need a good sucker punch every once in a while, huh?"

"What the hell!" Ennis bellowed. He honestly had _no_ idea what was going on. Jack was mad at him for apologizing? Jack wanted him to punch him? Ennis put a hand over his eyes. "Jack, I gotta be honest with you. I have no fucking clue what we're fighting 'bout right now."  
"See, that's what I want."

"What!"

"If I was a woman you'd never admit that to me."

"If you was a woman I don't think we'd be having this problem," Ennis pointed out. Jack sat on the bed. Ennis cautiously sat next to him.

"Really am sorry 'bout punching you, darlin. Don't care if you wanted it or not; I hate myself for hurting you."

"Well, I'm hating myself for telling the whole fucking town 'bout us."

"So you ain't mad at me?"

"Course I am." Jack admitted. He shot a glance at Ennis. "You mad at me?"

"Sure 'nough."

They sat for a minute. Jack wondered if they were done arguing. He was mad at Ennis, sure, but he was too tired to argue. Ennis shot a glance at him.

"You think I'm queer." Shit. There was that.

"Aw, Ennis…"

"You do."

"Well, sorry, cowboy, but I'm of the general opinion that you sleeping with me makes you queer." Jack looked at him. He didn't seem to be getting mad. His whole body seemed to droop.

"I don't even know anymore, Jack." He said it quiet, like admitting it was some kind of defeat. Jack moved closer and slid his arms around Ennis's hunched form.

"Look at the bright sight. You figuring out you're queer…'least you ain't got to move out."

-----------------------------------------------

"Hey, Dad, I'm gonna head over to Bobby's, alright?"

"You boys studying again?"

Kurt shrugged. "Might end up working. But probably not. We might do some science out in his barn—big open space…" Kurt flashed his mad scientist grin. Roy shook his head, let out a weak chuckle.

"Please don't blow anything up. I'm sure Bobby's parents wouldn't appreciate that too much."

Kurt bit his lip, tipped his head at his father. He hadn't told Roy about Jack and Ennis. He doubted he'd heard about it in town or if he had, he probably hadn't realized that was Bobby's family. He didn't know if it would make any difference, but he wanted to see what his father's reaction would be.

"Bobby's mom lives in Texas." He announced. Roy squinted at him.

"Really? Why?"

"Well, her and Jack are divorced. And she sent Bobby off with Jack and Ennis."

"Wait, Ennis is Jack's uncle?"

"No."

"He's not? Isn't that what you told me?" He wasn't angry, just confused.

"Um…that's what they tell people. They're actually not brothers, or just business partners, they're, uh…they're partner partners."

"Partner partners? What, are they square dancers or something?"

"Daaad." Kurt rolled his eyes. He could tell from the look on Roy's face that he understood what Kurt meant.

"So they've been pretending to be brothers all this time? And raising two kids?"

"Just one," Kurt corrected. "Junior didn't come to live with them until the end of the summer. Her mom died."

Roy's face got grave at the _d_ word. He hated that word. It always brought back the ringing telephone, the policeman's uncomfortable, regretful voice, the twisted car, all that blood…his baby boy…

Roy squeezed his eyes shut for a minute, collecting himself. Kurt shifted a little, already regretting the whole conversation. Everything always connected back to Roger.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"Oh, nothing to be sorry about, son. Go on over to your friend's house." Roy had his mask back on. The face that said everything was fine and completely under control. The face that said he hadn't lost his first-born. The face that said the sound of G's whimpers at night didn't haunt him one bit. The face that said he didn't know anything about those whispers back home, those whispers about _poor Mary Ellen just went crazy from grief, doesn't even leave her bed most days_.

The face that said their lives weren't falling apart.

-----------------------------------------------

Kurt remembered the first time he'd heard the gossip. It was about two and a half months after The Accident. He knew something wasn't right with his mother. She usually never stayed in bed past six o'clock, even as a stay at home mom. Since she got home from the hospital, it was a struggle for her to be out of bed before noon. He knew she was sad. So was he. So were all of them. But he still had to go to school. His father still had to work. Hell, G still had to live with the sight of it all. At least Mary Ellen had been knocked unconscious and hadn't had to see it. G had those images emblazoned in his mind.

_Kurt was in the library two blocks from his house, not studying but staring at a fly stuck in a spider web up in the corner. He didn't know why the librarians felt the need to gossip—weren't they always shushing people?_

"_Did you hear about that Mary Ellen McGowan?" Librarian One asked._

"_The one who was in that wreck? Didn't her son die?"_

"_Yeah, that one. The one with all those kids. Heard she's crazy now." One divulged._

"_Seriously?" Two asked curiously._

"_She's been to all kinds of doctors. Something's not right in her brain anymore. They're telling her husband to put her in one of those special hospitals."_

"_Is he going to?"_

"_No. He keeps saying she's okay. He takes her to the doctor but when the doctor tells him she's crazy, he tells the doctor he's wrong. I mean, it's like, why go to the doctor if you're not going to listen to him?"_

"_Well, that's not easy to hear."_

"_No, it's really so sad."_

"_Sure is."_

_There was a pause._

"_What kind of crazy stuff does she do?" Two asked, a little chuckle hidden under her words._

"_Oh, I heard she talks to the kid. Goes in his room and lies in his bed and pretends he's there. And she pretty much ignores the other ones. She's all depressed and crazy."_

"_Wow."_

"_Yeah. And she broke a few windows at their house."_

"_Why?"_

"'_Cause she said her husband was hiding her son from her. She got all mad and broke the windows. Had to get her hands all taped up 'cause they were cut."_

_Kurt had heard enough of the third-person account of things he'd witnessed first hand. Maybe they didn't mean any hurt by it, but Kurt had a big ball of anger sitting in his stomach. He grabbed the books he hadn't opened and started to walk out. Just before he got to the door, he went back to his little workstation._

_He plucked the fly out of the spider web. It didn't matter. It was already dead._


	19. Chapter 18

Ennis woke before Jack the next morning. He stared at the man next to him for a spell, hating himself as he took in the angry bruise on Jack's cheek. He stroked Jack's face, feather light, not wanting to wake him.

Did Jack really think Ennis thought of him as a wife? He'd had a wife; it was quite obvious how _that_ had turned out.

Did Ennis treat Jack as a wife? That was the more troubling question. Jack did most of the cooking, yes. And the cleaning, come to think of it. And there were those times when Bobby was just a baby, when Ennis would go out to work with the stock while Jack stayed at the house with Bobby. Now Ennis felt guilty. God, no wonder Jack thought Ennis treated him like a wife—he _did_.

Jack stirred, his lashes fluttering a few times before revealing those eyes. He smiled at the feel of Ennis's hand on his face. Ennis brought his fingers to the purple splotch across Jack's cheekbone. Jack winced a little.

"I'm sorry, darlin." Ennis whispered. He leaned down and kissed the bruise.

"I told you, Ennis, I deserved it."

"Still shouldn'ta done it. And I wasn't only talking 'bout that."

"What else you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry…" Ennis sighed. "I'm sorry I been treating you like a wife or something."

"Ennis—"

"I know you ain't my wife."

"Okay, Ennis. It's alright."

"Show me." Ennis had that look in his eyes, the look that drove Jack wild, the look that made his whole body go hot.

"Show you it's alright?" He asked, hands straying beneath the covers. Ennis pulled his hands back up, pulled Jack on top of him. Between kisses, he said huskily,

"Show me you ain't my wife."

----------------------------------------------------

Ennis could tell Junior had something she wanted to tell him. She was hanging around, hemming and hawing, sizing up his mood. Bobby'd done this enough times over the years that Ennis could recognize it. Finally, she shifted and looked at him.

"Uh…I was wondering…"

"Hmm?"

"Well, see, it's Lucy's birthday next weekend…I was just wondering if, uh, if I could send her a package or something."

"Course you can." He said, confused as to why this was a big deal. He shot a glance at Jack, who was waiting for Junior to continue.

"Not too…expensive?" She picked at a piece of skin on her thumb. Again, Ennis looked to Jack. It hardly cost anything to send a package to Riverton, unless it was extremely heavy. Just what was she sending her cousin?

"Don't you worry none about money," Jack said gently. "We ain't hurting, Junior. Just send her whatever you want to send her."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay…" Her voice dropped, the same way her father's did. "Thank you." She went to her room.

"It's her cousin's birthday next weekend?" Ennis thought for a minute. "That's right. I knew that. Maybe."

"Seems pretty close with that cousin of hers." Jack commented, going into the kitchen. Ennis followed him, ready to help make dinner. He'd done the dishes after breakfast and had made lunch on his own. He wanted Jack to know he wasn't the maid and he wasn't the wife.

"You know…" Ennis paused, bit his lip. "Sure it would mean a lot if she could give her cousin the present in person."

"Sure it would. For both of 'em." Jack looked at him, smiling. "You gonna let her?"

Ennis shrugged. "Dunno…I mean, you think she'd like it?"

"Ennis, you know it's a good idea. You don't need to go fishing to get me to agree with you." Jack bumped him with his shoulder.

"But I like hearing you tell me it's a good idea," Ennis said with a grin. Jack pushed up against Ennis.

"It's a good idea." He whispered. Then he pulled away with a wink. "Best be getting to dinner. Bobby'll be home in 'bout an hour. Who knows what he'll do if we don't have the food ready and waiting. Might attack the dogs."

Ennis shook his head at Jack. "Tease." He muttered. That set Jack to laughing, and Ennis couldn't ever hold back a smile when Jack was laughing.

----------------------------------------------------

Practice wasn't going so well for Bobby these days. He got tackled harder than usual, harder than necessary, and sometimes when he was on the bottom of a pile, he felt cleats in his back. He got "accidentally" spit on a few times, but not too many because he wasn't above spitting back, and no one could launch a spit rocket like Bobby Twist. Whenever he took off his helmet, it mysteriously rolled several feet away, usually landing in a patch of mud or some other brown gook.

The worst was when practice was over, though. No one would change or shower around him. His teammates had all moved their gear to lockers as far away from him as possible. When he stepped into the shower, everyone else left. And then when he got out, his clothes would be in a wet pile on the floor. Most times it was just water. But it'd been piss more than once. His fuse was growing shorter daily.

"Twist likes being under a heap of guys," someone hissed as he was laid out under four defensemen. If he'd had air in his lungs, he might've responded, but as it was, he could only shove guys off him and try to gasp in some breaths.

"Twist, what's wrong with you?" Coach yelled. "The point is to get into the end zone. When those big guys come after you, you're s'posed to run, boy."

"Yessir." Bobby said darkly. He _was_ running, but even the offense was trying to bring him down. The coach could see it, and Bobby'd heard him bark out a laugh before he told them to get back to their jobs.

Once again on the bottom of the pile, Bobby received a sharp kick in the back. He didn't know who it was until he heard the voice in his ear.

"Like it rough, don't ya, Panty Twist? Huh? That how your daddy like it? He and his queer man poke at each other 'til they scream, huh? You get hard hearing it?"

And Bobby had had enough. He'd endured almost a full week of this torment without fighting back. He'd listened to Jimmy Kent stir up the other guys against him, he'd been shunned and spit on and pissed on and he'd been physically hurt. And now he was sick of it. Bobby was pretty easy going most times, but he was done with this. When he got up, he punched Jimmy Kent with every ounce of anger and hatred he possessed. And then he punched him again, harder this time. And then again.

"Twist, what the hell!" Coach was yelling and pulling Bobby off. Other guys were yelling. Kent was bellowing, trying to get at Bobby, but he was bleeding and one eye was damn near swollen shut. Bobby watched the whole thing as if it were a movie. Soon he was in the locker room, coach screaming at him, spit flying, and he had the crazy feeling that he wanted to change the channel.

"I can't have you on my football team!"

The main character had just been kicked off the football team. He gathered his things in slow motion, watched as his coach took his lock and his uniform and his helmet. He walked slowly out to his truck.

And then all in a rush it wasn't a movie or a TV show anymore. It was Bobby's life again and he sat on the tailgate of his truck for a minute, trying to figure out what to do now. There was still another half hour of practice. He was witnessing football practice on the other side of the fence for the first time in his life. He got in the truck and sat there for a minute, remembering his first football game.

_Bobby was just a freshman. He was strong from hard work, but he was still pretty scrawny compared to the other team's three hundred pound linemen. He had grand visions of interceptions, touchdown runs that would get him on the radio. Instead he got tackled so hard he saw stars and he was sure he'd left an indent in the grass. He played a grand total of three plays. He was pretty down when he made his way out of the locker room to meet his father and Ennis out in the parking lot._

_"Here he is!" Jack called out to the empty parking lot. "The greatest freshman wide receiver in the history of the world!"_

_"I didn't hardly play." Bobby said bitterly._

_"Played more'an I ever did." Ennis told him._

"Same here." Jack threw an arm around him. "Anyway, you're just a freshman, son. Your time'll come. You'll be a senior 'fore you know it, playing the whole game, running for touchdowns, girls screaming your name, be on the radio every Friday night. You just keep playing, Bobby boy, and your day'll come."

Well, here he was, a senior. So far he'd played every game. His high school career touchdown total was twenty-seven. He'd been on the fast track to breaking the school record. He'd been in the newspaper seven times and on the radio twice, but he'd been mentioned consistently since July, when they started up talking about high school ball.

And now he was in the parking lot, shoulder pads in the back of his truck that he'd never use again and his ratty old good luck cleats that he had no use for anymore.

"You're home early," Jack said as Bobby walked in. "Practice get out early?"

"Did for me."

"What do you mean?"

"They don't let guys practice if they ain't on the team."

The scene could have been funny. Jack's mouth was hanging open about three feet and Ennis dropped a fork. It could have been funny if Bobby felt like he would ever laugh again.

"What?"

"I ain't on the team anymore. What's for dinner?"

"Bobby, what the hell do you mean, you ain't on the team anymore?"

"Coach took my uniform, took my lock, told me to get on out. What's for dinner?"

"Why'd he kick you off?"

"What's for dinner?"

"Robert!" Jack came out of the kitchen, finally. "What the hell happened?"

"I punched Jimmy Kent three times during practice, so Coach kicked me off." Bobby shrugged and went into the kitchen. He knew Jack and Ennis were giving each other looks over his head. He didn't care.

"Why'd you do that?" Ennis asked carefully. He knew why, or at least had an idea.

"Because he stole my girlfriend." Bobby rolled his eyes. "Why do you think?"

"What'd he say?"

"He was just being an asshole. So I took care of it."

"This is the second asshole you've taken care of in the last week, Bobby." Ennis had a crease between his eyes and Jack was biting his lip the way he did when he was trying not to curse.

"Reckon I'm doing the world a favor."

"I'll talk to that coach," Jack said confidently. "He must know Jimmy Kent deserved it—"

"I don't think you talking to the coach would help anything. Prob'ly make everything worse, actually, so how about you just leave it alone?" Bobby wasn't hungry anymore. He stomped up the stairs to his room and flopped onto his bed. He could feel tears threatening back there. He blinked and took a long, slow breath. He wasn't going to cry. Not because of those bastards.

"Bobby?" It was Ennis. At least that meant he wouldn't have to talk.

"What?"

"You alright?"

"Not really."

"Anything we can do?"

"Nope."

"Well. Food in the kitchen, case you get hungry later."

"'Kay."

"Want to go for a ride?"

"No."

"Sure?"

"Can you just leave me alone for a while? Please? I'm sorry you won't get to see me play football and I'm sorry I let you down but can we talk about it later?"

"Let me down?" Ennis came in and sat on Bobby's bed. "I'm pretty damn proud of you. I know those boys prob'ly been bugging you all this time. You kept it under control for a week. And then when you got to the end of your rope, you stood up for your family and you knocked the tar outta that boy. Damn proud." Ennis nodded once. He laid a hand on Bobby's head and just let it rest there for a minute. Then he was gone.

And Bobby cried.

----------------------------------------------------

"Bobby, just because you're not playing football anymore is no reason to give up on your schoolwork." Kurt scolded. Bobby gave him a dirty look and glanced down to his book with a sigh.

"I hate reading." He muttered. "Hate school and hate damn Jimmy Kent."

"Yeah, well, get over it." Kurt said sharply. Bobby shot him a look. Kurt didn't raise his voice, didn't snap, hardly got angry.

"You okay?" Bobby asked.

"I'm fine. Read me a paragraph."

"Kurt, what's wrong? You been acting funny all day."

"Nothing, Bobby! God, what is this, twenty questions? You ask if I'm okay and I say I'm fine, but you ignore me and keep asking questions!"

"Well maybe because you're lying to me." Somehow, Bobby was calm. He wasn't getting angry or upset. Kurt was doing enough of that for both of them, he reckoned. And then, suddenly, the storm was over and Kurt dropped his head.

"Sorry." He muttered. "I'm just…tired. I didn't really sleep last night."

"S'okay. You want to call it a day?"

"No way. You ain't getting outta reading, Bobby Twist."

"Damn."

Bobby read the paragraph; he was slow and halting, but he read the whole thing without giving up. It helped that even when he tripped over some of the easier words Kurt didn't laugh. He sighed and stretched after he finished. His back popped and just like that, an idea hit him.

"Hey, your family should come over for dinner at my house sometime."

"Huh?" Kurt had a deer-in-headlights look.

"Yeah! How 'bout Sunday night? Come over 'bout…five thirty or so, we'll eat and then I betcha some of the younger kids'd like to go riding or something."

"The whole family?" Kurt asked, sounding a bit panicked.

"Yeah, unless only half your family eats." Bobby said with a small laugh.

"Um…"

"Come on, Kurt, I know my daddy wants to meet your folks. And it'd be a night off for your mama, poor lady won't have to cook for a night."

_Poor lady doesn't cook any night,_ Kurt thought.

"Um…well…" He didn't know what to do. He hadn't told Bobby about his mother. He didn't know how to get out of it. "I'll talk to my dad," he finally said.

"Great! I gotta go if I'm gonna make it home to help with the evening chores. I'll see ya at school tomorrow."

"Bye." Kurt said faintly.

"What are you gonna do?" Louisa asked from around the corner.

"Shit!" Kurt cursed before he could stop himself. "Louisa, why're you always eavesdropping? It's creepy."

"I wasn't eavesdropping, I just overheard." She said defensively.

"If you overheard on purpose it's called eavesdropping." Kurt pointed out. "And I don't know what I'm gonna do. We can't really have Mom over there for dinner…" He shrugged. Louisa looked down.

"Do you think Mom's ever going to get better?" She asked. "I've asked Dad and he just says there's nothing wrong with her." She sounded scared and young, much younger than fourteen. Kurt pulled her into a hug even though he wouldn't usually do so.

"I don't know, Leesie. I hope so."

"Me too."

She pushed away, fourteen and awkward again. She didn't meet his eyes, but went to the kitchen to start dinner. Kurt felt a burn of anger. Not at Louisa, or anyone in particular, really. His anger was at the whole situation. She should be out with her friends. She should be talking about boys and doing her nails, not making dinner and scolding G for not doing his homework. Over the last few months, Louisa had taken the role of mother, even to Kurt. She had dark circles under her eyes and never went out with her friends.

"Leesie, why don't you call one of your friends?" Kurt asked. She looked up from the pot she was filling with water.

"I'm making dinner." She said, confused.

"I'll do it. Call one of your friends. I'll drive you to a movie or something."

"Why?" She asked, suspicious. Kurt shrugged.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, I do!" She grabbed the phone and ordered Snappy to get off the couch and bring her shoes to her. He ignored her, but she was still smiling.

----------------------------------------------------

"Dad?" Kurt bit his lip. It was after dinner. His dad had taken off his shoes and his tie. They'd eaten spaghetti, sans Louisa because Kurt gave her some extra money to walk across the street from the movie theater to the hamburger place and get some dinner there. Gretty had made a huge mess, but Max had helped clean it up, and he was even helping Rolfe with his homework. G was playing with Snappy and Gretty. It was one of those moments that used to make Mary Ellen's eyes fill with happy tears. _Just look at my beautiful children_, she used to say. _All working together and playing_.

"Huh?"

"Um…Bobby invited us over for dinner at their house Sunday night."

"Who?"

"Bobby."

"No, I mean, who'd he invite?"

"Our family."

"All of us?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Kurt…"

"I know, Dad, but I don't know what to tell him." Kurt stared at…something…on the table. Some sort of stain that had been there as long as he could remember.

"So what'd you say?"

"I just told him I'd talk to you. And…he said his dad wants to meet you and…and mom. He's mentioned it before. I don't know what to tell him."

Roy sighed. He didn't know what to tell him, either. Mary Ellen was in no shape to go to dinner over at some stranger's house. She wouldn't even eat dinner at the table in their own house.

"She has good days, too, doesn't she? I mean, maybe Sunday'll just be a really good day and it'll be fine."

"Kurt…"

"Can't we just try?"

Could they? For a minute Roy let himself be swept away into a fantasy of a normal dinner. Mary Ellen would be back to her normal happy, wonderful self. She would hold Gretty on her lap and talk and smile and laugh. Her eyes would sparkle and shine. He sighed again. It would surely be nice.

"I don't know, Kurt."

"Aw, come on, Dad!"

"I'm not sure how I feel about the family going over there with…them."

"Dad!" Now Kurt was mad. "We had Parker at dinner all the time. He was at our house almost every day!"

"Well, he was just a boy. These are grown men, Kurt, and…being that way…" He shrugged, uncomfortable.

"I've been over at their house hundreds of times, Dad. They're just normal guys."

"I…"

"Dad, don't be intolerant. You know you tell people how tolerant you are. Don't be a hypocrite."

"Okay, fine! Tell him we'll go. I don't know how your mother is going to like this, though."

Kurt nodded. These days, everything mattered how Mary Ellen would take it. The move was for Mom. The stable Dad was having built was for Mom. Sometimes they needed to be quiet so Mom could sleep. Kurt loved his mother. But this woman taking residence in her body wasn't his mother, and he hated her.

----------------------------------------------------

No one went to the game Friday. Bobby sat restless and antsy, flipping through channels too fast to see what he was passing. Junior was getting annoyed.

"Bobby, would you pick a channel and stay there?" She finally snapped.

"There's nothing on." Bobby complained. Jack raised an eyebrow. Ennis cleared his throat.

"Why don't you…I dunno, go get some fresh air?" He suggested. "We could go riding."

"Sure, whatever." Bobby shrugged and left. Ennis stood, looking uncertainly at Jack and Junior.

"Aren't you…aren't you coming?"

"Huh?" Junior asked.

"You guys aren't coming?"

"Course we are!" Jack's whole face lit up. "C'mon, Junior."

"Huh?" She repeated.

She soon found herself in the barn, Ennis showing her how to saddle a horse. It seemed like so long ago that Bobby had done the same thing. Soon the four of them were heading off at a leisurely walk.

It felt a little surreal to Junior. If someone had asked her two weeks ago if she thought she'd be participating in "family bonding time" she would have said she didn't have a family to bond with. And now, however trite the whole outing seemed, she found herself enjoying it immensely.

"Junior, watch him 'round those trees," Ennis cautioned. "He'll try to push you into them." Junior had to clamp her mouth shut tight to keep herself from saying that she knew, she'd ridden Thunder on this trail not two days ago.

"Okay." She simply said, not looking at Bobby. They would laugh if they looked at each other.

"Oh, uh, I was wondering if it'd be alright for Kurt's family to come over for dinner Sunday night." Bobby said. Jack mulled it over, shot a glance Ennis's way.

"Sounds fine. Ennis, what you think?"

"Um…"

"Kurt already knows 'bout you guys. He don't care. And he said his folks don't care, neither."

"How does Kurt know?" Ennis asked. Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh. Right. I don't know…"

"Ennis, they ain't gonna hurt anything, promise. But, see, I been promising Gretty—that's Kurt's little sister—I been promising her I'd let her ride my horse for a long time now, and I figured if they came over Sunday and had dinner then I'd take her after that."

"Well…" Ennis gave Jack an uneasy look. "I guess it's okay…" He shrugged.

"Oh, it'll be great! You'll love his family. He's got all these brothers, and they'll prob'ly bring their dog, too, 'cause Gretty hates going anywhere without Snappy, and I'm sure Snappy'll get along with Bud just fine, and…"

Ennis felt his heart sinking. A ton of kids? They were bringing their dog? Sounded like a lot of noise. Ennis wasn't one for crowds, and here just one family sounded like a whole crowd themselves.

After a while, Bobby and Junior were ready to go in. Junior was cold and Bobby was hungry.

"Well, think we're gonna stay out a while more." Jack said with a look at Ennis. Ennis nodded.

"Nice night." He added. Bobby and Junior turned, and soon they were racing.

"Hey, be careful!" Ennis hollered after them. They either didn't hear him or decided to ignore him. Jack and Ennis couldn't see who won. They rode side by side, legs brushing every once in a while, quiet for a while.

"Kurt's family sounds a little…loud." Ennis finally said. Jack looked at him.

"We don't have to have 'em over if you don't want, Ennis."

"Naw, it's fine. They're Bobby's friends; boy needs 'em."

"Yeah, s'pose you're right." They were quiet again. Without talking, Ennis reached over and laid a hand on Jack's thigh. Jack covered it with his own. They reined in their horses and just sat for a while, fingers laced together, looking up at the stars.

"Anything interesting up there?" Jack asked. Ennis smiled softly.

"Just sending up a prayer of thanks." They weren't sure who leaned in first, but soon they were kissing, right there on horseback. Of course, the horses got antsy and confused about all the weight-shifting going on up there and started shuffling around. Laughing, Jack and Ennis pulled apart.

"Guess they're jealous." Jack said, grinning.

"Most people are," Ennis answered, looking at Jack with the kind of look that made Jack's heart flutter. They stared at each other for a while before laughing again.

"Come on, let's go home." Jack said. As they started in, Ennis took his hand again,

"It ain't home 'cause we've lived there for so long," he reminded Jack. "It's home because _we_ live there."

----------------------------------------------------

"Mary Ellen?" Roy asked quietly into the dark room. It was Sunday morning. He wanted to gauge her mood now.

"Roy? Is that you?" Her voice was pained, low, tired. But he breathed a sigh of relief. At least she was coherent.

"Yeah, baby, it's me."

"Will you hold me?" She asked in a small voice. "I feel so sad and so cold."

"Of course I will." He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed, slipped under the covers. She put her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. She started to cry, quietly.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled over and over.

"Shh. It's alright. I'm here. It'll be okay."

She quieted after a while and lay still in his arms. He kissed her hair.

"Mary Ellen? How're you feeling?"

"I told you, I'm so tired, Roy. I feel like I could sleep for the rest of my life."

"Well, I need you to not sleep, honey. Kurt's friend invited us to dinner. The whole family."

"The whole family won't be there. Roger won't be there." Her voice was hollow again.

"Mary Ellen, I know Roger won't be there. But you still have seven other kids who need you, baby, and it's really important to Kurt that we go."

"I'm a horrible mother anyway, what does it matter?"

"You are not a horrible mother. We're not going into this right now; I'm too tired." Roy took a deep breath and let it out. His patience grew thinner each day. "Can't you just do this for Kurt?"

"Will it really make a difference to him?" When did this happen? When did his beautiful, smart, funny, wonderful wife become this shell?

"Yes, honey, it'll make a big difference to him. And to me. And to all the kids. Please? Can you try?" He kissed her cheek. "Please?" She sighed.

"Okay." She said. "I'll go. But I don't know how long I can stay. I don't know how long I'll stay normal before I get crazy again." She sounded bitter.

"You are _not_ crazy." Roy said firmly.

"Oh, Roy, yes I am. Everyone knows it but you."

"You're not crazy. You're just sad and tired. It'll take some time, but you'll be okay again. You're not crazy."

"Okay." She whispered. Roy stayed next to her for a while, holding her, stroking her arm and her hair and her face.

"Do you want to get out of bed?" He asked softly. "Gretty's coloring in the kitchen and I know she'd love if you came out and helped her."

"Should I?" They both remembered what happened last time. Mary Ellen had grown frustrated and fretful, and Gretty had ended up crying. Mary Ellen had retreated to her room, Roy trying to calm her, and Louisa had had to take Gretty outside to play with Snappy and the ducks at the pond down the road.

"I think you should try."

"Okay. If you say so."

He helped her dress, and she even put her hair up. Her hair used to be so beautiful—long and thick, shiny and luxurious. Now it was limp and stringy. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"I'm a mess, Roy," she said. "How can I go out?"

"You're coloring with Gretty, Mary Ellen. She doesn't care how you look. And you have plenty of time to get cleaned up before we go over to Kurt's friend's for dinner." He kissed her lightly. "And anyway, you're beautiful." She smiled sadly.

"What would I do without you, Roy?"

"You'll never have to find out."

Gretl chattered excitedly the whole time Mary Ellen colored with her. Mary Ellen felt like she was moving through mud, but she kept a smile on her face and even managed to hold Gretl on her lap. She held her tight, smelled the clean smell of shampoo in her baby's hair. Who had washed it? She knew she hadn't.

Louisa walked in, took in the sight of Mary Ellen, dressed and out of bed, with Gretl snuggled up to her chest talking a mile a minute.

"Hi sweetie." Mary Ellen greeted her. Louisa just stared for a minute, brow creased, looking so much like Mary Ellen had at that age. It almost hurt to look at her, to think on how she used to look.

"Are you coming to dinner at Bobby's with us tonight?" Louisa finally asked.

"Yeah. Daddy talked me into it." She forced a smile. Louisa still looked wary.

"Is Gretty bothering you?" She asked.

"No, she's making me feel much better." Her voice sounded tired to her own ears. Louisa bit her lip.

"Okay." She went upstairs. Mary Ellen helped Gretl trace her hand and make a turkey, to Gretl's delight. Snappy came in, whuffing, tail wagging excitedly, Rolfe right behind him.

"Hi, Mom!" Rolfe cried excitedly. "Are you not sick anymore? Do you want to come outside and see the frog I caught in the grass? It's green and it's really slimy!"

"Rolfey, quiet, you're wearing Mom out." Max said from the doorway. He, too, looked cautious and wary. When had her own children become strangers? She felt despair welling in her chest, and hugged Gretl to her to squash it down. Gretl squirmed a little. Mary Ellen felt like she was sinking. Snappy licked her hand and laid his head on her thigh. She stroked his head, breathing deeply. Max took Gretl from her.

"I'm going to go back to bed."

If she'd had any stamina left, it was gone when she saw the look on Max's face after she said that. It wasn't surprised in the least bit.

----------------------------------------------------

"That them?" Ennis asked, looking out the window. His eyes widened when he saw how many kids were piling out of that car. "Sure are a lot of 'em."

"Bobby said seven. Well, eight, but the oldest is in college."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

Bobby went out to greet them. The youngest, a little girl, ran and grabbed onto Bobby's hand. Bobby stooped down and she scrambled onto his back. Jack and Ennis went out to the porch. Junior hung back uncertainly.

"Hi there," Jack said, wide smile on and hand outstretched. He shook hands with Kurt's dad. "Jack Twist."

"Roy McGowan."

"Ennis del Mar." Ennis's smile was smaller and less sincere. He shook with Roy. He and Jack both turned to the woman at Roy's side. She was thin and had dark circles under her eyes. She looked like the teenage girl yelling at the dog. But there was something in her eyes that made Ennis shiver. Some deep hurt that he could tell wasn't healed yet. She was heartbreaking. She had tried, that was evident, but her makeup was too thick and Jack saw her smile slipping almost as soon as she put it on.

"Howdy there, ma'am," Jack said, keeping his smile intact. "You sure did raise Kurt with fine manners."

"Thank you." She said shyly.

They all made their way inside, Kurt introducing them all. Ennis stopped trying to put names with faces after the third one. The girls were easier to keep straight—there were only two of them, after all—and he assumed no teenage girl would ever let herself be introduced as Gretty, so Gretty was the younger one and Louisa was the teenager.

"Snappy, stay." Louisa ordered, leaving him on the porch.

"Oh, he can come on in," Jack said. "Can tell he's a good dog. Ain't ya, boy? You're a good dog." Jack was rubbing his ears, talking in his singsong voice that charmed babies and animals into quiet submission. The dog panted happily and rubbed against Jack.

"He'll break things." Louisa said, eyes squinted and mistrustful.

"That's alright. We ain't got much that'll break, and what will break ain't too valuable."

"Then why do you have it?"

"Uh…"

"Louisa, shut up," Kurt told her.

"Kurt, don't talk to your sister that way." Roy said with a frown.

"Bobby, when do I get to see your horsey?" Gretty whined.

"You have _horses?_!" Rolfe exclaimed.

"'Course they do, it's a farm." Max said, rolling his eyes. But he looked pretty curious and excited himself.

"Bobby, are you going to show us your horses?" G asked, trying to act like it was no big deal.

"Yeah, after dinner I'll take you all out there, 'kay?"

"Why not now?" Gretty asked.

"Ain't ya hungry, Gretty?"

"No."

"Well, I am. And if we go out to the barn and I haven't had anything to eat yet, I might have to eat you instead!"

"No!"

Ennis could feel a migraine setting in. Good Lord. Bobby'd had a lot of energy as a kid, and Ennis had often felt like there were two of the little guy running around. These people had _eight children_. They were some kind of crazy.

The dog went over to him and licked his hand. Ennis looked down at it and rubbed its ears. Jack saw it and smiled. Ennis tried to pretend he was tough as nails, often saying there was no cause for animals to be pets when they should be working, but he was a softie. On cold nights he'd go down to the barn and give each horse an extra blanket, make sure the cows were warm enough, bring the dogs inside and even set out warm milk for the barn cats.

"Can we hurry up and eat?" Rolfe asked in the blunt way only small children could.

"Rolfe." Roy looked embarrassed. Jack just laughed.

"I betcha you and Bobby get along real well, huh?"

They gathered around the table, Snappy under Louisa's chair. She was discreetly feeding him scraps every once in a while, the way she was specifically told _not_ to.

It all seemed fine. Jack loved the kids. He'd always wished he could have more. He took a particular shine to little Rolfe, who had decided the minute they'd moved to Wyoming that he was going to become a cowboy. It was loud and crazy and messy and Jack loved it. Junior and Louisa were hitting it off and even Ennis seemed to be having an alright time, talking about horses to the three youngest boys.

But then Mary Ellen seemed to deflate. She had seemed delicate and tired as soon as they'd first arrived, but with each minute seemed to get worse. Her eyes darkened and her mouth was clenched tight. She muttered something to Roy, who rubbed his eyes and murmured something back.

"I'm going to go outside for some air." She said.

"I'll come with you," Louisa offered after her father shot her a look.

"I'd rather go alone." Mary Ellen said. Louisa had half-risen, and looked at her father. He sighed and shook his head and she sat back down.

"Just watch if you head down those trails," Jack said, forcibly cheerful in the midst of this awkwardness. "It'll get dark faster'an you know it." Mary Ellen didn't make any indication that she'd heard. It was suddenly quiet at the table.

"Sorry." Roy said, embarrassed.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Reckon my cooking ain't the greatest." Jack winked and kept talking. Soon the noise level had risen to its usual heights. Ennis helped Jack get the dessert ready—meaning he helped cut the store bought cake and put it on plates.

"I'm gonna go out to the barn." Ennis said. "I want to check on Flame again." Flame'd had a colic scare the week before, and Ennis was being extra careful with him.

"Alright. Come get me if something's wrong with him."

"Yep."

Jack gave Ennis's waist a little squeeze. They were still in the kitchen, but anyone in the dining room could see them if they looked up. Ennis pulled away quickly, remembering what had happened last time. Bobby'd promised that wouldn't happen, but still. Ennis heard Jack explaining where he was going as he shut the door. Outside was cool and quiet. After the craze inside, Ennis welcomed the blissful calm.

He watched the horses in the pasture for a while. It was getting colder—soon they'd have to bring them in each night. He glanced over the cows. Nothing out of the ordinary. Only a few horses were inside, just the ones Ennis wanted to keep an eye on.

Mary Ellen was leaning on a stall door. It was Stripe, the oldest horse they had. Ennis was pretty sure Stripe was going to die sometime soon. He was the first horse they'd bought, and he'd always been reliable. Now, in his old age, he had arthritis and all kinds of breathing ailments. It was hard to see him in pain, and Ennis had been debating putting him out of his misery for a few weeks now.

Mary Ellen heard him shuffling behind him and turned to look at him. The hurt he'd seen, somewhat hidden before, was out in plain view on her face now. Ennis didn't know what to say or do, where to look.

"This horse is in pain," she said softly. Ennis nodded.

"He's real old."

"Was he a good horse?"

"Sure was."

She nodded. "Maybe you should put him down so he won't suffer. If he's going to die, you should try to make it painless. It'd be the best thing to do."

"Was just thinking about it. Hard to put him down."

She closed her eyes for a minute. She looked fragile, like a wrong word could break her right in half. Ennis wondered what the hell had made her that way. Surely she hadn't always been that way. Why would someone like that have all those kids? And how would they all be so rambunctious? No, something had happened to her.

"Are you alright?" Ennis found himself asking. It wasn't something he usually asked people other than Jack, Bobby, or Junior.

"Roy says I'm not crazy." She whispered. Ennis felt the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up. She sagged, holding the stall for support. Ennis took her arm and led her back to the house.

When Roy saw how she was, he hustled the kids out of there, keeping a strong arm around his wife's waist the whole time. Gretty cried, wanting to ride the horses, the way Bobby _promised_. Bobby promised her that he'd take her tomorrow.

"Bobby, what happened to Kurt's mama?" Ennis asked as soon as they were gone.

"What do you mean?"

"Something happened to that woman, make her that way."

"Kurt's never said anything."

Ennis stared out the window into the night. Something bothered him about the concealed pain he'd seen in Mary Ellen's eyes. He'd seen that look before. Who? He turned around. Junior was walking by, and Ennis saw it. The pain.

His own daughter. He shivered. No, Junior would not end up like that. Not his Junior.


	20. Chapter 19

Junior heard some kids in her first class talking about the game Friday. The team had lost a miserable 52-0. Junior couldn't help but smile wickedly. That's what they deserved.

"We would've scored if we'd had Twist." One boy said bitterly.

"I'm glad the queer boy's gone!" Another announced.

"Bobby ain't queer, just his dad." A girl protested. "And anyway, he shouldn't have punched poor Jimmy. Did you see his face? He has a broken nose and he still can't see outta that eye."

"I don't care what he did to get kicked off the team," the first boy cut in, "we sure needed him Friday night. Wish Coach'd let him come back."

The bell rang and the teacher started the lecture. Junior took notes dutifully. She and Bobby had the same math class, but she had it first period and he had it fourth. His notes were atrocious and his attention span too short to listen to a whole lecture, so they usually shared her notes. She was always careful to write extremely neatly so it was easier for Bobby to read.

She was working on the homework, engrossed in the quadratic equation and cursing her teacher for the twenty-problem assignment.

"Hey, Junior, how are you?" The deep voice made her jump. She turned and saw a boy named Nathan had taken the seat next to her. When had that happened? He was on the football team—not that that really said much about him. Almost every guy in school was on the football team. She couldn't remember if he was any good or not.

"Um, good." She answered. How did he even know her name?

"So, uh, how's Bobby handling not being on the team anymore?"

"Prob'ly a whole lot better than the team's handling him not being there anymore." Junior said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah…"

Junior was slightly annoyed that Nathan was over here talking to her. She was trying to get her homework done and he was distracting her. She wanted to ask if there was something she could help him with but couldn't figure out a nice way to say it. _If you ain't got something nice to say, don't say nothing, _her mother used to tell her.

"How was your summer?" Nathan asked.

"My mother died and I had to leave the town I've lived in since I was born." Junior said matter-of-factly. "How was yours?"

"Uh…"

"Alma, Nathan, if you could _please_ keep it down?" The teacher scolded. Junior frowned. She was _trying_ to work.

"Look, Junior—do you like being called Junior or Alma?"

"Either."

"Okay, um, Junior, I was wondering what you're doing Friday night?"

"Not going to the football game, that's for sure." God, she felt bitchy today. Was she PMSing?

"Uh, right. But there's a dance afterward. Are you going?"

"Think I'm babysitting." She lied. Who the hell would she be babysitting? Even if she knew anyone who would need a babysitter, they surely wouldn't call the girl living with the queer guys.

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Uh…just wondering." And then it hit Junior—he'd been planning to ask her! Shit. She couldn't change her story now. She felt her face heat up. Nathan smiled shyly.

"Maybe we could do something another time?" He asked, emboldened by her blush.

"Sure 'nough." She mumbled. The bell rang.

"See you later, Junior."

"Um…bye."

What the hell? What was that? He dropped out of the clear blue sky and decided to ask her out? A week after finding out her dad was in love with a man who, up to this point, was supposed to be her uncle? There had to be some sort of catch.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby was antsy. He hadn't worked out since Thursday, his last practice. It was Monday. He'd gone riding Friday night and he'd helped with the chores every day, but that wasn't really the same, since all he had time for was tossing down some hay bales and making sure the troughs were full of water. His legs were protesting at him, telling him he needed to go for a run. He bounced a leg to relieve some of the restlessness.

He was in English, stretched out in his chair, legs reaching clear to the desk in front of him. He unconsciously tapped his foot against the chair in front of him until the girl sitting in it turned and glared at him. He stopped tapping.

"Robert, why don't you read?" Ms. Samson asked with a mean grin. She knew Bobby had trouble reading. She was one of them Bible-thumpers and Bobby knew from the look in her eyes that she'd heard about his dad and Ennis. This was the best revenge she could muster up? He could take that.

"Yes ma'am." He said, folding his legs under him and sitting up. He'd already read the pages they were reading now. He'd taken to reading out loud to Firefly, and last night he'd read ten pages to her. He could do this.

It was the Homer's _Iliad_. The funny Greek names were sure to trip him up, the way they had last night with Firefly. The only difference was Firefly didn't laugh at him the way he knew his classmates would. He licked dry lips and looked down at his book. He wanted to run out of the room and just keep right on running.

_Stop. Calm down. Take it easy and slow and forget those other kids. If they laugh, fuck 'em._

He read slowly, carefully, taking his time. He heard a few snickers and fake snores. His face started heating up. He tried to ignore it all. Shit. He was in trouble. He couldn't read this name. Polydamas?

"Po-polly…da…" More than a few chuckles; some all-out guffaws. Bobby's breath started coming faster. Oh, God. He couldn't do this. He looked at Ms. Samson. Her eyes were cold and she offered no help.

_Sound it out_.

"Polly…"

_Come on. You can do it._

"Duh…dah…" His voice was shaking. If he cried in this classroom he would shoot himself on the spot.

_I need help!_

And, from his left, help came. A patient, steady voice, said,

"Polydamas."

"Polydamas." He repeated faintly. "Polydamas." He finished the paragraph, and anytime he tripped over a word, that steady voice from his left was there, telling him what it was. Eventually the laughter died down. Finally the bell rang. Bobby shot a look to his left to see who had been helping him. His heart sank a little.

Her name was Samantha, and she was one of those kids who just didn't seem to have any friends. She'd worn her hair in braided pigtails every day since third grade and she had braces that made her spit when she talked. Bobby wasn't disappointed that it had been her helping him because he was worried about his reputation or his image—those were pretty much shot to hell anyway.

His heart sank because he'd been awful to her in the past. He specifically remembered he and his friends taking her books and calling her "mouse face" on more than one occasion.

"Thanks." He said, not meeting her eyes, face flaming. "Reading's pretty hard for me."

"That was quite obvious."

"Um, and thanks for helping me even though I…even though I've always been…"

"An asshole."

"Yeah." He peeked up at her for the first time. She wasn't smiling.

"I don't like you." She said.

Bobby didn't know what to say to that. There weren't many people that didn't like him, he thought. Well, plenty of people didn't like him now. But at least she had a real reason.

"Well, um, thanks anyway." He repeated. With the very last shred of his dignity, Bobby turned and walked out of the room with his head held high. And even though he still had two classes left, and he would have to come back to pick up Junior, Bobby left. He went out to his truck and drove to the elementary school. He changed in his truck and went out to their track and ran and ran and ran.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Bobby, the school called." Ennis said, giving him a hard look. "You skipped math and science?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

Bobby sighed. "I just…needed to get out of there. English did me in for the day. I went to the elementary school and went running 'stead of going to class."

"Why didn't you just come home?" Ennis asked. Bobby shrugged.

"Thought you and daddy'd be mad at me."

"Long as you keep your grades up and you do your work, taking a day off now and again don't seem too bad to me. What happened in English?"

"What happened in English?" Jack echoed, coming in from outside and wiping his hands on his jeans. "Something happened in English?"

"Aw, it ain't that big of a deal." Bobby shrugged. Ennis shot him a look. It was obviously a big deal if he'd felt so awful he had to ditch school.

"What happened?" Ennis asked.

"Just…I had to read out loud. And we're reading one of them Greek stories, with all the funny names, and I couldn't figure it out, and Ms. Samson didn't help me and everyone was laughing and I just…felt pretty awful."

"She wouldn't help you? What, she just sat there while you tried to sound it out and didn't say nothing?"

"Not a word."

"What! That's bullshit! What the hell kinda teacher is that?" Jack's hands went to his hips and he started pacing. "I oughta call the damn school and give 'em a piece of my mind!"

"Don't really matter."

"What do you mean, don't really matter?" Ennis said. "Teacher's supposed to help the kids, ain't they? Junior, you got that teacher?"

"Who?" She asked cautiously.

"Ms. Samson." Bobby said, eyes on the floor. He didn't want to be part of this conversation.

"Yeah, I got her. She's not a good teacher at all." Bobby looked at her. Not two days ago she'd said Ms. Samson was her favorite teacher. "She never helps anybody."

"So it ain't just Bobby?"

"Naw. She just ain't all there. Think she's mad 'cause she might be getting fired. That's what I heard, anyway."

It was a complete and utter lie. It really _was_ just Bobby (well, Bobby and Junior) and she really hadn't been fired. But Junior figured a little while lie that made Jack and Ennis quit worrying for five minutes wasn't too bad.

"Hey, Junior, I just 'membered something." Jack said, looking at Ennis. "You got plans this weekend?" Junior thought of Nathan.

"Nope."

"Do now. You're going to Riverton Friday and coming home Sunday."

"What!" Junior shrieked.

"Already called that aunt of yours and made sure it's okay."

"Thank you so much!" Junior screeched. She flung her arms around Jack.

"Oh, it was your daddy's idea, not mine."

"Thank you!" Junior moved to Ennis and gave him an excited, carefree hug too. Then she ran to the kitchen to call her cousin. Ennis stood rooted to the spot, fighting tears. It was the stupidest thing, to cry over a hug. But it was the first hug his daughter had ever given him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby knocked on Kurt's door, wondering how this was going to go. He and Kurt were going to study for an hour and then Bobby was taking Gretl home to go for a ride, just like he'd promised.

"Bobby!" Gretl opened the door and flung her arms around his waist.

"Howdy Gretty."

"Time to go riding?"

"Not just yet. Kurt's gonna help me with some homework and then we'll go, okay?"

"Fiiine." She rolled her eyes and Bobby laughed. Kurt was at the table, book already open. Bobby dropped to the chair next to him with a small groan. He hadn't stretched at all when he'd gone running, and he was feeling it now.

"Let's just get to work." Kurt said, not looking at Bobby's face.

"'Kay."

Bobby read aloud for a little while, then they switched over to math. Kurt stuck to the work religiously, not once straying to talk about anything else. Usually they were about half and half with the work and the goofing off. The hour was up, but Bobby wasn't quite done with his math.

"Okay, well, you can call me if you have any problems with the last few problems." Kurt said. Bobby stared at him for a minute. Kurt clearly wanted him to leave. Usually he'd make Bobby finish before he left.

"Okay…" Bobby said. "Um…am I still taking Gretty out to ride?"

"I guess so. She'll be really upset if you don't."

"Kurt, something wrong?"

"No, I've just got a lot of work to do, alright?"

"Alright." Bobby picked up his bag and his hat. "Hey Gretty?" He called. She came sprinting out at full force, not slowing down at all. He scooped her up before she could bowl him over.

"Let's go!" She cried.

"How 'bout you put some shoes on first?" Bobby suggested.

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to ride the horse you do."

"Weesa!" Gretl bellowed. "I need shoes!"

"They're in here!" Louisa called back.

"I'll go get them." Gretl said. "Don't leave without me." She warned with narrowed eyes.

"Now, how could I leave without you?" Bobby asked. "You're the whole reason I'm here."

She giggled as she tore down the hall to get her shoes. Kurt was still sitting silently at the table. Bobby could hear the ticks of the clock on the wall. He wondered if Kurt was going to say anything. Bobby knew what was wrong—Kurt was embarrassed about what had happened at dinner. But before Bobby could say anything, Gretl was back, shoes on and her hair in little pigtails. She grabbed his hand.

"Let's _go_," she demanded with a tug. Louisa had followed her out. She looked tired.

"Gretty, you listen to what Bobby says, okay? Be good." She looked up at Bobby. "Don't let her get hurt."

"Course I won't, ma'am." He tipped his hat. He was comfortable enough around Louisa that he probably didn't need to add the _ma'am_, but it was just habit. She rolled her eyes at him. Gretl was in danger of pulling Bobby's arm out of the socket, so with a last wave they were gone. She chattered excitedly in the truck the whole way there, telling him about her lunchbox she was going to get because she was going to day care tomorrow and it was going to be purple because that was her favorite color and she liked purple even more than pink _and_ even more than yellow.

Gretl squealed when they pulled into the driveway. Bobby helped her out of the truck and gave her a piggyback ride to the barn. Jack, Ennis, and Junior were all out there.

"Well hey there, pretty little lady," Jack said, sweeping his hat off.

"Hello." Gretl said shyly.

"What're these in your hair?" Jack asked, tugging gently on a pigtail.

"My pigtails!" Gretl giggled.

"Does that mean you're a pig?"

"No!" Gretl laughed again. "It's just my hair!"

Gretl bounced excitedly the whole time she rode Firefly. Firefly kept looking back, confused, but Bobby was leading so everything was fine. After their little ride, Gretl "helped" Bobby brush Firefly down.

"Daddy says we're getting a horsey," Gretl told Bobby.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, because it would be good for mommy." Gretl put on a solemn face. "Mommy's sad," she confided. "Because Rogey can't come home."

"Why can't Rogey come home?" Bobby asked.

"I don't know. Weesa said he just can't. But maybe I can go visit him! Bobby, will you take me to see Rogey? Do you know how to get to Heaven?"

"Do I…Rogey's in Heaven?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah. I think if you go up in the mountains maybe you can get there. Do you think so?"

Bobby didn't know what to say. It made his chest hurt, to have this innocent little girl asking to go visit her brother. Why didn't Kurt tell him?

"Maybe." He finally managed.

"Okay. Can Mommy come too? Maybe it would make her feel better. And G? Maybe it would make his nightmares go away."

"We'll see, Gretty, okay?" Bobby's throat felt funny.

Gretl was still talking all the way home, about how when she got her horse she was going to ride every day and her horse would be the prettiest horse in the world. Bobby was having trouble concentrating on what she was saying. Luckily, she didn't seem to mind.

"Daddy!" She threw herself on Roy when she got in the house. "I rode Bobby's horse _all by myself!_" It was kind of a lie, and Roy knew it, but he exclaimed over it like it was true. She was telling her dad about how they should get a horse just like Firefly when she remembered her idea.

"Daddy, can we go visit Rogey? Bobby said maybe he'd help me get there." Gretl smiled sweetly. Roy's jaw tightened. He turned to look at Bobby. Bobby shrugged helplessly.

"I didn't know," he said faintly, shaking his head. "And I didn't know what to tell her." Roy nodded.

"Don't worry about it." He said. He took Gretl's hand. "Come on, Gretty, time for a bath."

It was just Bobby and Kurt now, both staring at their shoes.

"So why didn't you tell me?" Bobby asked.

"I didn't know how to really work that into a conversation." Kurt said dully.

"Was a bit of a shock, Gretty asking me to take her to Heaven to visit him."

"Yeah, well, try living with that every day. And you didn't even know him."

"She said your mama's real sad."

"Yeah. So?" Kurt asked defensively, as if Bobby was going to say something against it.

"So why didn't you tell me any of this?" Bobby asked, hurt. "I thought we were friends."

"We are. But it's hard to keep friends around when your mom's crazy."

"Prob'ly 'bout as hard as when you been raised by your daddy and his man." Bobby said. Kurt nodded and gave Bobby a small, slightly bitter half-smile.

"So, you want the whole story now?"

"Wouldn't say no if you wanted to fill me in."

"My mom was taking Roger and G to get new shoes. On the way home, my mom let Roger drive. He had his license, so it wasn't illegal or anything. She was telling him something he was doing wrong, so he wasn't really paying attention to driving, and another car came around the corner too fast and hit them. And Roger wasn't buckled in." Kurt bit his lip.

"He flew through the windshield. My mom hit her head and went unconscious, but G was still awake. He saw…he saw everything. Roger was…" Kurt stopped again. "He was all torn up, and there was blood everywhere, just covering him. Severed some arteries or something. He died before the ambulance got there. So my mom thinks it's her fault, 'cause she let him drive and she didn't notice he wasn't buckled and she was distracting him. She's gone a bit…off…since then."

Bobby didn't know what to say. He'd never heard a story like that. He knew it wasn't just a story—it was Kurt's _brother_, for crying out loud—but he couldn't think of any words that might be appropriate.

"Shit." He finally said. "That's hard." Horribly inadequate, but all he could think of. Kurt snorted.

"Yeah. And all the doctors kept telling my dad to put my mom in a mental hospital. Said she'd do better there. But my dad won't do it. He read somewhere that 'recreating a simpler time' can help heal someone. My mom grew up around here and she always talked about how much she loved it. So here we are."

"Is it helping her any?"

"Not really."

"Do you think it's going to?"

Kurt shrugged and kicked at the table leg. He didn't say anything for a while and Bobby didn't know what to do. He'd been raised with manners, taught to always respect women and his elders, but his daddy and Ennis had never covered this situation.

"Sometimes I'm so…I just get really mad at her. Because, I mean, we're all missing him too, you know? But nobody else fell apart. And we had to move all the way out here and it's tearing my dad apart, and us too. Gretty doesn't get why mom's so different now and she doesn't get why Roger's not here anymore and it's just…" Kurt blew out a breath and shrugged again.

"It's a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation." Bobby filled in, having heard his father use the term more than once. Kurt shot him a half-smile.

"I guess so."

Awkward silence set in, Bobby standing and Kurt sitting. Bobby shifted his weight to the other leg and then back. Kurt coughed once.

"So, uh…I'll get going…" Bobby motioned to the door.

"Hang on—you didn't finish your math earlier."

"Um, yeah, I only got one left, I'll do it at home—"

"You won't do it at home." Kurt scolded. "Do it now."

"Aw, come on, Kurt, I don't want to—"

"Bobby, if you want to play footb…" Kurt bit his lip. "Sorry."

"S'okay." Bobby said roughly. He looked down at his boots, realized he should've probably taken them off before he came in. "I promise I'll do it at home. Junior'll tell my daddy we had homework and he'll make me do it. Promise."

"You just want to get home so you don't have to deal with crazy Kurt's mom," Kurt joked. He knew Bobby wasn't one of those kids.

"Sure 'nough. Can't wait to get home to my queer daddies." Bobby quirked an eyebrow. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

"See ya."

Bobby let himself out. Kurt felt a restriction lift from his chest. Back home, he hadn't been able to have friends over. Kids would ask questions about his mom, about the broken windows, and Kurt would end up losing it. A little part of him, for the very selfish reason that it was benefiting him now, was extremely glad Jack Twist had met Ennis del Mar.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Junior was packing. She was going home. Only it didn't really feel like going home anymore. She was becoming more and more comfortable with every day, with every half-edible meal at the table Bobby had carved his name into the underside of, with every TV show she couldn't hear over Jack and Ennis's good-natured bickering at each other.

But she was going home. Remember? Home to Riverton, that place she'd lived since she was born, that place that she'd learned to walk in, the place all her friends lived. She was going home to her family.

"JUNIOR!" Bobby bellowed. "WHAT TIME ARE YOU LEAVING IN THE MORNING?"

"Bobby, quit yer hollering." Jack groused.

"Leaving 'bout seven." Ennis broke in.

"No earlier?"

"Don't think so."

"Maybe a little earlier'd be better. Get her there earlier."

"You gonna get that girl out of the house 'fore seven?"

"WAIT, SO JUNIOR, YOU WON'T BE GOING TO MATH TOMORROW?"

"Bobby, quit screaming! Goddamn."

"TAKE YOUR OWN NOTES!" Junior hollered.

"WOULD EVERYONE _PLEASE_ QUIT YELLING?" Jack finally lost it.

"Well _you're_ the one yelling now." Ennis pointed out.

"Oh, shut up, you."

Junior felt a little pang. The house in Riverton was always quiet and neat. This house was almost always a mess, boots tracking in manure and mud and God only knew what else, dishes often sitting in the sink for days at a time, the whole household abiding by a principle of "He (or she, now) who tops it drops it" with the trash—whoever made the trashcan overflow had to dump the garbage. Yelling from someone a floor away was a common occurrence. Playful shoves and noogies were doled out regularly.

But she was going home to her family. Right? These people weren't her family; this wasn't her home. Right? She was absolutely miserable here and wanted nothing more than to get away.

Right?


	21. Chapter 20

"Ennis, you driving Junior out there and just coming right back home again?" Jack was unbuttoning his shirt while Ennis brushed his teeth.

Ennis spat. "Yep."

"Sure is a lot of driving, friend." Jack slipped under the covers.

"Ain't like she's gonna walk, Jack." Ennis kicked off his jeans and started easing himself into bed.

"Knees hurting again?" Jack asked, hearing a groan slip out somewhere between standing and sitting. Ennis just grunted. That meant yes. A lifetime of ranch work was starting to show its toll. Jack waited for Ennis to slump into the mattress, shift around a bit, trying to get his back into a comfortable position, before starting back in.

"She could ride the train." Jack peeked over at Ennis, knowing the reaction he'd get.

"You crazy? No way I'm letting a kid ride the train alone, 'specially a girl, 'specially _now_, Jack." Ennis shook his head. Jack fucking Twist and his ideas.

"Ennis. You know being cooped up in the car drives you nuts. You gonna spend a whole day driving? And then another on Sunday?"

"Price I gotta pay for letting her go out there." Ennis scooched himself closer to Jack. Jack pursed his lips. He was about to take a low shot, but he knew a whole day of driving would make Ennis crazy and grouchy and near unbearable.

"So you gonna leave me and Bobby here alone?"

Ennis paused. Part of him knew Jack was just using Ennis's natural paranoia against him, and yet he still felt a little panic rise up. _Idiot_. He scolded himself. _That'll be just the chance somebody's been waiting for._

"Why don't I drive her?" Jack suggested. Ennis snorted. Jack couldn't handle long rides any better than he could. His back got stiff and his left leg, the one he'd broken all those years ago in the rodeo, pained him something awful. And he'd bitch about it, too.

"No way."

"So if neither of us can drive her out there, why don't you just let her ride the train? Betcha she's never ridden a train 'fore."

"What if something happens to her?"

"What if you're driving her and you crash? What if she's out riding Thunder and he throws her? Christ, Ennis, what if my cooking poisons her? Nothing you can really do 'bout it."

Ennis was quiet, chewing it over. Truth be told, he didn't want to drive all that way. He hated to waste time when he should've been working. And he certainly wasn't craving an opportunity to meet up with his sister-in-law. Ex-sister-in-law. Whatever.

"Well…"

"C'mon, Ennis. You really gonna make me do all that work? All by myself?"

"S'pose if I leave it to you it won't get done." Ennis said reluctantly.

"Likely not. We both know I'm a lazy ass." Jack said with a wicked grin. Ennis couldn't help but chuckle and reach for Jack.

"Guess that's what I like 'bout that ass."

---------------------------------------------------------

"Junior!"

"Lucy!"

Two seventeen-year-old girls collided into a hug. The way they were carrying on, someone would think they'd been apart for years. Amy came over and gave Junior a big hug, too. She glanced around.

"Can't believe he let you ride the train _alone_." She muttered. Junior sighed. She was tired. She was grimy. She was hungry. She did not want to get into an argument about her father. Amy _harrumphed_ indistinctly.

"Hungry?" Lucy asked.

"Little." Junior lied. She was ravenous.

"Got some soup in the house. Getting cold these days. Prob'ly snow 'fore long, don't you think?"

"Yup."

Lucy chattered away and Junior tried to keep up with the conversation. She was groggy and disoriented from the long train ride. After the third time Junior nearly dropped off into her potato soup, Amy sent her upstairs for a short nap.

An hour later, Junior was on her way to the movies, Lucy still babbling incessantly. They were going to meet up with some of their friends.

"Aren't you excited to see all your friends?" Amy asked in the car. Junior nodded and smiled, though she felt vaguely uncomfortable. She couldn't say she'd really missed any of these people.

"Junior!" Some of the girls squealed and bounded over to hug her. Junior hugged back stiffly. She'd never hugged any of these girls in her life.

"What's your dad like?" One girl, Jamie, who often thought of herself as their leader, asked as they walked in.

"Uh…" Junior didn't know what to say. What was Ennis like? Gruff. Protective. Strong. "He's pretty quiet." She finally settled.

"Oh." She could see disappointment flit onto the girls' faces, all hoping for something juicy. The fact that he was in love with another man would've fed their appetite, but Junior didn't feel like divulging that just to satisfy some teenage gossip-mongrels. She remembered her mother disapproving of these girls. Now she understood why.

"He remarried?" Jamie pressed. Junior bit her lip.

"Um…no."

"So, what, just the two of you live there?" Jamie raised an eyebrow. Maybe there was a scandal brewing there. Junior made a face at Jamie's imagination.

"No, actually. His…brother lives there with us, and his son."

"Your dad's son?"

"No. My, uh, uncle's."

"Oh. How old is your cousin?" Jamie looked hopeful. Junior was feeling a pressure build up behind her eyes. She hated nosey people.

"Couple months older 'an me."

"Oh, _really_? What's he like?"

"God, Jamie, back off a little, huh?" One of Junior's closer friends, Francine, cut in. "What is this, like, the Spanish Inquisition?"

"Nobody asked you, Francine."

"Let's just go in." Lucy interrupted. Jamie sulked. Junior shot Francine a grateful look. She knew she'd always liked that girl.

"Jamie's a nosy bitch," Francine said in a not-so-quiet whisper. Jamie shot a death glare their way. Junior liked Francine's frankness. That was something she'd gotten used to, having Jack and Bobby around.

Junior may have possibly fallen asleep during the movie. It was dark, the seats were plush, and she was absolutely exhausted. She couldn't remember for sure if she'd drifted off, but if she hadn't the movie was ridiculously confusing.

Later, under a blue and green striped quilt on the floor of Lucy's bedroom, Junior stared at the ceiling and tried to sleep. Lucy had chattered incessantly about this girl and that boy and Junior really found it hard to care. She didn't have a terrible appetite for gossip these days—probably because most of it revolved around her.

There was a time when any problem Junior had, she would take to Lucy. Lucy would reason it out with her and they would figure out what to do. But those problems had always involved getting some boy to like her, or scrounging up some money to buy something absolutely _essential_ like a new pair of jeans, or sneaking out past curfew. All those things just seemed so…childish.

Suddenly, Junior felt very grown-up, and it made her very, very lonely. She knew that this wonderful weekend would not be wonderful. Lucy was still a normal seventeen-year-old, with her mom and dad happily married and some wild brothers and sisters to scold and complain about and love. Junior's mother was dead and her father was gay and a whole town of people she didn't know hated her.

Junior wondered if Lucy would wake up and miraculously notice that something was wrong. Lucy was her cousin, her best friend, the sister she'd never had, so surely she would notice Junior's distress. That always happened in stories. But Lucy's deep, even breaths went on until Junior dropped off.

---------------------------------------------------------

It was just the men of the house, the two Twist men and that del Mar thrown in there. It'd always been like that, hadn't it? It felt strange, now, just the three of them.

"Think she got there alright?" Jack asked vaguely, then instantly wished he hadn't. Ennis worried enough for the both of them; Jack didn't need to bring it up. Ennis grunted.

"Prob'ly not. Prob'ly they made a stop somewhere out in the middle a nowhere and some outlaws came to rob the train and—"

"What the hell? Outlaws?" Jack couldn't help but join Bobby's laughter. "Ennis, it's _19_81, not 1881. I don't think we got outlaws no more."

"You don't know that." Ennis muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. But his lips twitched just a little. Jack poked Ennis.

"Been watching too much TV, cowboy."

The phone rang. Ennis bit his lip, wondering if it was Junior on the line from some hospital somewhere, dying or in trouble or hurt or…

Jack went to answer the phone while Ennis stewed, shaking his head a little. That man.

"Y'lo?"

"Um…Mr. Twist? Or Mr. del Mar?"

"Twist." Jack said cautiously.

"This is Roy McGowan, Kurt's dad."

"Oh, howdy. How're you doing?" Jack lounged against the wall, playing with the cord on the phone.

"I'm…well. I'm assuming Bobby told you about Mary Ellen?" His voice was full of forced, practiced ease, a tense casualty that made Jack cringe a little.

"Sure did, and I gotta say, that's some tough shit there. 'Scuse my language." Jack didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say he was sorry because he hated when people he hardly knew told him that when hearing of his misfortune. Well, his made-up misfortune, namely a dead wife.

"Yes." Roy sighed. "Um, listen, that's sort of why I'm calling. Mary Ellen loves horses, has all her life, and I'm having the stable fixed up and we're looking into at least one. But all this could take months, see, and I think it would really help her to interact with horses as soon as possible." He sounded businesslike, but Jack could detect a little tremble underneath the surface. He made an _mmhmm_ sound.

"So, I was wondering if maybe Mary Ellen could come over and…not ride, probably, but just spend some time with your animals? You or Mr. del Mar could supervise, of course," he added quickly.

"Ennis and Jack," Jack cut in absent-mindedly. He had some doubts about the whole situation. He didn't know much about this woman. He wasn't sure he'd ever met a depressed person. Would she scare the horses? Would she hurt them? But then he thought of five boys and two girls and a sad, hurt woman. All she wanted was to ride a horse.

"That seems just fine," Jack said firmly. "Don't you worry 'bout it at all. You just bring her on by anytime. And any of the kids, too. We'd love to have 'em out here."

"You're sure?" Roy sounded taken aback, and that just made Jack more sure.

"Course."

"I'd be willing to pay—"

"No way." Jack cut him off.

"But—"

"I don't want to hear another word 'bout it, Roy." Jack used his stubborn voice. And his stubborn face, but Roy couldn't see that.

"Well, alright. If you're sure…"

"I'm sure."

"Okay. Thank you very much."

After hanging up, Jack rested against the wall for a minute, wondering how Ennis was going to take the news. That woman had made him seriously jumpy the other night. He might be mad. Jack didn't really care—he'd made the right decision.

"Who was that?" Ennis asked.

Jack gave him a quick rundown, expecting Ennis to protest, to have a conniption fit. Instead Ennis grunted and shrugged. Before Jack could question him, Ennis turned to Bobby.

"So, up to going to the game?"

Jack and Bobby both stared at him. Ennis wanted to go to the game? What the hell was going on? He'd been hiding out the last few days, not wanting to go out if he didn't absolutely have to. He shrugged at their inquiring looks.

"Kinda want to see 'em lose…" He shrugged again, smiling helplessly. Jack barked out a laugh.

"Well, I guess so." Bobby said slowly.

"Sure?"

"Yeah. Be kinda nice, I guess."

So they went. It was cold and they got a few looks, but no one there bothered them. Bobby couldn't help but smile as he watched his old teammates get absolutely flattened. Jimmy Kent had taken over Bobby's wide receiver role, and he was horrible.

"Butterfingers." Ennis commented as yet another pass slid through Jimmy's hands. Bobby watched closely as Jimmy walked back to the huddle and the quarterback, Lewis Jones, shoved him angrily. Lewis was a scrawny kid, but he had a competitive streak a mile wide that often turned to a mean streak when faced with a loss.

They could hear disgusted mutters from behind them. Ennis tensed and Jack elbowed him lightly.

"They're mad at the game, Ennis. Prob'ly could care less 'bout us right now." He hoped it was true.

The score wasn't _too_ bad—42-7. At least they'd scored this time. Bobby glanced around warily as people were beginning to come out of their game-fog and realize the three of them were sitting there.

"Maybe we should…get going." He suggested quietly. Jack bit his lip and Ennis nodded. They started walking, staying quiet, trying not to draw attention to themselves. But from the field, coach saw Bobby, and he came over.

"Twist!" He boomed. Bobby cringed. Jack and Ennis both turned with him, eyes narrow, ready to fight this man if necessary. Coach came over to them and looked…sheepish.

"Look, Twist…we're dying. Jimmy Kent can't catch a ball to save his life. We got nobody else to fill your spot."

Bobby was holding back a grin. He did love to be flattered.

"So, I'm willing to take you back on the team."

Bobby's grin disappeared.

"Take me back?"

"Sure thing. Betcha miss football, huh?"

"I…"

"And the other guys'll understand. I don't want to give you any special treatment, but we can give you another chance, let you come back."

"Another chance?"

Bobby clenched his fists. Give him another chance? _Let_ him come back? He hadn't done anything wrong! Coach should be begging him to come back. Instead, he stood there with an arrogant little smirk.

"No thank you." Bobby ground out, teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached.

"Huh?"

"I didn't deserve to be kicked off the team and you don't deserve to have me back." And with that, Bobby walked off, Jack and Ennis trailing a little behind, shooting looks at his back and at each other. In the truck, Jack managed to stay quiet for all of twelve seconds. It was exactly twelve seconds, Ennis knew, because he'd counted.

"Son of a bitch!" Was how he broke his silence. Then he clapped a hand on Bobby's back and managed another seven seconds of quiet before starting in about how awful Jimmy Kent was.

---------------------------------------------------------

Junior prayed for the day to be over. Saturday had never been this long before. They were on a group date.

All.

Day.

Long.

First they went to the ice rink. Then they went for lunch. Then they went to Old Man McKinney's farm to pick pumpkins. Now they were bowling. All this interaction was giving Junior a migraine.

"Junior, come in, it's your turn!" Kevin said enthusiastically. Junior wanted to scream. He said the same thing _every time_ it was her turn. With the same amount of enthusiasm. Now, Junior had never exactly been…perky, but she was even less so now. She used to have the biggest crush on Kevin. Now she was getting about twelve hours of quality time with him, and she was ready to throttle the boy.

She forced a smile and lobbed the ball down the lane. It sank into the gutter about three seconds after she'd let go. Kevin groaned good-naturedly—just as he had the last time she'd gotten a gutter ball. And the time before that.

Junior worked on not screaming. She sighed quietly. _What else would you be doing on a Saturday?_ She scolded herself.

Well. She would've made breakfast—probably pancakes, maybe French toast. Bacon, always, and most likely some eggs. Jack would've exclaimed wildly over her cooking like it was some fancy cuisine. Ennis would have laughed at him. Bobby would've gone back to bed after the morning chores and not emerged for a few hours. Then he'd complain about his cold breakfast. Junior and Bobby probably would've gone for a ride, racing and challenging each other to stupid dares. When they came back in, Jack and Ennis would've been asleep on the couch with the TV on mute. The two kids would've made lunch, horsing around loud enough to wake their fathers and impose Ennis's just-woken-up wrath.

Junior felt an ache swell up. She wanted to be _there_, not _here_. Hanging out with these people exhausted her. Kevin said something to her and she didn't even bother to plaster a smile on her face. She may have even made an annoyed face at him.

"Junior, let's go to the bathroom," Lucy said firmly, in a way that told Junior she didn't have a choice but to follow. Junior never used the bathroom at the bowling alley. Or the movie theater. Both were too grimy.

"What is wrong with you?" Lucy started as soon as they were down the hall.

"Huh?"

"Kevin is like, mega gorgeous. And he's totally _in love_ with you and you're pretty much blowing him off!"

"He's annoying."

"_What!_"

"He is."

"You didn't think so three months ago."

"I didn't even know him."

"Yes, you did. We hung out with him like twice a week."

"Well, he wasn't as annoying then."

"He's _exactly the same_, Junior. God, it's like you don't even want to be here." Lucy sounded hurt. Junior exhaled loudly and put her hand to her forehead. She was here for Lucy. She _did_ want to be here.

"I do. I'm just…I'm not real social these days."

"You weren't very social ever." Lucy muttered. "What made you go into ultra-hermit mode?"

"Uh, Luce? My mom? Remember her? Yeah, she's dead." Junior's voice sounded harsher than she'd meant it to. Lucy looked down, bit her lip.

"Well I didn't think you would just…" She trailed off. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Junior was suddenly tired in every way. She wanted to leave, but they had about three more hours of scheduled fun to go. Somehow, she managed to get through it all. She smiled at appropriate times and managed to choke down a corn dog. Kevin sat with his arm around her. Three months ago she'd have been in heaven. Now she had to fight not to shove him away.

Finally, _finally_, they went back to Lucy's. They did the whole cake and ice cream family thing, and then they could go to sleep. Junior drifted off easily. All of her things were packed. The train left early in the morning, and she wasn't too torn to be leaving.


	22. Chapter 21

Junior got off the train, and there they were, waiting—all three of them in cowboy hats and boots and belt buckles. Junior felt herself laugh a little at how they stuck out from the crowd. Sure, there were other cowboys there, but none who were trying so hard to look like they were just casual friends.

"So, how was it?" Jack asked when she was close enough. Ennis dutifully took her bag.

"It was really great." Junior lied. "Thanks so much for letting me go. I missed all my friends so much." Why was she lying? Would it be so bad for them to know she wasn't completely miserable with them? Junior's natural stubbornness, ingrained in her since birth, reared its head. She wasn't supposed to like it here, so even if she did, she would _not_ admit it.

"Oh, I'm just glad you got to see all your friends. How was the birthday party for your cousin?"

"Real fun. I spent a lot of time with this guy, Kevin. He's really great." Again with the lie. A sour look passed over Ennis's face.

"And what is this Kevin fella like?"

"He's…" Junior tried to think of something to say. Her quick brain had abandoned her. _You got yourself into this lie, you get yourself out,_ it said defiantly. "He's real nice." She finished lamely. Bobby raised an eyebrow. Junior flushed.

"Hmph. Let's get outta here. All this p'lution's making my lungs hurt." Ennis said. Jack snorted at the absurdity of the comment.

"Ennis, if your lungs been fine to this point, reckon they must be invincible."

"Smoke ain't p'lution."

"Is that s'posed to be a joke?"

And just like that, Junior was home.

* * *

It started one Monday morning in mid-October. First to go was Ken Garcia, a long time client. He gave no explanation; his secretary called (a snub that did not go unnoticed) and said he would not be renewing his annual order of beef.

"And just why not?" Jack asked, struggling to keep his tone calm and even. He knew just why not.

There was a pause. "He just isn't needing _your_ beef." The secretary (Ken's daughter) finally said coldly. Jack wondered if she'd been up at the Point and heard Troy's declaration first hand or if her daddy had fed her hate for breakfast that morning. He hung up and stood still for a minute.

"What was that all about?" Ennis asked around his coffee cup.

"Ken Garcia don't want our beef this year." Jack said quietly. Ennis chewed the inside of his cheek for a minute.

"That so?" He asked slowly.

"Yep."

"He the first?"  
"Yep."

"Won't be the last." Ennis shook his head.

"Nope."

They looked at each other, guilt and resignation and a bit of fear passing between them. Ennis finally sighed and set down his coffee cup, grabbed his hat from the chair beside him and heaved himself to his feet.

"Well. Reckon we can save those calves and send 'em to auction."

"Guess so." Jack knew he sounded dejected and didn't do anything to change it. Ennis bit his lip, looking over at Jack for a minute, before heading out the back door. Just before closing the door behind him, he paused as if to say something, but instead bit his lip again and left.

Jack stared at the countertop for a minute. What if they lost so many clients that they went bankrupt? Then they'd have no choice but to sell the place off and move. Would it come to that? A little fear and a lot of anger twisted up in Jack's gut. The worst part of all was that he had no control over any of it.

* * *

Mary Ellen came over Tuesday night for the first of her interactions, as Bobby was calling them. When Jack'd asked about the word, Bobby had shrugged.

"She ain't riding. She's just gonna…I don't know, sit there with the horse. Interact."

She got out of the car with a sullen look on her face. Gretl was with her, but she was bouncing excitedly. Rolfe looked cautious, and Roy just looked tired. Poor Friedrich looked as if he'd been shoved in the car at the last minute, Snappy on top of him.

"They bring the whole family?" Ennis muttered. Jack laughed at him.

"Nope. Only three of the kids, cowboy."

"Sure are loud."

"Howdy there!" Jack called, ignoring the sourpuss to his left. Bobby came out of the house then.

"Bobby!" Gretl screeched. "We're gonna ride your horses!"

"Hey baby!" He scooped her up. "Which one you wanna ride?"

"Yours!"

"Yes ma'am."

"Roy." Mary Ellen whispered, tugging at his sleeve like a lost little girl. "Roy, I want to go home."

"You just come with me, ma'am." Ennis said. Despite his best efforts to sound gentle, Mary Ellen's eyes widened and she looked, panicked, at Roy.

"Go on, Mary Ellen. You'll be fine."

"Roy…"

"Ma'am, I ain't gonna hurt ya." Ennis used his singsong, soothing voice that he usually saved for animals. Scared people often reacted the same way as scared animals, he was finding. She followed him reluctantly, seeming relieved when Friedrich and Snappy followed her protectively. Rolfe was sticking close to Bobby's side, chattering and asking about the horses. Jack went with Ennis and Mary Ellen. Roy looked forlornly between the two groups, so Bobby sent him a shooing motion toward the stable, toward his wife.

"This here's Samson," Ennis explained when they came to a halt in front of a stall. Samson was big, slow, and gentle. Ennis figured he'd be good for Mary Ellen.

"What happened to the other one?" Mary Ellen asked faintly.

"Huh?"

"The old one. When I was here before."

"Oh. Stripe…well, we put Stripe down last week." Ennis couldn't help look down at the thought. Jack clapped a hand on his back, but he felt the same way. Stripe'd been a good horse, one of their favorites, and they'd both grown pretty attached.

"Oh."

"Uh…so anyway, this here's Samson. Why don't you go on in?"

Mary Ellen went in cautiously. She didn't seem scared of Samson, specifically; she was just being careful in this new situation. Samson sniffed her hair once, flicked a bored ear, and went back to his hay. Mary Ellen stroked his neck with trembling fingers.

After a while, Friedrich got bored watching while he could hear his brother and sister riding outside. He left to head outside, Snappy on his heels, and Jack motioned with his head toward the door. Ennis followed him out.

Bobby and Junior were entertaining the kids. Bobby had Firefly, Junior had Thunder, and they were letting Gretl, Rolfe, and now Friedrich take turns on the horses. Gretl, bossy as she was, seemed to be getting a lot more turns than anyone else.

"Go faster!" She commanded. Junior patiently ignored her. Gretl kicked at Thunder. He ignored her, too. Jack couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. That girl had some kind of fire in her.

"Well lookit that." Ennis muttered, shaking his head. Jack looked questioningly at him. "Look like real brother and sister."

Jack looked. Junior and Bobby were leading the horses side-by-side, perfectly in sync with one another. Their footsteps matched, and while they watched, Bobby said something to make Junior roll her eyes. They _did_ look like brother and sister.

"Mebbe 'cause they are." He said quietly. He slipped an arm around Ennis's waist, and Ennis didn't move away. It was a small thing, but it was one of those monumental things Jack had come to be thankful for.

* * *

Mary Ellen started coming twice a week, with varying amounts of family with her. Snappy was always a constant. Gretl came most days, too, and whenever Bobby and Junior weren't there to entertain her, the job fell to Jack and Ennis.

"Ennis." Gretl had her hands on her hips. "Can I have a glass of water?"

"Sure thing." They started walking toward the house, and without warning, Gretl took her hand. Ennis felt himself get all choked up, no matter how hard he fought it. He'd missed so many years with Junior. So many important years. It was a wonder the girl talked to him at all. He managed to pull himself together and got Gretl a drink.

"Ennis, do you have a wife?" Gretl asked suspiciously.

"Huh?"

"My daddy says he couldn't live without my mommy. And I don't think you have a wife. So how do you live?"

"Uh…" Well. How was he supposed to explain this to her? "You know Bobby's daddy, my friend Jack?"

"Yes. Does he have a wife?"

"Noo. Jack…um, I l—I feel for Jack how your daddy feels for your mama. So I don't have a wife, but I got Jack." Ennis felt uncomfortable discussing this even with a little girl. Maybe especially with a little girl.

"Oh, because he's your friend?"

"Well…yeah. But just like your daddy couldn't live without your mama, I couldn't live without Jack." He looked at her for a hint of understanding. Her brows were close together.

"Hm." Gretl thought this over for a minute. She didn't seem upset by this news, just thoughtful. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you have Jack instead of a wife?"

Ennis couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Ain't that the million dollar question."

* * *

"Ennis. We need groceries."

"Shit." Ennis rolled his neck around. "We can't wait any longer?"

"No toilet paper. No milk. No bread. No lunchmeat." Jack raised an eyebrow and leaned in close. "And no Vaseline."

"Fuck."

"Yep."

"Alright, I'll go."

"Well, I'm coming with you." Jack was walking out the door before Ennis had a chance to protest.

"_Jack_. No. You forget last time?"

"I think it'll be okay, long as you don't punch me this time." He said it jokingly, but Ennis flinched anyway. "Ennis, just stay here."

Ennis snorted. "Yeah right."

"I ain't a little girl." Now Jack had that hard edge in his voice—he was getting mad. "I don't need my man to come back me up. I can take care of myself."

"I _know_ that, Jack. But I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt."

"I ain't gonna get hurt."

"How do you know?" Ennis sounded so desperate that Jack had to go to him. He put his arms around the other man and nuzzled his neck.

"Scout's honor."

"You weren't never a scout." Ennis said, quiet.

"Well, bull rider's honor."

"That s'posed to make me feel better?" But Ennis stepped back, reluctantly, and gave Jack a little smile.

Jack gave Ennis's ass a little swat. "Hey, don't be rude. Or I'll forget the Vaseline."

As Jack headed out the door, Junior wandered in.

"Where you going?" She asked.

"Grocery store. You wanna come?"

"Sure."

"Whoa, hang on," Ennis cut in. "You think it's safe?"

"_Ennis_." It was amazing how much frustration and exasperation Jack could fit into that one word.

"_Jack_." He shot back just as much to Jack.

Jack didn't say anything, just shot Ennis another one of those looks, the ones that said _I'm about to lose it so you'd better start agreeing with me_. Ennis had caught a fair share of those looks in their time together.

"Fine!" Ennis threw his hands in the air. "Don't you come crying to me if somebody knocks you straight into last week."

"I won't." Jack smirked. "If I recall, I sure weren't crying this time last week. In fact, we were—"

"Jack!"

Junior looked like she might be sick. Jack, of course, was laughing, and Ennis was positively scarlet. He gave Jack one of his own warning looks, and Jack, still chuckling to himself, left with Junior. Ennis shook his head. That man.

* * *

"Well, hello there, pretty little thing." Junior looked up cautiously from the carrots she'd been examining. She didn't know the man in front of her, and something about the greedy look on his face as his eyes scanned her chest made her feel she didn't want to.

"You here all alone?" He reached out and ran a finger down her arm. Her mouth went dry and she couldn't seem to look away from his finger on her arm.

Once, when she'd been almost fifteen, she'd encountered a man like this. But her mother had been with her then. Alma had glared at the man and taken Junior firmly by the arm, steering her out of the gas station they'd stopped at. Alma wasn't here this time, and Junior felt herself get a little panicky. She'd heard awful stories about girls in this situation.

"I'm talking to you, girl." Now he sounded angry. Junior's eyes went wide. She couldn't seem to make herself move.

"Everything all right here?" Jack asked cautiously. She turned to him, relief shooting through her.

"Jess fine." The man slouched off. Junior felt a huge breath pass her lips. She was shaking a little. Her arm where he'd touched her felt like it was covered in ants.

"Junior? You okay?"

"He…he…" She sputtered for a minute and Jack's eyes grew dark.

"He try something on you?" His voice was low.

"N-no. He was just…looking at me. And talking."

"He didn't touch you?"

"Well…"

"_He touched you?_" A vein was throbbing in Jack's neck. Junior had never noticed it before.

"Just…just my arm." Now Jack was scaring her almost as much as the man had. He turned in the direction the man had gone, dropping the basket he'd been carrying.

"Jack!" Junior grabbed his arm. "Please, can't we just finish up here and go home? I don't think it was that big of a deal." She didn't want Jack to start something and end up in a fight. He stared down at her for a minute, the muscle in his jaw tight and angry, and then nodded.

He was quiet on the way home. Thinking on it now, in the safety of the truck, with Jack driving and the radio on, Junior thought the whole thing was a little silly. What exactly did she think he was going to try in the middle of the vegetable aisle? She cursed her imagination and her stupid fear. Now Jack was all worked up over nothing.

"Junior?"

"Hm?"

"That guy scare you?"

"Well…he did. But now I ain't so scared. Was kinda stupid in the first place."

"Weren't stupid. But can you promise me something?" He took a deep breath through his nose, nostrils flaring. "You gotta move when that happens, honey. Or at least yell for me. I wouldn't have seen anything if he'd tried to go further. You gotta let me help you."

For some reason, this made Junior want to cry. She didn't know why, but the fact that he wanted to help her flipped some kind of switch inside her. She looked out the window.

"Okay?"

"Okay."


	23. Chapter 22

AN: This is the end of part one, the "fall" sequence. My next update will be chapter one again, but it will be winter. Thanks for reading, guys!

* * *

Ennis was worried about Halloween. Now, Ennis was never one to get into the festive spirit, never one to dress up or cheerfully hand out candy. But this Halloween was particularly worrisome to him. People _knew_ this year. And if he'd learned anything over the years, it was that Halloween gave people a reason to be nasty to one another. Pumpkins got thrown at cars. Houses got toilet papered. He was worried that the pranks would go further.

"You kids got your costumes together?" Jack asked a few days before the Big Day. Bobby shrugged noncommittally; Junior raised an eyebrow.

"Uh…ain't we a little old to be Trick-or-Treating?"

"I wouldn't say so."

"We're seniors in high school."

"Don't mean you don't like candy." Jack shrugged, like it was the obvious answer. "Hell, I'd Trick-or-Treat if Ennis'd let me." Ennis grunted and rolled his eyes. The sad thing was that it was true.

"I haven't gone in years." Junior said.

"Gretl wants me to go with them." Bobby piped in. "She's gonna be a cowgirl and she wants me to be a cowboy with her."

"Well, that'll be easy."

"Guess so. Thinking of taking Firefly out so Gretl can ride around. Maybe the other kids, too, but we'll have to see if Gretl'll let 'em." He laughed. Ennis shook his head.

"That girl sure is bossy." He commented. Bobby laughed again.

"'Cause she's so spoiled. She's the baby."

"Nah, being the baby don't make you bossy. I'm the baby, and I ain't bossy."

Jack laughed so hard he choked on his toast. Ennis frowned and thumped him on the back.

"What's so funny?"

"You said you weren't bossy. Thought it was a joke."

Bobby and Junior laughed. Ennis just gave him a dirty look, to which Jack smiled cheekily. Ennis could keep his stern mask on, not with Jack grinning like that, and a little twitch of his lips set Jack to laughing again.

* * *

After the kids went to school, Jack and Ennis were doing some chores in the barn. Jack looked at Ennis's tight mouth and tense shoulders and went over to him, running a hand along those shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

Ennis sighed. "Worried 'bout Halloween."

"Yeah. I was thinking 'bout that." Jack bit his lip. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Think so?"

"Well, I sure hope so."

Ennis pushed his hat back on his head and sighed again. He chewed the inside of his cheek, worrying, stewing, head down. Jack hooked a finger through Ennis's belt loop, and they sat for a minute, not talking, just worrying together, before a stomp and a snort from one of the horses brought them back to reality and they got back to their work.

* * *

The Halloween night was clear and absolutely freezing. Gretl's cowgirl costume included a heavy purple coat and gloves. Friedrich was Peter Pan, Rolfe was a pirate, Max was an alien, and G was a mummy. Louisa was a cat or something; Ennis couldn't really tell, and Kurt was a mad scientist. Rolfe told Ennis conspiratorially that Kurt was a mad scientist _every_ year.

They were all gathered at the ranch, since Gretl insisted on having Firefly for her Trick-or-Treating needs. Bobby was all gussied up, looked like one of them TV cowboys instead of a real one, but that was the point, apparently. Junior had begrudgingly dressed up, as a witch or something, and she and Louisa were tittering over something or another.

When they finally got everyone rounded up and ready to go, Jack handed out flashlights and gave them the ground rules that every group of kids hears from their parents every time they go somewhere.

"You kids be careful," he admonished. "Stay together. And don't talk to no strangers."

"How we supposed to get candy then?" Rolfe demanded, his eye patch twisted and crooked. Junior fixed it for him.

"Well…" Jack paused. "Alright, only talk to strangers when you're at their door asking for candy. But you stay away from those wackos on the street. Betcha old man Filman's out there already, drunk and ornery as ever."

"Who's old man Filman?" Friedrich asked, eyes wide.

"Scariest old man who ever lived." Jack declared in his best spooky voice. Friedrich shot a glance at Ennis, clearly his idea of the scariest old man that ever lived, and the expression on Ennis's face set Jack to laughing so hard he nearly pissed himself.

It took a while, but the kids were finally on their way, all the younger kids' hands firmly held by an older kid. Poor G fell in the middle category and gave murderous looks to anyone who tried to hold his hand.

"I ain't scary." Ennis muttered once the kids were finally on their way.

"No you ain't." Jack answered, giving him a long look, letting his eyes fall to places he'd like to see sometime in the very near future. Ennis let out a growl that still wasn't very scary, and a few minutes later the two men were doing their own Trick-or-Treating.

* * *

Bobby was ready to go home. They were all freezing. Gretl was getting whiny and Firefly kept shooting him looks that Bobby imagined were half-pleading, half-accusing.

"We 'bout done?" Bobby asked hopefully. Kurt nodded in agreement and Junior shrugged. She hadn't even wanted to go in the first place.

"No!" Gretl cried. "We need more candy."

"Gretty." Kurt started patiently, but he was rapidly losing said patience. "You have enough candy. It's freezing out here. You don't want Bobby's horse to get sick, do you?"

"No…" She answered slowly, glancing at Bobby to see if horses really did get sick from being out in the cold the way Louisa told her kids did. Bobby nodded solemnly. "Okay." She finally agreed, voice full of long-suffering.

"Hey, it don't mean you have to go home." Junior said, looking over at Bobby. "You guys can come in and have some hot chocolate. Right Bobby?"

"Uh, yeah, s'pose so." He shrugged. He loved all of Kurt's siblings. He'd be okay with spending some more time with them. They turned toward home. At this point, Rolfe was on Kurt's back and Friedrich was on Firefly with Gretl. G looked a little jealous, but he was eleven years old and _much_ too old to need to be carried.

"Well ain't this cute?" Bobby's teeth clenched as soon as he heard the sneering voice behind them. "Panty Twist and his boyfriend out on a little family outing."

Bobby turned slowly to face Jimmy Kent. He had a few guys from the football team with him. No Troy, though. Junior shot Bobby a look. _Ignore them_, she mouthed. He made a face. Kurt handed Rolfe off to Louisa and stood next to Bobby.

"Can we help you boys?" He asked cautiously. One of the guys laughed, and Bobby could smell cheap whiskey on their breaths. Oh, fabulous.

"Reckon you gonna help yourselves." Jimmy slurred out. "Front of these kids? That's just indecent, boys. Maybe we should take these here kids offa your hands."

Louisa came over to the group. "Kurt, let's just go." She whispered.

"Lookit this pretty little thing." Jimmy reached for Louisa. Kurt shoved his arm away.

"Don't you fucking touch her." He snarled. Max, tall and skinny and thirteen years old, stepped up next to Bobby and Kurt.

"What the hell's this?" Jimmy laughed. "You gonna let some kid fight your battles now, Panty Twist?"

"How's your nose feeling, Kent?" Bobby sneered. Jimmy's face colored and a few of his cronies chortled into their collars.

"Max, get back." Kurt muttered. Max gave him a murderous look but did as he was told.

"Kurt, Bobby, come on." Louisa repeated. Bobby bit his lip, hard, dug his nails into his palms. He didn't want to get into anything, not with all the kids around. He heard Firefly dance nervously, Junior cooing to her, Gretl and Friedrich getting nervous up there.

"Come on." Bobby ground out, turning to go. Kurt spat at Jimmy's feet before turning as well.

"You gonna take that tight little pussy with you? Reckon I might like a piece of—"

He didn't finish before Kurt launched himself at him, growling. Jimmy's nose, crooked and already broken, started bleeding almost from the wind of Kurt's swing. Even though Kurt was quite possibly the biggest nerd in the world, he was still _huge_, and a kid didn't get to be six foot four without at least a little power to his punch. Jimmy staggered comically, the combination of drink and the blow knocking him to his knees.

The other guys stepped up, glowering. Bobby stepped up next to Kurt, and the two tried to fight the onslaught. It was the two of them against four members of the offensive line. Bobby felt a little panic starting to rise up. A fist to his skull sent his brain reeling.

Louisa and Junior were screaming. Kurt, for all his size and strength, was not a fighter. His fists were flying blindly, not doing much damage. The two biggest guys had him on the ground and were pummeling him. He'd feel that in the morning. _If we make it to morning_, Bobby thought dimly. Max decided now would be a good time to get in on the fighting. _Fuck_, Bobby thought, as Jimmy took on Max personally.

"You kids knock that off!" The reedy voice of an old man startled the boys apart, panting, everyone bleeding from some body part or another. Old man Filman stood there, weaving slightly from the amount he'd had to drink, eyes unfocused but glaring. "Go home!" He bellowed. The football players, knowing the trouble they'd be in if they got caught drunk, turned tail and ran.

Bobby limped over to Max and pulled him to his feet. His nose and lip were bleeding and his eye was almost swollen shut. Kurt came over and looked into his eyes.

"Probably got a concussion." He muttered.

"Think we all do." Bobby said. Max could barely stand, so Louisa made Gretl and Friedrich get off Firefly and let Max ride.

"Hey girl." Bobby murmured as Firefly nuzzled his hair cautiously. She whuffed a breath into his face, the whites of her eyes showing at the smell of blood. "You calm down." He ordered. "I'm alright."

"Your daddy and Ennis…" Junior trailed off.

"Aw, shit." Bobby swore. "Gonna blow a gasket."

"My dad's gonna freak." Kurt shook his head. "We've never been in fights before." He jerked a thumb at Max. "He's gonna lose it when he sees him."

"Should've left when I said to." Louisa said accusingly.

"Did you miss what he said about you?" Kurt asked angrily.

"I don't care what some drunk idiot says about me." She spat at Kurt. "Look at you! You're bloody and swollen and if that old guy hadn't come along you'd probably be out cold. You dragged your friend and your brother into a fight that never should've happened! Look at Max!" Louisa was nearly screaming the words now. "He's only thirteen, asshole! Look at G!"

"G?" Kurt's eyes went wide. "Fuck." He turned to G. The younger boy was shaking, eyes focused solely on the ground in front of him. "G, come on, man, look at me."

"No…you're bleeding. I don't want to see." His voice was raspy, scary. Bobby looked questioningly at Louisa. She was crying. Junior slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"G, it's okay. I'm fine. Nothing bad happened."

"Those boys were punching you. You were laying on the ground and you were all bloody and…" He gulped. Bobby remembered, suddenly, that G had seen Roger that night. Bobby sucked in a big breath. Holy shit. He'd thought Kurt…

They were almost to the truck. They'd had to drive into town to hit all the houses, and Bobby was grateful to pile everyone in. Firefly went into the trailer quieter than usual, as if she could tell they just needed to get home. Bobby was dreading going in.

Jack and Ennis came out when they heard the engine, Jack smiling and Ennis trying not to. Luckily it was dark and they couldn't see the blood through the windshield. Bobby hesitated.

"Uh, I gotta pull the truck over to the barn to unload Firefly. Do you guys want to get out now?" He glanced at Junior, wondering what to do.

"Why don't you and Kurt and Max go down to the barn and the rest of us will go. I'll try to…I don't know what I'll say…" She shrugged. Bobby nodded thankfully.

Bobby hadn't even gotten Firefly out of the trailer when Jack and Ennis came tearing over to him. Apparently whatever Junior'd said hadn't been enough. He sighed. This would not be pretty.

"Robert Jack Twist!" Jack bellowed before he was even halfway there. Firefly gave Bobby a look. It felt like a _told you so,_ but she'd never told him anything so he didn't feel he deserved it.

"Daddy, I'm gonna put Firefly away and then I will talk to you." Bobby was firm and didn't look at his father or Ennis. It would be worse if they saw the injuries head on. But then he heard his father gasp out a string of curses and knew he'd seen Kurt and Max.

"See you later, girl." Bobby said mournfully. "Maybe." He stroked her velvety nose a few times and made sure she had enough hay and water. He'd already gotten her grain and he'd put a blanket over her back. He couldn't stall any longer.

"What in the hell happened?" Jack asked, tipping Bobby's chin up so he could survey the damage to his son's face. Bobby was almost eye-to-eye with Jack these days.

"Well. We was minding our own business. Really. And stupid Jimmy Kent and some of the guys from the team came up, and they was drunk off their asses, and…" Bobby shrugged. "Couldn't keep civil tongues in their heads around the girls, so we had to take care of it."

Jack ran a hand over his face and shot a look at Ennis. Ennis's jaw was tight as he glanced at the blood that had spilled down Bobby's shirt. Max and Kurt stood to the side, shamed.

"Sir, it's my fault." Kurt broke in. "Bobby was going to just leave, but I threw the first punch."

"Nah, it ain't his fault. It's Jimmy Kent's fault. He was saying shit 'bout Louisa and Kurt couldn't just let him say it, Daddy. And then, well, I couldn't just stand there and let 'em beat the shit outta Kurt without getting the shit beat outta me, too." Bobby smiled ruefully. Jack sighed. He bit his lip and looked at Ennis again.

Ennis was battling the same things Jack was. Half proud that the boys had stood up for respecting women and all, and half exasperated. Bobby had never been this violent before, had he? That was something that was troubling Jack. Sure, Bobby wasn't seeking the fights out, but he surely wasn't backing down, either.

"Bobby, you sure been fighting a lot lately." Jack didn't know exactly what he hoped to achieve from that statement, but he felt he needed to throw it out there. Bobby kicked at a rock.

"Never had no reason to be." He muttered.

"Ain't gotta solve everything with fists." Ennis said, quiet, because he felt a little hypocritical saying it. The bruise on Jack's cheek was gone but Ennis could still see it in his mind.

"Yessir." All three boys murmured.

"How many were there?" Jack asked.

"Five."

"Shit."

"What made 'em leave?" Ennis asked.

"Old man Filman came out and started yelling at us."

"That was old man Filman?" Kurt asked. He shrugged. "Wasn't _that_ scary."

"He'll be scary tomorrow when he calls to yell about the disturbance you boys were." Jack said. "Let's go in the house, get you boys cleaned up 'fore you gotta go home and give your daddy a heart attack."

The boys walked ahead of Jack and Ennis. Ennis sighed and gave Jack a grim look, which he returned. They could handle talk. They could even mostly handle losing business. But they couldn't handle Bobby getting all beat up over this. Jack shook his head, not sure if it was from anger or guilt or some mix of the two, and Ennis reached out and took his hand. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say that everything would be fine, because he wasn't sure if it would be. He just wanted Jack to know that he was there.

Jack smiled a little. He wasn't any less worried and the three boys walking in front of him were still limping and bleeding and complaining about their various injuries. There were still people throughout his town who hated him just for who he was. But with the gentle pressure of Ennis's fingers twined with his own, Jack felt like he could handle it.


	24. Winter: Chapter 1

The wind was howling, signaling the start of Wyoming winter. Bobby made a face as dust kicked up into his eyes. He loved Christmas. He loved cold weather. But he hated, absolutely _hated_, the driving wind that chapped any exposed skin.

"Stupid wind." He muttered.

"You've lived here f-f-forever." Junior couldn't keep her teeth from chattering. "Ain't you used to it?"

"You used to it?"

"Kinda."

"Well, I hate it." They made it to the truck. For the third time this week, smashed eggs covered almost every inch. Bobby swore.

"You'd think he'd run outta eggs." Junior commented dryly. Bobby just gave her a dirty look because he couldn't think of anything to say. There was no question who'd done it. Jimmy Kent.

"Guess we're just lucky he ain't broken any of my windows or anything." Bobby said darkly. Jack noted the egg on the car when they got home and pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Third time this week." He muttered through clenched teeth to Ennis.

"S'pose it wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't lost the last game."

"Probably."

Junior came in. Ennis and Jack watched Bobby pull the hose over to his truck, cursing when no water came out.

"Pipes're frozen." Jack commented.

"Yep. It'll be a minute."

Bobby looked down into the hose.

"Oh, Bobby, don't—"

And then the water broke through the ice.

It was a serious situation. Really, it was. Bobby's truck had been egged. But good Lord, the three people huddled around the big picture window in the living room could not help but laugh their asses off as Bobby spluttered and cursed and hollered in sheer frustration.

"What, he didn't see that coming?" Junior gasped, snorting.

"DADDY!" They could hear Bobby's hollering through the walls of the house, and that set them laughing again.

"Oh, come on now, don't laugh at him," Ennis chortled. He guffawed a few more times before going outside to help Bobby. Jack joined him after a few minutes, but Junior preferred the warm house. When the three men came back in, Bobby shivering and red faced with anger, the mood was much more somber.

"I swear to fucking God I am going to kick his goddamn ass into next week if he touches my truck again!" Bobby bellowed.

"Bobby!" Jack said sharply. "Boy, I am getting worried 'bout all this violence you been getting into lately."

"They been starting it!"

"Don't make it right." Ennis broke in gently, handing Bobby a towel. Bobby gave one last roar of rage before stomping up the stairs to his room.

"Ain't like him to be so _angry_ all the time," Jack said, shaking his head.

"Well, he ain't really had no reason to be, did he?"

"Guess that's our fault."

"Darlin…"

Junior could see this was rapidly becoming a moment she was not supposed to see. As Jack went into Ennis's arms, she eased off to her room, wondering about Bobby. She hadn't known him long. Maybe Ennis was wrong. Maybe Bobby'd been angry all the time, but now he had a reason to let it all out.

In the kitchen, Jack had his face buried in Ennis's neck and Ennis had his face buried in Jack's hair. Jack mumbled something Ennis couldn't hear.

"Huh?" He grunted. Jack pushed back to look at Ennis.

"We being selfish 'bout all this?"

"What you mean?"

"Well…we was all worried when Troy found out and told everyone. But things ain't been so bad for us. The kids gotta go to school and deal with everyone while we hide out here all day."

Ennis didn't say anything. He'd never thought of that. Was he hiding out? He considered all the times he should've gone to the store and instead had dug something ancient and mostly disgusting out of the freezer. Yep, he was hiding out.

"Well what do you reckon we should do 'bout it?" Ennis asked, more gruff than he'd meant to be.

"I was just thinking out loud." Jack said, getting defensive. Ennis sighed and pulled Jack close to him again.

"Don't know what to do," he murmured, this time burying his face in the crook of Jack's neck and shoulder. Jack sighed.

"Me neither. Reckon we'd better get to making dinner."

"Guess so."

Neither moved. Bobby came down the stairs, and they pulled apart reluctantly. Bobby had that guilty hangdog look on his face, the kind he used to get when he'd snitch a cookie his daddy had told him not to eat. He didn't say anything to the other men, just shrugged a little and ran a hand through his hair. It was what passed for an apology in their house. Jack went past him to the kitchen, dropping a hand to his shoulder for a little squeeze, accepting what Bobby couldn't quite offer.

* * *

Junior sat back in her seat, trying her hardest not to steal a look at Nathan. He'd walked in at the start of class and dropped into the seat next to her. The whole thing puzzled her, to be frank. What did he want? He couldn't honestly want to date her. She knew he was a friend of Troy's. That in itself made her distrust him. But he seemed so nice, and she couldn't help but remember the way he'd stood up for Bobby. Well, sort of. He was a bit of a sports-drone, so his defending Bobby had been a bit selfish.

Junior set to work on her homework, decidedly pushing any thoughts of Nathan out of her head. She wasn't going to think about his broad shoulders or his short hair or his wide smile or…yeah, okay.

"Troy misses you, y'know." He may have been a looker ten seconds ago, but now Junior couldn't help the way her lip curled in distaste.

"'Scuse me?"

"He really does. He just wants to talk to you, if you'd let him."

"Then why ain't he talking to me? Ever'time I see him, he runs in the other direction."

"He's worried." Nathan shrugged. "Worried you hate him 'cause what he said 'bout your daddy and all the trouble you been having since then."

"Well it sure don't make me want to throw my arms 'round him." Junior said sourly. She always got extra snappy when her guts were churning with uncertainty. What was going on here? Thinking about Troy sent little tremors through her body.

"You should just give him another chance." Nathan said, gathering up his books. The bell rang. "He sure does miss you." Then he was gone.

Junior stayed in her seat, dumbstruck. Her first concrete feeling was disappointment. Nathan didn't want to date her. He was doing Troy some sort of favor. She had no second concrete feeling. She couldn't hold on to her spinning thoughts.

Troy wanted her back? Did she want Troy back? Did she still like Troy? Why was she shaking? What would her father and Jack say? Oh, they would not like this.

* * *

"How you doing in there?" Ennis asked Mary Ellen, way he did every day. She looked at him blankly for a minute, the look Ennis had gotten so used to—she may have been standing in front of him, but she surely wasn't there with him.

"I'm okay." She said. She said it so quiet Ennis couldn't even really hear her, just saw her lips make the shapes and her breath hiss out in the right spots. He nodded, trying not to show how taken aback he was. It was progress.

* * *

Bobby was sprawled out across his bed, head hanging off the side and lolling around, hoping it would make some thoughts clear. So far it wasn't really working. He'd always been a pretty happy-go-lucky kid; fun, easygoing, able to let things roll off his back.

Not anymore. Bobby was getting more defensive everyday. He walked with his shoulders hunched, looking every which way to determine if anyone was looking at him funny. He took any opportunity he could find to hit somebody. What was going on?

He sighed, blowing the breath up to ruffle his hair off his forehead. He'd never been one to examine his inner feelings or any of the shit. If he was sad, he was sad. He didn't question his emotions.

But he had this anger burning in him. Constantly. It was like one of those brush fires they'd had a couple years ago, the kind that kept burning all along the dry prairie grass and couldn't nothing put it out, no matter how much grass it ate up.

That was Bobby. Nothing could stop this giant anger; no matter how many times he broke Jimmy Kent's nose or how many other guys he fought, it was still there in the pit of his stomach. He was sick of it, but even being sick of it fanned the flames. He figured if he couldn't fight it out of himself, maybe he could think it out.

So why was he so mad? What had changed to make him this way? He snorted. What had changed? _Everything_ had changed. He couldn't walk two steps into town without seeing people's eyes go wide and hear the rustle of whispers over his shoulder. At school, all he saw all day long were sneers. And at home, his daddy and Ennis were so beaten down, so tired of it all. For the first time in his life, Bobby was beginning to really wish his family were normal, 'stead of all fucked up.

He stopped himself at that thought. Normal? What was so fucked up about them? He had two parents who made sure he did his homework and stayed out of trouble. They ate dinner together and they went to church on Christmas. He always had both of them rooting for him in the stands while he was playing ball. Hell, their family was more normal than most anyone else's in town. His daddy wasn't a drunk, way Jimmy Kent's daddy was. Sam Jacobson's mama had a gambling problem and David Fuller's daddy had shot his mama.

Who was to say that he'd be more normal with a mama instead of an Ennis? His mama hadn't fought real hard to keep him; how did he know that he wouldn't have been a burden on her all these years, if he'd had her? Living with Junior had shown him a bit of what it would've been like to have a mother around. More likely than not, it would've meant no muddy dogs in the house, no putting his feet up on the coffee table when he watched TV, no burping contests with his daddy and Ennis.

No thank you, Bobby decided. He liked his fucked up family just fine.

* * *

Jack looked at himself in the mirror, tipping his chin around, examining his face from different angles. Ennis watched him out of the corner of his eye while he brushed his teeth.

"Thinking I might grow a moustache." Jack announced as Ennis was swishing. Ennis spat and gave Jack his best _what the hell, boy?_ look.

"Why?" He asked, sounding like Jack had just suggested they grow corn under their bed. Jack shrugged.

"Doncha think I'd look good with a moustache?"

"No." Ennis said truthfully. A moustache would hide that mole on his lip; the one that Ennis loved to feel under his thumb while he kissed Jack. Ennis blushed at his own thoughts.

"You don't?" Jack sounded injured.

"Think you'd look like you got yourself a caterpillar dangling under your nose." Ennis shrugged. "Never saw no point in moustaches, myself. When you get a runny nose, don't snot get all dried up in there?"

"That's disgusting, Ennis."

"Well, there ya go."

"Might do it anyway." Jack said defiantly.

"Your face. You want to grow yourself a snot-catcher, you go right ahead."

Jack pouted a little. He'd been hoping for some kind of reaction from Ennis, something more than a very sickening mental image of snot gathering in his facial hair. _Well, what were you hoping for, Twist? Think he'd tell you to do it so he could feel a man's moustache against his face when he kisses you?_

"Ennis?" Jack crawled under the covers, glad they had a thick quilt to combat the chill.

"Hmm?" Ennis was concentrating on pulling his belt out of the loops.

"Moustache would tickle ya when I'm down there."

Ennis froze, fingers hovering over his belt. His eyes were wide, and Jack could practically see the pictures in Ennis's mind _now_. He hid a grin.

"Ungh…"

"What was that, Ennis?"

Ennis cleared his throat. He muttered some things under his breath that Jack couldn't make out. His face was bright red, freckles standing out against his flush. Jack chuckled a little.

"Coming to bed?" He asked innocently.

* * *

The phone rang while they were eating dinner the next night. Ennis was closest to the phone; didn't even have to get up. He set down his fork and stretched for the phone.

"H'lo." He frowned. "Who's this?" He snapped. "Tough talk for a man hiding behind a phone line. That's right, don't call back here, you son of a bitch." He slammed the phone down, breathing hard, jaw clenched. Jack, Bobby, and Junior sat frozen, watching him.

"Fucker." He muttered under his breath, then winced and shot a regretful look at Bobby and Junior. His eyes cut to Jack before focusing back on his food.

"Ennis." Jack said. "Problem?"

"Nah."

"Ennis."

Ennis shot him a look, one that said _I'll tell you later, not in front of the kids_. Jack's lips tightened but he nodded. No one ate much after that, and no one talked. The only sounds were the scrapes of forks against plates and Ennis's uncomfortable coughs.

"What was that?" Jack murmured as he and Ennis did the dishes. Bobby and Junior were at the table, doing homework.

"Just some bastard spouting out threats."

"What'd he say?"

"Oh, just telling us queers to go suck each other's dicks."

Jack shrugged. "Shoulda thanked him for the idea."

"Jack. It ain't a joke."

"Who said I was joking? I got myself some nice stubble growing in and I know you're dying to experiment."

"Jack." Ennis's voice was sharp. "What if one of the kids had answered, huh? They getting that kind of shit at school?"

"Why don't you ask them?"

Ennis sighed, setting his attention to drying the plate he was holding. How could he just come out and ask a question like that? _Oh, by the way, kids at school hassle you about your faggot daddies?_ Yeah right.

"We gonna be getting lots of those calls, you reckon?" Jack asked quietly.

"Prob'ly."

"Then the kids're bound to answer 'em sometime. Might as well let 'em know what's coming."

"Maybe they just don't answer the phone no more."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Ennis, they're teenagers. They think the phone's for them ever'time it rings. You'll have to fight 'em off to get to it first. We don't got time to keep guard on the phone."

"Well then maybe we'll just unplug it."

"Maybe you need to quit being a stubborn jackass." Jack said it with no venom. He rinsed off his hands and dried them on the towel Ennis was holding. Ennis watched him go to the kitchen and tell the kids about the call, calmly explaining to them that they didn't need to be worried. When had Jack learned to be so good at that? His father had been horrible. They'd raised Bobby together, neither of them really knowing what they were doing. So why was Jack such a perfect daddy while Ennis couldn't hardly look his own daughter in the face?

* * *

The temperature dropped steadily every day. Ennis put thick blankets over the horses and some of the more vulnerable cows, even. The animals had to come in at night and a couple got all cut up on the layer of ice that covered the ground. Getting water out of the frozen pipes was a chore full of curses, since it meant getting out of bed earlier to run the water longer.

Junior wasn't used to such cold. Sure, she'd lived in Wyoming through the harsh winter, but always in town, where her apartment had heat and someone else was in charge of making sure her water stayed warm. Out here, in the middle of the lonesome prairie, the winter just seemed colder.

"Noticed some of the hands…well, some of the hands don't seem too happy to be here." Jack told Ennis. Ennis sighed.

"Reckon we should…have a talk with 'em? Tell 'em if they got a problem with us, they can just leave?"

Jack gave Ennis an appraising look. "What'd you do with Ennis del Mar?" He joked. Ennis just rolled his eyes. That afternoon, they gathered the hands. Ennis just coughed nervously, so Jack took care of the talking.

"So, we reckon you've all heard the talk in town. 'Bout us." He paused. No one said anything, but a couple of the hands were giving him dark looks. That would be a yes. "We just wanted to say that…well if you got a problem with us, you go ahead and get on out of here. We don't want you if you don't want to be here working for us."

Jack was shaking a little. He hadn't ever confronted anyone like that. Had he? He didn't know. He couldn't think. He licked his lips. Ennis saw him struggling and wanted to reach out a hand and comfort him. But Ennis himself was shaking, too, and there was no way he was going to put an arm around Jack in front of these guys.

Four of the hands left. One spat at Jack's feet and Ennis made a move toward him before Jack stopped him. They were left with just two men—one, David, was barely nineteen years old. The other was their foreman, Joel; older than both Jack and Ennis, he'd been with them the longest, almost as long as they'd lived there. The four of them stood looking at each other for a minute.

"So, uh." Ennis started. "We really 'preciate you fellahs sticking around."

David shrugged. "Well, don't reckon I could find work anywhere else where I don't gotta work weekends or late into the nights." He shrugged again. "Don't really care 'bout any of…that." He went back into the barn to finish up his chores. Jack was suddenly grateful for Ennis's stinginess with his money. He, Ennis, and Bobby always took care of the evening chores themselves and they rarely had the hands help on Saturdays or Sundays. It was less about being good bosses and more about Ennis's perfectionism.

"Why pay someone else to do a job I can do better myself?" He'd said. And now it was helping them out, so he couldn't help but smile. They looked at Joel, who shrugged almost sheepishly.

"Well, boys, I gotta say I figured you two out years ago."

"Huh?" Ennis sounded panicked, though it obviously didn't matter now.

"Sure. Caught you kissing in the barn one night couple years ago." He blushed. "Sorry 'bout that."

Ennis was scarlet, and Jack was laughing. Joel had looked pretty worried, but now he split into a tentative smile.

"Bothered me a little, at first." He admitted. "But I got over it. You boys run a good spread, and I ain't gonna be able to find much work anywhere else. Getting too old. 'Sides, I been here too long to just up and leave."

Ennis, still fighting his blush, clapped a quick hand on Joel's shoulder. "Sure means a lot, Joel."

"It ain't nothing." He smiled again and then headed to the barn. Jack and Ennis looked at each other.

"Well." Ennis said.

"Yep."

"I'm a might embarrassed 'bout Joel seeing us…"

"Know you are. Can see it all over your face." Jack chuckled.

"Thought we was so careful all them years. Wonder how many other people already know?"

"Dunno. Guess we weren't so careful as we thought, huh?"

"Guess not." Ennis sounded thoughtful. "Jack?"

"Hm?"

"You think…you think for sure other people known all along?"

"Prob'ly, Ennis. Willing to bet."

"And nothing happened 'fore now." His voice was quiet. Jack put his arms around him.

"Nothing happened. Maybe the world ain't so bad as you always thought it was, huh?"

* * *

Louisa got up one Tuesday morning, when November was still just starting up, some trees still holding on to their leaves, early in the morning to make breakfast for her siblings. She was still half-asleep, and bleary-eyed, so she thought surely she was dreaming when she saw Mary Ellen's thin back to her.

"Mom?" She asked cautiously. Mary Ellen turned, ratty old bathrobe tied around her gaunt waist, hair still limp and eyes listless as ever. But she was up, and she had a pan on the stove, and she looked like she was making pancakes.

"Good morning." She said quietly.

"Are you making breakfast?" Louisa knew she sounded bewildered and didn't even care.

"Yes." Mary Ellen answered cautiously. And Louisa recognized something in her eyes, something she'd seen on the faces of countless little children—that need to be praised, to be congratulated on a job well done, to be called on something right. And so even though Mary Ellen was her mother, and Louisa was just a teenager, couldn't even drive yet, Louisa smiled softly at the woman in front of her and said,

"It smells wonderful, Mom."

And Mary Ellen smiled a childlike little grin, shy and pleased at the praise, before ducking her head and turning back to the stove. Louisa went to Kurt's room, her heart full of…whatever, and poked her big brother.

"Hm?" He jerked up.

"Mom's making breakfast." She whispered.

"What?" His eyes weren't focusing yet and his hair was sticking up in about eight different places.

"_Mom_." She hissed. "Mom is in the kitchen, awake. And making breakfast."

"Our mom?" He asked stupidly.

"No, the president's mom." Louisa rolled her eyes. Honestly. "Yes, our mom!"

"Oh." Kurt stared for a moment more, then rolled over and huddled under his blankets again. Louisa threw her hands in the air in exasperation before heading to her bathroom to shower. Boys.


	25. Winter: Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey guys, I'm sorry this chapter is shorter than usual, and I'm really sorry it's been so long between updates. But to make up for it, I've got an interlude in the works that will be posted pretty quick here.

* * *

About a week before Thanksgiving, Ennis got a call from Amy. He tried not to grimace as she identified herself. 

"I was just thinking. Do you think Junior would want to have Thanksgiving here with us?"

Ennis bristled a little. She didn't even ask if he'd be all right with it. It was like he didn't have any input on the matter.

"Well, I dunno…was kinda hoping to have her here, first Thanksgiving with my daughter and all…"

"Ennis. Please. We should do what makes her happy. And I don't think she'll be happy there."

Ennis clenched his jaw. _We?_ He could tell her _hell no_ and there'd be no we anymore. But he took a steadying breath. She was right, much as he hated to admit it. Junior deserved to be happy, and it probably wasn't going to come about through Ennis's involvement.

"Well. I'll talk to her." He said. He made some sort of farewell and hung up. He chewed his lip for a while, wondering what to do. Should he let her go? He'd never had Thanksgiving with his daughter. He wanted her to see what Thanksgiving was like here, with Jack insisting on making the turkey and burning it, with the lumpy garlic mashed potatoes Ennis made, with the stupid things Bobby came up with to be thankful for.

But maybe she didn't want that. Maybe she wanted her nice, normal Thanksgiving. He doubted Amy ever burned the turkey and she probably made really good candied yams or some shit like that. Well. He'd ask her.

* * *

"Oh." Junior said quietly when Ennis told her about Amy's phone call. 

"So. The decision's up to you." He said, looking down at his plate. Jack squeezed his shoulder.

"Well, um…" She bit her lip and shifted a little. Bobby raised his eyebrows at her. She didn't want to go to Amy's. But she didn't want to admit it. Why couldn't Ennis just get all overprotective and say she couldn't go? She wondered what to do, and then a thought occurred to her: would it be _so_ bad to admit that she wanted to stay? It would make Ennis and Jack's _day_, really, to just say it.

"I'd rather stay here." She heard herself say, staring at her plate. Meat and potatoes. That was what they had almost every night.

"You would?" Ennis sounded so surprised, so cautious, that she almost cried. She was a horrible person. She peeked up. Ennis's mouth was open just a little and Jack was grinning from ear to ear.

"Yeah."

"Well…okay." He shrugged, wanting to let her know how happy he was but not knowing how.

"Okay."

Jack snorted. "We're real happy you want to stay, Junior." He smiled one of those huge, sky-splitting smiles at her and she couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

"Ennis, would it kill you to let her know you're happy she's staying?" Jack handed him a plate to dry. Ennis pursed his lips. 

"You know I ain't good at that stuff."

"You're better than you were. And anyway, only way to get better is to keep doing it." Jack was being too serious. Ennis was in a good mood. He reached over and scooped up a handful of suds. And then he put them on Jack's face, right under his nose.

"What the hell?" Jack asked indignantly.

"Helping you out with your moustache, bud."

* * *

"How was your day, baby?" Roy asked, giving Mary Ellen a kiss on the forehead. She sighed. 

"I got Gretl to the babysitter."

"You did?" His face lit up.

"Well…I got her ready to go and then Kurt took her on his way to school."

"Oh." He kept the smile anyway. "That's still good."

"I was thinking, Roy. Maybe we should have Kurt's friend and his family over for Thanksgiving."

"Uhhh…" Blank stare.

"You don't think it's a good idea?"

"Well…honey, are you up for it?" He said it tentatively, not wanting to somehow reverse the progress Mary Ellen had seemed to be making over the last week. She bit her lip.

"I think so. And if it gets too much while they're here, I'll just go to bed." She didn't notice the way his face pinched when she said it so flippantly. Before he could stop himself, he thought _Normal people don't just _go back to bed_ when something's wrong_. He tried to shake the thought.

"I guess Kurt can ask Bobby and Bobby'll ask his…people." What was he supposed to call them? Bobby's fathers? Bobby's parents? He wasn't used to this.

"I'm really trying." Mary Ellen whispered. Roy took a deep breath, steadying himself as a swell of emotion hit him. He held her close and stroked her hair.

"I know."

"DADDY!" Gretl wailed from outside the room somewhere. He chuckled a little and pulled away.

"Be right back." He promised, though both knew he wouldn't, since as soon as he finished with Gretl one of the other kids would need something, and he'd have to stop the younger boys fighting, and he'd need to make sure everyone had done their homework, and…well, the list went on.

* * *

"Ennis?" Jack murmured sleepily. 

"Hmm?" Ennis was mostly asleep, Jack could tell.

"How 'bout you move your knee?" Jack suggested drowsily. They were all wrapped up in each other in their bed, and Jack loved every bit of Ennis, but that didn't change the fact that Ennis's knee was pushing painfully into his calf and he was starting to lose feeling in his toes.

"Mm." Ennis moved it, but the least possible amount. Jack nestled his face a little closer and fell asleep.

He woke while it was still dark outside. He slipped away from Ennis and eased out of bed. He quietly locked the door behind him and held his breath, praying that starting up his truck wouldn't wake anyone. Once he got on the road, he relaxed and beat the familiar path to the grocery store.

Jack figured if he went to the store right when it opened, it would be pretty empty. He was right. And this way, Ennis wouldn't worry and be paranoid and start trouble. Jack was better at talking his way out of problems than Ennis.

He made it back to bed before Ennis woke up. He dozed lightly for about another hour, and then woke to Ennis, face creased with confusion, asking why his feet were so fucking cold.

"Uh…got up to piss a little while ago." Jack lied. Ennis just grunted as he heaved out of bed. He rubbed his eyes, looking like a sleepy little kid. Well, a sleepy little kid with graying hair. And morning wood. Jack could help with that one.

Another thing Jack was right about: the moustache tickled.

* * *

"Bobby, my mom wants to know if you guys want to eat Thanksgiving with us." Kurt had been shocked, to say the least, when his dad told him to ask Bobby's family over. 

"She _does_?" Bobby asked, just the way Kurt had. Kurt flashed a grin.

"Yeah. It's pretty great. But I'm kinda worried…I mean, it might be too much. It's the first Thanksgiving without…" He trailed off and shrugged a little.

"Oh." They were quiet for a minute. "Well, I'm sure my daddy and Ennis'll be glad they don't have to cook. And your mom knows us pretty good by now, right? Maybe it'll be okay."

"What'll be okay?" Junior asked. The bell had just rung, letting school out. "Were you skipping class?"

"No, we just got out a little early." Bobby lied. They'd skipped, Bobby missing English and Kurt P.E. "Kurt's mama wants us to eat dinner with them."

"Oh, that's so good!" Junior squealed. Kurt nodded and smiled. He was more worried than he was letting on. Who knew how his mother would act? For that matter, who knew how _he_ would act? Mary Ellen wasn't the only one who missed Roger. And she'd had all those years before he was born. Kurt had never, in his entire life, had a Thanksgiving dinner without his big brother. He felt like he was deflating a little every day. And he was absolutely dreading Christmas. Christmas had always been Roger's favorite holiday.

"Kurt?" Bobby was looking at him expectantly.

"Um. What?" He snapped back to reality.

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Don't you need to go get the other kids?"

"Oh, shit." Kurt glanced at his watch. He was late. He jogged off, calling a quick "See ya later!" over his shoulder.

"When did his brother die?" Junior asked.

"Um…I don't know exactly. Beginning of the summer, I think."

"Mmm."

On the way home, Junior realized she and Kurt were in the same boat. Well, kind of. Losing a sibling was probably way different than losing her _mother_. She didn't have any siblings. How close could you _really_ be to one of them? But her mother…now that was a loss.

She didn't think about how she'd feel if Bobby were to die. The comparison didn't even cross her mind.

* * *

"You're dressing up?" Ennis asked. 

"Well, I'm gonna at least change out of my jeans. They got horseshit on 'em, Ennis. Most people don't 'preciate you tracking shit into their houses."

"Hmm. You, uh, gonna wear that red shirt?" Ennis tried to sound nonchalant, but he really wanted Jack to wear it. He looked really good in it. Made his eyes even bluer. Jack grinned.

"You want me to?"

"Uh, well, I mean…" Ennis blushed. He nodded, a tiny nod that Jack would've missed had he not been looking for it.

"Tell you what, I'll wear the red if you wear that yellow." Jack grinned rather cheekily. He'd bought Ennis a yellow sweater years ago. The man just wouldn't wear it, no matter how many times Jack told him he looked good in it. Well, he'd worn it once. But…well, they hadn't left the house. Or even the bedroom. So it didn't count.

"It's _yellow_, Jack. I feel like a queer." He raised an eyebrow. "Oh." Jack had to laugh at the look on his face.

"Ennis, wearing yellow don't make people think you're queer. First of all, people already _know_. Least, any of the people we're gonna be with. And anyway, it don't look at all pansy-ish on you." That was the real problem. Ennis was just afraid wearing yellow would make him a sissy.

"Yellow's a woman color."

"No it ain't. And you wear it better'an any woman." Jack raised his eyebrows for emphasis. Ennis flushed again.

"Fine." He grabbed it off the hanger and stomped to the bathroom. "But you owe me for this."


	26. Interlude: The Good Stuff

**A/N:** This idea and the title come from the Kenny Chesney song "The Good Stuff"_  
_

* * *

_Wyoming, July 1965_

"Well fuck you!" Jack spat, storming out the door. Ennis growled in frustration. Just _why_ did they think they'd be able to live together? That man was driving him fucking insane. He grumbled under his breath, climbing slowly up the stairs to check on Bobby. Jack fucking Twist. Left Ennis with the kid while he went out drinking. Ennis weren't _nobody's_ wife. But still. He'd better make sure Bobby was still asleep, make sure their shouting hadn't woken him.

* * *

Jack threw his truck door open angrily. Damn him. Damn him to hell. What made him think he was so high and mighty? Goddamn. Man thought he was the fucking king of the world. 

"What'll it be?" The bartender asked. Jack deliberated a little. He'd still have to drive home. He glanced around while he thought. He was the only person here. Screw going home. If he got too drunk, he'd sleep it off in his truck. Show Ennis.

"Gimme the good stuff." Jack said, voice harsh. His anger was rapidly dimming and giving way to despair. What if he and Ennis really couldn't live together? Would he have to slink back to Lureen, tail between his legs? Would he really have to live without Ennis again? The bartender gave him a sad smile.

"Fight with your lady?" He asked knowingly.

"Um." Jack licked his lower lip. "Yeah." He shrugged. It was the same sentiment, right? And plus, he got a mean, satisfied feeling at calling Ennis a woman. Petty, he knew, but still.

"Well, son, whiskey ain't gonna change that none." Jack peered at him for the first time. He was _old_—had to be at least fifty. From Jack's not-quite-twenty-two, that might as well be prehistoric.

"Might make me forget." Jack said with a little shake of his head. "Come on, I need something good."

"I ain't got what you're looking for." His eyes were far away. "You already got it, son. The good stuff? You got it waiting for ya at home." The man shuffled over and sat down by Jack, pouring them each a glass of Coke.

"Ned Thompson." The barkeep stuck out his hand.

"Jack Twist." They shook. Jack took a long swig of Coke. It was definitely not strong enough.

"Remember your first kiss with this gal?" Ned asked. Jack almost told him Ennis weren't no gal. But he held his tongue.

"Yeah." He said softly instead. He couldn't help but smile a little at the memory. Lying in the tent, thinking about Ennis, wondering how the rest of the summer was going to turn out, scared as hell, and then that rush of intense, absolute _joy_ when Ennis came in and kneeled in front of them. He remembered Ennis's tentativeness, his own nervousness, and then every other feeling in the world melting away as their lips finally met. "Yeah, I do." He repeated.

Ned nodded at him. "See?" He pointed at Jack's smile. "You got yourself a good one. You kids married?"

"Um…" Jack didn't know what to say. They weren't; probably never would be. But wasn't it kind of the same? Their living together, didn't it mean they were forever? "Yeah." He finally conceded. "Got a boy. Year old."

"No shit?" Ned whistled. "Started young, eh?"

"Well, uh, we may not exactly gone in the right order, if you know what I mean." Jack shrugged sheepishly. That part was completely true. Lureen'd been pregnant before they got married, but L.D. had insisted they married before the baby was born.

"Oh, I see." Ned clapped a hand on Jack's shoulder for a minute. He felt very fatherly. Well, what Jack assumed fatherly felt like. If he'd been like _Jack's_ father, he probably would've slugged him for getting the girl pregnant.

"Sure you ain't got anything stronger?" Jack asked hopefully. Ned shook his head.

"Son, your girl wouldn't be too happy if you came home all drunk, now would she?"

Ennis would probably drink every last drop of alcohol in the house. If he got to be drunk, why didn't Jack? He wondered how to tell Ned that.

"'Sides, you got a baby. Can't be getting drunk all the time, now can you?"

Shit. Ennis wouldn't be getting drunk off his ass with Bobby home alone with him, would he? Jack's mind flashed on all of Ennis's fatherly tendencies, his little smiles just for Bobby. Nope. He wouldn't let himself get drunk.

"Guess not." Jack admitted reluctantly. He saw a black and white picture on the wall; a girl, probably about Jack's age, smiling sweetly. She was pretty beautiful, he had to say. Ned followed his gaze, and his eyes got soft.

"That's my Nina." He said. He looked into his Coke. "Right 'fore we got married."

"She's real beautiful." Jack reassured him.

"Sure was. Always was, right to the day she died." He sounded only a little choked up.

"How'd she die?"

"Cancer." Ned bit his lip. "Pretty painful. I got…I don't think I stopped drinking that whole year after she went." Jack nodded. When he first came back off Brokeback? Shit, he couldn't even remember that whole first month.

"But I ain't had a drop in three years." Ned smiled proudly. "Know why?"

"Why?"

"Nina hated when I drank. And it'd be easy to think, well fuck, she's gone now, ain't she?" Ned chuckled. "She ain't gone." He touched his heart and was quiet. Jack got it.

"Anyway, I got to hold her hand as she went. And all those times we'd kiss, or I'd look at her and know she's mine, or when I saw her holding out boys? That drunk is better than any whiskey ever given me. You know what I mean."

Jack ran a finger around the rim of his glass. He _did_ love to see Ennis playing with Bobby. And he certainly got all moony whenever Ennis kissed him. Yeah, he did know. And he thought of Ennis, sitting in the house, worrying over Jack. He stood up.

"Thanks, Ned. But, uh, I gotta…"

"Yep. You get on home. Now listen, she's gonna start to cry when you get home." Jack held back a snort. Ennis would _not_ cry. "She'll say she's sorry. Don't say anything 'cept me too. Hear? Then kiss her and drink up."

"Yessir." Jack smiled and took out his wallet.

"No, no, no." Ned held up his hands. "Don't think so."

"Aw, come on." Jack needled. "You gave me the good stuff." He smiled and dropped a few bills on the counter. Ned shook his head, but Jack wouldn't take them back.

He walked in the door, and Ennis got up quick from the chair he was sitting in.

"Jack, where you been?" He put his hands on his hips to avoid grabbing Jack and holding him tight. He didn't know if he was still mad or not. But Jack crossed the distance between them and wrapped Ennis into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Ennis." He murmured. Ennis bit his lip.

"Me too." His voice was muffled and he said it real quiet, hardly able to let it pass his lips, but he'd said it. Jack smiled and kissed him, long and slow and sweet, and then he let fly.

"I love you." He whispered, for the first time. Ennis gulped. He kissed Jack again.

"Me too."

It was more lip than spoken word, but Jack heard it. And he was drunk for weeks.


	27. Winter: Chapter 3

The four of them crammed into the cab of Ennis's rusty old truck. Junior got to sit squished into the door handle, Bobby's elbow jabbing painfully into her side. It was slightly awkward, since Jack was straddling the gearshift and Ennis turned red every time he had to shift. Bobby and Junior tried to ignore it, but it was hard because Jack chuckled every time.

Finally, they pulled into the McGowan's driveway. They lived in town, so they didn't have, say, the thirteen acres that Bobby had grown up on, but they weren't in one of those tiny box houses with hardly any yard, either.

"Hey there, Roy." Jack greeted the other man warmly. He handed him the rolls they'd brought—store bought, though Junior had offered to make some, getting slightly offended when Jack and Ennis glanced dubiously at each other. She glared at the rolls in question—store bought rolls on _Thanksgiving_, what kind of heathens _were_ these people, her mother was probably rolling over in her _grave_ for land's sakes.

The house smelled wonderful. Bobby was practically drooling right there. When he caught sight of the table, his eyes went huge and he had to fight not to dive in. It was a battle for him not to ask impatiently when they'd be eating.

Mary Ellen tried not to wring her hands. It had become a habit she'd gotten into, whenever she was nervous (which was often) or scared (also often) or distressed (more often than almost any other emotion). She wanted everything to go smoothly tonight.

"So, you guys ready to eat?" She asked brightly, smile firmly in place. "Why don't we sit down and say grace?"

They held hands, which Ennis found a little strange—his mama had been big on prayer, but they'd never held hands at the dinner table—and Roy asked for a blessing on the food. Finally, dishes started passing their way along the table.

The younger kids kept slipping table scraps to Snappy, who knew to stay out of sight of the adults. Jack noticed but didn't rat them out. And if a morsel from his plate found its way onto the floor in front of the dog, well…he was a messy eater. Accidents were bound to happen. Ennis caught him in one of these "accidents" and gave him a look. But Jack saw the smile hiding back there.

"Are we ready for dessert?" Roy asked. Mary Ellen was starting to droop, but she got up to help him bring out the desserts. There were pies, puddings, cakes, cookies…Bobby thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

"Lord." Jack whistled. "Musta taken all day to bake all this, Mary Ellen. Smells wonderful." He gave her one of those toothy smiles and she smiled back, tentatively.

Junior was taking a bite of apple pie when she wondered how her mother would like it. And then, suddenly, it came down on her that her mother wasn't eating this apple pie or any other apple pie and she found herself fighting tears. Alma made the best apple pie and whenever they ate anyone else's they dissected it on the way home. Junior couldn't breathe. She slipped out unnoticed—the place was a madhouse; a bomb would probably be disregarded—and found herself sitting on the back porch.

She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. She was totally losing it. She'd made it through turkey and mashed potatoes and corn and gravy and Jell-o and she'd been fine, but the apple pie set her off? Did that make her crazy? She heard the door close behind her and looked up to find Kurt sliding down next to her.

"Hey." He said quietly, breath puffing out in front of him.

"Hi."

"You okay?" He blew on his hands.

"Um." She looked down. To her horror, tears started pooling in her eyes. "Yes." She sounded like someone was strangling her. He glanced at her but didn't say anything. After a while, he sighed and tipped his head back to look at the stars.

"It's hard, huh?" He mumbled. She almost didn't hear him.

"What?"

"Having 'em gone. It's hard."

"Oh. Yeah, it is." She brushed a strand of hair off her cheek and stuck her hands under her legs. It was freezing.

"Mom went back to bed right after you came out here." He kept his voice neutral, but Junior could tell it made him…what? Mad? Sad?

"Well she did good, for a while."

"Yeah, because Thanksgiving is such a _trial_ to have to suffer through, right?" His sarcasm surprised her a little. He was always so…strong. Supportive.

"She's gone through a lot."

"Yeah, her oldest son died. So did my dad's, and he has to hold it together because she's totally _lost_ it. You know what? Our big brother died, and none of us kids are going crazy." He sounded so bitter. Junior didn't know what to do.

"Well…it's a little different when it's your _child_ than just your brother."

"_Just_ my brother?"

She probably could have phrased that better. Kurt was mad now.

"Well you listen to me. Roger was my hero, _Alma_. He taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me how to hawk a loogie and he taught me all about science. He was my best friend. My fucking best friend. He was going to teach me to drive as soon as I was old enough. You have _no_ fucking idea what it feels like so _don't_ tell me he was _just_ my brother."

He got up and went back in the house, slamming the door behind him. No one inside noticed. It was too loud. Junior stayed where she was, effectively scolded. She felt horrible. How would she have felt if he'd made light of her mother's death? God, she was the worst person in the world.

She stayed outside as long as she could. When she finally couldn't stand the cold anymore, fingers numb and face stinging, she slipped back inside. Ennis saw her come in and gave her a questioning look that she didn't deserve. She acted like she didn't see him.

They left about an hour later. It was a long hour, Junior staring at the table and trying to disappear right into the grain. Finally, Jack put a hand on her shoulder.

"You ready to go?" He asked, peering concernedly into her face. She ducked her head down and nodded.

The ride home was pretty quiet. Bobby was almost asleep, tired out from a day of eating, and Ennis was all talked out. He'd actually joined in on some of the conversation, at Jack's prompting. Jack talked now and then, but he seemed content to let them ride in semi-comfortable silence.

"Well, that wasn't a disaster." Jack said when they turned into the gravel path leading to the house. Ennis grunted and Junior didn't answer. Bobby snorted as they hit a pothole.

* * *

A few days later, Junior was home when Kurt came over to help Bobby study for some of his finals. She'd been doing pretty well at avoiding him, but as Bobby went to the kitchen to rustle up some food Junior and Kurt found themselves alone in the living room.

"Um, Kurt?" Junior started quietly. "I'm…I'm real sorry. 'Bout what I said. I didn't mean it how it sounded."

Kurt sighed. "I know you didn't. I'm sorry I blew up at you. I was just…well. Yeah." He gave her a little smile, and she returned it. Bobby came in just then and wrinkled his brow.

"You two making out in here or something?"

Junior went scarlet and Kurt just shook his head, laughing. Junior made some kind of excuse to get away and went to her room. But she was restless and didn't want to sit in her room. She made her way out to the barn. Jack and Ennis were talking to David.

"Yeah, cousin a mine was wondering if you gonna take on more hands, 'cause he needs a job."

"He gonna work hard?" Ennis asked.

"Oh, sure will. Yeah." David nodded energetically. He was cute, Junior noticed.

"And he ain't gonna cause no trouble?"

"No sir. Nah, he needs the job too bad. See, he got hisself a wife and a baby and 'nother on the way. Ranch he was on just went under; he been working out at the vet's, sweeping stalls, trying'a make some money. Good worker, swear on my life." David looked earnest. It was the wife and baby part, Junior knew, that won Jack and Ennis over. They had a soft spot for guys trying to provide for their families, having both struggled in those miserable two years apart, and then struggling some more when they first got together.

"Well…" Jack shrugged, shot a look at Ennis, who nodded. "Yeah, bring him 'long tomorrow morning."

"Oh, thank you! He gonna be real excited. Really misses the ranch work, you know? I sure do 'preciate it, taking my word, since you ain't even met him."

"Well." Ennis scuffed a boot in the dirt. "We do need the help. And we trust you." David looked like Ennis had given him some kind of present, admitting that they trusted him. His whole face lit up. "Getting kinda late." Ennis went on. "You go on home now, your mama prob'ly got dinner waiting for you when you get there."

"Why're you hiring someone you never even seen before?" Junior asked after David had gone. "It's his cousin. Course he's gonna say he's a good guy."

"'Cause. Like I told him. We trust him."

"Why? He's just a kid. I heard you saying just last week how he ain't got a lick a sense." It was true. She'd heard the words out of Ennis's own mouth. Ennis made a face.

"Well that's 'cause he was being stupid that day. I was just mad. Really he's a hard worker. And if his cousin needs the job that bad, he's more likely to work hard to keep it. 'Sides, we need the help."

"Oh." For some reason Junior felt jealous. They trusted David. Did they even trust her? Well, now, it wasn't her fault if they didn't trust her. But maybe it was. Had she given them any reason to trust her? Since she'd come to live with them, the whole town had figured out about them and Bobby had been in two fistfights. Not the greatest track record. She left them to go see Thunder. He trusted her.

* * *

"Bobby, have you called your mother?" Jack asked sternly, knowing the answer was no. Bobby just shrugged at him. "Well, you need to."

"Why?" It was barely audible, bitter and quiet, full of teenaged resentment. Jack pursed his lips.

"Because she carried you for nine months and then went through seventeen hours of labor to bring you into this world, that's why. You should never forget that."

"She seems to awful quick." Very audible now, and very bitter.

"Bobby." Jack blew out a breath. "This hasn't been easy on any of us. It weren't like she just handed you over without batting an eye, you know. There was lots—"

"Lots of tears. Yeah, I've heard this story."

"Don't you go disrespecting your daddy." Ennis broke in. Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes. Couldn't they just fucking leave him alone for five minutes? He was sick of their bitching at him.

"Okay, whatever. I'll call her later." Bobby tried to keep his impatience below the surface, but the matching frowns he received told him he hadn't succeeded.

"Bobby, that's what you said four days ago when I asked you to call her on Thanksgiving. She deserves at least a phone call from her son."

"She does? What'd she do to deserve it?" It slipped out of Bobby's mouth before he could stop it, but once it was out, Bobby found he couldn't stop any of the other words. "A birthday card every year with twenty bucks inside is enough to get a phone call? She asked me to stop coming to see her when I was twelve fucking years old. She's busy with her life down there and she don't want to hear from me and I don't want to talk to her." Bobby let out a breath and stomped into his boots. "I'm out of here." He growled.

He went to the barn and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He didn't want to go into Firefly's stall pissed and raging. As he paused, a dog pawed at his leg and whined.

"Hey there Buddy." Bobby had never been real original in naming his pets. Throughout his life, his dogs had borne names like "Buddy," "Pup," and, the first dog he'd named when he'd been about three, the mother of all original names, "Doggie."

Buddy was one of Bobby's favorite dogs. He wasn't big but he wasn't little, and he wasn't a yappy, hyperactive little thing. He was pretty calm, but always willing to play. And now he wanted some loving. It had been a while since Bobby had taken the time to just play with his dog. He stooped and rubbed Buddy's ears.

"You having a rough day, too, pal?" Bobby asked. "Poor guy. It's cold out here, ain't it? You can sleep in the house tonight. I'll sneak ya in if I have to, 'kay?" Buddy rolled onto his back so Bobby could scratch his belly. He wouldn't have to sneak Buddy in. Ennis always grumbled about animals sleeping in the barn (where they were supposed to be), but Bobby had caught him smuggling some of the smaller cats and dogs into the house. And besides, all Bobby had to do was bat those eyelashes and say,

"Please, Ennis? Please?"

Ennis was such a pushover, at least when it came to a pair of big blue eyes rimmed with dark lashes and a pout. Bobby made his way toward Firefly's stall. Buddy wasn't offended; he followed with his mouth open in a crazy dog grin and tail wagging. Firefly sniffed at him and then let him alone. He followed them on trail rides sometimes.

"Hey gorgeous," Bobby greeted his horse. She nuzzled her whiskery chin into his neck, lipping his ear gently. "Well hello to you too." He leaned into her shoulder and sighed. She sniffed around at his pockets, smelling the treats he always kept there. He gave her one and she nickered her thanks. He could feel his anger slipping away. Animals always did that for him.

"That's the Ennis in you," Jack had said when Bobby had told him that.

"Daddy, I don't got any Ennis in me." Bobby had replied, confused.

"Sure you do. He's been helping raise you, hasn't he?"

Pretty soon, it was too cold to stay out any longer. The sun had set hours ago and Bobby wasn't wearing a coat. He patted Firefly's hindquarters.

"I'm freezing, girl. Me and Buddy gonna head in. You warm enough out here with your blanket?"

She didn't answer. But she seemed warm enough. He gave her some more goodnight snacks and whistled at Buddy to follow him. He jumped up from the straw happily and trotted at Bobby's side. Yeah, this was the life. Coming in from seeing his horse, his dog next to him. He'd missed Buddy in the last couple months. The two of them had been inseparable until…until football season. And then all the business with Jimmy Kent and the other guys.

"Well what's this?" Ennis grumbled a little when he noticed Buddy following Bobby in, but nothing real serious. Jack came in, hands on his hips, clearly not ready to let the issue rest.

"Robert." He used his _I'm dead serious, boy_ voice. "You call your mother."

"Okay." Bobby used his fake-sweet voice. "Soon's you call yours." He didn't stick around to view the wreckage this bomb would leave. He scooped Buddy into his arms and took the stairs two at a time.

Jack sighed, frustrated, and Ennis looked up at him, abandoning his newspaper. "Just want him to call his mother." Jack muttered. "What's so hard about that?"

Ennis shrugged. "Well, she ain't been real friendly to him over the years."

"She's never been anything but polite to him."

"Maybe that's the problem."

Jack dropped into the chair next to Ennis and buried his face in his hands. "I know. I just—I feel like she should know her own son. Least I can do, since she let us have him."

"Jack." Ennis waited until Jack looked at him. "You can't force 'em on each other. Think it's important for him to know his mama, too, but if she don't make the effort, he ain't gonna want to either. And you know…he's got a point. 'Bout your mama. You ain't talked to her in prob'ly two years, bud."

"Ennis, you know I'd be happy to talk to my mama if it weren't for that bastard." He jabbed a finger at Ennis. "Don't you go telling me to reconnect with my family, 'cause you ain't said a word to your brother in fourteen years."

"That's different." Ennis clenched his jaw, and Jack probably should've dropped it, but he was never good at checking his temper.

"Oh, it's different? How?"

"He don't want to talk to me, neither."

"And my daddy wants to talk to me?" Jack barked out a laugh. "He be happy to kill me."

"I ain't talking 'bout this right now, Jack Twist." Ennis's voice was tight and angry. But so was Jack's.

"Don't say 'right now' Ennis, 'cause that means you'll talk 'bout it later, and you won't." Ennis shook his head and grabbed his hat. "Oh that's right," Jack went on. "Run on out to the barn. You talk to your damn horses more'n you talk to me."

"Maybe 'cause they don't talk out their asses all day!" Ennis spat as he left. He slammed the door behind him and Jack smacked the table.

"Christ, Ennis." He muttered, though no one was there to hear him. In her room, Junior sat quietly, trying not to make any noise. Damn, but they fought a lot. How could two people stay together if all they did was fight?

She missed hearing the answer, for it was later—hours later, when the back door squeaked open and Ennis's boots thudded on the kitchen floor, over to Jack sitting in a chair at the table. Neither of them said a word, so she likely wouldn't have understood the whole thing anyway, probably not even if she'd seen it unfold with her own two eyes.

Ennis sank into a chair next to Jack and Jack passed him the whiskey bottle wordlessly. After he took a swallow (maybe two), Jack let his hand drift to Ennis's thigh, and Ennis covered it with his own. Neither apologized for what they'd said; they'd both meant their words, so there wasn't much point in taking them back. But it didn't especially matter, because they weren't mad anymore.

And that was why they stayed together.


	28. Winter: Chapter 4

"Hello." She was impatient already.

"Uh…hi." He cleared his throat. "It's, um, Bobby. Twist. Your son."

"I know who you are." She sounded offended. Well, how was he supposed to know? She probably knew other Bobbys, and it wasn't like they talked regularly enough that she'd know his voice. "How are you, Bobby?" The question sounded forced and he resented her for it.

"I'm fine."

"Doing better in school?" Her tone implied that she was sure he wasn't. He flushed.

"A bit. Got a better tutor than last year."

"Hm. You saying those bad grades last year your tutor's fault?" He didn't know her real well, but he was sure she was raising an eyebrow cruelly. He wished his dad didn't insist on sending her Bobby's report cards.

"No. And I pulled a C in two of my classes last year. First year I done that." He shouldn't have to be defending himself to her. Weren't mothers supposed to be all proud and shit? Maybe she missed that part of pre-natal training.

"Really." It wasn't a question; it was a dry statement. "And a C is something you're happy with?"

He clenched his jaw and shot his father a look. "Look, ma'am, I have trouble in school and getting two Cs is something I worked my a…I worked hard for." He wouldn't add bad language to her list of his shortcomings.

"Mmhmm." Somebody laughed in the background. The line was muffled for a minute, like she had the phone pressed into her shoulder, and he heard her voice real quiet, too quiet for him to make out the words. "Well, that's fine, I suppose." She said when she came back.

He wasn't sure if he was supposed to say anything to that. There was an awkward pause and she cleared her throat.

"You still playing football?"

"Well, football season's over." He wouldn't go into too much detail there.

"Right. And what is it you're doing now? Ain't you on the wrestling team?"

"Actually our school had to cut wrestling. So I'm just getting ready for rodeo."

"Your daddy let you ride the bulls?"

"I'm going to." He'd be eighteen by time it was rodeo season, so he was going to be a bull rider no matter what Jack had to say on the matter.

"I see." Her words came out with a nice-sized glob of disdain. Pretty ridiculous of her, because he knew she'd met Jack on the circuit and she'd had more than her fair share of bull riders, both before and since Jack. Why exactly was he talking to her? He heard more voices in the background.

"Well, ma'am, you sound a might busy. I'll let you get back to your business. Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving."

"Bobby…" There was a pause, dead air on the line that he wasn't sure if he was supposed to fill. What else was there to say? He'd handled all the niceties for her; all she had to do was bid him farewell and they'd both check off another painful conversation and dread the inevitable Christmas call.

"Have a good night." She finally finished. Her voice was a little slower this time, maybe even sad, but he didn't care. He was burning all over with anger.

"You too." He barely got out before he hung up. He wanted to scream but instead only shook his head at his father and stomped out of the room. He went up the stairs slow and deliberate but made sure to slam his bedroom door hard. Buddy was all snuggled up in his unmade bed and he lifted his head lazily to Bobby. Bobby curled up beside him and scratched the mutt's ears, wondering why the hell his father kept pushing him to talk to that woman.

Still in the kitchen, Jack covered his eyes with a hand. Why did he keep doing this to his son? Lureen had never been big on endearments and Bobby was insecure enough about school without her riding on him. She was never flat-out mean, not that he knew of, but a little encouragement wouldn't hurt.

"You gonna call your mama?" Ennis asked, quiet. Jack pursed his lips and shook his head. Ennis didn't say anything more, just nodded and squeezed Jack's thigh once before going back to squinting dully at the paper.

Jack had few sweet memories of his childhood. That was no secret. Ennis knew that he still had a soft spot for his mama—years of sneaking him cherry cake in the middle of the night after his daddy's beatings had won her that spot. But late night snacks couldn't undo all the pain he'd experienced in that house, couldn't undo the fact that the frail woman who had been able to endure bringing a kicking and screaming Jack Twist into the world wasn't able to stop her husband from making him kick and scream again any chance he got.

He remembered all the times she'd cried when John had started laying into him. And he'd always wondered why she bothered to cry if she wasn't going to do anything about it. First time he could remember seeing his father smacking her around, he hadn't cried. He stepped between the old bastard and his mother. And what had it gotten him? Nothing but the belt and his mama wailing.

"Jack." He looked up to Ennis's eyes on him. "Don't think 'bout it."

"How do you know what I'm thinking about?" He sounded harsher than he'd meant to.

"You got that kicked dog look on your face. I hate that look."

"Well excuse me for bothering you."

Ennis wrinkled his brow, confused. Jack sighed again, long and loud. Ennis set the newspaper down and stood, paced a little, came to rest behind Jack's chair with his hands on Jack's head, fingertips resting gentle and light in the dark hair.

"I'd make all them bad memories go away if I could." His voice was quiet, but his words were sure. Jack tipped his head back, stared at an upside-down Ennis and gave him a sad, lopsided smile.

"Same to you, friend."

* * *

Nathan was staring at her again. Junior tried ignoring it, but she could feel his eyes on her. She couldn't decide if she was flattered or creeped out. Probably not a good sign, that she couldn't tell the difference. Maybe she was both. She tuned him out and took notes, but she could hardly concentrate.

"Junior?" He asked just as the bell rang. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out Friday night."

She hesitated, shifting around from foot to foot. _Did_ she want to? She couldn't really see why not. Except that he ran in the same crowd as Troy and Jimmy. That was kind of a big reason. And besides…Friday nights had become sort of down time with Jack, Ennis, and Bobby. They'd pop popcorn and watch a movie and make fun of it and Jack and Ennis would both fall asleep and Junior and Bobby would try to throw popcorn into their open mouths without waking them up.

Now that she took the time to think about it, it seemed a little…schmaltzy. Maybe she should go with him, just to get out of that house. Except she didn't really _want_ out. She was thinking in half-circles and it was hurting her head.

"Um…"

"You know what? You just think about it." He flashed her a smile and a wink. "I'll see you around."

"'Kay," she called after him faintly. Her head really did hurt. It was pounding, like someone was knocking on her skull. God, she still had half the day left.

By lunchtime, Junior was in agony. Her head felt like it was being squeezed, and now her nose had decided to start dripping. She felt disgusting and she wanted to go home. Kurt and Bobby came up behind her, laughing and shoving each other, and she groaned right out loud. Couldn't they just sit still and shut up?

"What's wrong with you?" Bobby asked.

"My head is killing me." Her voice was dull because she was determined not to sound sick.

"You sound sick." Kurt said, concerned. Junior rolled her eyes, but that hurt. Before she knew it, Kurt was pushing her hair away from her forehead. His hands were really cold.

"You're burning up." He was in full-on Big Brother mode. As the second of seven, he'd come to be quite reliable in the caring-for-the-sick area.

"Yeah…" She managed weakly.

"Come on." Bobby stood up and grabbed her arm.

"What." She had a tendency to get irritable when sick.

"We're going home."

"School's not over," she protested as Bobby steered her out the big double doors.

"It is for you. Me too, if I can convince Daddy to let me stay home."

"You'll be back." Kurt said confidently. "I told your dad about the biology test you've got today."  
"Damnit Kurt!"

"Sorry."

It was freezing outside. Junior moaned right out loud as the wind sliced right through her thick coat. Snow was starting to swirl around and Junior felt like breaking down and crying because it was just too much.

"Shit, here." Bobby pulled off his scarf and wound it tight around Junior's neck and face. She felt like she was robbing a bank and the damn thing smelled awful, but it kept the wind out.

The heater in the truck didn't kick in until they were halfway home, so Junior spent most of the ride huddled up to the door, arms wrapped around herself, trying to stay warm. When they pulled up to the house, Jack walked around from the barn, looking confused.

"What's going on?" He caught sight of Junior, still bundled up tight and shaking. "Junior? You alright?"

"I think I'm s-sick." Her teeth were chattering so hard she thought they'd break against each other.

"Let's get you inside, come on now. Likely to catch your death hanging around out here if you're already sick. Bobby, you get on back to school. You got a test today."

"Aw, Daddy! I ain't feeling so hot, neither."

"Robert."

"Alright, alright." Bobby grumbled as he got back in his truck. "Drive the whole damn way out here, miss weight lifting and I don't even get out of my fucking biology test."

"Watch your mouth." Jack called out as he gunned it down the driveway. Bobby couldn't actually hear him, but he knew what he'd said, so he just rolled his eyes. Jack got Junior in the house and helped her to her room.

"You get in your pajamas and get in bed." He ordered. "I'm gonna get you some more blankets."

Junior didn't argue, but it took forever to get her coat off. The buttons thwarted her cold fingers, and it took a lot of energy to strip off all the layers she was wearing. By the time she'd changed, she was completely out of steam and could hardly climb into her bed. Jack knocked but didn't wait long before coming in. He piled two more blankets on her, and she welcomed the blessed warmth.

"You need anything else, honey?" Jack asked, feeling her forehead and frowning.

"No." Her eyes were fluttering shut even as she fought to keep them open.

"Okay. Go to sleep. If you need anything, just holler."

She thought it would be a waste to _just holler_ since he and Ennis would both be out working, but she didn't say anything. She didn't think she'd need anything, anyway. She was asleep before Jack was out of the room.

"Where you been?" Ennis asked when he came back.

"Well I was taking a piss and someone drive up, so I went to see who it was. It was Bobby 'n Junior. Junior's pretty sick; she's in bed now."

"Sick?"

"Just the flu or something."

"Oh." They worked quietly for a minute or two. "She alright?"

"Think she'll be fine. Prob'ly take her some soup or something later."

"Mmhmm."

David and his cousin, Jeremy, came out from the stables they'd been mucking out. "Finished up all the stalls." David told them. "Joel said something 'bout a fence?"

"Yeah, up where we take the bulls sometimes. Damn wind blew part of it clean down."

"Again?" David asked, exasperated. "We just fixed it."

"Yep."

"Alright. We'll head over, then." David said wearily.

"Maybe you oughta use heavier fence posts." Jeremy suggested. "Won't blow over so easy, heavy winds like you get out here."

"Well…" Ennis shot Jack a look. Joel had been trying to convince them to switch for years, but they'd always been reluctant. They both knew it was silly, keeping less-functional fences because of the dream they'd cooked up, but it was just something they had trouble letting go of.

"We've thought 'bout it." Jack filled in. But he didn't say anything else. Jeremy gave them a strange look.

"Okay…?" David grabbed his arm and they went back into the barn to get their horses.

"Reckon we oughta?" Ennis asked. Jack shrugged.

"If we have to…we can keep the fences up here, by the house, how they are, maybe just switch out the ones up at the pastures. Up where the wind gets bad, you know?"

"Yeah, you're right." They were quiet. "But we don't gotta decide now."

"Nope, we don't."

So the fences stayed, at least for the time being.

* * *

Ennis knocked lightly on Junior's door a few hours later. It was barely six and already pitch black outside. He hated winter.

"Junior?"

"Come on in." She sounded tired. He pushed the door open and was unprepared for how…vulnerable she looked. She'd been pretty on guard the last couple months, shielded, hard. Lying in bed, covers drawn to her chin, she looked like such a little girl.

"Uh, how you feeling?" Ennis asked awkwardly.

"I'm alright." She said, though she clearly wasn't.

"I brought you some soup." Ennis held up the bowl. "You don't gotta eat it now. Just whenever you feel like it." He had to cross the room, right over to the bed, to set the bowl down on the nightstand. He bit his lip and brushed his hand across her forehead.

"Mm. You got a fever."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence. Ennis cleared his throat. After a minute, he mumbled, "Well, I'll let you get back to sleep then…" He was almost out the door when she stopped him.

"Ennis?"

"Hm?" He half turned to her.

"Can I…" She hesitated, then steeled herself. "Can I ask you something?"

He wasn't sure what to do. He had a feeling this was going to require him to talk, and he always hated that. But Jack kept talking 'bout how important it was for Ennis and Junior to talk, and besides, it wasn't like he could just tell her no. Could he? _No_, he told himself. _Quit being a little chicken shit._

"Sure." He leaned against the wall. Somehow, he was pretty sure she wasn't just going to ask for another blanket.

"Well, Bobby told me…um, Bobby told me that you tried to come see me once. When I was pretty young." She peered into his face. His eyes darted around, resistant to settle on her face. He gave a quick little nod. "What happened?" She asked quietly.

"Um…" He coughed. This particular story would not paint Alma in a very good light, and Ennis was loath to blame Alma for anything. It wasn't her fault, any of it. It was mostly his. "Well…see, your mama…" He coughed again.

"I know she told you to leave." Junior said, proud of herself for how steady she kept her voice. "And I know it's probably partly her fault that I never knew you."

"Oh, well, uh…"

"I just want to know how it all happened." Ennis knew a losing fight when he saw one. She wasn't going to leave him alone until he told her what she wanted to know.

"Okay." He said finally.

_It was Junior's second birthday. Ennis had wanted to go to her first, but he figured it was too soon. Too soon to be going back to that house, too soon to show up to Alma's door, and (though he knew it was weak and he hated himself for it) too soon to leave Jack. So he'd waited a painful year, sending money when he could, calling Alma and getting a dial tone as soon as he spoke, agonizing over how he'd left his wife and daughter behind._

_He knocked on the door, nervous as hell and shaking just a little. He couldn't help the blush that creeped up his neck as he looked at the stairwell. That same stairwell. He'd tried calling ahead, but Alma had hung up on him, as usual. He supposed, later, that he should have taken that as a sign, but he went ahead anyway._

_When she swung the door open, Junior on her hip, she'd been smiling. She froze when she saw him, eyes going wide. She blinked a few times. Junior cooed at him, not because she recognized him, but because she was a happy little thing. He couldn't help but smile at his beautiful baby. She'd get along real well with Bobby, he was sure._

_"Hey there Alma." He said, quiet._

_"Ennis." She breathed. "What…what're you doing here?"_

_"Wanted to see Junior. For her birthday, and all."_

_"Nice of you to remember." Alma spat._

_"Well, course I remembered. How could I forget?"_

_Alma barked out a harsh little laugh. "You forgot your daughter real quick 'bout a year ago."_

_"I never forgot her." He looked at his daughter and held his arms out. "Can I hold her?" Junior, trusting baby that she was, held her arms out to him in return. That was, apparently, Alma's breaking point._

_"Get out." She said softly, voice breaking. "Get out of here. Go on back to that…that man. I shoulda known, way you reacted to that postcard. Shoulda told you not to go with him, after I saw you on the stairs."_

_A rushing sound filled Ennis's ears. "You saw Jack and me—"_

_"Don't you say his name in front of my daughter." Alma was almost crying. But she had her pride, and Ennis wasn't taking that along with her heart. "Jack Twist. Jack Nasty!" She spat. Ennis grabbed her arm. Junior started to cry._

_"Don't you—"_

_"Ennis, let go a me!"_

_Junior was wailing and Alma was screeching at him and Ennis was so overwhelmed, so confused, that he just took off._

_"Don't come back, Ennis." Alma called after him. "You leave now and you're never seeing this girl again."_

"So?" Junior prompted. "What happened?"

"Well, uh…I showed up. And I guess it would've been better to call. But…well. I went, and your mama…she didn't want me there. She was right, you know, I probably shouldn't have gone. Anyway, we got to…to fighting. And I left, and after that she wouldn't never let me see you. And I guess I gave up after a while."

Junior was quiet. Ennis shot her a look, trying to gauge if she was mad at him, but she didn't give any hints as to how she was feeling.

"Oh." She finally said softly. Neither said anything for a time. Junior sighed and Ennis looked t her again. "I'm going to go back to sleep." She whispered. Ennis bit his lip, hard, and nodded.

"Sure." He said. "I'll just…get out of here."

"Ennis?" She stopped him at the door again.

"Yeah."

"I wish my mama would've let you see me."

He blinked a few times, telling himself he wasn't choked up. He just nodded and left, but Junior could've sworn she heard him whisper, "Me too."


	29. Winter: Chapter 5

_A/N: _Guys, I'm so so so sorry about the wait! I just moved and my internet didn't get set up until yesterday. But this chapter is extra long to make up for it, and I'm 3/4 of the way done with the next chapter. Thanks so much for not giving up on me!

* * *

After their little talk, Junior and Ennis were awkward. It should have been—_could_ have been—a nice little hole in the wall between them, but neither knew how to make it. So instead, they skirted the issue in true del Mar fashion.

One day, on a quest for a snack, Junior noticed the newspaper clippings on the fridge. She'd noticed them before, of course—mostly they were about Bobby's sports conquests, football and baseball and a few rodeo. But there was a new one. It was the honor roll, and Junior saw her name circled and starred. It smacked her somewhere between her chest and her stomach, and her guts felt all clenched.

Jack came in and saw her staring at the paper.

"Oh, did you see that?" He asked. "You made honor roll!" He sounded nothing short of delighted. She just nodded, throat tight. Her mother had always been excited when she'd made honor roll. But she was her mother. She had to be. Suddenly Junior wished she could thank Alma for caring. She wished she could thank Jack for caring, but she just couldn't find a way to do it. Instead she gave him a big smile. He didn't know what it was for, but he was never stingy with his own smiles, so he grinned right back. She left, and he shrugged, wondering what that was about, but still smiling nonetheless. He did love coaxing happiness out of those del Mars.

* * *

"Shit!" Ennis swore as the baling wire bit into his hands.

"Well why aren't you wearing gloves?" Jack puffed, tugging at another bale.

"Couldn't find 'em."

"Did you look in the drawer?" Jack asked, exasperated, because they had this conversation at least twice a week.

"Yes, I looked in the damn drawer." Ennis snapped. "Why don't you look there next time you're looking for your keys?" Jack grinned sheepishly. He lost his keys probably every day.

"Well, you go get your gloves and wash that out. I got this."

"Nah, it's fine." Ennis reached for the bale again and Jack batted his hand away.

"Ennis, there's all kinds a germs and shit out here. You gonna get infected and wind up in the hospital and I'm gonna have to do all the work myself. Not to mention I'll have to wring it out, too, and you know that ain't no fun." Jack pursed his lips. "Go on, get a fucking band-aid."

"Fine." Ennis groaned. He bounded into the house, found his gloves (in the drawer, he noted with a frown—they were _not_ there when he looked before!), and headed to the bathroom. As tough as Ennis was, he still winced and grumbled at the stinging the soap caused. When he was finally done and heading out the back door, someone knocked on the front door.

"Argh!" He opened the door, wondering who the hell was coming to see them. They didn't have any friends. A picture of tire irons flashed in his mind as he twisted the knob, but he pushed it away. A man in a fancy suit and shiny shoes stood on his front porch.

"Hello, Mr. del Mar?" He flashed Ennis a smile. His teeth were really white.

"Uh huh?"

"I'm Joseph Mack. I'm the social worker assigned to your daughter."

"Thought she had some lady."

"Well, that was while she was in Riverton. I'm her new social worker."

"Oh." Ennis stared at the man for a minute, then reluctantly added, "You wanna come in?"

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea." He looked all around with squinty eyes. Ennis didn't like him.

"You want a beer or something?"

"Uh, no thank you. On the job, you know." He chuckled, but it sounded forced, and a slight frown passed his face as he noted the dishes in the sink Ennis and Jack had left in favor of moving the hay. Ennis flushed self-consciously. They'd get to them. Just not right away.

"So, where is Alma?"

"She's dead," Ennis said, surprised. Wasn't that why the man was here? At the shocked looked on Mack's face, Ennis realized that he'd meant Junior. "Oh! Junior. Yeah, she's at school."

"Right. Junior. Is that what she likes to be called?"

"Well, it's her name."

"I thought Alma was her name."

"Alma _Junior_." Ennis was starting to doubt this man's intelligence. Goddamn.

"Right, right." He cleared his throat. "Look, Mr. del Mar, I'm here to check up on things. That's my job. So—"

"Ennis!" Jack called out. "You dead?"

"Uh, in here, Jack." Ennis yelled back.

"Finished the hay." Jack was still at the door. They could hear him taking off his boots. "So that means" _stomp, stomp_ "we got" _door slam_ "the next fifteen minutes" _jingle of a belt buckle_ "to ourselves!" He chuckled a little and started heading their way.

Oh, fuck. "Jack, someone here in the living room!" Ennis hollered, just as Jack rounded the corner. _Please let him have pants on_, Ennis thought. Jack, pants still on but belt unbuckled, skidded to a stop and went red.

"Oh." He shot a look at Ennis. "Um. Hey there." He coughed uncomfortably. His belt buckle flapped a little. Mack raised an eyebrow.

"And this is…?"

"This is my business partner, Jack Twist."

"Nice to meetcha." Jack extended his hand, and Mack begrudgingly shook it.

"Joseph Mack," he said. "Junior's case worker."

"Uh…?"

"Her social worker."

"Oh. Oh!" Jack looked at Ennis again. Ennis shrugged a little. "Well, uh, what can we do for you?"

"Do you live here, Mr. Twist?"

"Yes sir, I do. Me and my boy, Bobby."

"How old is your son?"

"Almost eighteen."

"So, he's the same age as Alma Junior."

"Yep." Jack licked his lips nervously.

"And do you think they might be…involved?"

Jack and Ennis both recoiled, then looked at each other. Was it even possible? It seemed wrong, but they didn't know how to explain that to this man.

"No, I don't think so." Jack said. "They're kinda like…like family."

"Oh, I see. Well, we're just a little concerned that Alma Junior lives here with just men." He gave them a look, like they should know what he was talking about and probably be ashamed. He got two blank stares in return.

"Why?" Jack finally asked. "Is it 'cause…'cause we don't know 'bout…woman stuff?"

"Uh, no, Mr. Twist, we're more concerned about what may be going on with three men and one seventeen-year-old young woman." His disgusted frown made both Jack and Ennis click at the same time.

"What?!" Jack gasped. "You kidding me?"

"No, Mr. Twist, I am not."

"You think I'd do that to my own daughter?" Ennis growled. "You think I'm some kind of sick bastard?"

"Ennis…" Jack murmured quietly, trying to calm him without touching him.

"We're just concerned, is all." Mack said firmly.

"Well don't be." Ennis stared Mack down angrily.

"Look, there ain't—" Jack started.

"When do you expect Alma Junior home?" Mack asked, ignoring Jack completely. That was doing nothing to get him on Ennis's good side. Ennis gritted his teeth. Jack laid a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be probably fifteen more minutes." Jack said.

"Hmm." Mack pursed his lips. "I'd like to stick around and talk with her some. And maybe the boy, too."

"Listen here—" Ennis started, bristling at Mack's use of the term _the boy_.

"That's fine." Jack cut him off. "Me and Ennis got some work out in the barn, but you're welcome to stay here."

Jack pulled Ennis into the kitchen and danced around, stomping back into his boots. Buddy barked twice before heading into the living room to keep an eye on Mack. "Need to control your temper," Jack muttered low. "Christ, Ennis."

"He can't just barge in here—"

"He's just doing his job, Ennis."

"Accusing us, that's part of his job?" They walked down the lawn. David and Jeremy were getting ready to leave—they never stayed for the evening feeding. David saw the storm clouds heading their way and hustled Jeremy to the truck, throwing a brief wave over his shoulder.

"I know, I know." Jack exhaled loudly. "It pisses me off, too, but you can't fly off the handle like that."

"I didn't even do anything." Ennis muttered sullenly. "Didn't even touch him."

"Yeah, good job on that one." Jack said sarcastically, plopping onto the hay bale he hadn't moved. "You were about two steps away from it. That'd look real good, Ennis, beating up the guy who decides whether or not Junior gets to stay here."

"He said we—"

"I know what he said. And we set him straight. Okay? Don't get all worked up 'til we know he's actually gonna push it, alright?"

"Fine." Ennis snarled. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Goddamn fucking shit."

"Yep." Jack's agreeing to such an outburst made Ennis chuckle. He shook his head. Jack fucking Twist. Always making him laugh when he should've been focusing on serious matters. He dropped down next to Jack. The bale was small enough that they were lying on their sides, squeezed together tight.

"Thought you said you moved 'em all." Ennis said lazily.

"Was saving this one."

"For what?"

"Well, way I figured, we had 'bout twenty minutes or so 'fore the kids got home. So I was gonna lure you out here to the barn and we were gonna take ten or fifteen minutes on this here hay bale and…" Jack shrugged and gave Ennis a goofy grin. Ennis couldn't hold back a snort.

"You know ten or fifteen minutes would turn into us falling asleep."

"Yeah, that was why it'd be ten. 'Cause we'd fall asleep for five minutes."

"We'd have an extra five minutes." Ennis raised an eyebrow.

"That's 'cause you'd want to move the hay bale." Jack said matter-of-factly. Ennis laughed heartily.

"Sure know me, don't you, Jack Twist?"

"Bet your ass I do."

"Nah, my ass ain't worth much."  
"I think it is." Jack sounded wounded and grabbed at the ass in question, making Ennis buck and squirm. Jack pulled away.

"Sorry, bud. We got a man in our living room prob'ly watching us."

"The living room window don't look out here."

"Bet he's got x-ray vision. You see the guy? He looked evil." Jack settled onto one elbow and made a face at Ennis, trying to get him to laugh.

"When you gonna grow up, boy?" Ennis asked affectionately.

"Never."

"You planning on being Peter Pan?"

"Sure. You my lost boy?" Jack traced a finger across Ennis's cheek. It was meant to be a light-hearted, off-hand comment, but Ennis closed his eyes for a second. He wanted to tell Jack he'd only be lost if Jack wasn't there. But that seemed too girly to say. So instead he just opened his eyes and looked into Jack's, gave him a little half-smile and raised up for one short, gentle kiss before rolling off the bale.

"Kids be home any minute." He said. Before Jack could even respond, tires crunched on the gravel. Ennis raised his eyebrows. "Ain't I just psychic?" He asked no one in particular.

"The word's psych_o_, Ennis. That's the one you're looking for." They shoved at each other as they walked back to the house. When they got in the backdoor, the kids were just coming in the front.

"Daddy!" Bobby yelled.

"Bobby, Junior, there's—"

"Daddy, lookit this!" Bobby was waving a paper all around, not listening to Jack or Ennis or anyone. Buddy was jumping around, trying to leap onto Bobby and get some attention. "Lookit what I got!" He sounded for all the world like he did when he was five and came in from an afternoon of catching frogs and salamanders. "Buddy, _down_, get _down_."

"What is it, Bobby?" Jack asked, slightly exasperated that his son wouldn't let him talk. "Buddy, shut up!"

"My biology test! I got it back! I got a B!"

"No kidding?" Jack shouted, snatching the paper from Bobby and examining it while Junior laughed and Bobby sunk to his knees to wrestle with Buddy some. A solid red _B-_ was at the top. "Ennis, lookit this!" Jack exclaimed, sounding like Bobby.

"Lemme see." He squinted as he took in the grade at the top and gave Bobby a big grin. "Well, lookit that!" He slapped Bobby on the back. "Put that sucker on the fridge, Bobby."

"Aw, hell yes!" Bobby cried, waving his biology test like a flag and doing a little dance, Buddy on his heels. "Who got a B? Bobby did! A fucking B!"

A throat clearing suddenly brought Mack back into the room. Jack went scarlet and immediately scolded Bobby for his language. Bobby looked at the man like he'd never seen him before. Which he hadn't.

"Uh, Bobby, Junior, this is Mr…" Ennis fought to remember his name; covered it with a cough. "Mack."

"I'm your social worker, Alma." He flashed her those pearly-whites.

"Oh, um, hi." Junior said, looking from Mack to Ennis to Jack. Mack was still smiling, Ennis was frowning, and Jack just looked annoyed.

"Well Junior, if it's alright, I'd like to talk to you. You're not in trouble, but we're just going to have a little chatty-chat and see how we're settling in here. Okay?" He was using a kind of high-pitched voice, like she was a small child or an animal. Junior instantly disliked him and his use of the word _we_ when it should have been _you_. He wasn't settling in here, she was.

"Alright." She shrugged, resigned. Mack looked at Jack, Ennis, and Bobby, frowning, clearly wanting them to leave.

"If we could speak alone…?" He hinted. Ennis's frown deepened and Jack narrowed his eyes a little.

"Well why don't you go on in to the living room?" Jack suggested, overly controlled. Bobby was suddenly _very_ busy with the fridge. He knew that voice. It meant Jack was about to lose it. Mack and Junior went into the living room, Junior shooting a _save me please_ look behind her. Ennis turned to Jack.

"Thought you said we had to keep it together 'til he actually pushes us." Ennis said accusingly.

"You hear the way he talked to her?" Jack asked contemptuously. "She ain't four and she ain't a fucking dog. I don't like him."

"Me neither." Ennis muttered.

"Me neither." Bobby echoed from deep inside the fridge. "And Junior don't either." He pulled himself out of the fridge and went to listen to what Mr. Shiny Teeth was saying.

"So, Alma Junior." He folded his hands and smiled at her. She wondered if his cheeks were getting sore. "How are we doing today?"

"Well, _I'm_ doing fine. I don't know how _you're_ doing." She knew it was rude but she couldn't help it. She hated being referred to as a _we_. Bobby, with his ear pushed against the wall, snorted.

"Oh." He looked a little flustered and his smile slipped a bit. "Well, um…" He cleared his throat. "Alma, do you like living here?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You do?" He sounded disappointed.

"Uh, yeah," she repeated, a little confused.

"So. Would you say your father is more strict or less strict than your mother?" He pulled out a little notebook, pen poised over the paper. He dropped the cutesy voice and was suddenly brisk.

"Um…" Junior thought of her midnight curfew with her mother and the way she had to fight for anything past eleven with Ennis. "More, I guess."

"Really?" He scribbled something. "Is he _too_ strict?"

"No, sir. Reckon he's just a little overprotective."

"Hm. Was your mother too lax, do you think? Now that you have your father to compare."

"Um…" _No_. "Not really."

"What time did you have to be home on school nights?"

"Midnight." She said, starting to get self-conscious. Mack's eyebrows shot up and he wrote faster.

"That's pretty late."

"She trusted me."

"So your father doesn't?"

"That's not…I…" Junior didn't know what to say. Seemed like anything she said was going to reflect badly on one of her parents.

"Your mother worked, didn't she?"

"Yes."

"So she wasn't around much." It wasn't a question and Junior didn't know how to respond. She wasn't sure she could stay polite with him criticizing her dead mother right there to her face.

"Well she…"

"Alma Junior, are you really happy here? Now that you've had the time to get over your mother's death?" He cut her off.

"I…get over it?"

"It's been almost four months. The initial shock has worn off, and I assume you'd be settled in."

"Well…I mean…I can't just _get over it_, she's my mom and I'm always going to miss her and…"

"So you were happier with her than you are here."

"I didn't…" She was very nearly on the verge of tears and that was where Ennis's patience ran out.

"Okay, you're done." He said firmly to Mack. Mack looked startled, having not realized that Jack, Ennis, and Bobby had all been crowded up against the wall in the kitchen listening to the whole thing.

"I'll be done when I'm through asking all my questions." Mack blustered.

"You've asked enough questions." Ennis's voice was low and dark and Mack suddenly had another appointment he had to get to.

"Well, Alma Junior, here's my card." He slipped it over the coffee table to her. "Anytime you need me, just go ahead and call."

"Sure enough." She said, full intending to throw the damn thing away as soon as he was gone. Only the manners her mother had instilled in her kept her from ripping it up right there in front of him. He left, frowning that snooty frown at Ennis and Jack one last time.

"What a freak." Bobby commented in the silence that followed the squeal of Mack's tires.

* * *

Bobby was hungry. Hungry for some dead cow and some French fries, maybe a milkshake or two. He looked at the clock. Ten thirty. The Shack was still open. He felt the kind of bliss only a hungry teenage boy could feel.

He grabbed his keys and left the house quietly. Everyone else was asleep. Or at least in bed. He didn't want to think about what his dad and Ennis were doing. He grimaced at himself in the rearview mirror. Oh, sick.

Bobby blasted the radio, way he always did when no one else was in the car to tell him to turn it down. And he sang along, too, loud and proud.

The Shack was mostly empty, strange for a Saturday night, but that was fine with Bobby. He was sick of the stares and whispers of his classmates. At this point, it was less about Jack and Ennis and more about Bobby's fights. Either way, the heat was still on, and Bobby hated it.

He ordered two hamburgers and a large fry, debated over a chocolate or strawberry milkshake, finally gave in to chocolate, and found himself a table to stretch out at while he waited for his food. He didn't mind if he looked like a loser, eating by himself. It wasn't like he was worried about his reputation or anything.

He was down to the end of his fries and slurping up the last of his milkshake when the bell above the door tinkled and he glanced over to see Kimmi Jane Harris standing with her hands on her hips, pouting.

Kimmi Jane was pretty cute, Bobby had always thought, but she'd been dating Sam Thompson since, like, third grade. They broke up about every other weekend, but no one else ever moved in on her because, inevitably, Sam would apologize for whatever it was he'd done to incur Kimmi Jane's wrath. More than once, when asked why he kept going back to her, Sam would say it was the sex.

Bobby went back to his food. He hadn't talked to Kimmi Jane since probably freshman year, when they'd had art together and goofed off in the back, chucking clay at each other. He hadn't had a class with her since, but he saw her around sometimes. When he'd been cool, they'd run in the same circle. Not anymore.

"Bobby Twist!" Kimmi Jane purred, slipping into the chair next to him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Hey, Kimmi Jane."

"What have you been up to, stud? I haven't talked to you in forevvver."

"Um…not much." He was a little confused at her use of the word _stud_, but he wasn't going to call her on it. He couldn't smell any booze on her, so he figured she and Sam must've been fighting again. Sam was probably outside watching and she wanted to make him jealous. Bobby figured he must've been right and Sam must've left because Kimmi Jane dropped the coy act.

"So how's your daddy?" She asked. She'd always had a crush on Jack.

"He's alright."

"He really queer?" She didn't sound like it bothered her; she was just curious.

"So what if he is?" Bobby came off as way more defensive than he'd meant to.

"Oh, it's no problem with _me_, Bobby. You know I'd take your daddy anyway he wanted me, and that other guy—Ennis?—well he's a looker too, I'd go at it with both of 'em." She grinned saucily and Bobby felt vaguely nauseas. She laughed at the look on his face and poked him.

"I'm just kidding around, you know that."

"Uh, yeah."

She chatted him through the last of his fries and they stayed at the table, cracking up over something or other. He threw away his trash and fiddled with his keys.

"So, uh…" He didn't know exactly what to say. See you later? Probably wouldn't. She pressed her body into his and pulled his face down for a kiss, sliding her tongue into his mouth without warning.

"Whoa…what about Sam?" He asked, pulling his head away but nothing else.

"What about him?" She responded. She tossed her hair and winked. "Why don't we head on out to your truck, Bobby Twist?"

She didn't have to ask _him_ twice.

He opened her door for her, and she thanked him by grabbing his ass. _Oh God_, he thought. _Thank you Lord._ He fumbled with his own door, finally managed to get in, and she pressed into him again.

"Let's go up to the Point." She breathed into his ear, her hand finding its way between his legs. He whimpered a little and threw the truck into gear. The drive seemed to take forever, and Bobby found it a little hard to concentrate on driving when much more interesting things were going on beside him. She was unbuttoning her shirt slowly and Bobby almost crashed into a mailbox.

Finally, Bobby parked and turned off the truck, leaving the keys in the ignition for safekeeping. Immediately, Kimmi Jane moved to the backseat, leaving Bobby staring after her wide-eyed.

"Ain't you coming, Twist?" She asked, holding a rubber between her fingers and licking her lips. Bobby hesitated for a second, but all bets came off with her bra.

It was cold enough that they could see their labored breathing and the windows fogged within minutes. The whole thing lasted maybe a minute and a half, her moaning and kissing him all over the way she was, driving him crazy.

He rested on his elbows, panting, looking down at her, makeup all smudged and hair sticking sweaty to her forehead. Bobby chuckled and wiped some mascara off her cheek. She grinned and moved out from underneath him, started putting her clothes back on. His shirt had never even come off.

"I gotta get home." She said.

"'Kay. I'll drop you off." They didn't talk much on the way home, but when Bobby pulled up to her house, she slid over and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, Bobby Twist." She whispered, then was out and up the steps.

Bobby sang his heart out driving home, laughing and whistling, happier than he'd been in months. He dropped into bed and sleep claimed him.

* * *

The next day, after his morning chores and a shower, Bobby hunted around in his closet for his yearbook from freshman year. Kimmi Jane had signed it with her phone number; as far as he knew she hadn't moved so it'd be the same one.

"Hey, it's Bobby." He said when she answered.

"Oh." There was a pause. "Hi."

"Hey. So I was thinking, you want to come out here? We can go for a ride. I know you used to always want to ride. And then we can have lunch with my dad. He'll cook for you." Bobby teased.

"Bobby…" She hesitated. "Look, I mean, I had a good time last night. But, um…it just sort of happened, you know? It was a one-time thing. I'm just really glad it was you I found, and not someone who would've made a big deal out of it."

Bobby didn't know what to say. He'd thought…

"Oh." He managed.

"You're a really nice guy, Bobby. Thanks for taking care of me last night. I won't tell Sam. No one has to know."

"Right." Bobby felt his stomach land somewhere between his toes.

"I knew you'd understand. You're a great friend, Bobby Twist. See ya around."

"Kimmi Jane—"

Dial tone.


	30. Winter: Chapter 6

One day at school, Junior saw Nathan with his arm around some girl, Linda something-or-other. She felt a little twinge of disappointment, but she couldn't blame him. She'd left the poor guy hanging for over a week. He didn't come talk to her in class anymore, so she was back to herself. It was pretty lonely.

Bobby was off, too. After his biology test, he'd been ecstatic. But the last few days he'd been really down and pouty and wouldn't tell anyone why. Jack had asked if he felt alright, thinking maybe he'd caught Junior's bug, but Bobby had just snapped that he was fine and couldn't everyone just leave him the hell alone? That had led to a heated discussion about respect that ended with Bobby going to his room and slamming the door and Jack mad enough to chew nails. Things had been pretty tense as of late.

Instead of eating lunch with Kurt and Junior, Bobby sat in his truck and ate by himself. Kurt looked at Junior.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"I don't know. He won't talk about it."  
"I know." Kurt smiled ruefully. "I asked."

"He bite your head off?"

"Yep. Said I should mind my own damn business and tutor him, since that's what his daddy's paying me to do."

"Jeez." Junior tried to see if Bobby's comment had bothered Kurt. "You know he don't mean it. He's just mad about…whatever it is."

"I know. One thing I've learned is that Bobby can be _quite_ the little drama queen, can't he?"

"You're telling me!" Junior said with a laugh. "You should've seen him when he foun—"

Junior stopped talking when Bobby sat down next to her. One thing Junior had gotten used to was Bobby's smile. He was quick to grin and quick to laugh. He hadn't smiled in four days, not even when Ennis tripped over Buddy and swore a blue streak for ten straight minutes and Junior had nearly pissed herself.

"Bobby…" she started kindly.

"Don't." He cut her off. "Don't ask me what's wrong." So Junior kept her mouth shut. The bell rang and they shuffled off to class, still not talking. Kurt shot her a look and she shrugged helplessly.

She bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry," she said. Bobby was staring at whoever it was. What was her name? Kimmi something.

"Kimmi Jane—" He sounded plaintive. She frowned at him, reddening and shaking her head.

"Bobby, I have to go."

"But—"

"Bye."

Junior watched the way Bobby's mouth tightened and the way Kimmi Jane's eyes moved away from Bobby. She didn't know all the details, but she knew that whatever had Bobby down lately involved Kimmi Jane and the way she was pointedly avoiding him. Junior felt some good old-fashioned rage bubble up.

"What was that?" She demanded.

"Nothing." Bobby muttered, staring at the floor.

"What happened with her?" Junior persisted.

"Junior! Leave it alone, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

And he didn't talk about it. Not to Junior, not to Kurt, and certainly not to Jack or Ennis.

* * *

Christmas was coming up fast, and Junior was in trouble. She'd decided not to spend any money, since she didn't have any, and just knit for Bobby, Jack, and Ennis. The only problem was that she kind of hated knitting and had put it off. Now she had to knit scarves for all of them, and fast. She only had six days left and she was barely halfway through one scarf. Out of habit, she'd put aside some yellow yarn, her mother's favorite, to knit her a hat. She cried for a full ten minutes when she realized she wouldn't need it.

David's wife had her baby early one icy morning, but he showed up to work anyway. Jack sent him home right away, shaking his head.

"Your wife just had a baby, you idiot! Go on home now. We'll be fine." Ennis grumbled about being a man short, but only for a brief minute until Jack told him about the baby. He begrudgingly admitted that a man should be around after his wife had a kid, thinking guiltily that he hadn't been. He remembered leaving for a roundup the day Junior was born and not being around the whole first week of her life.

"Hey Ennis, lookit this." Jack held out the paper to him, jabbing a finger at the ad for some meeting or something. They were lying in bed, reading different parts of the newspaper from the day before. Ennis squinted at it. It was some sort of conference or fair. Cattleman's Association. It was in Colorado.

"Don't you be getting ideas in your fool head." Ennis said. "Colorado's too far in this weather."

"I can drive fine in this weather, no matter where I'm going."

"Well we can't take that much time away from the stock."

"That's why we both ain't going." Jack gave him a look.

"Jack…"

"Ennis I know you're gonna get all worried and par'noid and say I'll get killed if I go out there on my own, so save it. I'm a big boy and we need the business."

"But—"

"Can get some real good contacts at these things and show off our steers. Get buyers from other states, even. It'll bring in good money, Ennis, and you know we need it."

"I think—"

"You know even if you say you don't want me going I'll wear you down 'ventually and even if you don't agree I'll still go, so you might as well get used to the idea right now."

"Jack!" Ennis covered Jack's mouth with a hand. "I _know_ all that. I was just gonna say we oughta make sure you got new tires on your truck first, get the chains hooked up, change the oil."

"That's not what you were gonna say." Jack said suspiciously.

"No, it really weren't, but I don't got much choice in the matter, do I? Though I gotta say, bud, if the choice is the business or you, I'd consider letting go a the business."

"Aww, Ennis." Jack teased. "You're just too good to me." He ran a thumb over Ennis's cheekbone. "I'll be fine." He said softly.

"When you gonna leave?"

"Day after Christmas. Early morning."

"Mm." Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck. "How long you gonna be gone?" His voice was all muffled and Jack shivered from the feel of Ennis's lips on his skin.

"Uh…prob'ly three or four days."

"Three or four days?" Ennis sighed.

"Sorry." Jack murmured, letting his hand drift from Ennis's chest down his stomach and beyond.

"We got all the shopping done for Christmas?" Ennis asked, teeth clenched as Jack teased him.

"You mean _I_ got all the shopping done for Christmas?"

"Guess so."

"Yep."

"Well _I_ got Bobby that rope. And I guess I should find something for Junior, huh?" He grinned ruefully. "What in the hell am I gonna get her?"

"Sure you'll find something."

"Hmm. You know this means I gotta go into town and shop?"

"Oh no!" Jack gasped in mock horror.

"Aw, shut up."

"Come on, you can do it." Jack bent his head and kissed Ennis's stomach. "Be my brave cowboy."

"Shut up." This time it was a low growl. And this time it actually silenced Jack. Well, it wasn't exactly the _words_ that silenced him. It was probably more the certain _other_ things, like Ennis's hands or Ennis's mouth or just Ennis's body in general.

* * *

Bobby sat in his truck, staring out at the falling snow. It was the last day of school before the winter break, and he had a math test he was blowing off. Kimmi Jane's boyfriend sat behind him. He didn't know anything, but Bobby couldn't look at him without the sick feeling of shame twist through his stomach.

Bobby wasn't really hurt any more. Maybe a little, still, but he wasn't hurt that Kimmi Jane didn't want him, he was hurt that she'd used him. Mostly, though, he was embarrassed. And ashamed. And angry. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get so carried away, get so far gone that he would sleep with someone he hadn't talked to in years and who had no plans to even look at him afterwards.

A rapping on his passenger side window made him jump. He looked up to see Junior's fingernails tapping against the glass. She smiled at the way he started and waited for him to unlock the door.

"You're skipping class?" He asked, amazed. Junior was a goody two shoes, that was for sure. She shrugged.

"We're just watching a movie. I got a ninety-seven in that class; reckon it'll be alright."

"Oh."

That sat in silence. Junior didn't push him to talk. She didn't say anything. She just sat with him, leaning her head against the window and letting her shoulders relax. She had dark circles under her eyes, and they looked like they'd been there for a while. Bobby felt another finger of shame twist his guts. How long had she been like that? What was even bothering her? He'd been so wrapped up in himself that he hadn't even noticed.

"You alright?" He asked. She closed her eyes.

"It's almost Christmas." She whispered.

"Yeah…?"

"First Christmas without my mama." Her voice was flat. Bobby felt like such an asshole. Of course she was having a hard time. Here he was acting like a baby while she went through actual problems.

"Tough, huh?"

"Yeah." Her lips made a thin line. "Didn't think it'd be easy, but didn't think it'd be this hard, either."

Bobby didn't know what to say. He couldn't say he understood, because he didn't. Sure, he'd had a lot of Christmases without his mother, but it wasn't the same. Not even close.

"So what's up with you, anyway?" She asked after a while, swiping at a cheek and keeping her voice normal. Bobby stared at his hands.

"I, uh…well, me and Kimmi Jane kinda…" He trailed off and shrugged.

"Oh, Bobby. You didn't." She shook her head.

"Yeah. I did. And now she's back with Sam and I feel like such an idiot."

"You should." She said, disgusted.

"Gee, thanks." He slumped in his seat.

"Well, honestly, Bobby." They were both silent for a minute. "Were you, uh…careful?" She asked awkwardly.

"Yes!" He defended himself quickly.

"Alright, alright. Just checking." They were quiet again. "Have you told your daddy?"

"Are you kidding me? Would _you_?"

"You're a bit closer to your daddy than I am to mine." Junior said. "You're closer to _my_ daddy than I am." She sounded only a little bitter.

"Don't have to be." He said with a shrug. He wasn't sure how the focus had shifted, but he didn't mind.

"You'll always be closer to him than me." A little more bitter this time.

"Maybe. But you don't gotta be strangers," he pointed out.

She didn't say anything, just looked out the window. Kids started filing out, throwing snowballs, shoving each other, hurrying to cars to get home. Bobby started the car.

"Why didn't we just leave earlier?" Junior asked.

"'Cause then my daddy and Ennis'd know we skipped." Bobby said matter-of-factly. She laughed a little, not really more than a smile and a lift of shoulders, but it was more than Bobby could remember seeing since Thanksgiving. He flicked her shoulder.

"What was that for?"

He shrugged. "Nothing." 

She flicked him back. "Well that was for nothing back."

* * *

Junior spent the last two days before Christmas knitting up a storm. When she finally finished, around noon on Christmas Eve, she had three short, lumpy shapes that sort of resembled scarves. Bobby's had a hole big enough to slip his head through. Nothing she could do about it now, she figured, so she wrapped them and shoved them under the heavily decorated tree. The decorations made Junior's throat ache. They were homemade, most of them garish and ugly, obviously the product of grade-school Christmas art projects that all parents saved. Junior wondered what had happened to all of those little artifacts she'd made that her mother had saved throughout the years. It made tears spring to her eyes.

"Y'alright?" Ennis asked hesitantly, surprising her. She blinked and sniffed and smiled a little.

"I'm fine." She said quickly. Too quickly, really. Ennis pursed his lips but didn't say anything. They stayed where they were, Junior crouched by the tree, Ennis hovering over to the side, in awkward silence for a few moments.

"Well. I'll be in the barn." Ennis finally said, hesitating a minute more before leaving. Part of Junior wanted to call him back, but she had nothing to say, so she let him go. She went to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, looking around.

The room was messy. There were clothes on the ground, books piled haphazardly on the desk, hair ties and brushes on top of her dresser. Her bed was unmade, she saw a suspiciously muddy paw print that told her Buddy had been jumping up on the bed even though he _knew_ he wasn't allowed to, and there was an empty cup on her nightstand.

It looked like home.

* * *

Morning chores had to come before presents, the way they did every year, and Bobby grumbled, the way he did every year. But he didn't dare rush and do something wrong; in his haste he'd left a gate open on his eleventh Christmas and his daddy had made him wait until _noon_ to open his presents.

Finally, after an eternity, the chores were done and Bobby practically had to push his daddy and Ennis up the hill back to the house. Junior wasn't up yet, and it gave Bobby his first pause of the day. He looked uncertainly to the men behind him.

"Should I wake her up?" He asked.

"You gonna wait until she gets up to open presents?" Jack asked, a little shocked.

"No, I thought we'd just put her presents aside and I could open mine now."

"Bobby."

"Okay, I'm just kidding." He said, even though he hadn't been. He hesitated a minute more, then shrugged and went to her door and knocked.

"Huh?" Her voice, thick with sleep, came through the door.

"Uh…you want to open presents?" Well, what was he supposed to say?

"Huh?" She repeated blankly.

"It's, uh, Christmas. Do you want to open presents or what?"

"Oh. Um, sure." She opened the door a minute later in her flannel pajamas, yawning and rubbing her eyes, long hair pulled into a ponytail, wisps escaping and falling into her face. Ennis wanted to take a picture. _This is what my daughter looks like when she wakes up_, he marveled.

They gathered in the living room around the tree. Junior felt awkward. She was groggy and disoriented. She wasn't wearing a bra. She wondered how they opened presents. Did they just dive in? Did they go one at a time? With her mother, the focus had always been on Junior. She didn't know the rules here.

Bobby dove under the tree and started tossing out presents.

"Junior…Daddy…ME!…Junior…Ennis…woo, me!…"

In the end, Junior and Bobby had each ended up with seven presents from Jack and Ennis, plus one from each other. Eight presents! Junior had never seen so much wrapping paper in her life. Riverton was a poor town, so birthday parties didn't usually warrant many presents.

Bobby opened his scarf and stared at it, confused, for a minute. "Thanks…" He said slowly. Junior's face fell.

"I know it ain't good…yours ain't neither," she added to Jack and Ennis. "But scarves is just about the only thing I know how to make."

"Reckon it's just as good as any scarf I'd buy at the store." Ennis grunted. Really, it didn't mean much, since Ennis wasn't a real scarf-wearer, but it made Junior smile shyly and Jack beam with pride. Who said you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks?

* * *

Junior wandered around the house, looking for Jack. The phone was for him, and she couldn't find the man anywhere. She was fairly certain he and Ennis were in their bedroom, but she was afraid to go find out. She knew Jack was leaving in the morning, so wouldn't they be…?

She shut off her thoughts automatically. Focus on the task at hand. Avoid thinking or seeing things that could scar her for life.

"Jack?" She called out.

"Yeah?" His voice was muffled. She didn't let herself think on why.

"Phone."

He appeared at the top of the stairs a minute later. "Thanks honey." He said distractedly, coming down and taking the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Jack?"

"Lureen?" He had to say he was pleasantly surprised. She almost never called first. It would prove to Bobby that she cared.

"Hi, Jack." She paused awkwardly for just a beat before Jack broke in.

"You want to talk to Bobby?" He asked, over-eager. He'd been a bit…busy.

"Um, not just yet, Jack. I wanted to talk to you 'bout something first."

"Alrighty. What's going on?" He settled against the countertop.

"I was just thinking…Jack, it's a real shame Bobby don't know his granddaddy." Jack only just managed not to let the _why_ slip off his tongue. He didn't see that as a shame at all. He made a noncommittal "Mmm."

"And Daddy's…well, he ain't doing so good, Jack." Lureen took a deep breath, keeping the lid clamped tight on the fear threatening to rise up and boil over.

"Sorry to hear that," Jack mumbled. He was, a little. Not for L.D.'s sake, but for Lureen's.

"No you ain't." She didn't sound angry. Jack didn't say anything. "Listen." Lureen went on. "I think…I'd like Bobby to come out here."

"To Childress?" Jack didn't fight the incredulous sound of his voice.

"No, Jack, to the clouds. Of course Childress."

"I don't know…" Jack hesitated.

"Jack, I ain't seen my boy in three years." For one of the first times, Jack heard real emotion in Lureen's voice. He fought the urge to snap at her, tell her it was her own damn fault that she hadn't seen him, that she could've asked years ago when Bobby was still young and she hadn't disappointed him too many times to even remember. He took a deep breath.

"Well, it's his choice." Jack said finally. "I ain't gonna force him to go down there."

"Well, course it's his choice." The old impatience was back in her voice. "Didn't mean it like that. If he wants to come, then he'd best hurry. Ain't got too much time to be entertaining a sixteen-year-old."

"He's almost eighteen," Jack murmured absently. "And you could at least sound happy for him to come, 'stead of acting like he's some kind of burden on you."

Lureen was silent for a minute. "Look, Jack, I just think he should come as soon as possible 'cause…my daddy's sick." She paused and Jack actually felt himself grow concerned. She coughed. "Something ain't right with his heart."

"I'm sorry." He said it with more feeling than before.

"Thank you."

Pause.

"Listen, how 'bout I'll talk to Bobby and get back to you?" Jack suggested.

"Sounds good." Business voice switched back on, Lureen hung up before Jack could say anything else. He pursed his lips and hung up the phone. Bobby probably wasn't going to like this idea.


	31. Winter: Chapter 7

"I don't want to." Bobby sat flatly.

"Figured you wouldn't," Jack said slowly. He was torn on the particular issue of shipping Bobby to Texas. On the one hand, it pained him to make the comparison between Ennis never seeing Junior and Lureen never seeing Bobby. That part of him wanted to throw Bobby's clothes in a bag and pack the boy off on a red-eye flight.

But. There was the other side. The side that brought up Lureen's disinterest. Ennis had sent cards, letters, presents, money, had even tried calling a few times. It had been Alma who hadn't let Ennis in. That couldn't be said for Lureen. She almost never called, was cold with Bobby when _he_ called _her_, and, from the sounds of things, didn't even know when his birthday was.

None of those things made Jack want to send his only son to her.

Ennis bit his lip. He was as torn as Jack. His overprotective side screamed _Keep him here!_ while his absentee-father side screamed _Send him there!_ Jack shot him a look and Ennis could only shrug. He didn't know which envelope to push any more than Jack did. Jack brought a hand to his eyes and sighed.

"I think you should go."

The three men turned to the doorway. Junior was standing there, biting her lip almost apologetically.

"What?" Jack asked.

"I think Bobby should go." She repeated. She took a deep breath and bravely looked up. "I mean…" She came in tentatively, went to Bobby and stood over him as he lay flopped back on his bed. "Don't you ever wonder what she's like?"

Something flickered in Bobby's eyes and Jack knew she'd hit the mark. Of course she had. She knew.

"You do." She softly. "And I bet…" She hesitated, glanced at Ennis, and gave her attention back to Bobby. "I _know_ she wonders what you're like. She wants to get to know you, but she doesn't know how and she's afraid you don't want to see her."

Ennis shuffled his feet. He knew how Junior knew that. Jack, almost unconsciously, lifted a hand from his hip to rest comfortingly on Ennis's shoulder. Ennis brought a pinky to his mouth to gnaw at the loose skin around the nail.

"Yeah, well…" Bobby's voice dropped off because he couldn't think of anything to say. Jack realized that if Bobby was going to go, Junior was going to be the one to convince him. He motioned for Ennis to follow him and they quietly made their way out of the room.

"What're we doing?" Ennis asked. "We gonna make him go?"

Jack shrugged. "Up to him." He said resignedly.

"Hm." Ennis pulled a face.

"You think he should go." It wasn't a question.

"I don't know, Jack." Ennis sighed. "I know 'bout your kid being far away. But at the same time…I mean, she ain't been around. What she want now?"

"That's what I'm thinking."

They stood quietly, trying to hear what the kids were talking about and not even really feeling guilty about it.

"It'll be good." Junior was saying. "Get you away from all this Kimmi Jane business."

"Guess so." Bobby was using tight-lipped tactics he'd learned from Ennis.

"Who's Kimmi Jane?" Ennis whispered.

"Um…Not sure. That Bill Harris's girl?" Jack racked his brain. "What she got to do with Bobby going to Texas?"

"Well maybe if you'd quit yapping we'd find out." Ennis grumbled.

"I'm over that anyway." Bobby said quietly, making both Jack and Ennis strain to hear.

"Yeah?" Junior asked, a touch tauntingly. "That why you still ain't eating?"

"I'm eating!"

"You ate exactly four bites of that casserole stuff." Junior challenged.

"Did you taste it? Didn't notice you asking for seconds neither."

Ennis made a miffed sound. His ham and bean casserole had been quite good, if he did say so himself. He'd made up the recipe all on his own. Jack rolled his eyes.

"I just don't know if it's worth it to pay for a ticket, drag my ass down there, and just get ignored for a week or whatever." Bobby tried to sound bored, but it wasn't really working.

"Least you get to go home if it gets too bad." Junior said quietly. Bobby immediately felt ashamed. He should listen to her—she'd gone through all this already. Sort of.

"Well, I don't know. I'll sleep on it." Bobby muttered, cuing Junior to leave him alone to do this proposed sleeping, though it wasn't yet four o'clock. She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to say something, then snapped it shut and just gave him a look he couldn't read.

"Fine." She finally said. And then she left. Jack and Ennis both scurried away from the door, trying to look innocent and succeeding in incriminating themselves. Junior just shook her head.

"I tried." She said with a shrug. Jack patted her shoulder.

"Well, thanks, honey. We just gotta leave it up to him."

* * *

Bobby was staring at the ceiling. He knew he had to make a choice soon—his dad needed to book his flight, and it would cost a pretty penny to be so last minute. But did he want to go? Part of him—the little boy part, the part that was convinced that deep down, his mother really _did_ love him—wanted to go, to meet Lureen, to put little habits to a face and a voice. But the other part couldn't face the idea of going there and finding…just some woman. Some woman who didn't have his nose or his ears or, worse, some woman who _did_ and didn't care.

But things had turned out all right for Junior. Surely she hadn't wanted to come out here. Now she was…well, Bobby was pretty sure she was happy. Not that he'd ever consider staying in Texas. He could never do that to his daddy and Ennis. Not after they'd raised him his whole life.

If Bobby was going to be honest, he had to admit that part of the reason he didn't want to go was because he felt like he was being pushed into it. The more he got told to do something, the less he wanted to do it. But that wasn't really fair to Lureen, was it? He sighed and turned over, rested his head on his arms. Buddy jumped up on the bed, tail wagging.

"What you think, Buddy? Should I go?" He scratched the dog's ears as he asked. Buddy whuffed at him and licked his nose. "Well I'm sorry, I don't know if that's a yes or a no, pal. Guess we need a second opinion. You want to go see Firefly?" Buddy perked up, knowing he'd get to chase some of the chickens if Jack and Ennis hadn't locked them up yet. He followed Bobby down the stairs, barking excitedly no matter how many times Bobby told him to shut up.

"Hey there, girl." Bobby said, a big smile splitting his face. He loved his animals. "You miss me?" He patted her neck as she lipped at his hair. He checked out her hooves, knowing they'd be fine but checking anyway.

"So." He made himself comfortable leaning against her strong shoulder. "Need some advice." She waited patiently for him to go on. He had to laugh at himself. She was a horse. She wasn't going to go dispensing wisdom for him. Still and all, he'd been talking to her for years and years and didn't plan to stop now. "My mama wants me to head down to Texas and meet her and my grandparents. But I ain't real sure 'bout that, you know?"

He sighed, shivering at the end. He didn't have his coat on, just his light jacket. It was too cold for that. He was always forgetting his coat. In the third grade his daddy had had to ask his teacher specially to make sure he wore his coat home everyday. That was kind of embarrassing, now that he thought about it.

Firefly's snuffling around in her feed bucket brought Bobby back. It was almost feeding time, so he figured he might as well get a move on. "Think I should go to Texas?" He asked her before he left. She looked at him as seriously as possible considering she was a horse, and then, still very seriously, bobbed her head up and down.

Bobby stared for a minute. "That's just creepy." He announced to the empty barn.

He got Firefly her grain, slipping her some extra treats even though he knew it'd spoil her. His dad and Ennis came in and started on the other horses. They were both stealing looks at him out of the corner of their eyes.

"I guess…I guess I should go." Bobby said quietly as they walked up to the house together. Jack and Ennis stayed quiet, but Jack gave him a serious look.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to." Jack said slowly.

"I know Daddy. It's my choice." He shrugged a little. Jack and Ennis had the same look on their faces, and Bobby wasn't quite sure what it meant. "What?" He asked, a bit tentatively.

"We're just proud of you, son." Jack told him softly. Ennis was closer to Bobby than Jack was. He raised a hand to the back of Bobby's neck and squeezed it just once before letting go. Bobby knew it meant the same thing as Jack's words. And for the first time in his life, he felt like a man. A _real_ man.

* * *

"Junior." Jack whispered, right above her face.

"Huh?" She jerked and opened her eyes.

"Me and Bobby're leaving. We just wanted to say 'bye."

"Oh…how long you gonna be gone?"

"Well, I'll be gone prob'ly four days. Bobby'll be closer to a week, maybe more."

"Oh." She blinked sleepily. "Well…bye…" She said, a touch awkwardly, wondering if she should hug Jack or not. She decided not to. He touched her forehead.

"Bye, Junior." He said, pushing some of the hair out of her eyes. His soft touch made her want to cry. Bobby was in the doorway.

"See ya, Junior." He said with a wave.

"Bye Bobby."

She went back to sleep not five minutes after they left, then woke again around eight. She went into the empty kitchen and made herself some oatmeal. She'd eaten her breakfast alone for over six years while her mother worked double shifts, but in the past few months she'd gotten used to having company. She felt a little lonely, truth be told.

After a shower, she headed to the barn. She couldn't see much use in doing anything else. She stood with Thunder for a minute, not talking. It wasn't because she felt stupid talking to a horse; she just couldn't really think of anything to say. Finally she decided to go for a ride. She went to get the saddle she'd come to think of as her own and found Ennis polishing some of the old leather, Buddy at his feet. Buddy jumped up excitedly when Junior came in.

"Oh, hey." She said to her father.

"Uh, hi there."

There was an awkward pause. Junior squatted and scratched Buddy's ears, wanting to grab her saddle and leave but at the same time wanting to stay.

"Sleep okay?" Ennis finally asked, though he said it to the bridle in his hands.

"Um…yeah."

Another pause.

"Was just gonna head out for a ride." She mentioned. He nodded, working the leather oil in rhythmically. Junior straightened up and pulled her saddle off the rack it was on, piling the blanket and the bridle on top. She paused at the door of the storage room.

"You, uh…" She shifted her load from her stomach down to her hip and coughed awkwardly. "You want to come with me?" She finally got out. Ennis looked up, surprised. Junior could see a hint of a smile hiding in his shy eyes.

"Yeah." He murmured. "Just lemme put this away and I'll get Shoes ready to go."

Junior went back to Thunder's stall and saddled him up. He fussed a little with the bit, like always, but she gave him a squinty-eyed stare and said, "Knock that off, mister." He snorted but took the bit quietly on her next try.

"Thank you very much." She said, adding a pat to his neck. When she led him out, she realized Ennis had been standing outside the stall, watching and (more embarrassingly) listening. He had a little smile on his face. Wasn't a smile, really—more like one side of his mouth was quirked up higher than the other. But Junior, having seen him around strangers and comparing it to the way he acted around Jack and Bobby, knew it to be an amused smirk. She laughed a little embarrassedly.

"You saddle 'em up so quick." She said, truly a little awed. Ennis shrugged, ducking his head a little.

"Lots'a practice." He shrugged again. "Bet you'll be faster'n me pretty soon."

Junior knew that wasn't true—it still took her a good two minutes just to heave the damn saddle up onto Thunder's back—but couldn't help the proud smile that flitted onto her face. Ennis gave her another shy little grin and Junior saw the cute little boy he'd undoubtedly been, so many years ago.

"Where you fixing to go?" He asked, breaking into her thoughts.

"Oh, I don't know. I was just thinking I'd…wander."

"Hm." Ennis nodded. "Wandering can be nice."

They rode in silence. Ennis didn't know what to say to her. He was a bit better with Bobby, but he'd had Bobby around almost as long as the boy'd been alive. He could remember Bobby waking up screaming from nightmares or wetting the bed or throwing up all over himself. Junior was a double mystery. Not only did Ennis have minimal time with her, she was…a girl. Ennis's knowledge of women was severely limited.

"So, uh, how's school going?" Ennis asked nervously. School was a safe topic, wasn't it? She got good grades. She probably liked school. That'd keep her talking for a while.

Too bad she was her father's daughter.

"Okay." She answered. He waited for more. None came. Shit. Ennis pushed his hat back a little on his head and swiped a hand across his forehead. He wasn't good at this kind of stuff.

"Um…" He tossed around desperately. He felt he should keep a conversation with her, bond with her, do _something_, but he was way over his head here.

"Hey—Ennis?" She broke in tentatively.

"Yeah?" He was immensely grateful she was taking over on this one.

"How old were you when your parents died?" She seemed afraid to even ask.

"Oh." Ennis had to admit this wasn't what he'd had in mind in the way of conversation. "Well. I was 'bout ten. Nah, guess I was closer to 'leven." His eyes went far away. Junior imagined herself at eleven. She never would've been able to make it without her mother. She felt a wave of sadness crush into her for her father.

"That's awful." She said softly. Ennis just ducked his head and hunched his shoulders. Turtle mode, Jack called that particular posture.

"Was pretty hard." He finally agreed.

They didn't talk much the rest of the ride. They'd come to a bit of an understanding. They were both quiet people, content to listen. So with just the two of them, they didn't need to talk to be comfortable.

* * *

Junior's mouth was still partially full as she went to the door, so she sincerely hoped it wasn't anyone particularly important. She swung the door open to find Kurt, book tucked under his arm.

"Hey." He greeted her.

"Kurt!" Junior was surprised, to say the least, to see him.

"Junior!" He sounded confused and gave her a strange look.

"Bobby's not here." She said apologetically.

"He's not?"

"No. His mama called yesterday, wanted him to go visit. So he's in Texas."

"He _went_?" Kurt asked, mouth open a little.

"I know, I was pretty surprised, too."

"Alright. Well. Okay." He ran a hand through his hair. He shrugged, gave Junior a little wave, and started to turn away.

"Kurt?"

He turned back around.

"You can stay, if you want." She shrugged. They were friends, weren't they?

"Um…" He scratched at the back of his neck. "Sure."

* * *

Jack and Bobby were quiet on the way to the airport. It was about two hours out of Jack's way, but no way was he sending his boy off to Texas and L.D. without being there for him. He pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine. Neither moved.

"You can still change your mind, if you want." Jack said, meaning it. Sure, they'd lose the money for the airline ticket and he'd have to drive another two hours back home and maybe end up skipping the conference altogether, but he didn't really care. If Bobby didn't want to go, Bobby wasn't going.

Bobby exhaled loudly. "Nah." He said. "I can do this."

Jack nodded and opened his door. "Well…guess you shouldn't miss your flight, then." He said reluctantly.

He helped Bobby get to the right place. Watching his son walk away from him, about to get on a plane and go somewhere without Jack for the first time in his life, promptly filled Jack with sheer terror. He almost called Bobby back, wanting nothing more than to grab him and stuff him in the truck and take him home, never let him out of the house again.

Bobby hesitated a half-beat and glanced at his father over his shoulder. He wasn't as scared as Jack, but he wasn't exactly carefree, either. Maybe scared wasn't the word, he told himself confidently, since he was a man now and men didn't get scared. He was just a little…unsure. Yes, that was it.

Jack raised one hand and waved, nodding his encouragement to Bobby. It was what Bobby needed. He straightened his shoulders and started his journey.


	32. Winter: Chapter 8

Bobby stepped off the plane and blinked in the harsh fluorescent light. He took a deep breath. Texas. He was in Texas. He was going to spend at least a week with his mother. He sighed and licked his lips, glancing around casually to see if she'd at least remembered to pick him up.

The last time he'd seen her, she'd been a brunette. Now, the woman he vaguely recognized had platinum hair of astronomical heights. Her lipstick was a red he couldn't say he'd ever seen before, and she had about an inch of makeup caked on. She caught sight of him and gave him a small smile so as not to mess up her face.

They hugged awkwardly, exchanging nonsense pleasantries. He grabbed his suitcase and she led him to the parking lot. Her car was big and fancy, shiny, leather seats, the works. No mud on the tires, air conditioning fully working, no dents anywhere, and nothing like the trucks he was used to. He almost didn't want to get in, afraid of ruining something.

"So, how you doing in school?" Lureen asked, lighting up some girly filtered cigarette as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"Alright." He answered quietly, picking at a loose thread at the bottom of his shirt. "Doing better than I was at the start of the year."

She blew out a puff of smoke. "Well, that's good." She said absently. Bobby ran a finger over his bottom lip and said nothing. Lureen glanced over at this boy, so much taller and broader than she remembered, looking like his daddy when she'd met him but a little softer around the edges, and wondered what she'd gotten herself into.

"You mind if we head straight to the hospital to see your granddaddy?"

"Uh, no that's fine." Bobby was a little startled. He hadn't known his grandfather was in the hospital. The ride there was awkward, to say the least. Neither said a word. Lureen smoked the whole way, weaving in and out of traffic. Bobby looked out the window and wished he were at home.

"Alright, let's go." Lureen said, crushing her cigarette (number four) and opening her door. Bobby sighed, stuck his hat on his head, and followed.

"Hi, Daddy." She led Bobby into a spacious room with three beds and only one patient. From the stories Bobby had head about L.D. Newsome, he was guessing that the other beds were empty on account of some money changing hands. "Here's your grandson, Bobby."

"Hey there, son." The man in the bed was large and red-faced. The woman sitting at his sight was much smaller. They didn't seem to fit together, in Bobby's mind.

"Howdy, sir. Ma'am." Bobby took off his hat and held it in his hands. He was semi-sure he'd met them before, but definitely not in the last five years.

"He looks just like his granddaddy, don't he?" L.D. boomed out. Bobby fought to keep his face normal instead of sliding into the grimace he desperately felt coming on. He looked _nothing_ like this man. At least, he sure hoped so.

"Uh…sure, Daddy." Lureen said, a bit dryly. She gave Bobby a little smile and rolled her eyes. He couldn't help but smile back. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

Ennis sighed and rolled over to his side. He was having trouble sleeping without Jack snoring in his ear. Or having his leg thrown over Jack's. Or…well, he was having trouble sleeping without Jack, period. It was the first night they'd been separated in years. And it would probably be the longest they'd be apart. Somehow, they'd made it two years. Now Ennis was moaning over four days.

He rolled back to his stomach and rested his forehead on his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack's pillow. He bit his lip and glanced around, as if someone were in the room with him, watching. Berating himself, both for being such a woman and for being paranoid, he grabbed the pillow and pulled it close to him. It smelled like Jack—soap, sweat, maybe some spunk mixed in there, though how it'd ended up on Jack's _pillow_ kind of worried Ennis.

He sighed again. For all his tough words and his brave face, he didn't handle separation very well. He was a worrier. At the present moment, he was worrying about Jack's back and his hip. A long day of driving would mean they were hurting him. He'd sounded tired when he'd called earlier. Maybe he was getting sick. Maybe someone had given him trouble. Maybe the truck was going to break down and he'd be stranded. Maybe the roads were too slick and he'd crash.

Maybe Ennis needed sleep before he went crazy and drove to Colorado himself.

Ennis's thoughts went to Bobby. What if Lureen was the icy bitch Jack had sometimes mentioned she could be? What if she somehow kept him there, wouldn't let him come home? What if he liked living with her more than he liked living with them?

"Stop it!" He growled at himself. He looked over at the clock on the bedside. 2:30 AM. Christ. He had to get up in two and a half hours and so far he'd slept maybe four. Not letting himself care how girly or queer it was, only worrying about getting some sleep, Ennis moved over to Jack's side of the bed, Jack's pillow in his arms and against his face, and curled up in the Jack-scent. He sighed and closed his eyes.

* * *

Jack sighed and rolled over. If he were in his own bed, he'd be facing Ennis right now. As it were, he was facing empty sheets and a pillow. The mint was still on it. He ate it and tossed the wrapped somewhere off the bed. He knew he'd feel guilty and throw it away in the morning, but just then he was in a bad mood. Well, a missing-Ennis mood.

How was he supposed to sleep without Ennis grousing about his snoring? (When really, it was Ennis who did all the snoring. No really. It was.) He grabbed the pillow next to him and held it to his chest. Too bad it didn't have curls for him to twine between his fingers.

He wanted to call Ennis. Too bad it was…2:30 AM. And Ennis would have to get up earlier than usual, probably, since Jack and Bobby were both gone, and David probably wouldn't be back, so it'd be Ennis, Joel, and Jeremy. He felt guilty. Well, nothing he could do about it now.

He sighed again and tried to sleep. He so wanted to call Ennis, just to hear that scratchy growl that said he was irritated at being awoken. But the phone wasn't in reaching distance from the bed—meaning Ennis would have to get up to answer, meaning he'd be _extra_ pissed off.

No, Jack wouldn't call just yet. He could wait a few hours until Ennis was up anyway. He rolled to his stomach and rested his head on his extra pillow, willing it to be Ennis's chest or Ennis's arm or Ennis's stomach or Ennis's _anything_.

* * *

"So, Bobby, what do you want to do today?" Lureen asked the next morning. Bobby had woken up at what would've been five thirty for him, same as usual, blinking a few times at the glimmering yellow paint on the walls and the perfumed smell of the sheets, wondering where the hell he was until he remembered he was in Texas and really it was four thirty—not that he had any chores to do anyway. He'd slept a little longer, but couldn't sleep any past seven, so he'd gotten out of bed and showered.

Lureen had been sipping coffee when he'd gone down the stairs and she'd offered him his choice of cereal from her stunning variety—Corn Flakes or Bran Flakes, both stale. He'd successfully kept the grimace off his face and opted for Corn Flakes. He was getting all the bran he needed in his diet, thank you very much.

"Um…" He didn't know what there was to do in Childress. It wasn't really even a city, but it made home seem pretty podunk.

"I gotta go into work for a bit and fill out some paperwork. You want to come?" She lit a cigarette. Bobby suppressed a sigh. Did he want to go? No. Did he have anything else in mind? No.

"Sure." He said with a little shrug. She blew out a puff of smoke.

"Kay." She took another drag. "We'll leave in 'bout half an hour."

Another awkward car ride later, and Bobby was slightly impressed with the combines and tractors. A real farm boy at heart, he felt almost a longing to try driving them around. Lureen's shiny car made him nervous, but these were machines Bobby knew. He'd been driving the John Deer since age twelve. Lureen caught his greedy stare and repressed a snort.

"You want to drive one of 'em?" She twanged out at him.

"Can I?" He seemed so excited over something so small. Good Lord, what kind of short rope did Jack keep the boy on, to get him worked up over _tractors_?

"Sure, go ahead." She shrugged. "Let me getcha the keys."

She watched him ride around, back up, swing wide, and wondered about this boy. He'd been there not twenty-four hours, but she'd already learned more about him than she'd ever known. He didn't like Corn Flakes _or_ Bran Flakes but was too polite to say anything. He took off his hat when he was introduced to someone and had his daddy's charming smile and eyes. He had her nose. And he was obviously a man of the land.

She left him to it and went to her office, looking at the stack of invoices and reports she had to weed through. She leafed through, picking the ones that seemed most pressing, and was soon engrossed in her work.

"Uh, Ms. Newsome?" One of the new timid secretaries poked her head in tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"There's um…a boy? Riding a tractor outside?"

"Yeah. And?" Lureen looked up impatiently.

"I was just wondering why…" Her voice faded out.

"He's my son." Lureen said distractedly, going back to her work. "If he's making too much noise than tell him to shut the hell up. Otherwise leave him alone so I can get some work done."

"Um…yes ma'am…"

* * *

"So, uh, what you got planned for the day?" Ennis asked as he and Junior shared a semi-uncomfortable breakfast.

"Um…" Junior poked at the egg yolk. "Don't really know. Got some homework I figured I'd get started on."

"Mm. Sounds like a good idea." Ennis said after a pause.

"Might go do something with Kurt."

"What?"

She looked up at him. "Might do something with Kurt. That a problem?"

"Do something…do what?" It wasn't that he didn't like Kurt or didn't trust him. But Kurt was a seventeen-year-old boy and Ennis knew what _that_ was like. Junior just shrugged.

"Gretty's got a ballet recital, I think. If that's today I was thinking I'd go watch it."

"Oh."

Neither said anything for a minute. Junior glanced up at him and bit her lip. "I betcha Gretty'd love it if you came, too."

Ennis flushed a little. "I don't know…ballet?" He made a face. Junior giggled.

"But it'd make her happy. Roy can't go 'cause he has to work. And I don't think Mary Ellen's gonna make it…" She grimaced. "Christmas was real hard on her, Kurt said."

"That so?" Ennis sighed a little, scratched at the back of his neck. "Well, maybe I'll make it there. We'll see."

Ennis was not a ballet fan. He'd never actually _seen_ a ballet, except on TV once, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't like it. He trudged up the stairs to take a shower, tired from his sleepless night, contemplating a nap, but before he was halfway up the stairs the phone rang. Junior answered it and called up the stairs,

"It's Jack."

Ennis rushed back down, sidestepping Buddy who always got excited when people ran down the stairs. Ennis had learned that lesson the hard way. Junior handed him the phone and went to her room.

"Jack?" He said, out of breath and shoving a finger in his ear to hear over Buddy's barking. "Shut up, Buddy!" He added for good measure. Buddy chose to ignore him.

"Hey bud." Jack was smiling just from hearing Ennis talk. That low voice, the slight mumble…_three more days_, he reminded himself. _Three more days and I'll be home with him._

"Shouldn't you be at your conference?" Ennis asked, a little concerned but trying not to worry.

"Yeah, but I got some free time, figured I'd give you a call and see how you and Junior are getting along by yourselves." Jack said it jokingly, but Ennis knew he was really curious.

"Well…things're okay. Gretl's got some ballet recital and they think they're getting me there."

"Make sure someone takes a picture of that, because I don't want to miss the look on Ennis del Mar's face at a ballet." Jack laughed, that goofy laugh Ennis could never hear enough of.

"If I even go. Might stay home and take a nap."

"You tired?"

"Couldn't sleep much last night." Ennis mumbled.

"Nightmares?" Jack asked, worry clear in his voice.

"Nah…" Ennis was blushing even though Jack couldn't see him. "I just…missed…" He coughed. "Missed you."

"You did, huh?" The smile was back in Jack's voice. "Well, that's good news for me, I reckon. Won't be getting kicked outta bed when I get home."

"Doubt that'll ever happen."

Jack laughed quietly. "Well, friend, I gotta say I didn't have the easiest time last night, neither. Too quiet without someone snoring in my ear."

"What the hell you on about? You're the one who snores, not me."

"Who said anything about you?" Jack teased.

"Jack fucking Twist." But Ennis couldn't help the silly little grin floating around on his face. God, he missed that man.

"You talked to Bobby yet?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he called 'bout half hour after you did last night. He said the plane didn't crash and he's still alive, but his sheets smell like flowers'n shit and L.D. already insulted him by saying they look alike."

Jack roared with laughter. That sounded like Bobby, all right. "Well, it's a true insult. You ain't never seen the man, Ennis. He ain't someone you'd want to be compared to."

"Reckon I'm glad no one's ever compared me to him, then."

"He ain't even _close_ to you." Jack's voice dropped half an octave as he came to the part of the call he'd most been looking forward to. He wanted some dirty talk from his man. "Missed more'an your snoring last night."

"Mm…" Ennis felt the blush creep up his neck, ears, and cheeks. He knew what Jack wanted him to say but he wasn't sure he could. He floundered for a minute. "I…uh…me too, bud." He finally said, voice low, starting to get hard.

"How much'd you miss me?" Jack asked.

"Jaaack…" Ennis hissed, glancing around.

"Aw, come on, Ennis. Can't you tell me?"

"I…" Ennis bit his lip. "I missed you real bad, you gotta know that."

"You wring it out thinking 'bout me?" Jack's voice was getting breathless, making Ennis get breathless in return.

"Yeah." He admitted.

"Will you say it?" Jack didn't think Ennis would. But he wanted to see.

"Um…last night I…" Ennis started mumbling. Jack had to bite his lip to keep from gasping out loud. But before Ennis could say anything else, he heard Junior's voice.

"Oh, you're still on the phone. Sorry." She popped back out of the kitchen. Ennis let out a breath and Jack started laughing.

"That ain't funny." Ennis growled.

"It's kind of funny." Jack sighed. "I gotta go, cowboy."

"Oh."

"I know. But I'll call you back later tonight." Jack sighed again. "I miss you."

"Miss you too." Ennis murmured. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

Ennis hung up the phone and climbed up the stairs wearily. He had to shower if he was going to be rubbing elbows with the kind of people who went to ballets.


	33. Winter: Chapter 9

Ennis caught sight of Gretl in a frilly pink tutu before she slipped behind the curtain, squealing with the other girls in her dance class. Max was next to him, Junior next to him with Friedrich on her lap, and Kurt sitting suspiciously close to her on the other side. Ennis eyed them warily, but they didn't seem to be touching or anything, so he let it go.

He glanced around. The recital was being held in the high school cafeteria, the curtain pulled shut on the stage and the lights turned down low. He recognized most of the people there; people he'd seen around town, people who had kids Bobby's age, people who talked to Jack in the supermarket. A few heads turned in his direction and the sound of whispers made him hunch his shoulders instinctively. He probably should've just stayed at home.

The curtain opened and the music started. Nine little girls flitted around the stage, giggling and watching the teacher and each other. Gretl was on the far side, partially obscured by the curtain. The half of her they could see was about three steps behind the rest of the girls.

"Gretty isn't very good, huh?" Friedrich asked regretfully.

"Hush." Louisa scolded. "She's great."

"How come she's not all the way on the stage?" Max asked curiously.

"Gretty isn't good." Rolfe said with a shake of his head.

"You guys shut up." Kurt hissed. "Gretty's great and she's dancing and we're cheering for her."

"Okay." Friedrich shrugged. "YAY GRETTY!" He screamed obediently. Everyone turned to look at them. Gretl waved from the stage. Ennis tried to control his breathing. Those eyes were all lingering. He had such trouble with multiple people staring at him. It wasn't helping that Rolfe and Friedrich were competing over who could yell louder while Max snickered and egged them on and Louisa sunk further and further into her seat.

Ennis fought the urge to bolt. They were just staring because the boys were yelling. There wasn't any other reason. And the whispers and mutters were also because of the boys. Not because of him. The woman right in front of him gave him a hard look and he was almost gone.

Finally, the first dance was over. Ennis leaned over to Max and whispered, "How many dances are there?"

"Four."

_Damn_. Okay. One down, three to go. He could handle this. Really, he could. Except then during the second one no one was cheering _at all_ besides Rolfe and Friedrich, so the heads kept turning and the glares kept coming. Ennis hunched even more.

The second dance ended. Gretl and the other girls left the stage and some older girls came on. At least this time the boys were quiet. The dance was long. Ennis had to admit these girls were pretty impressive. But not impressive enough for him to stop wishing it would just be over.

The older girls went into another dance. A tall girl had a solo. She spun around about eighty times and Ennis thought he might get sick just watching her. And then something happened that he never in a thousand years had considered. A boy came onstage. In tights. Dancing ballet.

"That's a boy!" Ennis hissed. The woman in front of him gave him another glare and he realized that could be the dancer boy's mother. He shot a look around. No one else seemed to even realize that there was a boy ballerina out there. In _tights_.

Finally, the curtain went down and the lights came up. People started getting up, milling around, talking. Ennis wanted to beat a hasty retreat, but Kurt mentioned Gretl wanting to say hi to him, so he endured. A few people were still staring, but no one came over. Gretl finally ran over, hair in a little ballet bun, pink bag on her shoulder.

"Hi." She said, suddenly shy.

"Gretty, you did so good!" Louisa squealed, grabbing Gretl and squeezing her. Gretl preened a bit before looking around.

"Mommy didn't come?" She asked. Kurt and Louisa exchanged a glance.

"She wasn't feeling real good, baby." Louisa explained quietly.

"Oh." Gretl's face fell.

"But look who came!" Kurt broke in. "Junior and Ennis!"

Ennis started a little, lost as he was in his own thoughts and not anticipating any attention being brought to him. Junior was saying something to Gretl about looking pretty in her tutu and Ennis figured he'd better say something.

"Uh…you dance real nice." He said, a bit uncomfortably.

"Thanks." She said quietly. Ennis figured she didn't feel so great about her mama missing her recital.

"Jack was real sad he couldn't come." He added.

"Where is he?" Gretl pouted. Ennis decided not to be miffed that she clearly valued Jack's presence more than his own. He couldn't blame her.

"He had to go to a different town. Do some business."

"Oh. Where's Bobby?" This was almost an accusation, as if Ennis had hidden him somewhere so he couldn't come.

"He's in Texas, remember?" Rolfe nudged her with his elbow.

"Oh yeah." Gretl looked around impatiently. "Is it time to go home yet? Lila already left."

"Yep, let's go." Kurt took the sparkly pink bag Gretl thrust at him and put it over his shoulder so his hands were free to catch her when she threw herself at him.

"Bye, Gretty." Junior said. Ennis just waved. Kurt waved back, though more at Junior than at Ennis, he suspected.

"Ennis, can we come ride your horses soon?" Rolfe called. Ennis was conscience of a few people listening in like they were part of some TV show.

"Uh, sure thing." Ennis watched two women bend their heads together and whisper. Were they glancing his way? They were talking about him, weren't they? He made a noise in his throat and started turning away. Junior got the hint and followed his lead.

They were quiet on the drive home. It was only a semi-awkward silence instead of the full-blown kind. Ennis was willing to count his blessings. Junior looked out the window and counted fence posts until she felt sick. Ennis swallowed and the sound was loud in the truck. Junior coughed. Ennis cleared his throat. Finally, after forever, they turned onto the driveway.

"I'm gonna…do some homework." Junior offered. Ennis nodded.

"I guess, uh, I could start some dinner. Anything in particular you want?"

"No…whatever's fine." She was already starting down the hall. Ennis frowned. If it were up to him, he'd choose something easy, like a sandwich. Would that cut it for her? He knew for a fact Alma would never serve sandwiches for dinner—she'd make a full-on meal, even though it was just the two of them. Well, Ennis wasn't Alma. And now he wanted sandwiches just to spite her. Of course, then he felt guilty for wanting to spite her when a) she was dead and b) he'd caused her enough pain while she was alive.

The phone rang and pulled Ennis out of his thoughts. He brightened considerably when he recognized the voice on the line as Bobby.

"I got to drive a real nice combine today. It was a new model, drove like you wouldn't believe." Bobby gushed. "And then some customers saw me and wanted to buy it! Lureen said they might gimme a commission from it. Think she was prob'ly kidding, but that's okay. I was thinking—we make a real good profit this year we could afford one. Should get one, don't you think?"

"Well, don't know 'bout that. We ain't got much call for a combine, now do we?" Ennis said, amused.

"Mm, guess you're right."

"So, thing's okay there?" Ennis asked.

"Oh…yeah…guess so."

"Guess so?"

"Well, it's just sort of…weird." Bobby lowered his voice. "She's real polite, you know, but we ain't got much to talk 'bout."

"Mm."

"And so it's, um, what's the word…awkward. It's real awkward sometimes." Bobby confided. "But don't tell Dad. He'll feel guilty for convincing me to come out here, you know? But I actually think it was a good idea."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean…well…I kept thinking 'bout you and Junior, and how you'd always get sad when you couldn't see her, and I always hated when you got sad like that. And maybe Lureen was like that too. So maybe she was just…I don't know, too scared to come see me or maybe she didn't want to have to be around you and dad so she couldn't be around me, neither. But I think it's a good thing I'm getting to know her now. I didn't at first, but I do now. You think so?"

"Yeah, I think so." Ennis managed to get out. He wasn't sure how he felt about Bobby comparing him to Lureen. On one hand, he wanted to defend himself—Alma hadn't _let_ him see Junior, and Jack had always tried to get Lureen to see Bobby, so it was different—but on the other hand, Ennis was touched that Bobby had cared enough to want to change it for Lureen.

"So do you and Junior just sit around not talking all day?" Bobby teased.

"Ah…we talk sometimes." Ennis defended himself. "I'm 'bout to make some dinner."

"Sandwiches?" Bobby asked with a little laugh. He knew Ennis all too well.

"Sure 'nough. You think I should do something else? I'm sure she's used to big dinners and all that." Ennis bit at his thumbnail worriedly.

"Oh, Ennis, I'm sure it's fine." Bobby assured him, sounding enough like Jack to make Ennis smile.

"Guess so. Whatcha eating out there?"

"All sorts of fancy shit—sorry, stuff. Lureen's got a cook."

"A cook for just one person living out there?" Ennis wondered.

"Yeah, and she's got this huge house too! Don't make a whole lotta sense to me." Ennis could picture Bobby shaking his head, that little the-world-is-crazy smile he'd inherited from his father on his face.

"Well…reckon I better go." Bobby said reluctantly. "Ain't my phone, and all."

"Oh, that's right. Long distance."

"Yep. So, I guess I'll call again tomorrow."

"Sure thing. Oh, Gretl had a ballet recital today."

"No!" Bobby cried. "Damn! I wish I coulda been there."

"Yeah, she was asking for you."

"Wait, _you_ went?" Bobby hooted. "You went to a ballet recital?"

"Yeah, and there was a boy in one of them dances. He was wearing tights."

"Goddamn, for real?"

"For real." They both laughed a bit.

"Okay. Well." Bobby cleared his throat.

"Oh, yeah. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I guess." Ennis said reluctantly.

"Yep. Tell Junior I said hey."

"Alright." Ennis bit his lip. He missed Bobby.

"Bye, Ennis. Love you." Bobby said it easily, probably without any idea of the effect he'd just had on Ennis.

"I—you too, Bobby boy." Ennis choked out around the lump in his throat. He hung the phone up and took a deep breath, eyes embarrassingly moist. He went to the kitchen and grabbed the bread. He opened the fridge and dug around for sandwich fixings. He wondered idly, bleakly, whether he'd ever hear his daughter say the same words.

* * *

Junior didn't seem to mind eating sandwiches for dinner. She took hers without comment save for the obligatory "Thank you" Ennis had known she'd give him. If nothing else, the girl had manners.

"So, uh, what homework you working on?" Ennis asked. Junior finished chewing and swallowing, never one to talk with her mouth full the way Ennis just had.

"I got some English. An essay I'm working on. And then some math, but I might wait for when Bobby gets home so we can do it together. Once he gets the numbers down, he's way better at solving the problems than me."

"Well, that's good." Ennis said absentmindedly, realizing that he couldn't very well offer to help her with any of it. It made him feel bad. They finished up eating the rest of their sandwiches silently. Just as Ennis was trying to figure if he should offer to spend some time with her, the phone rang. He went to pick it up and Junior went off to her room.

"H'lo?"

"Hey there." Jack said.

"Oh, hey." Ennis was embarrassed at how breathless he sounded.

"So, did you go?"

"Yeah, I went." Ennis admitted.

"Damn! All the good stuff happens while I'm gone." Jack pouted.

"Jack, all them people were staring at me. Like…well, they all know, Jack."

"Ennis, I bet all of 'em don't know. They were prob'ly just staring at how good looking you are."

"Jack."

"Ennis. I'm serious, bud. You worry too much."

"I know I do. But maybe you don't worry enough." Ennis argued.

"Well, guess we're a good match, then, huh?" Jack said lightly. Ennis made a noncommittal noise.

"There was a boy ballerina." He told Jack.

"You're kidding."

"No."

"A boy?" Jack cried, incredulous.

"A boy."

"And did anyone say anything to _him_ 'bout being queer?" Jack demanded, always looking for opportunities to prove to Ennis that the world wasn't really all that bad a place.

"I don't know. Reckon he gets some trouble at school."

"Well. Don't everybody?"

Ennis just grunted in response.

"Well anyway." Jack changed the subject. "This conference thing? Think it's turning out to be real good for us. I talked to three different guys today and all of 'em seemed real interested."

Ennis blackly doubted their interest in the beef, sure that they were only there because of Jack. But he couldn't bring himself to say it to Jack—not with Jack prattling on about his salesman skills and sounding so excited about it all.

"Sounds real good, Jack."

"So, you talk to Bobby today?"

"Oh, yeah, I did. He—he—" Ennis bit his lip.

"He what?" Jack asked, not sure whether to worry or not.

"He told me…he said he loves me."

"Well, yeah, Ennis. Course he does." Jack was grinning.

"I know, but…don't think I've ever heard him say it."

"I'm real glad he told you, Ennis." Jack said quietly. "That's a big thing."

"Felt real big."

Jack briefly considered the dirty jokes he could make using those three words, but decided against it. Not the right moment.

"And he said he thinks it's a good thing, him being out there. Sometimes he and Lureen don't got much to say, so they're awkward, but he said he's glad he's there."

"Good. She better be treating him right." Jack's voice was hard, but he softened. "I mean, I'm sure she is, but I just—"

"I know. You worry."

Jack snorted. "This, from you? You're the worrier, not me."

"You worry sometimes." Ennis said defensively.

"I know. Right now I'm worrying that I shouldn'ta left you out there all by yourself." Jack's smile was evident in his voice. "Worrying you're gonna go find yourself somebody else."

"Didn't we already talk 'bout this today?" Ennis asked, amused.

"Mm, we got interrupted, don't you remember?"

"Jaack…" Ennis glanced around, but Junior was nowhere around.

"I'm just kidding, bud. I ain't gonna push it. Not now, anyway." He laughed quietly and Ennis felt a pull in his chest. It had only been two days, for Christ's sake! This was getting ridiculous.

"I miss you." Ennis blurted, immediately flushing and clamping his lips together. Stupid thing to say. Not some damn woman.

"Miss you too." Jack said softly, his voice low. He savored those little moments when Ennis let his guard down. It was those little moments that kept Jack patient, kept him from pushing harder for Ennis to give him more, tell him how he felt at every turn, go someplace with him.

"I better go, bud. Gotta be up pretty early tomorrow, meet with a coupla guys and then start the drive home."

"Mm. Long drive." Ennis commented.

"Yeah, 's why I'm breaking it into two days. I ain't driven this far since we met up again after them years. 'Member?"

"Course I 'member." Ennis replied quietly.

"Yeah. Well anyway. I'll be home day after tomorrow. Ain't so bad, huh?"

"Guess not." Ennis admitted reluctantly, though he silently disagreed. Jack should be home _now_. Ennis hesitated a bit, hemming and hawing. He knew what he wanted to say to Jack, knew what Jack wanted him to say, but he didn't know if he could make himself do it. _Come on,_ he scolded himself. _Bobby gave it to you today. Give it to Jack._ Too bad it wasn't as easy as passing a torch or something like that.

"Jack, I…uh…" He paused and took a deep breath. It wasn't so scary, was it? No one could hear him except Jack. And he knew Jack would say it back. It was just…if Jack already knew, why did Ennis need to tell him? _Because he wants to hear it. And you need to say it._

"I know, Ennis." Jack said, bailing Ennis out as he always did. "I know."

"But I'm gonna say it." Ennis told him stubbornly. "You just hang on one minute."

"Well, okay." Jack answered with a laugh. "I ain't gonna stop you."

"Um…" _You are a chicken, Ennis del Mar. You've lived with this man for sixteen years and you've…felt this way…for eighteen._

"You don't gotta say it, Ennis." Jack was trying to hide the disappointment in his voice, but he never was much of an actor. Not around Ennis, anyway. It was the push Ennis needed. How could he ever let Jack stay disappointed for long? He wasn't good at seeing Jack hurt.

"Love you." It was quiet and low, mumbled, barely coherent, but those words made their way to Jack over the crackle of the telephone lines.

"Love you, too." The smile on Jack's face lit up his words, and Ennis couldn't help but smile himself. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Jack went on.

"Sure 'nough, darlin."

Ennis hung up the phone and let out a breath. It wasn't a girlish sigh, he reassured himself. It was the deep breath of a man coming to terms with his emotions. He frowned. Damn, maybe it'd be better if it was a girlish sigh.


	34. Winter: Chapter 10

AN: Thank you so much to anyone still sticking around out there. It means the world.

* * *

Junior could hear Ennis moving around in the kitchen, getting coffee, eating leftover pie or something, coughing. She knew he was probably reading the newspaper, too, squinting hard until he got a headache.

She was not doing homework.

She'd finished a while ago but didn't know what to do. Should she go out there with Ennis? But that would make them both uncomfortable. Wouldn't it? Should she do it anyway? She suddenly wondered if Ennis was lonely out there. How often were Bobby and Jack both gone? Almost never, she was willing to bet. He probably wasn't used to being without them.

She heard him cough. Was it her imagination or did his cough sound sad? Could coughs sound sad? This was getting ridiculous. She hopped off her bed and went out before her brain could stop her.

Ennis jumped when he caught sight of her. "Oh, hey there." He said.

"Hi." She stood awkwardly for a moment. "Um…do you want to…watch a movie or something?" She asked haltingly. He looked up quickly, shock plain on his face. "You don't have to," she added quickly. "Just thought…"

"No! I mean, yes." His voice sounded too loud to his ears. "Yeah, I want to."

"Okay."

They didn't move. Ennis realized he was still holding the newspaper open to the sports page. He folded it back up, the rustling sound almost deafening.

"Got anything in mind?" He asked, desperately hoping it wasn't going to be some girly movie to make him want to poke his own eye out.

"Uh…no."

Silence. His leg was bouncing.

"Well…" Ennis thought hard. "We could go see what we got."

"Okay."

Again, they didn't move. Ennis realized he was still sitting down and that didn't project an image of him wanting to watch the movie, so he could up, his knees popping. They awkwardly walked into the living room, more space between them than strictly necessary.

The movie selection had always seemed fine to Ennis, but now he wondered if Junior didn't think it was maybe a little…manly, There were lots of action movies and westerns, though Junior could swear she saw The Sound of Music peeking out from behind Rambo.

"Guess we could run to town and rent one." Ennis offered. He clearly would've rather jumped into a snake pit than go into town for the second time in one day. Junior actually wasn't too far behind him.

"Nah," she said. "I'm sure there's something here."

His relief was visible.

They ended up agreeing on Rocky—one of Jack's favorites, Ennis remembered with a little pang of loneliness.

"Never seen this," Junior commented. Ennis felt a strange combination of pride and dread at her small talk. Pride because he knew she hated talking, same as him. Dread because he just plain hated it. He decided if she was going to try, so was he.

"One of Jack's favorites," he told her, wondering if that was a good thing to say or not. Did she care?

"Mm. Probably good, knowing Jack's taste."

Was that a compliment? Well, obviously it was to Jack, but was it a hidden compliment to Ennis, too? He longed to shut his brain off. "Uh, yeah. I watched it a few times. 'S good. Not _my _favorite, but it's a good one." He was as close to babbling as he got. Luckily, he'd fast forwarded through all the previews and the movie was starting, so he shut up. He wondered if he should've made popcorn. He didn't want any, but maybe she did?"Uh, you want popcorn?" He asked a part where no one seemed to be talking. He felt like he was on a date.

"No, thank you."

A kind of unsuccessful date.

They watched the movie without popcorn and without talking. It was so different from watching a movie with Jack or Bobby or both. No comments on the "old-ness" of the movie (Bobby) or the triumphant human spirit (Jack, mockingly quoting some newspaper article about the movie when it first came out) or how nobody could know what was happening in a movie with those two Chatty Cathys yakking away (Ennis).

Sure, he liked actually hearing the movie, but he missed Jack and Bobby something fierce. He was sure ready for Jack to be home (two more days) and Bobby to get back from Texas (undecided, but in dispute). The movie ended and Ennis, in all his OCD glory, immediately hit rewind.

"You miss Jack and Bobby?" Junior asked. They were both surprised that she'd spoken. Ennis looked down at his hands, picking at the loose skin around a nail.

"You bet." His voice sounded strange. Something in the air of the room shifted. Ennis felt like he should say more, but he didn't know what. He cleared his throat and just decided to jump in. "Missed you, you know. Um, when you went to your aunt's." He looked at his feet. He had a hole in his sock and his toe was poking out.

Junior didn't say anything. She knew this was her cue to tell Ennis she'd missed him, too, but she didn't know how to say it without sounding like she was only saying it because he'd said it first. He wasn't looking at her, but she could see his blush creeping from his cheeks down his neck. He finally braved a look at her. All she could give him was a small smile before she got off the couch and left. He stared after her, wondering if he'd just taken a step forward or back.

* * *

Jack was all packed and ready to go. All he had to do was leave a business card with the coordinator's secretary so he'd be notified of future conferences, and then he could finally start heading home.

Home. He'd only been gone two days and he was dying, aching, ready to burst if he didn't get home soon. Some people (probably Ennis) might be embarrassed by that, but it made Jack happy. Not everyone had a home to miss so desperately.

"Hey, Twist," a guy named McMillan came over. "Was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink before heading out."

McMillan had been dogging Jack the whole conference, wanting to get a drink, watch the game, grab some food. He was a little too hopeful and had a habit of being touchier than Jack was comfortable with.

"Ah, no thanks, bud." Jack said, friendly as possible. "Got a long drive and I'm real anxious to get home. Just gonna drop this off and be on my way."

"Oh, I'm heading over there, too. We can go together." McMillan was more excited about this than Jack was. He forced a smile and didn't say anything.

"So, missing your little lady?" McMillan barked out a laugh that held no mirth.

"Something like that," Jack said with a wry grin.

"Me, can't say as I sympathize." McMillan got a curious look out of Jack, despite Jack's best efforts to be uninterested. "Haven't found nobody to settle down with yet." McMillan explained. Was Jack imagining the extra stress on the word nobody?

"Well, keep looking, friend." Jack kept his voice light and tried to speed up without McMillan noticing. "You'll find her."

"And what if I ain't looking for no her?" McMillan said it out of the corner of his mouth, shooting little sideways glances at Jack. Jack raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "What if I think I found something a little more appealing?" This was accompanied by an up-and-down look at Jack that made him want to slap his hands over himself and run away.

"You don't hardly know me." He sped up a little more. He'd be running soon.

"Got eyes."

"Well, I ain't on the market and I like it that way."

"Don't see no wedding ring," McMillan challenged, startling Jack.

"Don't gotta be married to be settled." Jack finally came up with. McMillan turned to him, eyes all ablaze.

"No one's gotta know." He said low. Jack started to feel nauseous.

"You're making a lot of different assumptions 'bout me, friend, and I'm none too pleased with that." He said it firmly and then hurried into the building, leaving McMillan behind. He didn't linger—dropped off his card and ran to his truck like it was a desperate emergency. It was. He needed to get home.

* * *

Bobby forked potatoes into his mouth, trying awkwardly not to make eye contact with the woman who'd given birth to him. Unfortunately, they were right across the table from each other, so looking up was a danger.

"So, Bobby," Lureen started. Bobby took a big swallow of milk to wash down his potatoes. "How you boys getting along out there without no womenfolk?"

Something in her tone made his ears hot with anger. "Just fine, ma'am."

"Only just fine?" She asked.

"Real good. Turning a pretty profit these days." It was sort of a lie, but she didn't have to know that. She clearly was, so it wasn't like he was shoving money (fake or not) in her face.

"Hm." She took a tiny bite of chicken while Bobby shoveled corn.

"Anyway," he said around his mouthful, the way his daddy always told him not to but did himself. "We ain't without womenfolk."

"That so?" Her brown eyebrows inched up to meet her peroxide hair. "You got a girl stashed away somewhere? 'Cause I know she ain't your daddy's."

Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes. "No, ma'am, Ennis's daughter lives with us now."

"Does she?"

Had he stuttered? Bobby fought irritation. "Yes, ma'am." He took a huge bite of potatoes, hoping to swallow the conversation with them.

"How long she been living with y'all?"

"Since right around when school started."

"She a smart girl?" Her tone was accusatory, like maybe Ennis had a smart kid to make up for Bobby. Bobby grit his teeth.

"Yes ma'am. Gets real good grades." He could hear the strain in his voice and hoped she chalked it up to his full mouth. He grabbed a roll.

"Hm. Being smart don't got nothing to do with good grades."

"Ma'am?" He asked, confused, as she pushed back from the table.

"Well, you don't get good grades, but you ain't dumb." Then she was gone, leaving Bobby with a whole lot of food and a whole lot more confusion.

* * *

"You having a good time?" Jack asked Bobby that night, holding the grimy hotel phone to his ear, not caring that he'd be billed extra for the long-distance.

"Yeah…" There was more to that sentence, but Bobby let it hang.

"Yeah what?" Jack pushed, always able to tell when Bobby was holding back.

"Yeah, I am, but…" Bobby sighed. "I don't want to be here for Christmas. I want to be at home."

Now Jack sighed. "Well, I want you home, too, and so does Ennis, but we can't be selfish. What about your mama? You want her to be alone for Christmas?"

"She ain't complained all the other years, so why now?" Bobby's question echoed Jack's thoughts. He sighed again.

"I don't know, bud."

"You know it's not even snowing here?" Bobby asked incredulously. "Not even sure they'll get snow on Christmas. Christmas! What kind of Christmas don't have snow?"

Jack chuckled. "Guess that don't sound too appealing."

"And Ennis needs help with the chores, Daddy—I been away too long!"

"Bobby, you're at least staying a week. I ain't gonna make you stay for Christmas if you don't want to, but I'm putting my foot down on this one."

"Fine." Bobby was pouting. Jack didn't have to see him to know that.

"You and your mama getting along?"

Bobby shrugged, even though Jack couldn't see it. "Yeah? I don't know. I guess so."

"Well, you both got a whole lotta stubborn in you," Jack chuckled. That spit fire was one thing that'd attracted him Lureen.

"Daddy, sometimes she says things that just make me want to scream, make me so mad."

Jack laughed again. "Get used to it, bud. All women do that. They find your buttons and they go ahead and push 'em."

"But Daddy…" Bobby sighed. Probably shouldn't rat his mom out to his dad. Especially after she'd called him smart. Or at least not dumb.

"Probably shouldn't tie up her phone." Jack said regretfully.

"Yeah. You gonna be home tomorrow?" Bobby asked wistfully.

"Yep." Jack tried not to sound _too_ happy, since he'd just told Bobby he couldn't come home for at least three more days.

"Okay. Tell everybody I miss 'em."

"Alright. I love you, son."

"Love you too, Daddy."

Lureen had walked in long enough to hear Bobby tell Jack he missed "everybody" (how many people lived out there with them, anyway?) and he loved him. She ducked into the room off from the kitchen, quick, so Bobby wouldn't see the hot tears stinging her eyes.


	35. Winter: Chapter 11

Jack was speeding. It was kind of a dangerous road, and he always got on Bobby about driving safe here, but he couldn't help it—it was the last road to home. He figured it was alright, under the circumstances. He turned onto the driveway, gravel flying under his tires. Buddy started barking from somewhere in the house. As Jack pulled the key out of the ignition, the front door opened. Ennis stopped at the front steps, fighting the urge to run down the steps over to Jack.

But then Jack turned to look at him, his eyes all lit up and a big grin on his face, and Ennis's feet yelled "Screw you!" to his brain and carried him over there. Jack's smile grew as Ennis bounded over to him. They grabbed each other in a bone-crushing hug.

"Mm, good to be home." Jack murmured, face pushed into Ennis's neck. Ennis pushed back to look at him.

"You ain't even inside yet," he chuckled.

"Don't need to be." Jack wound one of Ennis's curls around his finger. "You came to me." Ennis wrapped him up again, sighing at the familiar feeling of Jack in his arms.

"Missed you, darlin'." He said softly. Then he pulled away and grabbed Jack's bag out of the truck. Jack started talking about the guys who said they were going to come out and take a look. Ennis fought jealously and cynicism. Jack was a good salesman, for sure. And just because he was so damned good-looking didn't mean_ every_ person who saw him cooked up a plan to steal him away.

"How you and Junior been doing?" Jack broke into his thoughts.

Ennis shrugged. "Alright, I guess." He opened the door and Buddy jumped all over Jack, barking excitedly. "Get down." Ennis commanded. Buddy ignored him, but Jack dropped to his knees. He wasn't obeying Ennis; he was giving Buddy a belly rub. "Meant the dog." Ennis said dryly, rolling his eyes.

"Aw, you jealous, Ennis?" Jack teased, getting up. "Don't worry; you'll get your tummy rub later." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

"Jaack…" Ennis glanced at the hallway leading to Junior's room. Jack glanced very pointedly at the stairs leading to _their _room. Ennis was just gearing up to charge up those stairs, dragging Jack with him, when Junior came out.

"Hey, Jack," she said, a little shy. "How was your trip?"

"Hey, there Junior!" Jack was never real discriminate with excitement. When he was excited to see one person, he was pretty much excited to see everyone. "It was pretty good, but it sure is nice to be home. You two're a might easier on the eyes than all them crusty old ranchers I been with the last coupla days."

Junior blushed, both at the compliment and the fact that Jack had just called Ennis good looking. Why should she blush at that? She could see that it was true, and it wasn't like she didn't know Jack thought that. She just nodded, unsure how to respond. Did she need to thank him for that?

Jack rubbed his hands together. "I'm starved." He announced. "Let's get some lunch going." He went to the fridge and starting pulling things out. They looked a little random to Junior, but Ennis must've recognized them. He groaned.

"Come on, Jack, don't you just want a sandwich or something?" He sounded almost pleading. Junior looked back and forth between them, confused. Jack chuckled and shook his head.

"You always pretend not to like my chili, but you always eat it anyhow."

Ennis grimaced. Junior looked closer at Jack's ingredients—salsa, ham, ground beef, potatoes. He put potatoes in chili? And ham? Junior's stomach started protesting already.

"Um…you put potatoes in your chili?" She ventured.

"Puts _everything_ in his chili." Ennis muttered. Jack ignored him.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I guarantee you've never tasted anything like it." He got out a big pot. Ennis snorted.

"That ain't a lie." He said under his breath, going in to peel the potatoes as Jack pulled out carrots. Carrots? In chili? Junior was starting to get nervous.

* * *

Bobby, on the other hand, was eating an elaborate lunch of some sort of bow-tie pasta salad. It had peas in it. And broccoli. Luckily there were rolls. They seemed to have rolls at every meal. Bobby didn't mind. He loved rolls. And that was pretty much what he was eating for lunch, because rich people ate some crazy food.

"Bobby, I want to take you to see Daddy later, okay?" Her tone implied that the "okay?" wasn't really a question. It was fake politeness. Since he didn't have a choice, Bobby didn't answer. He didn't want to go see L.D. He'd spent an hour with him that first day he'd gotten there, and it hadn't been the best hour of his life. L.D. kept talking about how he could tell Bobby wasn't going to turn into a pansy queer like his daddy, no siree; this Bobby was a good one. Bobby'd had to remind himself that L.D. was old and sick and Bobby couldn't attack him.

They pulled into the hospital and Lureen led him up to L.D.'s room. He looked sicker than before. His eyes were sunken in a bit more and his face was ashen. Fayette didn't look too great, either.

"How you doing, Daddy?" Lureen asked. Some of her usual briskness had gone out of her. L.D. coughed in response, wheezing and hacking. Bobby wanted to run out of the room. He'd never known anyone who was dying before. Some of the barn cats had died, but barn cats weren't people.

"I'm fine." L.D. finally got out, though it was more than apparent that he wasn't. "Daughter, why don't you take your mama to get something to eat; give me some time with my grandson?" He tried out a jovial wink. It fell depressingly short. Lureen was twisting one of her many rings around on her finger.

"Sure, Daddy. Come on, Mama." Lureen wrapped an arm around Fayette's thin shoulders and led her out of the room. Bobby stood awkwardly where he was, not wanting to go any nearer to the man in the hospital bed.

"Come here, son." L.D. rasped. Bobby fought an irrational fear. He was almost eighteen years old, for crying out loud. Why should he be afraid of an old man? He took a few steps closer to the bed and stopped.

"Nah, come _here_." L.D. commanded. "Let me look at you, let me talk to you."

Bobby obeyed, even though L.D.'d already looked at him and talked to him. L.D. locked eyes with him for a long, uncomfortable moment. For some reason, Bobby didn't want to blink. It was some sort of test, and he damn sure wasn't going to fail it.

"You're a man, Bobby." L.D. said. He sounded tired and so incredibly old. "You're a man and I don't even know you. And it's all that queer pissant's fault." He coughed again. Bobby's hands clenched into fists. He didn't care if this man was dying—he would not sit still and listen to another tirade against his father.

"My daddy raised me into the man I am today." Bobby said defiantly.

L.D. gave him a hard stare. "You a queer too, Bobby?"

"No, sir, I'm not, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stand by and let you talk 'bout my daddy and that way."

They had another stare down. This time, Bobby kept his chin high and his eyes narrow, matching L.D. He wasn't ashamed of the way he'd grown up. And even if he had been, he would never let L.D. know it.

"I wasn't even talking 'bout your daddy." L.D. spat a little when he talked. "I meant that queer man he's living with."

That gave Bobby a turn, he had to admit. And it also made him hopping mad. L.D. had never met Ennis. Why did he think he had the right to say anything about him?

"Well, I ain't gonna listen to your shit 'bout Ennis, neither. He helped raise me, and I'll be lucky if I turn out to be half the man he is."

And with that, Bobby walked over to the chair by the door—the furthest he could get from L.D. Newsome without actually leaving the room. As spitting mad as he was, he still felt a tug of responsibility. He couldn't leave L.D. alone, not when he could die any minute. Bobby shuddered. _Please don't die while I'm here_, he thought desperately.

L.D. went into a coughing fit. It sounded pretty bad. Bobby was almost positive he was going to watch him die, but it tapered off. L.D. stared over at him.

"You got your mama's fire." He said, admiration in his voice.

"I really didn't get nothing from my mama except some genes." Bobby finally snapped. He was so sick of L.D. blatantly snubbing his father's and Ennis's role in raising him. "She ain't wanted to have nothing to do with me all these years, so anything about me, good or bad, comes from my daddy and Ennis. Get used to it, old man, 'cause it ain't going away."

And then Bobby did leave the room. He didn't have to listen to that. He leaned against the wall and let out a breath. A minute later, Fayette and Lureen came around the corner, chatting quietly. Lureen looked at him, leaning against the wall outside the room.

"How come you ain't inside with Daddy?" She asked.

"I ain't real interested in the kind of trash he's spewing." Bobby said harshly. Fayette pressed her lips together and went in the room.

"Bobby, you better not have riled him up. He's sick. He's dying! Don't you get that?"

"Just 'cause he's dying ain't an excuse for him to be a mean son of a bitch!" Bobby shot off.

"Don't you talk about my father that way." Her voice was low and threatening, but Bobby was too mad to back down.

"Then you tell him not to talk about _mine_ that way." Bobby pushed away from the wall and stalked away, not sure where he was planning on going, just knowing he needed to be away from there.


	36. Winter: Chapter 12

While the chili was simmering, filling the house with a smell that was…_interesting_, to say the least, Jack very pointedly said that he wanted to wash up a bit after his long drive. He went upstairs, and then Ennis cleared his throat, eyes darting around, flush making its way up his neck and across his wide face. He opened his mouth as if to make his own excuse to go upstairs, then closed it and instead just turned tail and ran. Junior laughed a little, amused that he was so embarrassed about it. And then she wrinkled her nose, because…well, _gross_.

Ennis had the presence of mind to close and lock the bedroom door and then he was gone, grabbing Jack and setting upon him. They kissed wildly, hands scrabbling and scratching, desperate, as if they'd been apart for months, or weeks at the very least, instead of mere days. Jack was moaning into Ennis's mouth, the way he had a tendency to do, and it drove Ennis wild, just as it always did. Finally, neither of them could stand just kissing, and the clothes started coming off.

Jack moaned some more as Ennis sucked at his neck, and that nearly ended Ennis right there. He push-walked Jack over to the bed, whimpering a little himself as Jack's hands went to all the right spots. They were well practiced with each other's bodies; knew all the right buttons to push and all the tricks to pull.

"Missed you," Jack mumbled against Ennis's lips. Well, actually, it came out sounding more like "Mgnh oo." because his tongue was otherwise occupied, but Ennis got the general idea.

"Uh huh." Ennis's sounded right, because he didn't need his tongue for that phrase. Then he added, "Oo oo." Jack could've taken it simply as a compliment to his kissing abilities, but he knew it was supposed to be "You too." Jack entertained a little fantasy of them somehow losing their tongues in some sort of freak accident and still being able to communicate, but then oh _God_, that fantasy disappeared as he realized Ennis was going to need his tongue if he was going to keep doing _that_. And he definitely was going to keep that up if Jack had anything to say about it.

Ennis pulled away, making Jack whine a little. Ennis nuzzled at Jack's neck, then pushed their foreheads together and looked into those blue eyes that drove him wild.

"God, I love you." He mumbled.

That was it for Jack. He grabbed Ennis in a fierce kiss, and there was definitely no more talking after that.

* * *

Bobby stalked away blindly, anger burning so fierce he wandered up stairs and around corners and down halls until he'd burned down some and realized he didn't know where he was. Hmm. Probably not a good thing.

Judging by the amount of large, cranky women and frazzled men, Bobby'd wandered to the maternity ward. That was helpful to know, he supposed, but he didn't know how to get back to L.D.'s room. He didn't really want to go back, but he didn't really have a choice at the present time, unless he wanted to spend the rest of his life at the hospital. He blew out a frustrated breath and, out of the corner of his eye, spotted a pay phone. Score.

His anger started to peter out as he waited patiently for the man using the phone to finish exclaiming over his new baby girl to whoever he was talking to. "Seven pounds even! Most beautiful thing you'd ever see!" Yeah, yeah. Whoever they are, buddy, they don't agree with you, so just wrap it up. Okay, so maybe he was still a touch cranky.

Finally, the new daddy hung up. He had a wild grin and even wilder hair. He had some seriously nasty looking stains on the scrubs he was wearing. Nasty enough for Bobby to reconsider children. But the huge grin, paired with tear tracks, made Bobby think maybe it was worth it. Obviously Lureen didn't agree. That made Bobby's anger come back in full force.

"H'lo?" Ennis answered the phone while chewing something.

"I'm coming home!" Bobby started off, not calmly or rationally at all, as he'd hoped to be. He'd also said it a bit louder than he'd meant to and saw some heads swivel toward him. He hunched his shoulders, a nice little trick he'd learned from Ennis, and scrunched closer to the wall.

"What? What'samatter?" Ennis swallowed whatever he was eating.

"I'm sick of it here. Sick of L.D. and sick of Lureen and I'm ready to be home."

"Hey, now, slow down. What happened?"

Bobby heard Jack in the background. "Who is it? What's wrong? Is it Bobby? Is something wrong with Bobby?"

The thought of being somewhere people actually loved him and wanted him around made a lump rise up in Bobby's throat and replaced his burning anger with a dull, throbbing homesickness. Why did he have to be out in stupid Texas? He wanted to go home, with the wind he hated and the cows and his horses and his dog and his family. He'd never been this far away before.

"What's wrong with Bobby?" Jack called from wherever.

"Well, shut up so I can figure it out!" Ennis finally sassed back. "Bobby? What's going on out there?" His voice was tinged with worry now.

"I just…" Bobby cleared his throat. "I want to come home." To his horror, his voice cracked and he felt the hot sting of tears. He blinked hard and fast to get rid of them.

"Okay." Ennis said slowly. "You gotta tell me why, though."

"I just do." Bobby had to whisper to keep from crying. "I miss you and Daddy. And Junior."

Ennis sighed and cleared his throat.

"Well, you know, we miss you too, bud, but…"

"Ennis, please!" More heads turned to look at him, but he didn't even care anymore.

"You…you homesick?" Ennis asked. Bobby hesitated. Was Ennis going to think he was a baby if he admitted it? He was being a baby. But knowing that didn't make him any less homesick.

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Ennis was quiet a minute. Bobby was sure he was annoyed. Annoyed to be saddled with such a baby. He was nearly eighteen years old! "Well, can't say I blame ya. You ain't never been away for long, huh?"

"Huh uh." Bobby was ducking his head to hide his swimmy eyes, though no one could see them anyway.

"Yeah." They were both quiet, but Bobby could hear Buddy barking and Jack yapping at Ennis, probably hovering right at his shoulder. "We…we sure miss you, you gotta know that."

"Then lemme come home." Bobby's voice was dangerously close to a wail. Ennis sighed. Before he could answer, Bobby heard the clack-clack-clack of heels and a sharp voice ring out through the whole floor: "Robert John Twist!"

"Shit." Ennis swore. "Voice sounds like a fucking witch." Then he made a noise that Bobby recognized as his damn-I-shouldn't-have-said-that grunt.

"She is." Bobby said gloomily. He could hear his father, right in the phone now, probably hanging on Ennis, asking "_Whose_ voice?!" Bobby pushed the phone into the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm on the phone." He said, rather rudely.

"Bobby…" Ennis's warning voice sounded tinny from that far away. "I don't care how much of a bitch she is, you be respectful."

"Yessir." Bobby bit his lip. "Although, you know, she calls me stupid and makes fun a me for not being able to read." Okay, so it was a lie, but he was seventeen and wanted to go home. He was not above slander.

"She_what_?!"

"Nah, she never did that." Bobby admitted. He was a bad liar; always had been. He always felt too guilty.

"Damn, Bobby, I was goin' a come out there myself and getcha."

"You still could." Bobby said hopefully.

"Listen. You hang up now, you talk to her, and if she's still…still being that way, you call. We'll bring you home right away." Ennis told him.

"_What is going on?!"_ Jack was beside himself.

"Promise?" Bobby knew he sounded like a little kid, but he couldn't help it.

"Promise. Cross my heart and all that." Ennis chuckled a little, remembering when Bobby used to insist they all had to cross their hearts, hope to die, swear on your mama's grave (that one went away once he was old enough to understand that Ennis's mother was actually dead and all the things that entailed), spit shake on every promise.

"Okay." Bobby sighed. "I'll prob'ly be calling later."

"Well, you call later, no matter what happens, 'kay?"

"Okay. Tell Daddy to calm down 'fore he has a fucking stroke."

He hung up and took a deep breath. Lureen was standing there, arms crossed, heel tapping, eyes bugging out of her head with rage.

"You can't just go off like that!" She shouted. "You hear me?"

"I ain't deaf!" Bobby felt his own anger start up again. "And I ain't a little kid, neither!"

Just then, Lureen noticed that everyone was staring at them. Always one to keep up her appearances, she smiled that cold business smile and said stiffly, "Why don't we go on home?"

Bobby was having none of it. "I'd love to," he spat. "But my home is in Wyoming."

Her teeth were clenched together so hard he could hear them grinding. "Come on." She hissed. She tried to grab his arm but he yanked himself away from her.

"Um…I think I changed my mind." Bobby heard one of the younger pregnant women say morosely.

As soon as they'd both slammed the car doors closed, Lureen was laying into him. "What the _hell_ is your problem?!" She shouted, throwing the car into gear and backing out without even looking. Bobby hoped a car magically appeared.

"I don't think I did anything wrong." Bobby said calmly. It was a fake calm, meant to infuriate her. It always infuriated Jack, and it always infuriated Bobby when Jack used the calm voice on him. Lureen, unfortunately, was already so livid that the calm voice was lost on her.

"Oh, you _don't_, don't you?" She jerkily lit a cigarette and took a long drag. "You scream at a sick old man and then you just _disappear_ and now you don't think you did anything wrong?"

Well, when she put it that way…

"I left so I could cool off, because that nasty old bastard finally crossed the line!"

So much for that whole cooling off thing.

"Don't you _dare_ talk about him that way!" She changed lanes and almost collided with the one other car on the highway. The other driver honked and Lureen gave the man the one fingered salute. Now Bobby could see the spunky rodeo queen Jack talked about, instead of the tight-lipped cold fish he'd seen the entire week. Too bad this was what it took.

"Well what gives him the right to trash talk my dad like that? Huh? You think I'm just gonna sit there and take that?"

"Bobby, my father is a good ol' boy from Texas. You had to know he was gonna have something to say about Jack."

"That don't make it okay!" Bobby exploded, furious that she seemed to think that just because L.D. was ignorant Bobby was supposed to let it go. "He can't say shit like that!"

"What did he even say?" She sounded less mad now—just sort of worn out. It almost made Bobby feel sorry for her, having a daddy like that instead of a happy, loving one like he had, but he was too pissed to feel any pity just then.

"Oh, just that my daddy's a pissant who ain't no good at anything—never has been, never will be—and is surely going to hell for shacking up with another man!"

Lureen sighed. "Sure it ain't nothing they _both_ ain't already heard."

"That don't mean I have to sit and listen to it." Bobby blew out a hard breath and crossed both arms as they pulled into the driveway. He slammed the door hard and walked in front of her into the house, debating stomping up to the room he was staying in or staying and yelling some more. In true Twist fashion, yelling won.

"And I can't stand that he thinks he has a right to talk to me like he knows me or like he has anything to do with how I turned out!"

"Well, he's your granddaddy." She said it with a shrug and a puff of smoke. Bobby felt himself starting to spiral out of control, and if he didn't grab hold of his anger and reign it in he was going to probably say something he shouldn't.

"Yeah, good thing I only met him when I'm seventeen, huh?"

"Well, whose fault is that?" She shot back.

"That's_yours_!" Bobby finally exploded, finally lost the fight with his emotions. He was flat out screaming now. "It's your fault because you didn't want me when I was a baby and you ain't _never_ wanted nothing to do with me my whole life! You couldn't make it for one birthday?! You couldn't stand talking to me more'an when Daddy makes me call you every fucking holiday?! What, you just forget you had a kid? Or you just wish you never did?" He was almost crying now, because those were the bitter questions he'd been longing to ask her as soon as he was old enough to understand what was happening. Mothers were supposed to be there to put a band-aid on your knee after you fell off your bike and bake you a cake on your birthday and send cookies in your lunch at school. Jack and Ennis had done the best they could and they had, admittedly, done a hell of a job, but there was still always that little hole where Lureen was supposed to go.

Lureen stared at him for a minute, her face unreadable to Bobby, a stranger, as painful as that fact was. He thought her eyes might've been a little glassy and maybe she was crying, but it just made him angrier. What right did she have to cry? This was her fault.

"You got no idea, Bobby." Her voice was soft and sounded different from the voice she'd been using all week. She sounded like a little girl. "You got no idea what it woulda been like if I'd kept you. I wasn't cut out to be a mama. I can't cook for shit. Why do you think I got someone that does that for me? And I…I don't know how to be good to a baby. Truth is, my mama and your daddy did most of that stuff when you and your daddy were still here. I fed you, but…well. Jack mostly did the rest, when Mama wasn't here to do it."

She lit another cigarette and inhaled slowly. Bobby noticed her hands were shaking. His anger was gone, he realized in a detached sort of way, and left in its place a hollow, sad feeling he couldn't name. It was the feeling he remembered getting one time at parents' day at school, when he was still little, and someone asked why Bobby didn't have a mom.

"I was too young for a kid." She said, shaking her head. "I shoulda been on the circuit still. Was just too young to do it by myself. People in town woulda talked…" She bit her lip.

"So you figured dumping me off on Daddy would be a better idea?" His voice was raw with sixteen years of unshed tears. He refused to let them all out in front of her. She dropped her head for a second, then raised it and looked him straight in the eye.

"I ain't saying it was the best decision." Her voice was soft but still firm. "But it's the one I made and I can't go back now."

"But how come you didn't never want to see me?" He was blinking away tears, trying his damndest not to let her see, but his voice was betraying him anyway. He heard her suck in a breath and maybe there was a sniffle in there too, but he was seeing now that some of his stubbornness must've come from her because no way she'd let those tears spill.

"It was too hard."

"Too hard." He tried to absorb that but still couldn't quite get it. It was hard not having a mama his whole life, and she was saying it was too hard for her to be around?

"I couldn't…I couldn't see you, knowing it'd only be for a little while. And you…" This time when she pulled in a breath he knew he heard a sniffle. "You're just a little piece of your daddy. And I just thought that one Jack Twist taking my heart was prob'ly all I could handle in one lifetime."

A little piece of him, that part that remembered that parents' day and all the Mother's Days presents he'd had to make in school to take home to no mother, wanted to stay hard and calloused and put his hands on her shoulders and shake her hard, screaming "What about how hard it was for me, growing up thinking you just didn't want me?"

But he was too tired. He wasn't even eighteen yet, and he knew an old man's weariness. He didn't say another word, just turned and slowly climbed the stairs, as if his bones were old and could hardly make the trip. And somewhere in the back of his head, a quiet whisper told him _let be, let be_.


	37. Winter: Chapter 13

"What's going on?" Jack demanded as soon as Ennis hung up with Bobby. "What's the matter?"

"I don't really know," Ennis tried to sound soothing, but he was too worried for it to work. "He just said he wanted to come home. He didn't really say why. Just said he was homesick and sick of Lureen and L.D."

"Of course he's sick of L.D." Jack snapped, taking his worry out on Ennis. Ennis, unperturbed, was used to this by now. Junior glanced back and forth between them. Part of her wanted to think of something to say and part of her wanted to leave. The part that wanted to leave was louder and more insistent, but somehow the other part won.

"I'm sure he's fine." She said reassuringly. Both men started, like they'd forgotten she was even there. "He's tough."

"Yeah, but you don't know L.D…" Jack trailed off, hands moving to his hips as he started to pace. "Maybe I should call."

"Nah, he said he'll call back after they talk."

Jack ran a hand through his hair, making the back stick straight up. "Fine." He muttered. "I'll give it an hour, and then I'm calling." Ennis nodded, because he was thinking the exact same thing. He didn't want to get Jack any more riled up than he already was, so he didn't mention how worried he was, how upset Bobby had sounded or how pissed Lureen had sounded in the background. But his worry must've been showing in his eyes, because Jack bit his lip.

"Do you think something bad's happening?" He asked solemnly, sounding much younger than he was. Ennis shrugged.

"Hope not." He said, sounding desperate and worried.

"Forty-five minutes, 'stead of an hour?"

"Sounds good." Ennis agreed.

* * *

Bobby knew he was supposed to call home, but he was suddenly exhausted. He was curled into a ball on the bed in the guest room, wondering distantly if it would've been his had he known his mother his whole life, and soon fell into an uneasy sleep. When he woke up to the sound of Lureen shouting at someone, it was dark outside. He rubbed his eyes, his hip stabbing painfully from sleeping in the fetal position. How did babies do that for nine months? It was _not_ comfortable.

He moved quietly to the stairs, which he'd already learned in the short time he'd been there was the best place for eavesdropping.

"Because!" Lureen was shouting. "He's my son, too!" Bobby got that uncomfortable feeling he always got when he'd stumbled into a conversation about himself. "He was insulting my daddy!" She added indignantly. After a minute, she said angrily, "Oh, very mature, Jack. Try to act at least twenty-five, could you?"

Bobby pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course Jack had called her. That's what he did—he worried and he bitched and then he called and complained. Bobby should've called home. But it also gave him a little swell of warmth in his chest. His daddy was always his fiercest protector. He gathered up all his courage and made himself walk down the stairs. He didn't have enough courage to look Lureen in the eye, though; not yet. He held out his hand, looking at the floor, and requested the phone.

"Here he is. He wants to talk to you." Lureen suddenly wasn't yelling anymore; she was wary, just like Bobby. She must've decided he needed privacy, or maybe she was just being a chicken; either way, she beat a quick retreat. Bobby heard her bedroom door close.

"Daddy?"

"Bobby! What the hell's going on out there? Do I need to come get you?"

It was tempting. It was _so_ tempting. Bobby sighed into the phone. "I don't know."

"What happened?" Jack asked, quieter, gentler.

"I…" Bobby tried to unstick his throat. "L.D. was saying shit. Shit 'bout you, and 'bout Ennis."

"He ain't never met Ennis—he got no right to say anything!"

"I know, Daddy, and I told him that." Bobby's voice was flat, tired. It scared Jack. Bobby didn't get unemotional like that. He was always a firecracker. "I started yelling at him, and…" He hesitated, unsure what he was supposed to call Lureen. "…she got mad."

"Lureen?"

"Uh huh. She got mad and started yelling at me and I yelled back and then…" Bobby sighed again, sinking into a stiff-backed chair. "Well, we got to talking 'bout why she didn't want me 'round."

"Oh, boy," Jack murmured. Ennis's head snapped up from where he'd been unsuccessfully trying to read the paper. He kept looking up at every word Jack said, so he looked like one of those birds people put on their desks, the ones that bobbed into a glass of water or whatever it was. He was starting to get a crick in his neck. Unable to sit and listen to Jack's side of the conversation any longer, Ennis did the hovering routine he so loathed when Jack did it to him. Jack moved the phone so Ennis could hear, too, and they ended up with their heads squished together, the phone somewhere in the middle.

"Yeah." Bobby didn't know what to say.

"So, um…" Jack licked his lips. "What'd she say?"

"She said it would've been too hard to keep me around."

"What the hell kinda thing is that to say to you?" Ennis burst out angrily. Bobby wasn't even surprised that he was listening in. He didn't have an answer, though.

"Maybe we oughta go out there." Jack said to Ennis.

"Maybe we oughta just talk to her." Ennis suggested. They realized at the same moment how ridiculous they were being—they were talking over the phone to each other, even though they were sharing the same receiver.

"Bob." Jack said seriously. "I'll get in the truck right now and come get you, if that's what you want."

"That what you need?" Ennis chimed in.

"I don't…I don't know." Bobby felt like his head was full of mud. He was so tired; he couldn't think. All three men were quiet a moment.

"You want to sleep on it?" Jack asked.

"I want to sleep, that's for sure."

"Okay. Sleep on it, rest up, maybe talk some more to Lureen? Then call in the morning?"

"Okay." Bobby agreed automatically.

"And don't you forget to call back this time." Ennis growled without any real heat. "Near drove your daddy crazy."

"Oh, just me, huh?" Jack shot back. "You've been in the kitchen for the last hour because you wanted to read the paper you already read front to back?"

"Sure." Ennis sniffed haughtily.

"I'm going to bed now." Bobby interrupted their good-natured bickering.

"Put your mama back on the phone." Jack commanded. "I wasn't done talking to her."

"I'd like to talk to her." Ennis muttered darkly, though they all knew he'd never do such a thing.

"Okay."

"Love you, Bobby." Jack said.

"Love you, too, Daddy. You too, Ennis."

"Mm."

He set the phone on the table.

"I'm worried about him." Jack said. They were still sharing the phone.

"Me too." Ennis admitted.

"What do you think we should do?"

"Hm…well—"

"Hello?"

They both jumped away from the phone, so it ended up crashing to the ground. Jack swore and picked it up quickly. Ennis went back to his chair.

"Lureen?"  
"Yeah." She responded dryly. Jack forced out a little chuckle that hurt his throat. He could feel himself gearing up to yell.

"So, is it too _hard_ for you to have Bobby there with you?" He tried to control his voice. "Should I come get him?"

Lureen sighed wearily. "Jack, I told him the truth. He's almost seventeen years old. He deserves it."

"Eighteen!" Jack shouted, unable to keep a lid on it, this being the second time in less than two weeks that he'd had to remind her how old her own son was. "He's almost eighteen!" He heard Ennis start his angry muttering from over at the table, indistinct but for a few words here and there—mostly things like "bitch" and "don't know her own son" and even "oughta go get him." He rustled the paper so angrily the sports page ripped.

"Right, right." She said distractedly. "I just…I thought I owed it to him. To tell him, I mean." She swallowed hard. "He's a good kid, Jack."

"He ain't a kid, Lureen. He's practically a man now."

"Sure. But you did a good job, is what I'm saying."

"Well…" That threw Jack for a loop. "Um…thank you."

They were both quiet. "I'd like some more time with him." She finally said, so quiet Jack almost couldn't hear her. "If he wants to stay…well, I'd really like him to stay. Can't blame him if he don't want to."

Jack licked his lips. Lureen sounded so down, and, after all, they'd been really good friends…

"I don't think he wants to leave just yet." He reassured her, a little grudgingly. "He said he's gonna sleep on it."

"Right."

"Why don't you go on and get some sleep, too? A little rest'd do you both some good."

"Yeah. Okay. Night, Jack."

"Night, Lureen. I'm sure I'll talk to you soon."

She didn't say anything else, just hung up. Jack hung up and buried his face in his hands, sinking down into a chair next to Ennis. He blew out a frustrated breath against his fingers. He felt the strong warmth of Ennis's hand on his neck, rubbing gently.

"It'll be okay, darlin," he said softly. Junior poked her head around the corner. She desperately wanted to know if Bobby was okay. She'd heard lots of shouting and lots of low, worried murmuring, and it was making a sort of dull panic flare up in her throat. She'd been having a slew of nightmares lately involving Bobby getting hurt. She retreated as soon as she saw Ennis rubbing Jack's neck and Jack looking so helpless. She hurried back to her room when she heard the sound of lips meeting.

* * *

"So…you still don't know what's going on?" Kurt asked the next day. He'd come over to hang out and they'd walked out to a little duck pond Bobby used to love when he was a little boy. Junior told him everything she knew.

"No. I was too scared to ask either of 'em this morning." She admitted sheepishly. "I know they'd tell me, but I just…I feel bad making them worry about it more than they have to."

"Um, hello, Junior? They'd feel bad if they realized how much you were worrying about it."

She shrugged noncommittally, looking so much like Ennis it made Kurt chuckle a little.

"What?" Junior asked, a little smile threatening to pop up. Kurt bumped his shoulder gently into hers.

"Nothing."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes at him and went back to fretting. "I feel like I shouldn't have left the house." She confided. "He's supposed to call back sometime today and tell them if he's coming home or not. I'm just…Kurt, I'm real worried. What if it's something real bad? What if he's sick or something? Maybe he caught something at the hospital while he was visiting his granddaddy. Or maybe he got hurt." The last thought was a murmur, because she didn't want to admit how scared she was of this happening. It'd haunted her dreams again last night. Kurt looked over at her with shrewd eyes.

"You're extra worried about him being hurt." It wasn't a question, so she felt no need to respond. "Junior, he's fine. They'd a told you if something like that'd happened. Or you'd know, 'cause Jack'd be freaking out."

"Mm."

"You want to go back?" Kurt asked. She bit her lip, debating. Kurt rolled his eyes at her. "Come on." He said, leading the way.

She opened the door quietly, glancing back at Kurt. He gave her a little nod. She licked her lips and made her way to the kitchen, where Jack and Ennis were both hovering, talking in would-be casual voices.

"Hey, kids." Jack put on his automatic smile.

"Hey." Kurt grinned back.

"Bobby called?" Junior asked nonchalantly. Ennis tensed up and Jack sighed.

"Not yet." He said quietly. Then he gave Junior a closer look. "Hey." He sounded surprised. "We didn't explain anything to you." She shrugged like it didn't matter.

"You worried?" Ennis asked. She shrugged again.

"She's been going crazy." Kurt ratted her out. Regret twisted Ennis's face and Junior shot Kurt an angry glare. He shrugged apologetically.

"Aw, shit." Jack rubbed a hand down his face. "Just got kind of swept up. I'm sorry, Junior."

"No, it's okay. I understand. You guys have a lot on your minds."

"See, Bobby and his mama had a long talk about, um…about why Lureen hasn't been around. It was just kind of hard for him to hear."

"Oh…" Junior felt her face crumple into a sympathetic look meant for Bobby, all the way out in Texas. "Is he okay?"

"He sounded fine." Ennis lied before Jack could tell her the truth. He didn't want her to worry any more than she already was. Jack shot him a quick sideways look but didn't say anything. Junior pressed her lips together, not really believing him. Before anyone could say anything, the phone rang. Jack lunged for it immediately, Ennis literally on his heels so that they almost fell to the ground.

"Hello?" Jack finally answered it breathlessly.

"Hey, Daddy."

"Bobby!" Ennis cried.

Bobby couldn't help but smile, knowing they were both falling all over themselves and each other in their worry and haste. "Calm down." He said with a chuckle. "You were right, Daddy. Sleep did me good."

"Good." Jack was wary. Bobby sounded happier today, but he was a pretty good faker when he felt like he needed to be. "So…?"

"I…" Bobby hesitated. "I think I should stay." He said strongly. "I need to stay. I need to figure out some more stuff."

"You're sure?" Ennis checked.

"I'm sure." Bobby watched Lureen go to the counter and grab her keys. They were always on a hook on the wall, in the same spot every day—no hunting around through every drawer, cursing, and certainly no checking behind the fridge, which for some reason was a frequent spot for keys to end up in at home. "I gotta go." He continued. "I'll call you back tonight."

"Alright, bud. Anytime you want to come home, you say the word."

"Thanks, Daddy. I don't know how much longer I'll stay."

"Well, we're ready for you to come home when you are." Ennis murmured.

"Thanks. Bye."

He hung up and looked at Lureen. "Do you have to go to work?" He asked, very politely.

"Yes, I do."

Silence.

"Um…can I—I mean, _may_ I come?"

She paused from writing something on her schedule and looked up. "Wh…" She closed her mouth with a little snap. "Yeah. Be ready in ten minutes." She told him, not realizing that he was still on a ranch schedule and had been up and showered for almost an hour and a half already.

"Sure." He answered, instead of pointing out that he _was_ ready. They'd been very careful since their explosive conversation the afternoon before, dancing around each other and avoiding any substantial conversation. Bobby was gearing up to corner her in the car on their way back from work.

He went out and sat on the combine, but he didn't feel like driving it around. He remembered the first time he'd driven a tractor—sitting on his daddy's lap, Jack beaming and telling him what a natural he was and Ennis congratulating him when they went back in the barn. He wondered how it would've been if Lureen had been part of his life—even if he'd just talked to her on the phone. He wondered what she would've said.

"What you doing up there?!" A harassed sounding voice demanded. Bobby scrambled down right away.

"Sorry," he said to the old man in front of him, whose uniform said**MAINTENANCE** over the left breast pocket in lieu of a name. "I was just sitting on it."

"It ain't a bench, son, it's a four-thousand dollar machine!" He sounded exasperated, about a minute away from shaking his fist and calling Bobby a hooligan.

"Yessir." Bobby ducked his head. The man gave him a scrutinizing look.

"You work here?"

"Oh—no sir. My…Lureen Newsome's my…um, my mother." The word sounded strange and unfamiliar in his mouth.

"Really?" He immediately looked wary, like he should've been more respectful. His eyes searched Bobby. Again.

"You don't dress the way I thought her son would dress." Apparently he'd decided Bobby wasn't one of those brat kids who was going to rat him out to the boss. For some reason, Bobby felt his tongue loosen.

"Yeah, well, this is the first time I've seen her in three years." He couldn't stop the bitterness. "She said it'd be too hard to raise me without my daddy."

"Where'd your daddy go?"

"Um…" He could tell some random guy that his mother'd abandoned him, but he was definitely _not_ sharing his daddy's secrets. "He didn't want to live a lie with my mother." Well, it was true.

"Your daddy runned off on your mama?" There was clear disdain in his voice.

"You don't know anything about my daddy _or_ my mama!" Bobby's temper was right there at the surface and suddenly ignited. "Don't you go judging my daddy! Why does everyone think they can do that? Huh? He's raised me and taken care of me and made sure I got a tutor when I was too damn stupid to learn to read! He's the one who taught me to drive a tractor and he's the one who taught me all 'bout girls and…fuck! You don't know me, you don't know my daddy!"

The man looked taken aback. "Calm down, son! I'm sorry! Good Lord, you obviously got your mama's temper, didn't you?"

"I didn't get anything from her because she did everything she could to stay away from me!" Bobby spat.

"Okay." He sounded like he desperately wanted to back away from the situation.

"Sorry." Bobby hung his head, anger suddenly completely gone, replaced like feeling like an idiot for yelling at some old man.

"Look, kid. You just defended your daddy without a second thought. Obviously he's been good to you. Who cares 'bout your mama? I mean, look up there!" He wheeled Bobby around to face Lureen's window. The blinds were open and she was bent over the adding machine in a cloud of smoke. "You want that for a mother?" She looked up and gave a tight smile. Then she opened the window and yelled,

"Arthur! Get back to work!"

Arthur mumbled something and shuffled off, calling back to Bobby, "See?"

But Bobby couldn't help but wonder what Lureen would've been like if she'd had Bobby around. Surely she would've paid more attention to him than to work. Surely she wouldn't be so cold and calloused. Bobby knew she could've been a good mother.

And Arthur had made Bobby think. Yeah, he _did_ have a good daddy. Two of them, actually. So what if Lureen hadn't been there? Her loss. He had a happy life. He had friends. Well, okay, he'd _had_ friends. And he was a football star. Well, actually, he'd _been_ a football star.

He needed to get off this train of thought before he got too depressed to remember why he'd gotten on.

Right. He was happy with his life and secure enough that he could give Lureen another chance at being part of said happy life and not be crushed if she decided to not be part of said happy life, the way she did the first time. His head was starting to hurt. Lureen stuck her head out the window again.

"Bobby! Get back in here!" She barked.

He held in a very Ennis-like growl and did as he was told.

"I'm done for the day, I s'pose." She said, rummaging around on her desk. "Well, I can just bring this stuff back with me…damn salesmen…" She kept muttering.

"Maybe you could, um…not work today." He licked his lips nervously. She looked at him like he had three heads.

"What?"

"Well…" He coughed and shuffled his feet, suddenly wishing he were on a plane home. "I was thinking we'd spend time together today because I'm leaving soon." His voice dropped off at the end and he was fiddling with some nick-knack on her desk that, come to examine it, he'd made in the third grade. Lureen dropped the file she'd been rifling through.

"Oh."

"We don't have to." He rushed.

"Well…sure. You know what, let's—let's see a movie." She said it like it was the most spontaneous thing she'd ever thought of. It probably was, in the last decade.

"Okay…" Bobby didn't really want to see a movie with his mother, but if that's what she wanted to do, he'd do it. This was rapidly becoming more awkward than anytime he'd ever asked a girl on a date.

"Oh!" She looked up from gathering the papers she'd spilled. "There's a rodeo tonight!"

This sounded so much better to Bobby he felt his body actually physically relax. "That sounds good."

She gave him that tight little smile, but there was a little more to her eyes this time. It made Bobby happy. And how could he not get excited about going to a rodeo? It was one of his favorite things in the world. She used to be a barrel racer. They could bond.

Oh, God, what was he getting himself into?

* * *

The rodeo wasn't huge. Bobby knew, from offhand comments over the years, that Jack had met Lureen on these very rodeo grounds. He wondered idly where exactly it'd happened.

"That's where I met your daddy." Lureen said stiffly, pointing to a spot just outside the arena.

"Oh." Bobby didn't know if he was supposed to ask for more detail. He couldn't say he actually wanted more detail. She sighed and then smiled at him.

"Well, anyway." She murmured.

Not only was the rodeo not huge, but it also wasn't very exciting. Not a single bull rider lasted the whole eight seconds.

"Pssh, weak!" Bobby shouted as the last competitor flew through the air at a whopping two and a half seconds. "I could've made that ride, easy!"

"Yeah?" Lureen raised her eyebrows at him.

"Of course." He waved a hand.

"Go enter." She said daringly.

"Huh?"

"Tell 'em I'm your mama and they'll let you ride."

"Um…" He bit a hangnail. "Daddy doesn't really like me to ride."

"Oh, what a hypocrite. Come on, don't be a chicken."

So he did it. He was saving face with his mother. Was that normal? How the hell was he supposed to know? This was the longest he'd spent with her since, like, the womb. He said his last name was Twist and Lureen Newsome was his mother and the man at the gate whistled.

"Get out there, boy!" He roared with a grin.

Bobby's legs were shaking as he climbed up to the chute. This idea seemed much stupider now that the bull was six inches from him and seemed very angry. Snot or drool or something was dripping from its face. And it had horns. Oh, God, he was going to die. In _Texas_.

"You okay, kid?" One of the chute guys asked lazily. He nodded without saying anything because he was pretty sure he'd barf if he opened his mouth. He breathed deep, remembering everything Jack'd ever said about bull riding. And then he nodded and they opened the chute.

He wasn't even wearing spurs. He dug his heels in as hard as he could and held on for dear life, praying harder than he'd ever prayed in his life (which wasn't very hard, admittedly) that the buzzer would go off. It did. Shit, he didn't know how to get off! He tugged at the rope around his hand and was soon flying through the air. It really wasn't a pleasant feeling, actually. The bull stomped on Bobby's left arm, hard, and white sparks exploded in front of his eyes.

In the end, he got four hundred dollars, a shiny new belt buckle, and a plaster cast on his arm. They decided to prolong telling Jack and Ennis for as long as possible, agreeing that a freak-out was inevitable. Lureen was the first to sign his cast, drawing a pretty artistic bull.

He woke up sometime in the middle of the night to find her slumped in the chair in the corner of the room, arm hanging in front of her like she'd wanted to grab his hand but couldn't reach. He stared for a minute, then went back to sleep.


	38. Winter: Chapter 14

"Bobby sounded a lot better." Jack remarked a few days later. They were driving out the far pasture to check the fence and break the ice on the water.

"Yeah," Ennis agreed. "You think Lureen's getting better or is he just trying to make us think he's okay?"

"I dunno. I don't see why he'd want us to think he's fine if things weren't okay if he really wanted to come home so bad."

"Mm." Ennis mulled that over. "You ever worry..." He stopped.

"Worry what?"

"Never mind."

"Ennis." Knowing Jack wasn't going to let it go, Ennis shrugged.

"You ever worry that maybe..." He hesitated and cleared his throat. If Jack wasn't worrying about it, he didn't want to plant the thought and make him start. "Maybe he'll like it more there? With her? And want to stay?" Jack didn't say anything for a minute. He looked out the window at their land; the snow on the ground, the cows nosing at each other, the bare trees.

"Yeah." He finally said quietly. "I do." Neither of them said any more, but Ennis reached over without looking at him and took his hand, rubbing small circles and holding tight.

* * *

"Gretty, will you please put your sweater on?" Louisa pleaded. She was tired and frustrated and Gretty was refusing to cooperate and she was close to her breaking point. They'd already gone through a lot of tears and screaming in Gretl's bath and hair washing and then hair brushing and even brushed her teeth and clipped her fingernails and why was Louisa was so mean when Gretl wasn't even that dirty and she didn't even need her fingernails clipped?

"I don't want that one!" Gretl repeated stubbornly. "I want the yellow one."

"The yellow one's dirty!" Louisa snapped back, for the third time. "I already told you that, now put this one on and quit whining!" The phone started ringing, and of course none of the boys could be bothered to answer it.

"No!" Gretl screamed and stomped her foot.

"Fine!" Louisa screamed right back at her. "Go naked then! Freeze to death; I don't care!" She left Gretl crying behind her. She felt bad already, but good Lord that girl could drive her crazy like no one else. And she couldn't help the resentment bubbling under her anger. Why did she have to suddenly be a teenage mother? Her mom hadn't gotten out of bed at all today. The phone was still ringing.

"No, don't move!" Louisa yelled bitterly at Friedrich, who was sitting at the kitchen table reading and really, with as tall as he was getting he only had to move about three inches and stretch a little to reach the phone. "I'll just run out from Gretty's tantrum and get that for you!" Friedrich gave her a wounded, confused look.

"What's your problem?" He muttered, going back to his book.

"Hello?" She tried not to sound annoyed as she answered.

"Hey there Louisa, it's Jack. How ya doing?" He sounded cheerful and happy and it made Louisa kind of want to scream, but at the same time he was charming her even over the phone.

"Oh, you know." She laughed a frustrated laugh and he seemed to pick up on it.

"Rough day already?" He asked. "Slow done, honey, it ain't even noon."

She sighed. "I know. Yeah. Just having some issues with Gretl's bath and her sweater's dirty and I don't..." She trailed off, realizing she was babbling and she didn't really want to explain it all to Jack anyway.

"Oh, that's too bad. So listen, me and Ennis were thinking you kids might wanna come over for lunch and some horse time. You know, get out of the house for a while. You tell Kurt to bring y'all over. I got a hunch he was planning on spending some time with Junior anyhow."

Louisa laughed again. Junior and Kurt sure had been spending some time together while Bobby was away. "That sounds really great, Jack. You sure it's not going to be trouble?"

"Oh, I know it will be, honey, there're seven of ya and that dog of yours counts for about four. But we love it, so come on over." Louisa couldn't help the lump that sprang into her throat. With everything that had happened lately-losing her big brother, basically losing her mother, losing her home and her friends and having to be the one in charge even though she was not even sixteen yet-it just felt really good to hear someone say that.

"Okay. Thank you." She couldn't help the break in her voice.

"Don't you worry about it." Jack said kindly. It took fifteen minutes to get everyone in the car. Gretl finally put her sweater on, because G pointed out that Jack's eyes were blue and her sweater would match. Louisa could've kissed him. Louisa glanced at Kurt. "You and Junior going out?" She asked, right to the point.

"Going out where?" He responded innocently. Louisa rolled her eyes. "You're a doofus." She declared. "You like her. Ask her out."

"Louisa, could you please get in the car if you're coming?" Kurt ignored her previous statements.

"Um...you think we should bring Mom?" She asked timidly.

Kurt pursed his lips. "I'll ask her." He said, squaring his shoulders. Louisa followed him halfway down the hall. He knocked softly and opened the door a crack.

"Mom?" He called quietly. "You awake?" She must've answered, but Louisa couldn't hear it. "We're all heading over to Bobby's to ride horses and eat lunch. You think you want to come?" His voice was easy, but his back was stiff. "You sure?" He asked, slumping a little. She wasn't planning on getting out of bed, then. "Okay. Well, I left their number by the phone, okay? We'll be gone for a couple hours. I love you."

Louisa wanted to cry. Her mother wasn't supposed to rebuff her brother that way. She felt a wave of reflection for Kurt, standing there composing himself against the closed door for a second. He was a good kid. Man, she realized. Her brother wasn't a kid anymore. Neither was she, really. It made her sad. They were in high school. They were supposed to go on dates on weekends and ignore their parents and fight and scream. Instead, Louisa made dinner every night and bathed and dressed Gretl and Kurt drove all the kids everywhere they needed to go and tried to cajole their mother into getting out of bed.

"Jack!" Gretl screamed in G's ear. He punched her and she started crying, which made Max punch him and Louisa yell at everyone to stop hitting each other and for the love of God stop screaming.

"You're screaming more than anyone else." Rolfe pointed out, making Friedrich snicker. Louisa blew out a frustrated breath as Snappy started barking loudly and trying to climb over everyone to get out and run around. Jack pulled Gretl out of the car and wiped at her tears, shooting G a scolding look before ruffling his hair.

"You kids hungry?" Ennis called, grabbing Rolfe before he tripped over Buddy, who was excited by all the people and by Snappy.

"Yes!" Friedrich yelled.

"You got any volume besides scream?" Ennis muttered.

"No!"

"Didn't actually need an answer." Jack started cracking up at the look on Ennis's face. This was going to be an adventure, that was for sure.

Bobby's arm hurt. A lot. But that belt buckle sure looked nice on his belt. He and Lureen had been hanging out, not doing much, the last couple days. And he hadn't taken off that belt buckle.

"Guess you're pretty proud of yourself, huh?" She smirked.

"I won the whole damn competition!" He crowed. "First time on a bull and take home the buckle."

"What do you mean, first time on a bull?" She asked, suddenly not laughing.

"Well, I mean, I've ridden the steers before, but Daddy never let me get up on a actual bull." He shrugged like it didn't matter.

"Robert. Jack. Twist." She was so mad she could hardly breathe.

"What?" He went on munching on chips or whatever he was eating—that boy could find snacks in a minefield—like nothing was wrong.

"You—you—never—first time—I can't believe!"

"Uh…" He grinned at her. "You're going to have to be more specific." He caught sight of her face and wiped the grin off his own.

"You could have died!" Lureen shouted. "You bragged so much I thought you'd been riding forever!"

"Hey, I can't help if I talk big!" Bobby said indignantly. "Ever met my Daddy?"

"Bobby, this isn't a joke! Your daddy's gonna kill me! He's gonna think I'm some horrible crazy person who thinks it's okay to shove a teenager on a two ton bull without any practice and I'll never see you again!" She was reaching hysteria.

"Whoa, calm down! He knows I'm a idiot, so I'll just tell him I lied and said he let me ride all the time. Trust me, we gotta be worrying 'bout my butt, not yours."

"It don't work that way, Bobby. You see your kid hurt and you're not going to blame him. You do no wrong in your daddy's eyes." Somehow, it sounded wistful and accusing at the same time.

"Well, don't worry." Bobby said. "I got two of 'em, and it's hard to fool 'em both."

Jack was talking to Bobby the next night, deciding if he was coming home for New Year's or staying in Texas. Bobby was torn. He wanted to go home, but he felt guilty leaving his mother in this big ol' house all alone. But then he felt bad telling his daddy he wanted to stay. Divorce sucks. He told himself, the only person he didn't feel guilty saying anything to. He decided to ring in the New Year in Texas and then hop on a plane later that day to go home. He still had homework waiting for him, after all.

"Hey Daddy…could I talk to Junior?" Bobby asked.

"Sure you can!" Jack answered, big smile in his voice because him and Ennis's kids loved each other, yes they did.

"Junior." Bobby whispered urgently. "Is my daddy listening? Or yours?" Junior glanced over at them as casually as she could. They were arguing over something in the newspaper.

"Uh-uh. What's going on?" She was near-whispering too, without really realizing it.

"Listen, don't act freaked out or anything, 'cause they'll see, but I broke my arm." He said it flippantly. Junior bit back a gasp.

"Oh yeah?" She said, struggling for nonchalance. "How'd that happen?"

"Won me a bull riding contest. Got a big ol' buckle and a slew of money. It was something else, seriously. Anyway, Daddy and Ennis are going to lose it. So could you like…do something real bad, get in huge trouble, distract 'em so they don't really care 'bout a silly little broken arm?" His voice was hopeful.

"Bobby." Her voice was not. Jack and Ennis looked over, curious. She rolled her eyes so they'd see it was just Bobby being Bobby. They both grinned—well, Jack did; Ennis half did—and went back to their argument.

"Seriously though, do you think they're gonna freak out?" Bobby asked.

"Uh, yeah." Had Bobby ever met the two of them? Was he really asking if they were going to overreact and blow things out of proportion?

"Yeah. I know. I'll just have to think of a really good argument."

"Yeah. Like, the best in the world."

"I know. Lureen's worried they won't let me see her anymore."

"Would that be a good thing or a bad thing?" Junior asked carefully.

"I…" He hesitated. "It'd be bad." He said decisively.

"Oh. Well…that's good."

"Yeah, I think so."

"Isn't that how your dad learned?" The change of topic was so fast Bobby didn't understand what Junior was saying.

"Huh?" He asked.

"I mean…it was your, uh, first try, right? At the contest?" She turned to glance at Jack and Ennis. They weren't paying her any mind.

"The conte…oh! Bull riding. Yeah, it was the first time I'd ever been on a bull."

"So, isn't that how your dad learned to do it? By just doing it?"

"Yeah, it was! Junior, you're a genius!" Bobby exclaimed.

"Okay, calm down. You're still gonna need more than that." But she was smiling.

"I know, but that's a good one!"

"Yeah, yeah, you can pay me back by a lifetime of servitude." She teased. Jack caught that and grinned at Ennis.

"Listen to that." He whispered to Ennis. "Just like brother and sister."

They were plotting behind their parents' backs—Jack didn't know just how much like brother and sister they were being.


	39. Winter: Chapter 15

Junior didn't know how to go about getting Jack and Ennis ready for Bobby's broken arm. How do you prepare a parent for that? Tell them not to worry? That wouldn't do any good. Maybe she should break her own arm before he got back? Yeah, right.

"Junior, what you worrying so hard on over there?" Jack asked. "Look like your eyes're getting ready to jump outta your head to relieve some pressure." He laughed at himself. He was usually the only one who did.

"Uh…just…" Junior thought hard. "I had this dream last night." She said casually. "Bobby was riding a bull and fell off and broke his arm."

"Mm, yeah, that's a pretty accurate dream." Jack said with a snicker. For a second Junior was startled, thinking Jack knew already. But then he added, "I broke a bone most every time I get on a bull."

"Oh, yeah." She forced a little chuckle. "So it's no big deal."

Jack shrugged, taking another swig of his coffee. "Just a dream."

Junior worked hard to keep the wince off her face. Unfortunately it wasn't.

* * *

Later that night, while Jack and Ennis were brushing their teeth—well, actually, Ennis was brushing his teeth and Jack was leaning against the counter watching him—Jack brought up something he'd been storing up for a few days.

"Ennis? I gotta…I mean…I been thinking…"

Ennis spat a mouthful of toothpaste in the sink, accidentally splattering some on the mirror. Jack grabbed a rag to wipe it off. "What, Jack?" Ennis said, more splattering happening with his words. "Just spit it out."

Jack frowned at him. "I'll spit it out if you quit spittin' on the mirror." Ennis rolled his eyes and started rinsing. Jack licked his lips. "I just…there's another one of them stock fairs. I think it'd be good if I went."

Ennis straightened up slowly, wiping at his mouth with the heel of his hand. "But…" He switched gears. "When?"

"Next week. I'd leave the third, get back the seventh."

"That's like a whole week." Ennis whined before he could stop himself. Jack grinned at him.

"You gonna miss me, cowboy?" He asked playfully, moving closer in the small bathroom. Ennis ducked his head.

"Mm…"

"Come on, say you'll miss me."

"I'll…_Ja-_ack, you know I…I'll miss you." He barely whispered the last part, more just mouthed it, because it was really true. And Jack'd just barely gotten back, too. Jack came close, hooking a finger through Ennis's belt-loop and resting his head in that space between Ennis's shoulder and neck.

"I'll miss you too. But I gotta do it if we want the kids to go to college."

Ennis grunted, digging his nose in Jack's hair and inhaling the scent. "Pretty worried about the money, huh?" He said softly.

"Yeah. Ennis…it's all my fault."

"Oh, you hush up now. Ain't your fault." Ennis let a hand trace lazy circles on Jack's back.

Jack sighed. "If you say so."

"Come on." Ennis laced his fingers through Jack's and pulled him out of the bathroom. "Let's just go to bed, huh?"

They spooned comfortably, bodies fitting together perfectly after years of practice. Jack sighed into the back of Ennis's neck and laughed when the fine blond hairs there stood at attention.

"What part of 'just go to bed' don't you get?" Ennis growled playfully.

"When have we ever just gone to bed?" Jack countered.

"Mm. Guess you're right. And I'd hate to break tradition."

* * *

Lureen was planning a big party for New Year's. The more platters of tiny food the caterers brought in, the more Bobby wished he would be home. Jack and Ennis never served finger crackers with crab paste on them. They ate hot dogs and potato chips and wore their grubby jeans and holey socks. Lureen was out getting her hair done and had a fancy dress upstairs that flashed her cleavage.

Bobby had to wear a suit. To a _party_. He didn't understand why he had to wear a suit or comb his hair or eat crab paste. He made himself a sandwich before Lureen got back. He didn't want to faint from hunger and ruin her party. That would just be rude.

Two hours later, about a million people were jammed in the house, talking and drinking champagne and smiling big fake smiles at each other. They were all dripping with money and Bobby wished desperately to be away from all of them. His tie was choking him to death and he was sick of people asking him about his cast. He had no idea where Lureen was, and the old women from her mother's church were circling him like vultures and clucking like hens.

"You're so handsome." They kept telling him.

"Those eyes." They kept sighing.

"Those cheekbones!" They kept exclaiming. And every time he replied with a polite, "Thank you, ma'am," they tittered and got _so_ excited.

"Such a gentleman!" They would shriek, and then one would pinch his cheek while another tried to smooth his cowlick. He was pretty sure one of them even grabbed his ass. Perverted old hags.

"Bobby!" Lureen called from the kitchen. "Could ya c'mere?"

"Yes, ma'am." He called back. He suffered through a final round of fondling before he could make his escape. He sighed as he made his way to the kitchen. Was he going to have to carry more crackers? People were gobbling them up. Probably because they were so small you had to eat about eight of them to even feel any affect at all.

"You all packed?" Lureen asked when he pushed through the swinging doors.

"Uh…" He thought to his room upstairs. His clothes were mostly piled on the floor.

"Didn't think so. Your flight leaves at eleven tomorrow morning, so you'd better go up there and pack. It'll take you longer with only one arm." She flashed him a wry grin, and he saw a hint of his own smile in there. He smiled back gratefully and scurried up the stairs, loosening his tie as soon as he was out of sight of the party guests.

He flopped onto his bed and caught sight of the picture Lureen had drawn on his cast. He traced it absentmindedly. Happy as he was to be going home, he felt a twinge of sadness at leaving Lureen behind. They'd started to get along after they'd cleared the air. Really, he was getting to actually like her. Not leaving was out of the question, though. He blew out a frustrated breath.

Why did everything have to be so difficult? He half-wished his parents had loved each other, then pushed that wish away, because what about Ennis? _All our lives would've been easier_, a little voice in the back of his head whispered traitorously.

He let himself picture his life, with a mom and a dad and maybe a few brothers and sisters. But all his imaginary sisters looked like Junior and Lureen kept morphing into Ennis. He sighed and pulled himself off the bed. Oh well. Wasn't like there was anything he could do about it now, and he doubted he would even if he could.

* * *

Jack and Ennis were used to New Year's Eve on their own, mostly, because Bobby usually had some party to go to. He'd hang around until ten or so, feeling bad leaving them on their own, but then the pull of his friends and girls always got him out of the house. They never did anything special—drank beer and ate hot dogs and chips in front of the TV. Ennis usually fell asleep by eleven and Jack had to wake him up when the countdown started.

This year was their first with Junior. Jack secretly thought she'd want to go out with Kurt, but he knew better than to tell Ennis that. Ennis liked Kurt—he'd called him responsible more than once, even—but that didn't mean he wanted Junior spending too much time with him.

But when Jack asked Junior what her plans were, she just shrugged and said she didn't have any.

"Um…you're not doing anything with Kurt?" He asked tentatively.

"Nah." Junior blushed and ducked her head. "I was…well, he's going to be at his grandma's house."

"Oh, I see." Jack couldn't help grinning as her blush deepened. She looked so much like Ennis it made Jack's heart hurt.

They got the snacks ready and gathered in front of the TV to watch the festivities. As usual, Ennis was out within an hour. His big toe was sticking out of his sock, and Buddy kept licking it. Ennis cracked an eye and told Buddy to get away, then promptly drifted off again. It was hard for Buddy to be afraid of him when he was asleep—he looked like a little kid.

"So, Junior, you and Kurt are pretty good friends, huh?" Jack decided to dig a little. Right on cue, she started blushing.

"Um…guess so."

"He's a nice kid. Responsible. Smart."

Junior nodded and picked at a loose thread at the hem of her sweater. She was probably supposed to add something to the conversation, but she figured Jack had a handle on it.

"He's a nice kid." Jack repeated. Junior nodded again. She wasn't looking at Jack, but she could hear the amusement in his voice. Obviously she wasn't as sneaky with her feelings as she thought she was. But she sure wasn't going to let Jack know he was right.

They were getting ready to start the countdown, so Jack shook Ennis awake. Junior thought of last year. She'd gone to a party with all her friends and had had a great time—laughing, dancing, kissing a cute boy at midnight. She'd gotten home at one to find her mother fast asleep on the couch, alone, in her pajamas with the TV on, volume low. She'd felt sad then. Now she wanted to bury her head in a pillow and sob. The lights on the TV blurred in front of her full eyes. So many awful things she could've done better for her mom.

Jack and Ennis were counting down with the man on TV. Ennis was still half-asleep, his head lolling sleepily onto Jack's shoulder. He wasn't self-conscious about it because he was barely conscious. Junior blinked hard several times to clear her eyes. She couldn't do right by her mama now—it was too late. But she could do better with her daddy.

* * *

The ride to the airport was awkward. They didn't know what to say to each other. Bobby kept glancing at Lureen from the corner of his eye, wondering if she was regretting his visit. He was pretty sure she was glad he'd come, but he _had_ said some awful things to her. She stubbed out her cigarette and pulled into a parking lot. She had a habit of driving one-handed so she could smoke, and it kind of freaked Bobby out.

"Well." She blew out a stale-smoke breath. "We're here."

She walked with him to the gate. She was biting her lip and smudging her lipstick. He was waiting for her to say something and she was waiting for him to say something so they just stood there, waiting. Finally she cleared her throat.

"Well, uh, this is you." She said.

"Yep." Bobby replied dumbly.

"Thanks for coming, Bobby. I know you didn't…really want to." She shrugged and he shrugged back.

"Maybe not at first." He told her. "But I'm glad I came."

She gave him a small smile. "So don't be a stranger, huh?"

"Yeah…and you could come visit me, you know, in Wyoming. Maybe come watch me ride once I get this cast off my arm. Or come to my baseball game…or my eighteenth birthday's coming up!" Bobby was getting excited, little-boy excited, wanting his mama to come see his house and all his toys. Now her smile was tinged with sadness.

"We'll see." She said softly. Bobby sobered up. Right. She couldn't very well stay in their guest bedroom, now could she? That would be all kinds of strange. Wouldn't it?

"Well anyway, I should probably get on the plane." He said lamely.

"Yeah, you should. You have your daddy call me if he starts blowing a gasket 'bout your arm."

"Oh…yeah, okay." He'd momentarily forgotten the stupid cast on his arm. He shrugged, said, "Well…bye, then." and walked away. He could feel her eyes on his back and he hesitated. He turned back and gave her an awkward little hug.

"G'bye…Mama." The word felt strange in his mouth, but the look on her face was worth it.

* * *

"Bobby!" Jack was grinning from ear to ear, rushing to the gate unabashedly when his son came into sight.

"Daddy!" Bobby returned the grin in full force, hugging his father tight when he reached him.

"Whoa, what's this?" Jack grabbed Bobby's arm. The one with the cast. Shit.

"Uh…"

"What the hell?" Jack exclaimed. "You broke your arm?"

"Well…"

Junior and Ennis came up to them then.

"Bobby!" Ennis was all excited to see him—until he caught sight of Jack's face. "What's wrong?" And then he saw the cast. "What the hell?"

"That's what I said." Jack told him angrily.

"Um…" Bobby looked at Junior. She shrugged.

"So, what in the hell happened?" Jack asked, taking deep breaths through his nose and exhaling loudly. "Why didn't Lureen tell us?"

"Okay, look. It wasn't her fault." Bobby said quickly. Ennis grunted disbelievingly. "It really wasn't. See, we were at this rodeo—"

"Oh, Christ—"

"—and she didn't know I'd never ridden before—"

"Yeah, because she never bothered to find out!"

"—so I got up there and…well…" Bobby shrugged. "I made the whistle, though. And I won!" He flicked his shiny new belt buckle. Jack and Ennis didn't look appeased.

"I'm gonna call her and give her a piece of my mind." Jack said, shaking his head.

"No, Daddy!" Bobby protested. "I told ya, it was my fault. I acted like I knew what I was doing."

"You're a seventeen year old boy." Ennis pointed out. "You act like you know everything."

"No, I don't." Bobby objected, wounded.

"Still, she shoulda known better."

"Daddy. Ennis. _Please_. I promised her you wouldn't freak out on her."

"Well that was a stupid promise." Jack said, nostrils flared.

"Goddammit, Daddy!" Bobby blew up. "It was my fault and I'm taking responsibility and you ain't calling her and chewing her out, you hear me?"

"Robert Twist, you don't talk to your daddy that way." Ennis warned him. "Don't think I won't put you over my knee right here in the airport."

Junior felt extremely uncomfortable and out of place. She felt like she should stick up for Bobby, but she didn't feel like it was really her place. But Bobby had trusted her, hadn't he?

"Um…" She started timidly. "Maybe you should all just…calm down? And talk about it later? At home?" She hadn't meant for her suggestions to come out as questions, but she couldn't help it. She was a bit scared of the flint in Ennis's eyes and the anger coming off Jack in waves.

"Yeah." Jack muttered. "That's what we'll do. Let's all just get in the car."

Junior followed the three fuming men. Bobby spared his anger long enough to shoot her a grateful look. Then he went right back to being pissed. They had to stand and wait nearly fifteen minutes for Bobby's luggage. It was a very tense fifteen minutes.

Out in the parking lot, Jack gave Junior a squinty look. "Should I ask when Bobby told you, or just assume you're some kinda fortune teller now?" He asked.

She blushed when she remembered her conversation with him the other morning about her fake dream. "Uh…" She grinned sheepishly. "Fortune teller?" She suggested.

Jack shook his head. "Yeah. Fortune teller."


	40. Winter: Chapter 16

They all crammed in the cab of the truck, the close quarters doing nothing to help the tense situation. Junior was jammed between Ennis and Bobby. In different circumstances, Junior would've laughed at their matching scowls. As it was, she decided to stay quiet.

Jack threw the truck into park jerkily. Bobby wrenched the door open and got out. Junior sighed and followed. Jack and Ennis stayed put for a minute, murmuring. Bobby was swearing under his breath as he stomped into the house, kicking at the loose gravel of the driveway and slamming the front door behind him.

Once all four of them had assembled, Jack took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It was the only sound in the room besides Buddy's excited panting. He'd jumped on Bobby right away and was currently sniffing at his cast.

"Okay." Jack said evenly. "Let's talk about this."

"Daddy, it wasn't—I mean, it's my fault. I was running my mouth 'bout how great I am on a bull and how I could mop the floor with those other guys and she just…well, I said I was going to ride and she said okay." Bobby figured a little lie wasn't going to hurt anyone. Well, maybe just himself, but he'd get over it.

"But why'd she say you could do it?" Jack asked, sounding more frustrated than angry now. "You're seventeen years old."

"How old were you when you got on a bull for the first time?" Bobby shot back.

"Bobby, that's different."

"How?"

Jack opened and closed his mouth a few times, then gave Ennis a _help me out here!_ look. Ennis shrugged.

"'S different 'cause guys go to school for it now." Ennis supplied.

"Yes," Jack agreed. "There you go. All them other guys trained and knew what they were doing."

"None of them other guys knew what they were doing. The closest to me only made it five seconds."

Jack was losing steam. He still wanted to yell at _someone_…his boy had a cast on his arm! He just didn't know how to justify it so he wouldn't look like the bad guy.

""Sides," Bobby continued. "How else am I gonna learn? That's how you learned—just got up there one day."

"I know, but that's 'cause my daddy wouldn't teach me. I coulda helped you, Bob."

"Daddy, there's no law saying you can't teach me anything just 'cause I already did it once. I still don't know _how_ I stayed on and I prob'ly couldn't do it again. So if that's the real problem here—"

"It's not the real problem!" Ennis interjected. "The problem is we sent you to Texas in once piece and she sends you back broken."

Buddy found himself dumped unceremoniously onto the ground when Bobby stood up angrily, his hands immediately finding his hips.

"I'm not a damn package." He started angrily.

"That ain't what I meant and you know it."

"Yeah, well, how many bones have I broken right here at home?" Bobby pointed out. That sufficiently stumped Jack and Ennis. After all, he'd already broken that arm once, and an ankle and wrist, too.

"Well, she still shoulda told us." Jack said, desperate for a reason to be mad at Lureen.

"I told her not to."

"Well, tough balls." Ennis said. "She's the parent, not you."

Bobby didn't have an answer for that one. "Well…I know you're gonna call her. But could you please just…don't yell at her, okay? She's not used to being the parent and I know—" Bobby held up a hand to ward off any angry outbursts—"it's mostly her fault, but still. If I can cut her some slack, can't you?"

Ennis just shrugged. Part of him still wanted to ban Bobby from ever seeing Lureen again, if this was the kind of care he was getting out there. But it wasn't like parenting was an easy job, and Bobby _did_ have his daddy's sense for bragging.

Jack pulled Bobby in for a one-armed hug, a soft smile on his face. "When'd you become such a man, huh?" He let Bobby go and looked at him, eye to eye now because Bobby was as tall as him. Jack shook his head. "Musta been when we weren't looking." Bobby shrugged and dropped back onto the couch beside Junior. Seeing the two of them side by side reminded Jack of their subterfuge.

"Oh, one other thing." Jack said, not mad anymore and trying to stave off the amusement that was trying to creep it. "You don't tell Junior 'bout it before you tell us and then try to get her to smooth the path for you."

Bobby and Junior both grinned sheepishly, pushing the last of the anger out of Jack. How could he stay mad when they were getting along so well? Bobby stood up again, grabbing his suitcase with his good hand. On his way out of the room, he stopped and asked,

"But what's the use of getting a sister if you can't even conspire with her?" He went up the stairs, chuckling to himself, oblivious to the three people he'd left stunned in the room behind him.

* * *

Having the four of them back together again was strange for Junior. Strange because it wasn't strange. It was familiar and warm and it made her happy. It really did. Junior had always wished her mama would remarry and have more kids. She'd always imagined a sister, though—a sister she could share a room with, that she could stay up all night giggling and talking about boys with, that she could share clothes with. The thought of sharing clothes with Bobby made her snort right out loud, making the three men at the table stare at her like she was crazy. She shrugged.

"Thought of something funny." She told them, then went back to her potatoes and her thoughts. Did she think of Bobby as her brother? Well she didn't really know, seeing as how she'd never had a brother and didn't have any feelings to base it on. She was pretty sure she did. She definitely didn't have any romantic feelings for him. Not that he wasn't a good looking kid, but…well. So then she must think of him as her brother. Right?

"Junior?" Ennis called her back from whatever planet she'd been on. "You gonna draw something on Bobby's cast?" He was holding the permanent marker out to her.

"Oh." She reached for it. "Yeah. Thank you."

Jack and Ennis cleared the table as Junior tried to think of something to draw. She wasn't exactly an artist. They could hear Jack and Ennis doing the dishes, clanking dishes around and splashing each other like teenagers. The phone rang and Jack grabbed it.

"Bobby, it's Kurt." He called. They heard the unmistakable crack of a wet towel snapping and his howl of "Goddamn, Ennis! That hurt like a sumbitch and you better sleep with one eye open 'cause I swear on your life I will get you back!" Ennis was giggling like a little boy and Junior couldn't help but smile at the sound. She'd never heard it.

"Hey, Daddy?" Bobby cut into their roughhousing in the kitchen. "Is it all right if Kurt comes over? And brings some of the kids?"

"What? Yeah, sure, it's fine." He was a little distracted, having Ennis in a headlock on the kitchen floor and all. He let Ennis up, since this wrestling match couldn't go where they'd like it to, what with the kids home and more on their way. "Later." He told Ennis, trying to look menacing. Since they were still on the ground and Bobby and Junior couldn't see them, Ennis didn't mind stealing a quick kiss.

"I'll take that as a promise." He said with a wink and a wicked grin.

When the McGowan kids showed up, Snappy included in that package, the noise level reached astronomical heights. Everyone exclaimed over Bobby's broken arm and fought over the pen to write silly messages and draw pictures. Gretty was sitting in his lap and wouldn't move for the world.

"How's your mama doing?" Jack asked Lousia. They were in the kitchen rustling up some treats. Jack had offered and Junior had suggested Louisa help him, because no one trusted him to do it by himself. "Ain't seen her in a while."

Louisa shrugged, stirring the chocolate pudding they'd found in the pantry. "We thought things were getting better, you know, but since Christmas…well, Christmas was tough."

Jack gave her a searching look. "Tough for everyone," he observed softly. Louisa bit her lip and nodded silently. "You guys are all so close…can't imagine how hard that must be." He went on. Louisa was losing a fight against tears.

"And it's even worse 'cause…" She hesitated. "Well, I mean, we can't talk about it, ever. I mean, sometimes us kids do, we talk about missing him and we talk about fun stuff we did with him, but…I can't ever tell my dad I miss Roger because he can't handle it and I certainly can't talk to my mom and sometimes I just want Gretty to _go away_ and I know that's bad but I just…I just…" She was all-out crying now, and Jack moved over to her and hugged her tight, letting her lean into his chest the way she couldn't lean on her daddy just yet.

But all these months of being strong and taking over the mother role cut her tears short. She pulled away, hiccuping and wiping her eyes, looking quick to the dining room to see if anyone had caught her. Everyone was engrossed in whatever Max was drawing on Bobby's cast.

"Sorry." Louisa said, embarrassed.

"Hey, no, you don't have to be sorry." Jack chided gently. "And listen, if you ever need to talk 'bout it, or if you need to go be with your friends and don't know what to do with the kids, you go ahead and call me and Ennis, okay?"

"Well, I couldn't—"

"Yes, you could. You can. And you better, you hear me?"

"Okay," she agreed with a smile.

"Ahh, there's that smile." He gave her one of his own. "Ready to go back out there?" She nodded, brave face back in place, and led the way. Jack kept sneaking looks at Junior. He wondered why he could hold Louisa while she cried but not Junior. Part of the problem was that Junior wouldn't let him—he knew that. But he wouldn't have thought Louisa would, either.

In bed that night, Jack told Ennis about Louisa's breakdown. Ennis frowned, worried. "I don't like that she has to be their mama." He murmured, thinking on his own big sister. "She's too young."

"I know." Jack agreed. "All them kids have too much responsibility, taking care of each other like that."

"Well, least they got each other."

Jack made an agreeing noise and rolled over to look into Ennis's face. "I just got worried…I mean, if Louisa feels overwhelmed and can't talk 'bout it, don't you think maybe Junior's feeling some of those same things?"

Ennis was quiet for a long time. "Yes." He finally whispered. "She is."

Jack told Junior and Bobby over breakfast about his trip. Bobby frowned. "But I just got home." He grumbled. He was grumpy because they had to go back to school. And the rate they were going, they were definitely going to be late.

"I know, bud, and I'm sorry. But I don't think I can _not_ go."

"How long you gonna be gone?" Junior asked, wanting to contribute to the conversation and not wanting Bobby to whine about it anymore.

"Five days." He answered glumly, getting an equally glum look from Ennis. The table was just plain gloomy with the prospect of being separated some more. And school.

"Hey, you kids better get going." Jack said hurriedly. "Shit, how you gonna get to school?"

"I can drive." Bobby protested.

"Bobby, you broke your right arm; you need it to shift. Hurry, get your stuff and I'll run you in."

They scrambled to find backpacks and books and shoes and coats and Jack went on his daily manhunt for his keys and Ennis sat at the kitchen table, taking it all in. Junior kept pushing her long curtain of hair away impatiently as she tied her shoes, grumbling to herself that she was just going to shave it all off. Bobby kept muttering as he shoved books into his backpack and rearranged them when it wouldn't zip shut. Jack was cursing as he slammed drawers and shoved things aside. And to top it all off, Buddy started whining when he realized Bobby was leaving him again.

Ennis wished he could record the sounds for the long days ahead when the kids'd be at school and Jack'd be at his conference and Ennis'd be left in the silent house by himself. Well, he'd still have a whining Buddy on his hands, but it wasn't quite enough.

"Well, I can't find my keys." Jack finally exploded, frustrated as all get out. "But I found Ennis's, so get out there."

The kids obediently went outside, both complaining about school, though Bobby was certainly winning the whining competition.

"Hey." Jack said softly, pulling Ennis out of his thoughts. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Ennis shook the lonesome thoughts from his head. "Just thinking."

"Well, don't hurt yourself." Jack teased gently. He dropped three or four quick, chaste kisses on Ennis's lips before someone—he assumed Bobby, because Junior was too polite—honked the horn several times. He left a last one in Ennis's hair and said, "Be back 'fore you know it."

Ennis started in on the dishes, taking more time than was strictly necessary. He could see, from the kitchen window, Joel telling Jeremy and David what needed doing. There wasn't much, since calving was over and the calves weren't old enough for branding or weaning yet. They had a mare ready to drop a foal any day now, but she wasn't much work until she started having the thing and even then, that was Jack and Ennis's job first, the hands' job second. She'd probably foal while Jack was away. Damn. Jack loved the newborns, and this meant Ennis'd have to pick a name, which he was terrible at.

He finished the dishes and wondered what else to do. Oh, wasn't there some laundry that needed doing? He could do laundry. He felt vaguely guilty for being warm inside, doing laundry, while the hands were out in the biting cold handling his ranch, but that was one of the beauties of being the boss. You didn't have to be out there all the time. But wasn't that the point of having your own spread?

The slamming door pulled him out of his musings.

"Ennis?" Jack called.

"In here, bud."

"Mm, laundry, I see." Jack nodded approvingly.

"Getting pretty damn good at it." Ennis said with a touch of pride.

"Well, I'd hope so. We been trading off for sixteen years. It ain't rocket science."

"Hey, you're the one who got us stuck with yellow socks and underwear last month, not me." Ennis pointed out, letting the dryer door close with a bang.

"How was I s'posed to know Junior's sweater was gonna bleed?" Jack shrugged blithely. "Don't worry; I don't think any less of ya for your yellow underwear." He added reassuringly. Ennis shook his head, chortling.

"So, what should we do today?" Ennis asked. "Gotta go out and check on Starshine sometime, but I don't think it's her day. Too bad for her; she's starting to look pretty miserable. And then I thought we'd ride up to—"

"Ennis." Jack interrupted. "You wanna know what I want to do today?" He had that look in his eyes that meant _yes_, Ennis _did_ want to hear it.

"What's that?" Ennis grinned a little, anticipating what was next.

"I want to go upstairs, take off all my clothes, and spend the day in bed."

"That so?"

"Mmhmm. Have fun doing whatever you're doing." He started scurrying up the stairs, laughing.

"Hey!" Ennis hustled after him, not wanting to miss a second of it. He caught up to Jack on the stairs and grabbed him around the hips. "Don't think it'd be nearly as fun all by your lonesome, huh? Maybe you need some company."

"You know, I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

Bobby hated stupid school. He hated reading and he hated math and he hated people staring at him and giggling behind his back. He was hoping things would've died off by now, but no such luck. No other scandals had arisen, so he was still the number one target. He made it through his morning classes and met up with Junior and Kurt for lunch. As they pushed their way through the crowd, Bobby spotted Kimmi Jane and immediately flushed. He felt like a horrible asshole every time he thought about it. He wasn't that kind of guy! He wasn't a one night stand guy.

"Oh, hey, Bobby." She said, feeling the awkwardness same as him. Bobby nodded to her and gave her a smile. "What happened to your arm?"

"Oh…" He ran a hand through his hair. "I was, uh, bull riding over Christmas break and I fell off."

"Bull riding? That is so _sexy_." She purred and laid a hand on his arm. "Does it hurt?" She asked simperingly, tossing her long blonde hair.

"Not too much." He answered, backing away a little. He glanced over and noticed Junior's lip curling dangerously. She was giving Kimmi Jane the same kind of look she used to give Jack and Ennis, when she'd first come to live with them. "Uh, so, I'll see you later." Bobby said quickly, wanting to hurry Junior away before she launched herself on Kimmi Jane.

"What was _that_ all about?" Kurt asked as soon as they were out of earshot, at the same time that Junior growled,

"Ugh, I _hate_ her!"

Kurt gave Junior a confused look. "You do?"

"Yes! She's such a…a slut!" Junior flushed as the word passed her lips.

"Whoa! That's a strong word."

"Um, she kind of is." Bobby cut in apologetically. "Has been since we were like thirteen."

"Oh. But… you hate her for that?"

"I hate her for the way she uses people and the way she's only nice to guys when she wants to sleep with them." Junior spat the words in Kimmi Jane's direction, a murderous look on her face.

"Well, does it really affect you? Is that a good reason to hate her?"

Bobby worked to keep his face normal. This conversation was getting a tad uncomfortable for him. He hadn't told Kurt about the whole Kimmi Jane…_situation_.

"Yes," Junior said defensively. "It is. God, Kurt, do you have to be so nice to _everyone_, all the time?"

"Well, excuse me for being a nice guy."

"You can be a nice guy without—"

"Hey!" Bobby interrupted their spat. "Junior hates her because I slept with her and then she just blew me off." He blushed and said most of it to his lunch, but at least he'd said it. Kurt's eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open.

"You had _sex_ with her?" Kurt exclaimed in a half-whisper. Bobby sighed.

"Yeah."

Kurt craned his neck to look at her again. "_Why_?!" Junior snorted at the disgust in his voice. Bobby dropped his head to his hands.

"Because she was wearing the shortest, tightest little skirt I've ever seen and she has nice legs and she was all over me and I was so sick of everyone ignoring me or making fun of me and plus, you know what? I was horny! Okay?!"

He chanced a look up and saw Kurt and Junior both looking shocked by his outburst. He turned even redder when he realized he'd just said the word _horny_ in front of Junior. He focused on the table top for a minute before murmuring, "I never said I was proud of it."

"Wow." Kurt said quietly, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. "Your life's such a soap opera, Bobby."

* * *

"Hello?" Lureen already sounded annoyed.

"Hey Lureen, it's Jack."

"Oh, I was surprised I didn't hear from y'all last night when Bobby got home." She said dryly.

Jack laughed with no humor. "Yeah…well, I'm not gonna say I didn't fly off the handle a bit when I saw the cast—"

"I bet."

"—But Bobby explained it all."

Awkward silence.

"Well, I really am sorry." Lureen said. Jack could hear the sincerity in her voice. "I'm afraid he didn't have a very good time, what with Daddy upsetting him and breaking his arm and then my New Year's party…" She sighed. "I don't even know him." She said it quietly, more to herself than to Jack.

"Well, you know…" He shrugged, though she couldn't see it. "Better late than never. And he said he had a good time."

"He did?"

"Sure." It wasn't _really_ a lie. He hadn't said he'd had a _bad_ time, anyway.

"Well. You, um, you've done a good job raising him, Jack."

"Thanks, Lureen. But mostly I think we got lucky."

She clammed up at the "we" in that statement. It was strange, in a way, to hear him talking about raising their son and knowing that "we" didn't include her. "Well, he sure stood up to Daddy." She said with a little laugh.

"Yeah, you mentioned that before, and he kinda did but he didn't tell us what that whole thing was about. What happened?"

Lureen took a deep breath. Should she really tell him? He probably had an idea anyway. "Well, you know Daddy. He has his opinions and he ain't worried about expressing 'em."

"Mm. I see. Oh well. I mean, I don't worry too much what he thinks about me." Jack chuckled, glad she couldn't see the anger on his face.

"He…Jack, he wasn't saying anything about you. He was saying some nasty things about..."

"Ennis?" Jack blurted, surprised. L.D. didn't even know Ennis.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry."

Jack fought the urge to fill the silence with some choice words about L.D.'s opinions. But it wouldn't help anything, and Lureen didn't deserve that.

"How is your daddy, anyway? Getting any better?"

"No. He's pretty bad. He's…he's gonna die soon." Someone who didn't know her wouldn't have heard the crack in her voice, but Jack did.

"Oh, Lu." He sighed. "I sure am sorry. For you."

"Thanks." She cleared her throat. "Well, thanks for calling." She said briskly, a businesswoman again. "I should get back to work."

"Alright. You can call anytime you want, Lureen, you know that, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Jack. I'll talk to you later."

Jack sighed and hung up the phone. At least he hadn't yelled at her.


	41. Winter: Chapter 17

Bobby and Junior had just walked in the door when Buddy started barking at the sound of tires crunching on the gravel. Everyone looked at each other, shrugging because none of them were expecting any visitors.

Jack stepped out onto the porch and raised a hand to shield his eyes from the dropping winter sun. He couldn't help but feel a little wary. Unexpected visitors could mean trouble at this point. He shook himself internally. He was picking up Ennis's paranoia.

"Hey," Jack called when he realized who it was. He tossed back over his shoulder to Ennis, "It's Julie Ann."

Julie Ann was around the same age as Jack and Ennis, and she'd probably had just as hard a life, if not harder. She'd gotten married at eighteen, had her first kid by nineteen, and eight years later, after she had five little children, her husband had a sudden heart attack and died. She'd never remarried. She'd been a longtime customer, buying almost a whole cow once a year. They didn't charge her even half of the regular price, and in exchange she used to watch Bobby after school some days and was always bringing food by or sending the boys over to help out.

She came up the front steps and Jack stepped back to let her in the house. She had two covered dishes that Bobby gladly took off her hands.

"How you doing, Bobby?" She asked.

"Good." He answered, mouth already full of her fudge brownies. "Yourself?" He managed to get out. She just shrugged.

"Been better and been worse." Her eyes fell on Junior. "Hi," she said curiously. "I'm Julie Ann."

"Junior." Junior looked at her toes.

"You Bobby's girlfriend or something?"

Bobby almost choked on his brownie. He sputtered and coughed and Ennis pounded on his back a few times until he could breathe again.

"She's Ennis's daughter." Jack explained as Bobby massaged his esophagus. Julie Ann looked back and forth between Ennis and Junior a few times.

"Hmm." She said. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to know if I could pick up my beef now or what."

"You…you still want it?" Ennis stuttered.

"Uh, yeah." Julie Ann gave him a strange look. "I've been getting the same order every year for the last eight years. Why would I change my mind?"

"Well…uh…" Ennis shot a look at Jack for help.

"Just…with all that's happened lately…"

"Something wrong with the cows?" She asked.

"No...?"

"Then I don't know why there'd be a problem with the meat. You want me to come back in a few days?"

"Yeah, how about three days?" Jack suggested, regaining his composure. As he walked Julie Ann out to her car, he added, "I'm real sorry about this, Julie Ann."

"Don't worry," she waved a hand around. "You guys've been dealing with some stuff lately."

"So you do know about it?" Jack shuffled his feet, wishing Julie Ann didn't have such a direct gaze.

"Jack. I've known forever."

"What?" His head snapped up.

"Back when I first started coming to you? You guys couldn't keep your hands off each other. Word in town is you still can't."

"Oh." Jack felt his face catch fire. Julie Ann snorted.

"You're good people. You raised a fine boy and you've been real good to me; been a lot of help and you don't never judge me for not getting remarried like a lot of people have. None of that other stuff matters. Okay?"

Jack found himself pulling Julie Ann in for a tight hug. "Thank you." He murmured.

"Hey now, don't be getting my hopes up for nothing." She joked. Jack laughed and walked back to the house, hands in his pockets. When he got in, he had that thoughtful look on his face that always made Ennis smile.

"What you thinking 'bout?" Ennis asked, as he always did when Jack had that look on his face. The kids were at the kitchen table doing homework and they were already arguing over one of the answers to a math problem.

"Oh, not much." Jack said, smiling back at Ennis. "Just…we know some real good people, Ennis."

* * *

"Kurt?" Friedrich poked his head into the kitchen cautiously. Kurt and Bobby were working on reading and Junior was sitting with them at the table writing an essay for her history class. The rest of the kids were outside with Jack and Ennis and Mary Ellen, getting in another "interaction" before Jack left.

"What?" Kurt asked, trying and not succeeding very well at stifling his annoyance. He didn't like to be interrupted.

"Um…" His hesitance made Kurt sigh and roll his eyes at Bobby. Either he'd done something bad or something was wrong. And either way, Kurt was going to have to deal with it. He turned to look at his youngest little brother.

"Freddy? You get into trouble?" Kurt accused while trying not to sound like he was accusing.

"No." Friedrich sighed. "Never mind." He turned away, head down and little boy shoulders hunched. Kurt felt bad for being so short with him. Friedrich was a bit quieter than the rest of them and sometimes he got lost in the shuffle of it all.

"Hey, bud, c'mere." Kurt said gently. The fact that Friedrich did it right away tipped Kurt off that something was up. Kurt pulled him up onto his lap and let him rest his head on Kurt's collarbone, the way he used to do when he was real little. He was getting a little too big for it at five years old, but Kurt didn't mind. "What's wrong?"

"I…" Friedrich nestled closer to Kurt's chest and glanced shyly at Bobby and Junior. He popped his thumb in his mouth. He never sucked his thumb anymore unless he was upset. Kurt felt a bubble of concern rise in his stomach.

"Freddy. Come on, what's the matter?"

Friedrich's breaths started coming in ragged bursts and Kurt could feel him shaking as he started crying. "How come—how come—" He was out of control now, just short of howling. Kurt knew he'd never be able to get real words out of him if he didn't calm down.

"Freddy, it's okay." Kurt held him tight, rubbing circles into his back. "Shh, calm down, buddy. Come on, I can't understand you if you're crying like that."

Friedrich took a bunch of stuttering breaths as he tried to calm himself down, stealing little peaks at Bobby to make sure his hero didn't think he was a sissy. Bobby looked back at him, concerned.

"H-how come—" Friedrich tried again. "How come Mom won't p-play with us anymore? Are we bad?"

Kurt felt his jaw clench tight. He took a deep breath and exhaled hard through his nose. "Freddy." He tried not to sound angry, because he didn't want Friedrich to think he'd done anything wrong. "You're not bad, okay? It's not your fault. Mom's just sad, because of Rogey."

"Well, me t-too!" Friedrich wailed. "When's he coming h-home?" Kurt didn't know how to handle this. It seemed too harsh to say _never_ but he didn't want to lie or anything.

"Freddy, Rogey's not coming home. Remember? We…we talked about it. He's in Heaven." Kurt's voice wobbled and broke but he soldiered on. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Don't ever think you did." He squeezed Friedrich tight. "I love you, okay?"

Gretl came in then, ordering Snappy to get out of her way and already screeching for Bobby. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Friedrich sobbing on Kurt's lap. "What's wrong with Freddy?" She asked.

"Nothing, Gretty," Kurt said tiredly. "Don't worry."

Tears filled her eyes immediately, almost like she was spiting Kurt. "Freddy?" She asked, chin wobbling dangerously. Kurt fought the crazy urge to laugh. Just what he needed—Gretl crying too. Gretl walked over and peered at Friedrich around Kurt's arms, snot starting to flow as she fought tears. "Why are you c-crying?" She stuttered, crying openly now. Kurt opened his arms and gathered her up, too. He held both of them for a minute and then untangled himself. Junior immediately rushed over and Bobby pulled Gretl into his arms.

"I'll be back." Kurt ground out tersely, jaw clenched tight. He had to make an intense effort not to slam the door behind him as he stomped out to the barn.

"Hey, Kurt." Jack greeted him with a big grin that faded when he noticed how upset Kurt was. "What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Where's my mother?" Kurt demanded.

"Kurt?" Jack answered his question with another.

"Where is she?" Kurt nearly yelled. He didn't want the other kids to hear him and come see what the problem was. Jack stared at him for a minute, then pressed his lips together and pointed down the row of stalls. "Thank you." Kurt muttered. He stalked down the aisle until he found Mary Ellen. She turned at his footsteps and looked up at him, hair stringy and eyes huge in her too-skinny face.

"I've had enough!" He forgot about not wanting the other kids to hear him and threw caution to the wind. "This is out of hand and ridiculous!"

"Kurt—" Even her voice was just a wisp, not even a full voice.

"No! I get it—you feel guilty. And I get that you miss Roger and it's tough as shit to lose your kid but _guess what_ Mom? We all lost him too and you've still got _seven_ others who're still alive! Do you know where your two youngest are right now? They're in the kitchen crying their eyes out because they don't know why their mother, their own goddamn _mother_, won't even look at them anymore! Do you know that Louisa never gets to go out with her friends because she's the mom now? Do you know that we can't even talk to Dad anymore because he's always so worn out from being worried about you?" Kurt felt himself getting choked up and stopped to breathe.

"I know." Mary Ellen said hollowly. "I'm a horrible mother and—"

"_We don't need your guilt_! We just want our parents back!" Kurt could feel tears on his cheeks and he dashed them away impatiently, turning away from her and leaving the barn. He passed Jack, who had his head down and was listening while trying not to listen. He passed Ennis, who didn't meet his gaze, and Louisa, who was crying. He rubbed his eyes, feeling more tears there that he didn't even try to fight. It was a weight off his shoulders to finally get that out. Rolfe was huddling into Louisa's side, scared and worried, and Max's eyes were huge. G was leaning against Firefly and Kurt didn't stop to talk to any of them. He knew they'd need to go home soon and he knew he'd driven and he didn't care just then. His feet found one of the riding trails and he just went ahead and walked. No one stopped him.

* * *

Jack and Ennis got the kids and Mary Ellen home. Roy heard a lot of commotion, which he was used to, and a lot of crying, which he was also used to, and went out to see if anything out of the ordinary was going on or if the tears were over the car ride.

Mary Ellen brushed past him and went straight to bed. He stared after her for a minute, then turned and saw his three youngest children crying (Rolfe had joined in when they'd left Kurt behind). About four different people told him what'd happened and Gretl—who still didn't really know what the whole thing was about—told him she needed a really _big_ hug, which he was happy to provide.

He tossed a glance toward the closed bedroom door Mary Ellen was hiding behind and wondered what to do. He needed to go talk to Kurt and he needed to make sure his wife was alright and he needed to calm down his children. He pressed his hands to the sides of his head and squeezed for a second, hoping to compress all his problems.

"Hey, why don't you go check on Mary Ellen? We'll help the kids get settled down and then you can ride back with us." Jack suggested. Ennis nodded his approval to this course of action. Roy hesitated, not sure what the right thing was just then, but then nodded tiredly. He hugged the six of his kids that were present and went to his bedroom.

"Mary Ellen?" He closed the door gently behind him. She was on her side, facing the wall. She didn't say anything. He sat on the bed, his back to her. "You okay, baby?" She didn't answer. Roy sighed. "Look, it's been a rough time for all of us. Kurt didn't…" He stopped. He'd planned on saying _Kurt didn't mean what he said_ but he knew it was a lie. Part of him wanted to smack the boy and the other part wanted to hug him tight for being the bravest and saying what was on everyone's minds.

Roy leaned in and kissed the side of Mary Ellen's face. "I love you." He told her. "I'm going to go get Kurt. All the rest of the kids are still here."

* * *

After Jack and Ennis had loaded everyone up and left, Bobby and Junior didn't know what to do. They knew Kurt needed some time to cool off, but both hated to think of him wandering around out there in the dark by himself. He'd have a hard time getting lost, since all the trails looped back around to the house, but what if he didn't stay on the trail?

"Let's just go look for him." Junior said decisively. "If he doesn't want to talk he doesn't have to."

They split up, each with bright flashlights and heavy coats. It was freezing and Kurt didn't even have a jacket on. Junior couldn't remember if he had shoes on. Surely he did. She hoped he did. She shone her flashlight around halfheartedly, knowing he'd have gotten farther than where she was. There was a clearing coming up and she had a hunch he might be there.

She was right. He was sitting on a big rock with his knees tucked to his chest and his head in his hands when he found him. He did have shoes on, she noted.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hi." He didn't look up. She sat down next to him. It was a good rock for sitting and thinking, and she assumed he'd been doing a lot of that in the last half hour or so. She didn't say anything. He was shivering and had red blotches on his bare arms where the wind had cut into him.

"I shouldn't have said that." He finally broke the silence. "I just got so mad."

"I know." Junior sighed. "But I'm not sure it was wrong for you to say all that."

"What?" He looked up for the first time.

"I mean, I guess you could've maybe found a nicer way to say it. But I think it's about time someone told your mom to pull her head out of her ass."

Kurt laughed a little at Junior's word choice. He always laughed when Junior swore because she did it so rarely it sounded funny coming out of her mouth. He wiped at some of the last tears. He couldn't really feel his face or his fingers or his arms anymore. He was a little worried he had frostbite.

"It felt good to say it. You know? To finally tell her what I've held in for so long. And when Friedrich was crying like that because he thought he'd done something wrong…" Kurt trailed off, jaw clenching again at the thought.

"You just couldn't keep it in anymore." Junior finished for him.

"Guess not." He looked sideways at her. "It doesn't make me a bad person?" He sounded like a little boy. Junior wanted to pull him into her arms and hug him tight. And after a brief hesitation, she did, squeezing him tight and letting go quickly. But she was still close enough that their shoulders were touching.

"Kurt…" She bit her lip and looked down at the frozen dirt. "You didn't do it for yourself. I mean, kind of, yeah, but the reason you lost it was because Freddy was so upset. So you're not a bad person." She looked up and over at him and realized his face was closer than she'd thought. His eyes were very brown. She took a deep breath but didn't look away.

"Thank you." He said, barely more than a whisper. His face was slowly coming closer to her. Strangely, she wasn't nervous at all. Okay, that was a lie—her stomach was fluttering like crazy. But her mind wasn't screaming at her and her brain wasn't thinking a million thoughts at once. She could hear the wind and his breathing and she licked her lips and then his lips were touching hers, freezing cold and feather light.

Fireworks didn't go off, the way the stories always said they did. Instead, there was the most intense stillness and calm between them. He pulled away and rubbed his cold nose against hers, making her giggle, then he ran a hand down her hair, all the way from the top of her head down to the end. It would have been a little nicer if he hadn't been so cold, Junior would reflect later, but just then the feeling of his icy fingers on her chin gently pulling her in for another kiss didn't bother her at all.

Bobby found them a few minutes later, the beam of his flashlight illuminating their locked lips. He bellowed in surprise, making Junior and Kurt jump and break apart and Junior _eep_ comically in her fright, almost falling off the rock. Luckily Kurt still had an arm around her back.

"So _that's_ why you wanted to split up!" Bobby finally got over his shock to say.

"Um…" Junior sputtered for words. Kurt started laughing.

"You scared us to death!" He told Bobby. He got up off the rock and pulled Junior with him. They walked back to the house, Bobby shooting sidelong glances at the two of them the whole time, not sure if he should be happy or not. They didn't hold hands or anything, so he didn't know what was going on.

When they got back to the house, they found Jack, Ennis, and Roy drinking coffee and looking somber. Kurt felt his giddiness start to slide away. No doubt his father would be furious at him for upsetting his mother so badly.

"Uh, hi." He swallowed hard and looked at his feet. He felt Junior's hand bump against his, just once, and shot her a little smile.

"Kurt…" Roy didn't know what to say. He didn't think he should say whatever he was going to say here, anyway. "I think we should probably go home now."

"Okay." Kurt bit his lip and looked at Junior. "Bye." He said, in a different voice than Jack had ever heard and from the way they were looking at each other Jack could tell something had changed between them. Kurt looked over at Bobby, that soft glow fading from his eyes, and said, "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Bobby clapped a hand on Kurt's back. "Yep, see ya. Hey," Bobby leaned in closer. "Tell Freddy it's…it's okay to cry, will you? I don't know if he's old enough to care yet but I don't want him to think it means he's a sissy or anything, you know? And you can tell him I cried when I broke my arm. I'm not ashamed."

Kurt laughed. "Yeah, I'll tell him. Thanks, man. Bye."

Kurt walked ahead of his dad, shoulders slumped, sure he was going to get yelled at. As they were walking out the door, Roy put an arm around Kurt's shoulders and leaned his head against his son's for a second.

They got in the car and Roy waited a minute before starting the car. He opened his mouth but changed his mind and shut it again, instead turning the key and pulling out. Kurt's fingers were still a little numb and he couldn't wait for the head to kick in.

"So." Roy let the word hang between them in the air.

"So." Kurt repeated, staring at his frozen fingers. They seemed to be thawing out all right.

"Um…" Roy cleared his throat. "Why…?" He stopped again. He was really rusty with these father-son chats, he realized. It made him mad at himself.

"Look, I don't know exactly what happened, but Freddy came in and he was really upset and he started crying and he asked if he did something bad to make Mom stop playing with him. And I just got so _mad_ at her and I couldn't stop myself."

They drove in silence for a minute. Roy pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what to say. At a stoplight, he turned to look at his son. Kurt looked a lot like Roger, especially from the side, in the dark. But Roger had gotten Roy's eyes and Kurt had Mary Ellen's. They were softer and just now they were full of worry and remorse.

"You regret saying it?" Roy asked.

"No." Kurt said after a minute of thinking it over. "I think it needed to be said."

Roy nodded. "I think maybe it did too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think…well, I'm sorry your mom and I haven't been all there lately. I mean, it's been tough on us but I'm sure it's been tougher on you guys. You had to deal with losing Roger and us falling apart."

"Dad—" Kurt started to break in when he heard his dad's voice crack, but Roy held a hand up.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm real proud of the way you've taken care of your brothers and sisters. Without you and Louisa…well, who knows what the younger kids would've done? And from now on, I'm going to work harder to be around. I can't promise anything about your mom, but…well, I can make sure I'm still there."

Neither said anything for the rest of the ride. When they got home, Kurt hugged his dad. He knew firsthand that parents needed to be parented sometimes, too. And he didn't resent it this time, because he had a feeling he wouldn't have to do it much anymore.


	42. Winter: Chapter 18

The kids said good bye to Jack before they went to bed that night, because he was leaving long before they hoped to be awake—he said he was leaving at four or four thirty. Bobby couldn't even imagine being _awake_ at four in the morning, let alone driving anywhere.

Ennis woke when the alarm went off. He sighed. He had a bad feeling about Jack going on this trip, but he didn't want Jack to think he doubted him. It was probably just his usual paranoia, he knew, but still. It made him grab onto Jack, who was groaning and fighting to wake up, and hold onto him tight.

"Mmf." Jack murmured. "I need to get out of bed."

"Do you _have_ to?" Ennis nuzzled at Jack's neck.

"Uhh…"

"Come on…" Ennis wheedled, squeezing Jack tighter and letting his hands roam.

"_Ennis_." Jack was trying to sound stern but wasn't succeeding. He finally gave up. He could leave at four thirty instead of four. He had more…_pressing_ matters at hand.

* * *

Ennis drove the kids to school. Bobby grumbled some more about not being "an invalid" or "a little girl" (Junior glared at him for that one) but Ennis ignored him. He'd learned that was the best method when Bobby got to complaining.

"Well, uh, okay." Ennis said with a shrug when they pulled up. "I'll pick you up later."

"Hey, Ennis, school gets out at one today." Bobby tried. Ennis gave him a look and he smiled sheepishly. "Well, it was worth a try, huh?"

Jimmy Kent turned a corner and saw them climbing out of the truck, exchanging smiles and easy words and goodbyes with Ennis. He stopped where he was and waited for them.

"Aw, how sweet." He sneered as soon as they opened the double doors to get inside. Junior rolled her eyes and Bobby's nostrils flared, but other than that they both ignored him. "Which of your daddies is your favorite, Panty Twist? Who tastes better?"

"Okay, you—" Bobby felt the hot anger rising in his throat. Junior put a hand on his arm.

"Just don't, okay?" She whispered. "It'll just make things worse."

"Yeah, hold him back." Kent scoffed. "Like he'd ever have the balls to come after me."

"I seem to remember him breaking your nose in October. Did you forget that?" Junior shot back, forgetting her own advice and firing back. Kent didn't have much to say to that, and they left him floundering for words.

Kurt was leaning against the lockers when they got there. Junior couldn't help smiling when she saw him, thinking about how he was an awfully good kisser. He smiled back at her.

"How'd it go last night?" Bobby asked cautiously.

"Oh." Kurt shrugged. "It was…good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. My dad said he was going to be around more. And this morning he helped get everyone up and ready and took Gretty to day care. It was just…kind of weird."

"What about your mom?" Junior broke in delicately. Kurt shrugged again, this time glumly.

"Haven't seen her. She hasn't come out of her room since…the whole thing."

Junior spun the lock on her locker while they talked. She'd left her math book in there yesterday. Luckily Bobby'd brought his home. Kurt was close enough that their shoulders were touching. Neither minded, and neither acknowledged it. Bobby was shooting glances back and forth between the two of them, a little annoyed. It was one thing if they were some sort of item now, but they were being weird because they _weren't_ being weird. They were acting completely normal, like nothing had happened, except they were touching and they kept smiling at each other. Bobby hated being out of the loop, and the looks on their faces made him feel lonely even though they were still there with him.

The bell rang and they made their way through the rush of kids to their classes. Junior hesitated a second when they got to her class. Bobby raised an eyebrow at her and her eyes flickered to Kurt quickly and then to the ground. What was the protocol for this?

"See ya." Kurt said nonchalantly.

"Oh, um, yeah." Junior bit her lip and started to turn away. She hadn't been sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. Kurt snaked a hand out and grabbed hers, squeezing it tight just once before letting go. She glanced over at him and he gave her a soft smile that seemed much too private for the crowded hall at school. She ducked her head, blushing and unable to stop her own smile. She didn't even mind when Bobby made fake gagging sounds as she walked into her classroom.

Bobby and Kurt made their way down the hall, both quiet. Bobby was weighing his words carefully and Kurt was ready for them.

"So, uh…" Bobby cleared his throat nervously. "You guys are a thing now, huh?"

Kurt shrugged. "A thing?"

"You can't play dumb with me, Kurt. I _did_ catch you guys making out."

"We weren't making out!" Kurt protested a bit too loudly. Three freshman girls turned to stare, laughing when they saw who it was. Bobby rolled his eyes at them.

"Well, kissing at least." He hissed.

"Yeah."

"And…?"

"And what?" Kurt wasn't exactly trying to avoid the questions; he wasn't entirely sure what Bobby wanted to hear.

"Are you guys together or something?"  
"Bobby, I don't know." Kurt sounded embarrassed. "We didn't talk about it."

"Do you _want_ to be?" Bobby's voice squeaked a little.

"Yes." Kurt's answer was unhesitant. "Definitely."

"Well…maybe you should talk about it." Bobby suggested. Kurt was a good guy. He could handle Junior being with him—and better yet, so could Ennis. As well as Ennis could handle that kind of thing at all.

"I know." Kurt was blushing. "Look, this is going to sound stupid…and cheesy…and overdramatic…"

"Okay." Bobby cut in before Kurt could use any more adjectives. He probably knew a lot and Bobby didn't really want to be late for homeroom.

"It's just…I don't think it's a usual high school thing." Kurt wasn't meeting Bobby's eyes. "I think it's…it's more than that."

"What, like you want to marry her or something?" Bobby barked out a laugh. Who met the person they wanted to marry in _high school_? Kurt pressed his lips together and didn't answer, making Bobby stop completely and stare at him. "Oh, shit." He said, bewildered. "You want to marry Junior."

"I'm going to get to class." Kurt said quietly, leaving Bobby stunned in the middle of the hallway.

* * *

Bobby was distracted, to say the least, during class. Who thought about marriage this young? Kurt was eighteen. Junior was still seventeen—closer to sixteen than to eighteen, if you wanted to get technical. Bobby gnawed on a hangnail on his thumb, slumped in his desk and not paying an ounce of attention. The only reason he even knew what class he was in was because he had to go to it every day. The bell rang, jarring him out of his thoughts, and he squinted at the clock to figure what period it was. Oh. Lunchtime now. Lunch was definitely Bobby's favorite part of the day. He liked lunch even more than he liked gym.

But when he got to his locker, he found himself alone. Kurt had a science club meeting and Junior had to finish the history essay she'd forgotten about last night with all the commotion. He was on his own. He hovered just inside the cafeteria doors, wondering what to do. He had just decided to go eat in his truck when he spotted Samantha, the girl who'd helped him in English that one time—the girl he and his friends had called Mouse Face since second grade. She was sitting at the end of a table, reading a book. She had glasses perched on the end of her nose, and she was so engrossed in whatever the book was that she was hunting around for the straw in her box of apple juice with her mouth, unwilling to take her eyes off the page to take a drink.

Bobby found himself walking over to her. "Uh…hi." He said tentatively. She looked up distractedly, her face turning to confusion laced with a touch of annoyance when she saw it was him.

"Yeah?" She asked, not exactly rude but not very inviting, either.

"Could I sit…here?" He pointed stupidly to the bench he was standing in front of. She looked from his face to the part of bench in question and back to his face, the look on her face spelling out just how insane she thought he was.

"Go ahead." She took a pull of her apple juice and went back to her book.

He ate silently, feeling like he should talk to her but not wanting to bug her, since she was reading and all. He kept opening his mouth to say something and changing his mind. Finally, he figured he had to say _something_ to her. You couldn't just spend almost a whole lunch period with someone and not talk.

"So, uh, thanks again for helping me in English…that one time…" He petered off lamely. She looked up slowly.

"That was like two months ago." She said.

He didn't know what to say. He felt his face flush and his shoulders came up to meet his ears, turtling himself the way Ennis always did.

"Yeah." Was all he said. She studied his face for a minute.

"Well, you're welcome, anyway." She finally added quietly.

"And I wanted to apologize…" He sighed. "For, you know, being so mean to you all those years." Her face changed. It had been almost kind, but she closed off again and tried to look indifferent.

"Whatever."

"No, I really am." Bobby told her earnestly. "I mean, every time I think about it, I just want to…to go back in time and punch myself in the head."

She chuckled a little despite herself and clapped a hand over her mouth. Bobby couldn't help but laugh a little too at how wide her eyes went at the sound of her own laugh. Soon they were laughing at each other laughing and she had a snorty kind of laugh and it made both of them laugh harder. When their laughter finally died down, they fell into semi-awkward silence.

"Bobby Twist?" Bobby felt his face twist into a grimace at the sound of the voice saying his name. It was Kimmi Jane, and she sounded surprised and disgusted and somehow flirtatious, all at once. He saw Samantha's lips purse.

"Bobby Twist, what are you doing sitting here with Mouse Face?" Kimmi Jane laughed incredulously. Samantha bit her lip and blinked twice. She didn't meet Bobby's eyes, instead dropping hers to her book again. But Bobby didn't really think she was reading it.

"I'm sitting here with Samantha because she's nice to me." Bobby answered neutrally. "And she's funny." He grinned at Samantha, whose eyes had darted up at his first sentence.

"Um…okay." Kimmi Jane laughed again. "Did you hit your head when you fell off that bull, Bobby Twist? Or is this some kind of charity work you're doing?"

Bobby felt his temper flare up when Samantha's face fell. She was the only person besides Junior or Kurt to be nice to him in months and he felt like he owed her something.

"Why don't you go back to ignoring us?" Bobby fired back. "You're real good at that."

Kimmi Jane's face caught fire when she caught the meaning of Bobby's words. She bit her bottom lip. "Whatever." She said, tossing her and flouncing off, but Bobby caught the ghost of hurt in her eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping it would stop the guilt from getting him. No luck there.

When he looked up, Samantha was staring at him carefully, head tilted to one side. Her glasses slid a little. It kind of made Bobby want to laugh, but he didn't feel like laughing just then. He maybe wasn't as okay with the Kimmi Jane situation as he'd thought. He let out a slow breath.

She looked away when he tried to hold her eyes. She was embarrassed about what Kimmi Jane had said, and probably wondering why he was there. He opened his mouth with no idea what he was going to say, but the bell rang and cut him off. Samantha packed up her book and stuffed her garbage in the trash can by her. They stared at each other for a minute.

"Um…"

"So…"

They laughed again, awkwardly. "See ya." She said softly, the look on her face meaning she didn't believe it.

"Yeah." He answered firmly. "I hope so." She smiled a little and walked off, only half turning to look back at him once.

He used to be popular. He'd always been friends with everyone, since elementary school, really. But he couldn't remember ever being so excited about making a new friend.

* * *

Ennis pulled warily into the school parking lot. He didn't trust most high school kids. They could be awful people. He squinted around for Bobby and Junior but couldn't really make out faces. Luckily, one kid stood head and shoulders above the rest of the crowd, and Ennis could see, at his shoulder, a black haired head and then lower, around his chest, long auburn hair. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, watching as Bobby pointed toward the truck and Kurt glanced at his watch. And then, Ennis watched as Kurt ran a hand through that long auburn hair and dipped his head quickly. All he did was peck Junior's cheek, but Ennis's eyes practically jumped out of his head.

When in the hell did that start up? He thought frantically. Had he known this? No, he would've remembered something like that. He saw Bobby point to the truck again and Junior's hair swung as she swiveled quickly to look. Bobby and Junior started walking away as a small dark-haired girl came up to Kurt—Louisa, Ennis guessed—and the pair also took off.

Ennis's eyes were still huge when Junior and Bobby were close enough to see his face. Junior looked apprehensive and Bobby looked warily amused.

Bobby pulled the door open and flung his backpack to the backseat before climbing up next to Ennis. Junior followed suit and closed the door gently. Ennis pulled away, still silent.

"So, uh…" He finally found his voice, but only for the two words. Junior didn't jump in and save him.

"What?" Bobby asked innocently.

"Um…" Ennis cleared his throat. "That…What was that?"

"What was…what?" Bobby was doing all the talking while Junior bit her lip.

"Uh…that kiss."

"Oh, that." Bobby shrugged. "Kurt and I just miss each other when we're apart."

Ennis and Junior both rolled their eyes while Bobby cracked up over his joke. He figured keeping it light was the way to go.

"It was a good bye peck." Junior mumbled.

"Does he _always_ do that?"

"Um…he does now."

"Since when?" Ennis didn't sound mad—yet. Junior wasn't sure if she should take that as a good thing or if it just meant he'd be even worse when he _did_ get mad.

"Well, today was the first time."

"Why?"

"Because we…because he…I…" Junior didn't know how to explain it. "Why do you kiss Jack good bye?" It was supposed to be a thought, but it popped out as a sentence. Her eyes grew as she realized what she'd said.

Ennis was trying not to have a heart attack. First of all, it was the first time she'd ever said anything about him and Jack kissing without spitting it at him with some fire and brimstone thrown in. And also, his teenage daughter was apparently telling him she was in love.

"Are you...I mean…what?" Ennis sputtered. Bobby rolled his eyes. Those del Mars sure were eloquent.

"What she's saying, Ennis, is that she is wildly, passionately in love with Kurt and can't look at him without thinking about kissing his lips off."

Junior made a sound in the back of her throat. It was a cross between a growl and a scared gasp. Bobby looked at her with wide, innocent eyes. "Well, isn't that what you meant?" He glanced at Ennis. He couldn't help but antagonize the two of them. They were such easy targets.

Ennis took his eyes off the road briefly to glare first at Bobby and then at Junior. This conversation was making him very uncomfortable. He wanted to yell at her that she was too young and no _way_ did she know what love was. But she was only two years younger than he'd been when he'd met Jack, and she was about ten times more mature. So he snapped his mouth shut audibly and didn't speak for the rest of the ride.

He went straight to the barn, hearing Bobby and Junior's low, angry tones behind him as they bickered.

"What did you do that for?" Junior hissed.

"Not like you can keep it a secret." Bobby said with a shrug.

"Well you might have let _me_ say it!"

"Oh please. We don't have that kind of time."

"Well you could've broken it to him a little more gently! Kiss his lips off?" She couldn't help the snort that escaped her, but quickly went back to looking angry.

"Hey, it's like ripping a Band-Aid off. You gotta do it fast."

Junior rolled her eyes and pushed past Bobby to grab her backpack out of the backseat. "I just hope Kurt doesn't need a Band-Aid next time Ennis sees him." She muttered.

* * *

Dinner was slightly awkward. Ennis had taken a lot of anger out while tenderizing the meat, so he was calmer, but he kept glancing at Junior out of the corner of his eye.

"Uh, how was school?" He asked. Jack always asked that, and Ennis felt like it shouldn't go unasked just because Jack was gone.

"Fine." Both kids answered routinely.

"Okay. Good."

Well, that definitely didn't go the way it did when Jack was home. He prompted them, coaxed details out of them. Ennis felt stupid. He didn't know what questions to ask and he was a little preoccupied, thinking about Junior and Kurt.

The kids hustled off to their rooms and Ennis did the dishes, feeling lonely and sad. Things weren't the same without Jack there. He scrubbed an already-clean plate absently. Jack would call sometime tonight. It was going to be the highlight of Ennis's day. Well, besides early that morning, before Jack'd left.

He sighed and kept glancing at the phone. So far it was silent. Just as he turned to stare at it again, he caught Junior poking her head around the corner to look at it, too. She noticed him noticing her and blushed.

"I was just…" She didn't finish, just flushed deeper and scurried back to her room. Ennis chuckled a little. It _was_ kind of…adorable. And Kurt was a good guy. Better than Troy, at any rate. The phone rang then, making Ennis jump even though he'd been waiting all night for it. He picked it up quickly—it hadn't even rung a second time yet.

"Hello?" He didn't waste energy being embarrassed at how hopeful he sounded.

"Hey." He could hear the smile in Jack's voice and couldn't stop a sigh.

"Hey." He said back, a smile of his own spreading across his wide face. "You make it there okay?"

"Yep. Got here 'bout fifteen minutes ago." Jack sounded tired. It worried Ennis. All that driving couldn't be good for his back.

"You hurtin'?"

"Mm…a little. Nothing that'll kill me."

"Better not." Ennis sank into a chair, stretching his legs. He wondered if he could keep Jack on the line all night and listen to him breathe while he slept. Probably not—that'd be expensive.

"So how's everything there?" Jack asked. "Starshine drop her foal yet?"

"Not yet. Poor girl." Ennis shook his head, though Jack couldn't see.

"What're you gonna name it?"

"I don't know…why don't you think of something? I'm no good at that; not like you."

"Well, I can't name it without seeing it, Ennis." Jack sounded like he was rolling his eyes.

"Then I'll just wait 'till you get back, then. Doesn't really need a name when it's first born, anyway."

"Maybe she won't drop 'til I'm home anyway."

"Maybe…but she'd be pretty miserable."

"What's going on? You sound distracted."

"I saw Kurt kiss Junior today." Ennis said in a rush.

"Really? I thought something was going on with th—"

"What?! You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"Ennis." Jack started patiently. "One, I didn't _know_; I suspected. Two, things got crazy last night, remember? And three, I knew you'd lose it."

"I didn't lose it!" Ennis protested. "I was really good. I didn't even scream when I saw it happen!"

"You are now." Jack pointed out, holding the phone away a bit and wincing.

"Sorry." Ennis sighed. There was a quiet pause. "I hate not having you here with me."

Now Jack sighed. "I know. I hate it too. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Ennis said automatically. "We're kind of ridiculous, huh?" Ennis chuckled. "I mean, we can't handle being apart for a week."

"I don't think it's ridiculous." Jack said seriously. "I like it."

"Me too."

"Ennis?" Jack sounded scared.

"What?"

"I have a bad feeling." Jack felt stupid bringing it up, but he had an insistent nagging in the pit of his stomach that something was off.

"A bad feeling about what?" Ennis didn't even notice that he was practically whispering.

"I don't know." Jack was whispering, too. "Just…I'm scared something bad's gonna happen."

"To you?" Ennis's heart was beating much faster than usual, even given that he was on the phone with Jack.

"No." Jack said slowly. "I don't think so."

"Oh, good." Ennis breathed. If it wasn't Jack, how bad could it be?

"But still…" Jack trailed off. "Anyway. Never mind."

Neither spoke for a minute.

"Bobby's arm hurting him?" Jack broke the silence.

"Don't think so." Ennis was ashamed that he hadn't asked. But Bobby was seventeen; he knew where they kept painkillers and was responsible enough to take them on his own. He didn't need Ennis to baby him. "He hasn't said anything."

"Well, that's good."

They were silent again, listening to each other breathe for a minute, reassuring themselves that they were both safe. There wasn't much for them to say to each other, now that they'd covered the kids and the pregnant mare. They didn't often fill silences with words.

"Wish I could touch you right now." Jack said, low.

Ennis let out a long breath. "Me too." He whispered, knowing Jack would hear him. He always did.

"Well." Jack stopped after the word and let it dangle. He didn't want to hang up but there wasn't much to talk about. They weren't big on small talk.

"Yeah." Ennis knew what he meant. "You should prob'ly rest up. Get ready to be a salesman tomorrow or something."

Jack laughed. "I'm _always_ ready to be a salesmen, Ennis."

"Mm, that's true. You're always making me buy stuff."

"Excuse me?" Jack snorted. "I seem to remember _you_ convincing _me_ to buy that fancy bridle for Legend."

"No, that was your idea."

Jack rolled his eyes. "If you say so, del Mar."

Ennis sighed. He was doing that a lot lately. "Bye, bud."

"I'll call tomorrow." Jack promised. "Sweet dreams." He teased before he hung up.

He'd been joking, mostly, but Ennis hoped desperately it'd be true. He didn't want any nightmares—not tonight, not when Jack wasn't there to wake him up and save him.


	43. Winter: Chapter 19

The next day at lunch, Bobby scanned the cafeteria for Samantha. He led Kurt and Junior over to her.

"Hey, you mind if we sit?" Bobby asked with a big grin. She smiled back but looked warily at Kurt and Junior. Junior smiled shyly at her.

"Hi." She said. "I'm Junior."

"Hey, Samantha." Kurt grinned at her. They were in all the advanced classes together.  
They talked the whole lunch period this time. Bobby had plopped himself down right next to Samantha. Junior and Kurt thought they were being subtle, holding hands under the table, but Samantha burst their bubble by asking,

"Are you guys together?"

They looked at each other; neither wanted to freak the other one out by being too enthusiastic. "Yep." Kurt finally said firmly, giving Junior's hand a little squeeze. "We are." Junior's answering smile was so big Bobby worried her lips might rip.

"So, Samantha," Junior finally pulled her gaze away from Kurt to look across the table. "Are you filling out college applications?"

"Yeah, I applied to University of Wyoming and…" She hesitated.

"And?" Bobby prompted.

"Um…I applied to Harvard and some other Ivy Leagues. I mean, I won't get in," she added quickly. "I just wanted to see. I didn't even tell my parents."

Bobby's mouth was hanging open. "Wow." He said quietly. "I knew you were smart, but I didn't know you were _that_ smart."

"Oh, I'm not." Samantha murmured.

"Yeah, she is." Kurt broke in. "Yeah, you are. She's got, like, a hundred and twelve percent in calculus."

Samantha was blushing and muttered something under her breath indistinctly. Bobby caught the words "lucky" and "only a hundred and eight." He laughed right out loud.

"Sheesh!" He exclaimed. "Harvard'll snap you up for sure."

Junior changed the subject, seeing how uncomfortable all the attention was making Samantha. She could definitely sympathize with that emotion. "Hey, Bobby, you should probably pay attention in math today. She said there's going to be a quiz tomorrow and it'll be different for each class."

"Damn!" Bobby griped. "I hate when teachers do that."

The bell rang and he groaned. He had to go to math now and pay attention. He i_hated_/i paying attention. Samantha laughed at him and didn't rush to class the way she had yesterday. She fell into step with him and they were awkwardly quiet. They got the hallway and turned opposite ways.

"Well, see ya." Samantha said with a shrug.

"Bye, Sam." Bobby called. She gave him a funny look as she walked off and he wondered if she didn't want to be called by a boy's name or something. Maybe girls didn't appreciate that? But wasn't "Junior" technically a boy's name? Junior didn't care. Bobby shook his head. Girls were just plain confusing.

* * *

Ennis stayed outside doing chores much longer than he would've usually, finding menial little tasks that didn't necessarily need to be done but it wouldn't hurt to do. Last time Jack was gone, at least Junior'd been home for Christmas break. Now the kids were in school all day and he couldn't help it—he was lonely. The house had never seemed so big until he was the only one in it. He kept looking at the clock, counting down until he could go pick Bobby and Junior up.

Just when he was going to leave early, figuring sitting in the parking lot in his truck was better than sitting around doing nothing, the phone rang. _Please be Jack._ He willed. It wasn't Jack. It was Julie Ann.

"I wanted to know if today was a good day to get my beef."

"Oh, yeah." Ennis had sort of forgotten about it. He had her order ready, honest, but he'd forgotten to call her and tell her. He ran his fingers through his hair. He was falling to pieces.

"I can come pick it up between my shifts." She went on. "But it'll be like eight and—"

"That's okay," Ennis cut her off. "I can bring it over. I'll bring it over 'round four. Some of the kids'll be home, won't they?"

"Well, yeah, but that's okay, I can come get it."

"Julie Ann, you're busy working and you'll be tired between shifts. I got nothing to do, okay? It's fine."

She sighed. "Thanks, Ennis. Really, a lot. I'll tell the boys you're coming so they don't shoot you with their new squirt guns."

"Well, I 'preciate that." He chuckled, remembering all too well the last time he'd taken something to Julie Ann's while she wasn't there—the kids had set the dog on him and were getting the hose ready before they finally realized who it was.

He only had to wait a few minutes at the school for the kids. Kurt kissed Junior again, but this time on the mouth. It wasn't long or indecent, but Ennis still felt himself bristling. Did he have to do that where tons of people could see? Kurt walked over to the truck with Bobby and Junior, his arm around her waist.

"Hi, Ennis," he said nervously. He gave Junior a last squeeze but didn't kiss her again. Even Ennis couldn't ignore the look that passed between them. It made him look away in embarrassment because he didn't feel like he should've seen it. He didn't say anything about the kiss or the hug or the look on the way home. He didn't talk at all, really. He kept thinking of the way Kurt had walked over to the truck—it was ballsy, and Ennis felt begrudging respect. He always had liked Kurt.

"I'm gonna take Julie Ann's beef over to her house, alright? You guys get going on homework." It was a responsible parent thing to say, Ennis thought proudly.

Not twenty minutes after he was gone, both had abandoned their homework and were parked in front of the TV.

"This is boring." Bobby complained.

"Well, what else can we do?"

"Let's go into town." Bobby flipped the TV off and stood up. "Come on."

"How're we going to get there?" Junior didn't get up.

"I can drive! Seriously."

"Um, Bobby? Notice that green thing on your arm? That's not skin."

"Ha. And ha. Just because I broke my arm doesn't make me an invalid. Come on, I can't stand being stuck in this house for another second." Bobby was hunting around for his keys.

"How're you going to shift? You broke your _right_ arm." Junior got up but had her hands on her hips.

"I'll just reach my left arm over."

"Bobby." Junior somehow sounded warning and incredulous and amused all in one word. "I'll drive."

Bobby snorted. "Junior, I'd like to get to town sometime in this _century_."

Junior wasn't offended. She did not drive stick. "Bobby, you can't drive stick with a broken right arm. Let's just wait for Ennis to get home."

"I'm going." Bobby was being obnoxious and Junior wanted to punch him. She felt edgy for some reason. "You can either come or you can stay here and be bored."

Junior hesitated. Bobby didn't. He walked to the door. Buddy was jumping all over him, barking like crazy. Bobby stooped to scratch his ears.

"Sorry, bud, you can't come." He looked pointedly at Junior. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah." Junior resigned. "Guess I'd rather be out of the house when Ennis realizes you drove."

They were on the endless stretch of road that ran between the house and town. It was a thirty-six mile road. They were about fifteen miles down the road when they saw the stopped car.

"What's going on here?" Bobby murmured. He was doing a pretty good job of stretching his left arm over and shifting. It helped that that he didn't need to shift much on this road—not many cars drove here, so he could keep his speed pretty constant.

He pulled over to the side of the road.

"Oh, Bobby, no." Junior pled. "It's Jimmy Kent and his dad."

"Junior, it could be hours before another car comes by, and with our luck it'll be us, on our way home. We can just stop and see if they need help." Jack had always taught Bobby to stop for people on this road in particular. And plus, it was cold out here and it'd only be getting colder. He got out of the car and frowned at Junior.

"Stay here, will ya? At least for a second."

"Alright, whatever." Junior suddenly wished they'd brought Buddy, although she hated riding in the car with him. He got really excited and he'd jump all over you and climb around. But now her stomach was giving a really weird lurch and she wished other cars would drive by. She rubbed her arms to warm them up.

"Hey there." Bobby called. Jimmy was bent over, looking at the back left right tire. His dad was still in the car.

"Oh." Was all Jimmy said when he turned and saw Bobby.

"Having troubles?" Bobby was being downright polite to Jimmy Kent, arguably his worst enemy. His daddy'd be proud for sure.

"Well—"

"Boy!" Jimmy's dad called out the window. "Hurry the fuck up out there. Gotta get to Lane's before it closes."

Lane's was the only liquor store in town and it closed at five thirty. Bobby got the feeling maybe James Kent didn't need another trip to Lane's. Jimmy bit his lip.

"Yes, sir." He called back. He didn't meet Bobby's eyes. "We got a flat. I don't know how…"

"My damn son's like a damn girl. Can't even change a tire." James Kent gave a great big guffaw. Bobby was really uncomfortable. He was used to hating Jimmy, but it was hard when his daddy was cutting him down so much. He shrugged.

"'S alright. I know how. You'll have to help me, though, 'cause I can't do it one handed."

"How'd you break your arm, anyway? Fell outta bed?" Jimmy sneered. Bobby glowered.

"I don't have to help you." Bobby pointed out. "I could just leave you here on the side of the road with your drunk-ass daddy."

"You fairies kissing out there?" James Kent chortled.

Jimmy looked away again and muttered something that might've been an apology. They got the spare tire from the trunk.

James focused a bleary eye on Bobby. "Hey." He said stupidly. "You're that pansy-ass Twist, ain'tcha?"

"Daddy, we're gonna fix the tire." Jimmy covered quickly, embarrassed.

"That faggot ain't helping us. We don't take help from faggots like Jack Twist."

"Well, I ain't Jack Twist." Bobby said angrily. "I'm Bobby, so you want my help or not?"

"No, you's Jack Twist. I know it." He wrenched the door open and almost fell out of the car.

"You can ignore him." Jimmy muttered, ears red.

"You shut up, boy!" James roared. "I got some words to say to this pissant here."

"Look, daddy, if we don't hurry and change the tire you won't make it to Lane's in time."

That gave James pause. He didn't like the prospect of getting to Lane's after five thirty. He hadn't faced many nights in the last eight years sober, and he certainly didn't plan on starting now. But he was still stinking drunk from earlier that day, so he wasn't exactly thinking clearly.

"You got a tire iron or something?" Bobby asked Jimmy. Jimmy went over to the passenger side of the car to look. James got out of the car.

"Bobby!" Junior yelled from the car, just as James Kent said,

"Yeah, we got a tire iron for you."

He'd pulled it from the car and before anyone could do anything, he swung it and hit Bobby somewhere right around his rib cage. Bobby hit the ground immediately, and Kent got several more hits in before Jimmy finally ran back over to them. One of the hits included Bobby's head.

"Dad, stop!" He bellowed. Junior scrambled to get out of the car, her shaking fingers unable to work the door handle for several seconds. She kept screaming Bobby's name. Jimmy pulled the tire iron from his father's hands. James kicked at Bobby's limp body several times and punched his own son when he tried to intervene. Junior finally got the door open and scooped up a handful of snowy gravel, hurling it as hard as she could. Rocks hit James Kent in the face and showered over his car.

"Get away!" She screamed. "Get away, you bastard!" She didn't have the best aim, even under normal circumstances, so she wasn't doing much damage, but she pulled James Kent to his senses. He looked at Bobby, bleeding at his feet.

"Shit." He muttered, backing up. "Oh, shit. Get in the car, boy."

"Daddy—"

"Get in the fucking car!" James Kent dragged Jimmy to the car and got in. They sped off, spinning gravel over Bobby, the tire rim poking through the rubbed making an awful sound against the asphalt.

Junior dropped to her knees at Bobby's side. "Oh God," she moaned. His face was all bloody and already starting to purple. His mouth was open and some blood was dribbling out. She prayed that he'd just bitten his tongue or something. She didn't know what to do. Her brain took over. _Get him to the car_. It commanded. Problem: he was a hundred and sixty-odd pounds of dead weight. The terminology almost made her lose it. She shut that part of her brain off. Couldn't think of that now. Just get him to the car. She slipped an arm under his armpit and heaved, hoping those stories of mothers pulling cars off their children were true and that she could tap into some of that strength.

His head lolled onto her shoulder, getting blood on her shirt. She weaved a little—she wasn't great with blood—and forced herself to look away. Somehow, she pulled him to the car. His legs were dangling, dragging in the gravel, and it left scratches all over his legs. He kept moaning. "Sorry, I'm sorry, sorry," she kept murmuring. She was dangerously near tears but couldn't stop to let them fall. She heaved him up to the passenger side and ran around to the driver's door.

Her whole body was trembling. It was a good thing Bobby'd left the keys in the ignition, because she knew she never would've been able to steady herself enough to get the key in there. The truck rumbled to life. He cried out as the vibration jarred his broken bones. Junior pressed down on the gas.

And the truck died.

"Fuck!" She screamed. "No!" She got it started it again, only to have it die before she'd even gotten off the shoulder. Bobby coughed and more blood came up.

"God, help me!" Junior didn't know if she was praying or if she was using His name as a profanity—something her mother severely frowned upon. _You break a commandment every time you do that_, she used to say with a glare. "I don't know what to do!"

Junior banged her fist against the steering wheel, starting the car again. Just as she glanced up, she saw another car coming around the bend. She opened the door and threw herself out, screaming herself hoarse and waving her arms. The car slowed.

"Junior?" It was Troy.

"Help me!" She bellowed in his face.

"Wha—what's wrong?" He asked, eyes widening at the blood on her shirt and the wild look in her eyes.

"Bobby! James Kent—and a tire iron—help me! We have to get him to the hospital!"

Troy got out of the car, just then spotting, through the open driver's side door, Bobby lying across the seat, bruised and bloody. "Oh, shit." He raised a hand to his mouth.

"Help me!" It seemed to be the only thing Junior could say. Troy helped her get Bobby into his truck, his hands shaking almost as badly as hers. But he had the presence of mind to turn off Bobby's truck and bring the keys with them. Junior sat with Bobby's head cradled in her lap. His breaths sounded watery—bloody, she realized, horrified.

_Please don't let him die_, she chanted over and over in her head. She didn't realize she was saying it out loud until Troy said,

"He won't die." But his voice was shaking and his breath was coming in quick spasms. He pressed the gas pedal down harder. They were breaking a hundred now. They made it to the hospital in ten minutes when it should've taken almost twenty.

When they brought Bobby in, several nurses rushed to help them. A gurney magically appeared, and the professionals took over. Junior was shaking so hard she was afraid her body was going to break into a million pieces.

"Honey, look at me." A nurse grabbed her shoulder. "Who is this? Is this your boyfriend?"

"No." Junior answered, dazed. "He's my brother." And then she burst into tears.

* * *

Ennis had hung around with Julie Ann's boys for a little while, tossing a football around with one of them and just horsing around. They were good boys. The oldest one home was fifteen—his older brothers all had jobs to help support the family. Ennis hated to think of them home alone, though he knew they looked out for each other. When he pulled into the driveway at home, he noticed Bobby's truck was gone. He shook his head, severely pissed off. That boy. The phone was ringing when he got in the house. Some days were like that—the phone never stopped. Maybe it'd be Jack.

"H'lo?"

"Uh, Mr. del Mar?" It was a semi-familiar teenage boy's voice.

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's Troy. You've got to come to the hospital, quick." His voice was shaking.

Ennis's brain stopped working. "H-hospital?" He choked out.

"Yeah, but not the regular one. The Ten Mile Creek one."

"Um…" Ennis struggled to breathe. Just then, he heard the rustling of a phone changing hands. Before he heard a voice, he heard body-wracking sobs.

"Are you coming?" Junior asked. "Please, please hurry." Her voice scared the shit out of Ennis.

"I'm on my way." He said immediately.

Ennis rushed into the hospital, expecting a bustle of commotion around him, doctors in white coats running around, something. Instead, there was one bored nurse behind the admittance desk and a bunch of uncomfortable plastic chairs. He paused, panic making bile rise in his throat. Suddenly, Junior was hustling over to him, and before he could even ask what had happened, his arms were full of her. She was flat out bawling.

"Junior?" Ennis couldn't keep the wobble out of his voice.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault." She sobbed.

"Hey." Ennis pushed her back, shaking her a little. "You gotta tell me what's going on, right now." He sounded harsher than he meant to, because he was looking around and didn't see Bobby anywhere and Junior was sobbing and his brain was putting two and two together.

"We were driving into town and Bobby stopped to help because they were on the side of the road and they had a flat and then—" She gulped. "It was James Kent. With a tire iron."

All the blood drained from Ennis's face. _Tire iron_. The worst words that could be strung together. He should've comforted her some more, or maybe told her it wasn't her fault, but he kept hearing those words over and over and blood was pounding in his ears. He gave her a last squeeze and then stepped around her, pouncing on the half-asleep admittance nurse.

"Where's Bobby Twist?" He demanded. She didn't even look up.

"I'm sorry, that's confidential information at this time."

"Hey!" Ennis bellowed from between clenched teeth. "If you don't tell me where he is I'll check every goddamn room in this fucking hospital and I won't be quiet about it."

"Look, sir, that patient is on immediately family status only, so if you'll just—"

"I'm his goddamn fucking father!" Ennis growled at her, banging a fist on her counter for emphasis and scattering some fliers about a birthing class. "Tell me what room he's in!"

"One seventeen." She said meekly, eyes wide and scared. He didn't even thank her.

He barged through the door. "Bobby!" His legs went weak. There was his boy, hooked up to a bunch of beeping machines, his face swollen and bruised, his nose unmistakably broken. His eyes were closed and Ennis could hear his breath from clear over in the doorway. He was clearly agitated—his face was screwed up and he kept shifting. Ennis crossed over to the bed, feeling tears rising in his eyes.

"Bobby," he repeated, softer now, barely more than a whisper. Bobby's eyelids fluttered open. His eyes were glassy.

"Hurts." Bobby moaned.

"Oh, Bobby. I'm so sorry, bud, I'm sorry." He gently took Bobby's limp hand and kissed it. Bobby stopped rustling around in the bed and for one heart stopping moment Ennis thought he'd up and died. But no, the machine was still beeping steadily and he could still hear Bobby's wet-sounding breaths.

"Will you…" Bobby had to pause to breathe. "Stay?"

"Of course I will. I'll stay right here. Okay? I won't leave. I promise." Ennis could feel himself babbling and crying. Bobby smiled.

"Thanks." He murmured. "…Dad."

Junior didn't think she'd ever stop crying. Troy was great—he stayed right there and put his arm around her and everything. He wasn't doing so great, himself. He wasn't outright crying, but he definitely had tears in his eyes.

"I'm so glad you were driving past." Junior said, taking great heaving breaths and trying to staunch her tears.

"Me too."

"Where were you going?"

"I had a date." Troy laughed shakily. "I guess I should call her or something…" He twisted in his seat to look at Junior. "So, um, you and the tall kid are, like, together, right? Do you want me to call him?"

Junior couldn't help herself. She threw her arms around Troy.

"Um…" He said awkwardly. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Kurt was completely white when he got to the hospital. He hated hospitals. _Hated_ them, and he felt like it was for a pretty good reason, too. Junior was mostly under control by now, but she had mascara all over her face. When Kurt walked up, Troy hastily pulled his arm away from Junior. Neither Kurt nor Junior said anything—she just stood up and walked into his arms. He held her tight, burying his face in her hair. They stood like that for several minutes, leaving Troy feeling very awkward. They finally pulled apart and sat down.

"Um, Junior?" Troy ventured, startling the young couple. They'd sort of forgotten him, which Junior felt guilty about. Where would Bobby be if Troy hadn't come along?

"Sorry." She said quickly.

"It's just—I should get going. My mom's probably going to be freaking out. I left home like four hours ago."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks so much, Troy, seriously." Junior stood up again and hugged him tightly.

"Could you call me and tell me how Bobby's doing?" Troy asked.

"Of course."

She hugged him again and he nodded at Kurt before leaving. Junior sank back into her seat, rubbing at her eyes. They were gritty from crying and she could feel the mascara tracks on her cheeks. Kurt pulled her face close and wiped at them, but it wasn't working.

"Junior. What happened?"

She told him the whole story, managing not to cry. Kurt was struggling with it, himself. "We need to call the police." He said firmly. He pulled Junior to the pay phones on the wall. After hanging up, he just kind of looked at her.

"Is it real bad?" He whispered. Junior leaned against him, shutting her eyes for a second. She opened them and nodded slowly.

"I was so scared, Kurt." Her eyes filled up again and she wanted to scream. She hated crying. "I thought—I thought he was…dead."

"He's not." Kurt said, sounding strangled. "He's alive and he's going to be fine." He said it again, his bottom lip shaking a little.

* * *

Junior ignored the admittance nurse when she tried to tell her not to go into Bobby's room. She went in anyway, looking back at Kurt once. He shooed her in with his hand. She felt awful leaving him, knowing his problem with hospitals because of Roger.

She couldn't hold back her gasp when she Bobby. He looked a little better, since they'd cleaned the blood off his face, but something about seeing him lying in the hospital bed, oxygen tube in his nose and IVs in his arm, made him look worse.

Ennis turned when he heard her. He'd been crying and he didn't try to hide it. He looked better than she did, seeing as how he didn't have mascara to run when he cried. She stood in the doorway, scared and shaking again. He got up from his chair and wrapped her in his long arms, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm so glad you're okay." He whispered. "I don't know what I'd do if you both…" He broke off.

"It's all my fault." She whispered back. Neither could raise their voices above a whisper—they didn't want to disturb Bobby, and it took too much energy.

"It's not." He told her, still holding her tight. "It's not your fault at all."

"I should've made him wait for you to get home."

Ennis sort of chuckled—it didn't come out right, sounded all strangled, but it was a chuckle nonetheless. "Good luck ever making him do anything."

"But I should've stalled some more or—"

"He woulda just gone without you. And then what? He'd be on the side of the road, just…" Ennis couldn't finish the sentence. He'd seen it so many times in his head, with Jack, and he couldn't bear to voice it.

"I should've gotten out of the car sooner."

"Hey." Ennis finally pushed away from her, holding her at arm's length so he could look her in the eye. "You think James Kent woulda left you alone 'cause you're a girl? He wouldn't. And you'd be in the bed next to him."

Junior hung her head. "I'm so scared." She hadn't meant to say it, but she couldn't stop it from slipping out. He pulled her back in.

"Me too." He kissed her hair again. "Junior, I…" He paused, hesitated, licked his lips. Glancing at Bobby in that bed made the words easier. "I know I done wrong by you, all them years I didn't fight harder to see you. And I know it ain't been easy to live with me, these past few months. But I'm happy you're here and I'm—I love you, darlin."

She started crying again, holding onto him almost painfully tight. "I'm sorry I've been such a horrible person and I'm sorry I'm getting snot on your shirt." They both laughed for just a second. "But I, um, I love you too." She made herself say the last word, the word that was on the tip of her tongue. "Daddy."

* * *

Jack whistled as he dialed home. He'd signed a pretty big contract and couldn't wait to tell Ennis. But it rang about a million times. Jack frowned. Where were they? Finally, someone picked up. But it wasn't Ennis or Junior or Bobby.

"Jack?!"

"Hello?"

"It's Kurt."

"Uh, hi, Kurt." Jack didn't hide his confusion. Why exactly was Kurt answering the phone at their house?

"Look, I don't want to freak you out, but you've got to come home. Now."

He wasn't doing a very good job of not freaking Jack out, truth be told. His voice was scared and higher than usual.

"Kurt, what's going on?" Jack asked, forcibly calm.

"It's Bobby."

Jack's forced calm flew out the window. "What's Bobby?" He heard his own voice raise about three octaves and he'd already jumped off the bed and started putting his boots back on.

"There—there was an accident. He's in the hospital."

Next thing Kurt knew, he was talking to a dial tone.

* * *

Ennis didn't want to leave Bobby. He'd promised he'd stay. But he had something important to do. Junior stayed at Bobby's side, urging Ennis to make the phone call.

"Hello?"

"Uh…"

"Hello?" She sounded annoyed now.

"This is Ennis del Mar." He choked out.

"Who? Who is this?" Ennis didn't know if Lureen was playing dumb or if she was genuinely confused. "Oh. Ennis…del Mar. Oh."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Something I can help you with?" She wasn't impolite, but there was about a thirty foot wall present in her voice.

"I think you—you need to get down here." Well, that wasn't what he'd rehearsed in his head.

"Excuse me?"

"Bobby's real hurt."

There was a pause.

"What happened?" That was better. She sounded like a human now—ice melting, slightly panicked. "Is it his arm?"

"No…" Ennis forced out a weary chuckle. "Well, I'm sure that don't feel great. It's—well, I guess it's his whole body, really." When had he become a babbler? "He's real hurt—he's in the hospital—right now he's not even conscious."

"Oh my God." She gulped. "Okay. Alright, yes, I'll be there as soon as I can. Yes, okay. I'm coming." She hung up on him.

* * *

After talking to Jack on the phone, Kurt went back to the hospital. It was almost ten. Junior was back out in the waiting room, waiting for him. She was sagging, half dead in her chair.

"Junior, maybe I should get you home." Kurt suggested as he pulled her against his chest. She shook her head.

"Can't leave." She murmured.

"Junior, you're dead on your feet."

"I'm fine." She argued. Kurt sighed. He stood up, pulling her with him. She was so exhausted she could hardly stand without his help. At some point she'd gone to the bathroom and washed the make up off her face. The combination of no make up, fear, and fatigue made her look like a little girl.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm getting Ennis to back me up on this."

As they reached the doorway of Bobby's room, a doctor brushed past them into the room, muttering an "Excuse me" as he did so.

"You're Bobby's father?" The doctor asked.

"Um…" Ennis hesitated for half a second. "Yes."

"He's certainly been through the mill today." The doctor shook his head. "Did you talk to the sheriff? He was here earlier."

"Yeah." Ennis said. "Kent's gone. Him and the kid lit outta town, cleared out the bank account, everything."

"That's unfortunate." The doctor said, pursing his lips. "Well. Bobby has several broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung. We operated and got that taken care of. We had to re-set his arm, and his collarbone is broken now, too. He has a fracture in his hip, and it goes almost without saying that he has a concussion. Luckily we didn't find any cranial bleeding."

"Okay?" Ennis didn't really know what the doctor was telling him. Listing the damage wasn't calming Ennis down any, if that's what the doc was shooting for.

"He'll have to stay for a few days, so we can watch over him. I'm worried about that lung, and it's possible he'll limp for the rest of his life. We'll medicate him for the pain. But…he's going to be okay."

"He's going to be okay?" Ennis echoed dumbly.

"It won't be right away." The doctor warned, then smiled. "But yes."

"But…" Ennis wanted to jump up and down and scream, but he was still worried. "Why isn't he awake then?"

"He's, well, heavily drugged right now. If he weren't he'd be screaming in pain."

"But he's going to be okay." Ennis couldn't stop saying that. Junior put a hand over her heart, laughing right out loud as Kurt whooped. And _he_ did jump up and down.

"You said you didn't _find_ any cranial bleeding, but does that mean there might still be some?" Ennis, a natural born mood-killer, had to ask.

"Yes, it's possible. It's not very _probable_, mind you, but I'm not going to rule it out."

"So…?"

"Well, he's definitely not out of the woods yet, but let's just say…he can see a gap in the trees."


	44. Winter: Chapter 20

Jack's eyes were gritty. He was exhausted. It was one in the morning and he was running out of gas. He'd been running out of gas steadily over the drive (somehow that happened every time he drove) and had been thus far ignoring it. The only thought he had room for in his brain was _drivedrivedrivegettoBobbydrive_.

But he didn't have much of a choice now—there was no way he'd make it the rest of the way if he didn't get gas now. He figured it'd be better to stop for ten minutes than be stranded for hours. After he gassed up and bought the biggest cup of coffee he could find, he hesitated at the pay phone. Should he call home? Would anyone _be_ home? He kept walking. They wouldn't be home. Or they'd be asleep. He didn't want to wake them.

He didn't want to admit to himself that he was too scared of what he might hear.

He got to the hospital at two thirty. He had to walk through the urgent care entrance because it was the only door unlocked. He limped up to the admitting desk, the leg that he'd broken when he was thirteen aching horribly from the long drive.

"Hello," she said kindly. "Do you need a doctor?" She pitched her voice high and she had pity in her eyes. It took Jack a minute to realize that she thought he was deranged—he was limping, his eyes were half closed, and his hair was standing on end.

"Uh—" He had to clear his throat because it'd been so long since he'd last spoken. "Bobby Twist."

"Excuse me?"

"What room is Bobby Twist in? Please? Ma'am?" He was practically begging.

"That's confidential."

"I'm his father."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Do you have ID?"

He showed her his driver's license. She still looked dubious.

"I thought his father was already in there with him."

"What?" Jack had been looking around, as if Bobby might suddenly pop out of a room.

"If you're his father, who's that man in there?"

* * *

Ennis woke up suddenly. He didn't know, at first, what had woken him. And then he heard it—the most beautiful sound he could possibly hear at that moment. He heard Jack's voice. He staggered to his feet, back stiff from sleeping in a chair, and missed the door handle the first time he tried to open it.

"Jack!"

Jack turned immediately. "Ennis!"

They met each other halfway between the desk and Bobby's room, catching each other in a desperate embrace. Jack's eyes were dry, but his breath was coming out in heaves.

"Where's Bobby?" Jack managed to gasp. Ennis steered him toward the room, their arms still around each other. Walking was a little awkward. The nurse probably didn't think anything of it—she worked at a hospital and probably saw tons of embraces just like theirs. But just then, neither Jack nor Ennis cared one bit what the nurse thought.

Ennis paused just before they went in the door, holding Jack back for a second. He knew Jack was eager to go in and see Bobby, but Ennis was afraid of what Jack would see. Bobby looked pretty bad. But Jack kept going. Luckily, the room was dark, so the damage wasn't immediately noticeable.

Jack rushed to the chair by Bobby's head—the chair Ennis hadn't left in hours. But even as he did so, he pulled the chair next to it up close to the bed with him for Ennis. He grabbed Bobby's hand and reached for Ennis's with his other. Ennis squeezed Jack's hand tightly, readying himself for Jack's reaction.

"How bad is it?" Jack whispered. He could see the bruises on Bobby's face, the broken nose, all the tubes he was hooked up to…it looked bad. He'd been on the verge of tears for the last five hours, and several finally spilled down his cheeks.

"Um…concussion, broken collar bone, re-broke his arm, fractured hip, broken ribs, and a punctured lung."

"Oh, God." Jack moaned softly.

"But the doctor said he's going to be okay."

Jack turned to Ennis quickly. "Are you sure?"

"Sure."

Jack had to let go of Bobby's hand and Ennis's hand so he could use both his hands to grab Ennis's face and kiss him as hard as he possibly could.

"Now tell me what happened." Jack commanded. Their lips were still mostly pressed together, because, really, it took a lot to convince their lips _not_ to be pressed together.

"It was James Kent." Ennis spat the name, hands clenching into angry fists. "Had a flat tire and Bobby stopped to help. He stopped to help, Jack! Thought doing good was supposed to get you good. Not a fucking tire iron to your head."

Jack gasped a little at Ennis's phrasing, and Ennis apologetically squeezed his hand. Jack took a deep breath. "Where is he?"

"Skipped town." Ennis said bitterly. "Cops'll prob'ly never find him."

"He better hope the cops find him 'fore I do." Jack hissed from between his clenched teeth. Ennis nodded his agreement, rubbing circles on Jack's hand. After a few minutes of quiet, Jack's eyes were drooping. The adrenaline surge was fading fast and leaving him more exhausted than ever. As he was drifting off, Jack asked drowsily,

"Where's Junior?"

"Kurt took her home." Ennis's voice was slow and sleepy.

"They're alone at home?" Jack regretted asking it as soon as he said it. Ennis was going to freak. Instead, he just felt Ennis's shoulder—which Jack was using as a pillow—rise and fall in a shrug. "Well, they won't get into any trouble." Jack reassured them both. "Junior's smart, and Kurt's a good kid."

The last thing Jack heard before falling asleep was Ennis answer, "Yeah, he is."

* * *

Someone was snoring beside Bobby's bed. More than one someone, actually. And he would've cared who, he really would've, if he hadn't been a little blinded by pain. He felt like someone was taking a chisel to his skull and trying to break in. His arm was full of stabbing pain, his left hip was throbbing, and he felt like a horse was sitting on his chest. Plus, there was a tube in his nose and a needle in his forearm. He didn't even try to stop the whimper of pain that forced its way through his scabbed lips.

"Bobby?" It was his dad. He didn't remember his dad being there. Wait, he remembered…his dad _had_ been there. Ennis had been there. But this was Jack's voice. Having two fathers and a concussion was confusing the hell out of Bobby. He wrenched his eyes open and saw both fathers staring down at him wearing matching expressions of relief mingled with panic.

"Bobby!" That was Ennis this time, tear tracks on his face. Bobby had never seen Ennis cry. What had he been crying about? Oh, right. Bobby was in the hospital.

"I need…" Bobby was amazed at how fast he ran out of air. Talking was hard work. He struggled to breathe for a minute. It'd help if that stupid horse would get off of him. "…Drugs." He finally gasped out.

He hadn't even finished his sentence before Jack was picking up the remote, trying to figure out which button got the nurse in there. He was afraid to try pushing any of them, in case one folded the bed in half like he'd seen on TV. That would undoubtedly hurt Bobby. He decided to forget the stupid remote and ran to the door instead.

"Hey!" He called out to the nurses. "My son's awake and he's in pain and someone better get him some goddamn drugs!"

A nurse appeared seconds later, frowning at him. "There's a buzzer." She snipped.

"Well how're we supposed to know how to use it?" Ennis demanded.

"It's labeled."

"Well the words're all—"

Bobby broke into the argument with another whimper. Their arguing was making his headache worse. Jack's head snapped around to look at him and then back to the nurse.

"Look, lady, just give him something for the pain, would ya?" He didn't sound rude, exactly; he sounded harried and worried and lots of other –ied things. The nurse frowned at Jack and Ennis again, but her face softened when she turned to Bobby.

"Hurting pretty bad?" She asked sympathetically. Bobby nodded, figuring it was smarter than talking, but the movement sent another spasm of pain through his head and now his collarbone.

"Scale of one to ten, how bad?"

Bobby considered. "Eight." He wheezed.

"Okay." She grabbed one of those vials and a needle and injected something into his IV. Sweet relief flooded him. He felt his eyelids drooping and fought to stay awake.

"He'll be in and out for the rest of the day." She explained. "His body's using all its energy to heal itself. I'm Lisa, and anytime you need me you just hit that green button."

"Thanks." Jack said, giving her a big grin—dimples and all. "And sorry 'bout being a pain in the ass. I'd say I won't be from now on, but it'd be a lie."

Lisa smiled back at him and giggled. "That's alright. You'll be the cutest pain in my ass all day."

Ennis felt his eyes narrowing as Jack laughed that stupid fake laugh he always handed out to people who flattered and flirted with him. Catching the look on Ennis's face, Jack cut the laughter short. Lisa happened to glance down, just then, and noticed that they were holding hands. Her eyes went wide, and she looked from the wary expression on Jack's face to the i_oh shit_/i one on Ennis's. But even as scared as they were of her reaction, they didn't let go of each other.

"Oh." She said. She walked out of the room quickly, without another word. Jack let out a long breath and turned to Ennis.

"You didn't let go." He marveled. Ennis shrugged, blushing a little at the look on Jack's face.

"Didn't much feel like it." He mumbled. They both felt the inevitable pull and didn't fight the kiss that followed. It wasn't as frantic as the kiss the night before—it was slow and happy and thankful and comforting.

"What time is it?" Jack asked through a yawn. Neither of them ever wore a watch. There was a big clock on the wall behind them. It was five in the morning.

"Shit." Ennis muttered. "You should go back to sleep."

"Mm…" Jack was already on his way, but Ennis couldn't join him. He sat there for a long time, listening to Bobby's wheezing breaths and Jack's snores. He wasn't really thinking about anything; he was just listening. It was comforting. Well, Jack's snores were comforting, in that they were familiar. Hearing air whistle through Bobby's lungs made him flinch, but he liked that each whistle meant Bobby was still breathing. His mama had taught him early on to count his blessings.

The door opened just then and Junior poked her head in tentatively. She squeezed her body through without hardly opening the door. She didn't notice that Ennis was awake. She stayed by the door for a minute, taking in the scene in the room—Jack and Ennis clustered protectively around Bobby's bed, leaning into each other and toward Bobby.

Ennis made a show of waking up, not wanting to scare her or anything. They looked at each other without speaking, and Ennis saw uncertainty in her eyes. Even with their talk last night, she wasn't sure where she fit with them. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He simply stretched out his hand.

She hesitated for only a second before crossing the room quickly. He stood up and hugged her, relishing the way she hugged him back, the fact that he was her daddy, the fact that she loved him. He pulled a chair up to the bed for her.

"Kurt go home?" Ennis whispered.

"Yeah, he had to go to school."

"Oh, shit—school. We gotta excuse you. And tell 'em about Bobby." But Ennis made no move to get up. Jack was still slumped against him, snoring raspily. They sat listening to the _beep_ of Bobby's heart monitor for several minutes.

"Um…" She broke the silence and stopped as Jack snorted and jerked awake, eyes opening wide.

"Bobby?" His voice was frantic and he looked around wildly before Ennis's warm hand on his shoulder brought him back to himself. "Oh." He laughed shakily, passing a hand over his eyes. His breath was still jerky from the nightmare. He saw Junior then and stood up, wrapping her up much like Ennis had done minutes earlier.

"Junior." He sighed. "You're alright?" She nodded against his chest and pulled back. He studied her face and the bags under her eyes. "You didn't sleep so well." He didn't even make it a question. Junior avoided his eyes and shrugged. Ennis bit his lip fretfully.

"Nightmares?" He asked. Junior shrugged again.

"More like memories." She said.

Ennis's jaw clenched tight. He wanted to find James Kent and rip him limb from limb. He'd hurt Ennis's entire family with one swing of the tire iron, and that was something Ennis would never, ever forgive him for.

* * *

It was about nine in the morning when they heard it. "It" was the _clack clack clack_ of high heels on the hospital linoleum. And then "it" was a slightly hysterical but in charge voice demanding,

"What room is Bobby Twist in?"

They didn't hear the nurse ask why she needed to know this (the poor nurse was probably very tired of repeating herself for the family members who kept popping up unannounced for Bobby), but they certainly heard the icy reply.

"Because I'm his _mother_."

Jack winced a little and pulled himself out of his chair to get Lureen. He hadn't seen her in a long time, and he was beyond surprised at her new blonde locks. He didn't know human hair could reach such heights. Though, admittedly, it was obviously a bit flat from the combination of driving and riding on an airplane and stress.

"Lureen?" He sounded worn down. She whirled around.

"Where is he? Let me see him!"

"Calm down." But she already had—she sucked in a breath and composed herself, letting her eyes freeze over so he couldn't see the worry in them. He stepped aside so she could get in the room. She couldn't completely hold back the gasp that slipped out when she saw Bobby lying there, all hooked up to tubes and machines, beaten and bruised, covered in white plaster…

"How did this happen?" She asked stiffly.

"A man named James Kent did it." Jack said quietly, unable to tamp down the anger in his voice or keep his lip from curling when he said the hated name.

"But _how_? What happened?"

Jack sighed. "Jimmy Kent is Bobby's age. He and his daddy were stopped on the side of the road with a flat and Bobby stopped to help. Kent…um, thought he was me. And he's got a bit of a bone to pick with me and Ennis, 'cause of—well, 'cause of us being…" He trailed off.

"I see."

It was amazing how much disdain and disgust she could fit into those two words. Jack flinched and opened his mouth to say something—he didn't know what—but he stopped because Bobby was stirring. Lureen didn't rush to Bobby's side and grab his hand or anything. She stood semi-awkwardly at the foot of his bed and watched him blink a few times. He didn't see her at first. In fact, since everyone was in the empty space at the foot of his bed, he didn't see anyone.

"Dad?" He croaked out, not entirely sure which _dad_ he was calling for and not caring which answered him. They both rushed up to him.

"Do you need the nurse?" Jack asked, at the same time Ennis asked,

"Need more medicine?"

"I just…" Breath. "Wanted to…" Breath. "See you." He caught sight of Junior then, hovering around behind Jack and Ennis and looking worried and scared and uncomfortable and really, really tired. "Hey." He said to her. "Okay?" He hoped she got what he meant. He couldn't seem to push out any more words.

"Oh, Bobby, _I'm_ fine." Her voice cracked a little. "You're the one who isn't."

He gave a little wriggle that was meant to be a shrug. "You watched."

Now it was her turn to shrug. "Yeah."

"Should've listened. Waited. Sorry."

Junior's chin was trembling in a way Bobby was used to seeing but had forgotten about the last month or so. She'd fought tears all the time when she first came to live with them, but lately she'd been happier. He felt bad that he was the reason she was crying again.

"Don't apologize, please. Just…" She laughed shakily. "Just get better, okay?"

"Deal."

He happened to turn his head a little bit just then, and saw his mother standing there looking at her pumps. "Hi?" He sounded confused as hell. He was.

Lureen looked up when she realized Bobby was talking to her and everyone in the room was staring at her. "Well, hey there." She said bravely.

"What…?"

"Well, your…" She gestured toward Ennis, unsure what to call him and completely unwilling to call him Bobby's father or daddy or anything. "He called me and told me you were real hurt. I mean, Lord, boy, every time I see you you're breaking something new."

Ennis's lips tightened, even though he could tell Lureen was teasing. This was in no way Bobby's fault and Lureen was making it sound like Bobby was stupid or accident prone. But he reluctantly pushed that thought aside when Bobby wheezed out a laugh.

"Just love hospitals." He managed to choke out.

"Yeah, well, I don't," Lureen told him, suddenly serious. "Could we stay away from 'em for a while?"

"You bet."

Jack couldn't help a little flare of resentment. Lureen came waltzing in here and got to act all worried and responsible? And what was with the i_we_/i in that sentence? Lureen and Bobby had never been a i_we_/i. Jack felt like she was taking his boy away from him. He shook his head at himself. Hadn't he always wanted them to get along? For Bobby's sake, if for no other reason?

Bobby couldn't stay awake much longer. But his breathing seemed stronger. Jack couldn't decide if that was wishful thinking or not. The four of them sat in awkward silence once he fell asleep, Jack and Ennis and Junior clustered together and Lureen alienated, on the complete other side of Bobby's bed.

"Gotta call the school." Ennis mumbled tiredly. He felt like he'd been awake for days.

"Oh, yeah." Jack rubbed his eyes. "I'll do it."

"Uh, we both have to, bud."

"Huh?"

"I can't excuse Bobby and you can't excuse Junior."

Jack sighed, aggravated. "What bullshit. C'mon, let's go."

Junior watched them heave out of their chairs with slightly panicked eyes. Were they honestly going to leave her there with Lureen? She'd never met this woman before. She'd never _seen_ this woman before. Was she going to have to talk to her? She'd be nice—this was Bobby's mother, after all—but she hated talking to people she didn't know.

Ennis's lips twitched when he caught her look. "We'll be right back." He murmured. She made a face at him. He of all people should feel her pain. Jack flat out grinned at her and had to stop himself from sticking out his tongue.

"Might get some food though." He'd said it jokingly, but then his stomach growled audibly. Ennis raised an eyebrow at him.

"Might be a good idea. You hungry?" He asked Junior.

"Not really."

"Uh…" Ennis's eyes darted quickly to Lureen and then away.

"Need anything, Lureen?" Jack saved him.

"Well…" She hesitated.

"Coffee?" Jack guessed. "Cream and sugar?"

"Love some, thanks. But, uh, black."

"Oh." She always used to drink it with cream and sugar. He nodded at her. "Coming right up."

Lureen and Junior both watched the door swing shut behind the men. They sat in silence. Very awkward silence. Junior wished desperately for Jack and Ennis to hurry. But who knew what they were doing. They'd probably found a closet somewhere and were…

Okay, that train of thought needed to end.

Lureen cleared her throat. "So." She said quietly.

Junior looked at her but didn't say anything. What was she supposed to say to that, anyway? That was apparently all Lureen had to say. They went back to awkward silence.

"So." Lureen said again. But she'd thought it through better this time. "You and Bobby are pretty close, huh?"

"Um…yeah. I guess." Junior shrugged.

"Does—" Lureen stopped, looking embarrassed, before pushing on. "Does he ever talk about me?"

Junior remembered asking Bobby the same question, about Ennis. She felt a pang of sympathy for Lureen. "Sometimes." She said, which wasn't really a lie. "A lot more since he got home from visiting you." She added.

Lureen nodded, silent. "What's his favorite color?"

"Green. That's why he chose it for his cast."

"Right." She opened her mouth, ready to ask more about Bobby, but Jack and Ennis came back then, chuckling at each other, each holding a cup of coffee in both hands with several sandwiches wedged under their arms. Mm, armpit sandwiches.

"Hey." Jack said with a grin. "You girls getting along?" Neither of them answered him. It seemed like a secret conversation, and Junior was good at keeping secrets.


	45. Interlude: Beach Day

Bobby yelped and ran away from the waves. When the surf retreated, he darted back out into the wet sand, feeling sand crabs swarm over his feet, hopping around like a crazy person. Jack and Ennis watched from about ten feet away, both certain they could get to him soon enough if a wave tried to snatch their six-year-old away.

They'd been planning this trip for months—years, really, but they hadn't told Bobby until they knew they had the money. They'd debated over going to the Pacific or Atlantic oceans; they'd made hotel reservations and if they'd had more money Ennis would've insisted they get two rooms, though they would only use one; they'd packed towels and blankets and clothes and snacks and sunscreen and the tools to build the perfect sandcastle. Bobby had asked every morning whether it was time to leave for the beach yet, and when it was finally the day, he'd been in the car almost two full hours before they were ready to leave.

Now they were finally here, after seemingly endless stretches of driving, Bobby whining about being hungry, Bobby whining about needing to go to the bathroom, Bobby whining about not being at the beach yet…

Tensions had run a little high on the drive.

But now they were at the beach, with sun and sand and the fresh sea air all around them, and it was hard to be anything but giddy, especially watching how flat-out ecstatic Bobby was. Ennis called him over to reapply sunscreen, because though Bobby tanned well he also burned first and Ennis said gruffly (as he applied the sunscreen gently and tickled Bobby a bit for good measure) he wouldn't stand for Bobby whining about painful burns all night.

"Daddy, we should move here!" Bobby exclaimed. "It's so cool!"

"But Bobby, what about your horses and your dogs? Won't you miss 'em?"

"They can come too. They'd like the beach!" He ran to pick up another crab shell—he'd already gathered about a million, but his attention span, so short when he had to read or sit still or add numbers, had suddenly grown.

"Come on, let's build a sandcastle!" He took one of Jack's hands and one of Ennis's and tugged them over to where they'd spread their towels and left their cooler. Bobby kicked up an awful lot of sand. Jack kept snapping pictures—pictures of Bobby, his excited grin taking up his whole face; pictures of Ennis, sunshine kissing his golden hair and setting it ablaze, a wide smile on his own face that made Jack catch his breath and snap a few more; pictures of Bobby and Ennis together, grinning at each other and heaping sand into a bucket. Ennis playfully stole the camera and got some pictures of Jack, those dimples flashing, blue eyes bluer with the ocean behind them.

The trouble started when Jack said he wanted a picture of the three of them. At first, Ennis tried to dissuade him with scorn. "How you gonna do that? Be in two places at once?"

"No," Jack tried not to rise to the bait and ruin their perfect day. "We'll just ask someone to take it for us."

Ennis couldn't even say anything, just gaped at Jack. "No!" He growled. "They'll think—"

"They'll think we're having a good time at the beach and wanted a picture." Jack felt his teeth start to grind together in annoyance. Why did Ennis always have to ruin everything?

"They'll…but if we…" Ennis sputtered incoherently. Jack shook his head.

"Fine." He said quietly. "Forget it."

Ennis wasn't as happy to get his way as he'd thought he would be. Jack didn't have as much for the rest of the day, so Ennis didn't either. Bobby, six years old and blissfully unaware of any tension, kept right on rolling around in the sand and building that sandcastle. Jack wasn't moping, exactly—he let Bobby bury him up to his neck in the sand and smiled for the camera—but he was disappointed. He'd just wanted a damn picture.

The sun was dipping below the water and Ennis, half dozing in the sand, listened as Bobby asked Jack where the sun went at night. Jack told him the sun's daddy tucked him into bed, same as Bobby.

"Who's the sun's daddy?"

"Uh…" That one stumped Jack.

"The moon." Ennis supplied drowsily. "And the stars are guard dogs."

Bobby giggled wildly and Ennis didn't fight the chuckle that escaped him. Most of the other families had gone home. Pretty much the only people left were the romantic type, couples watching the sun go down hand in hand.

Ennis sat up, brushing sand out of his hair and trying to decide how best to break the news to Bobby that they needed to start thinking about going back to the hotel. He knew Bobby would probably cry about it, and he hated when Bobby cried. He always gave in. They'd probably end up sleeping out here in the damn sand.

Jack was still clicking away with the camera, getting picture after picture of the breathtaking sunset. Their sunsets at home weren't exactly boring, but watching the sun shoot purple and pink and orange out over the water was something to see. Ennis felt happier and more relaxed than he could ever remember. It was like, for this one day, the heavy weight he always felt on his shoulders—worries about the stock, about the grassfires going around, about Bobby, about Jack, about the house—was gone. He was even wearing swim trunks and not feeling self-conscious. Well, he was a little self-conscious. He wasn't really the type of man who wore swim trunks. But Jack had sure appreciated them.

An old woman and an old man were walking hand and hand down the shoreline. They were carrying their shoes and looked completely happy to be together. It made Ennis smile, though he wasn't usually one to smile at things like that. Suddenly, he stood up. Jack and Bobby both squinted up at him, framed in the falling light with a peach glow around him. He jogged over to the old couple. They watched as his self-consciousness came flooding back, making him duck his head and shuffle his feet. Somehow, the woman heard the words in his mumbles and understood what he was asking. She followed Ennis back over to the towel, where Bobby smiled curiously at her and Jack couldn't seem to close his mouth. Ennis had just spoken to a complete stranger—and led her back over to them. It was like a horse had just sprouted another head.

"She's gonna take our picture." Ennis muttered, flushing red at the incredulity on Jack's face. He took the camera from Jack's limp hand and handed it to the lady.

"Smile!" She commanded. The three complied, Ennis looking shy, Jack looking dazzled, and Bobby looking joyful the way only a six-year-old at the beach can.

"That was great." The woman told them with a big smile, handing the camera back to Jack and walking back over to her husband.

"Yeah." Jack responded quietly, just for Ennis. "It was."


	46. Winter: Chapter 21

**A/N**: Thanks SO much to all the great reviews you guys leave! I'm sorry you had to wait so long. This chapter was...difficult. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I was driving myself nuts picking at it. After this, there'll be one more chapter and an epilogue, and then we'll be at the end. I really want to thank everyone who's been along for the ride. It means so much to me.

* * *

At around one o'clock, Bobby demanded that Jack, Ennis, Junior, and Lureen leave, at least for an hour, to get some sleep of their own. They were determined to stay; he was determined that they get some rest. Eventually he won. Jack, Ennis, and Junior got up. Lureen got a very deer-in-headlights look, and the awkwardness in the room rose a little.

"Um…" Ennis chewed a thumbnail.

"Do you, uh, want to stay with us?" Jack asked, purely to be polite.

Lureen gave him a tight smile. "No thanks."

"Are you sure?" Jack asked at the same time Ennis fought hard to keep relief off his face. Lureen half-laughed, shaking her head incredulously.

"I'm sure. Just give him directions to the best hotel in town."

Jack gave her directions to the _only_ hotel in town. It would be clean, but he knew it wouldn't fit her ritzy standards. He thought sadly of the girl who'd leapt on him in the crowded backseat. Where'd she go? She was a lot more fun than this tight-faced stranger.

Before they left, Jack unabashedly kissed Bobby's forehead. Bobby rolled his eyes a little, because he felt like that was his role to play, but he didn't mind. It made him feel safe. Ennis bent down and gave him a slight squeeze. Bobby watched them file out, this misfit group of people—the men who had raised him, his newly acquired sister, and his mom, who was turning out to be kind of cool. As little as two weeks ago, Bobby would never have imagined them all in the same room together. Maybe all it took was a little near-death experience. No big deal.

* * *

Buddy barked frantically as they got out of the car, running circles around them and jumping up and down. He was wet from rummaging around in the last stubborn piles of snow. Ennis, usually a staunch opponent of treating animals "like they're damn people," scooped the little dog up under one arm and brought him inside.

The house had that slightly abandoned feel that houses can get when they're left in a hurry. There was a half-eaten sandwich on the table in the midst of Bobby's math homework. Junior's history notes were open, next to a highlighter whose cap had fallen on the floor and rolled under the table. A lone sock sat in the middle of the living room, which Buddy immediately set upon. Jack had to wrestle it from him.

Junior disappeared to her bedroom almost immediately, her eyes struggling to stay open so she wouldn't trip over anything. She was so exhausted. Jack and Ennis watched her go, with Buddy wagging along behind her, finding themselves suddenly alone together. Jack reached out and took Ennis's hand and led the way up the stairs to their bedroom.

They didn't set upon each other right away, as they might have once done. They toed off boots and slid belts from the loops and then collapsed on the bed, Ennis on top of Jack's arm, one of Jack's legs crossed over Ennis's. They lied still for a moment, just breathing, before Ennis rolled over to rest on an elbow and stare down at Jack.

They didn't talk for a beat. They were almost shy, which was absurd. Ennis opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was a rush of air. And then Jack rolled away from him, out from under the cage of his arms. And Ennis didn't stop him. He went back onto his back, and they listened to each other breathe, confused.

"What…" Ennis started but didn't know what else to say.

"I don't know." Jack answered his unasked question. "It's just…" He hesitated. "It feels like Bobby got hurt because of us." He said it in a small voice, like he didn't want to be the one addressing the elephant between them on the bed.

They were both quiet again. It was unusual for them to be so silent with each other. They always had so much to say to each other that now, when they'd run out of things, they didn't know what to do.

"It's not our fault." Ennis finally said, though he didn't sound very convinced.

"Yeah." Jack responded, sounding just as unsure. "I mean…" He trailed off.

"Yeah."

They were quiet again. Ennis felt shaky. Jack was always the sure one. Jack always reassured him when he doubted. And now Jack was the one questioning everything and Ennis didn't know how to make him feel better. He offered the only thing he could.

"If it matters, I…I love you." He whispered around a hot lump in his throat. He blinked away tears, ashamed and hating himself. He was so weak. Jack smoothed a hand over Ennis's hair (a little awkwardly, given their position, but it was nice nonetheless) and cuddled closer.

"It matters." He whispered back. "It means the world."

* * *

On the way back to the hospital, everyone was quiet. Their short naps hadn't done much to ease their fatigue. Ennis looked over at Junior, who was staring out the window with her chin on her hand.

"You alright?" He asked quietly. She jumped a little; it'd been so quiet in the cab of the truck that he'd startled her. Jack cracked a smile at that.

"I'm fine." She answered.

"Sure?" Jack looked more closely at her, at the way her mouth was pulling tight and her eyes had deep circles under them. She just shrugged this time.

"It's not your fault." Ennis said, shrewdly realizing what the problem was. Junior smiled with no humor.

* * *

"Not yours either." She murmured back.

Kurt felt so strange, being at school while Bobby was basically fighting for his life. Sure, the doctor said he'd be okay, but Kurt kind of distrusted doctors. They weren't always right. And sometimes they just weren't there fast enough.

"Did you hear about Twist?" He heard someone behind him whisper to someone else. He felt himself go still. Slowly, he swiveled as little as possible to see who was talking. It was Michael Adams, a boy on the football team, talking to Sarah Hanson.

"What now?" Sarah, sounding exasperated. "Can't people just stop talking about him?"

"I heard Jimmy Kent and his daddy beat him with a tire iron and he might die."

Silence. And then Sarah said, "But that can't be true…" in a weak little voice.

"Lindsay said her mom was there last night when they brought him in. Junior was covered in his blood, crying and screaming…" Michael went on, using words like _fractures_/i and _concussion_ and _internal bleeding_ while Sarah's eyes filled with tears. Kurt felt like he was going to throw up. He knew all this, of course, and had first-hand knowledge that no one else, not even Lindsay (whoever that was) did. But hearing the whispers, which went on all day, was different. And it made him burn with a slow anger. People who'd been taunting Bobby for months were suddenly worried about his well being, suddenly couldn't bear the thought of him hurt.

Kurt sat down at some random lunch table, alone. He was in a daze all day, and didn't even notice that most of the whispers now centered around him. Louisa came and found him at one point—she usually ate in the choir room with the other choir nerds, but she'd ventured out to sit by him. They didn't talk and they didn't eat, but they sat quietly together.

When the bell rang, Kurt got up mechanically. Louisa grabbed his arm.

"I want to go with you later." She told him. "I want to see Bobby."

"No." He thought of the bruises, the bright blood on Junior's shirt, and the blinding white plaster of Bobby's casts.

"Kurt, I'm going with you." She said stubbornly.

"You want more nightmares?" He asked harshly. "You're not coming."

He walked away before she could argue more, already feeling guilty. She'd left her group of friends to sit with him and she hadn't tried to make him talk, and he repaid her by yelling at her. But she couldn't come. She just couldn't.

At home, Kurt made sure everyone got started on homework before trying to make his escape. Louisa was waiting for him at the front door, arms crossed angrily. He made a face at her.

"I said you're not coming." He tried to say it gently, but he was impatient to get to the hospital. He had a silly feeling that bad things would happen if he wasn't there to make sure they didn't. It was stupid, but he couldn't shake it. And besides, he wanted to be there with Junior. As hard as this was on Kurt, it was worse for her.

"And I said I am."

"Louisa!"

"Kurt!"

"What's going on?"

They both started. It was their mother's voice—not quite her old, chipper voice, but not quite the new one, the scary, raspy one that sometimes made Gretty cry. It was somewhere in between.

"Um, nothing." Kurt said quickly. "It's okay." He was bursting to tell his mother to make Louisa back down, but he'd long learned it wouldn't work. And he didn't want to upset her, not since last time.

"Kurt won't let me go with him to the hospital." Louisa blurted. Kurt glared.

"Why are you going to the hospital?" She almost sounded curious.

"Well…Bobby got hurt."

"Bobby?" Mary Ellen's brow furrowed. "Your friend Bobby?"

"Yeah. He, uh, had an accident."

The scary look passed over her face and Kurt wished he'd kept his big mouth shut. But then…miraculously…it passed. The ghost of it was still haunting her eyes, but it was mostly gone. "And you're going to go see him?"

"Yeah, and he thinks I can't go with him." Louisa wanted to sound indignant, but she was too wary. It was unusual for Mary Ellen to be out of bed at this time of the afternoon and even more unusual for her to try to intervene in an argument.

"Well, he's Louisa's friend, too." Mary Ellen said sensibly, while her two oldest remaining children marveled. She was being sensible! What was going on?

"Um…" Louisa shot Kurt a look. They were suddenly on the same side, both trying hard not to let their hopes rise. "But if I go, it'll just be you and the kids."

"I know." Mary Ellen sounded a little frightened. "But you should go. It's okay."

Louisa was torn. She wanted to go. And she wanted to believe that her mother was having some sort of miraculous breakthrough. But she didn't want to leave and have her mother's energy wane in twenty minutes, leaving the kids by themselves. Snappy was there, but…well, he was a dog.

Louisa and Kurt exchanged a look. Kurt shrugged helplessly. Louisa bit her lip, then sighed. She walked over the Max and G. "Guys." She said quietly. "Kurt and I need to go…somewhere." She didn't want to tell them where. If she said they were going to the hospital, it'd only scare them, and if she told them Bobby was hurt, they'd insist on coming. "Mom—well, she says she can handle being here with you. But I need you guys to be good, okay? And make sure the other kids are good, too."

Max nodded solemnly while G looked over at Mary Ellen. "She's going to stay out here?" He asked.

"I don't know, bud. If she does, just help her out, okay? And if she doesn't…well, take care of the other kids, okay? Dad'll be home soon."

They drove the hospital in silence, both worried about leaving the little kids essentially alone. Max was thirteen; he was still just a little boy. She hadn't really thought about that part in her haste to go with Kurt. But at least Roy would be home in an hour and a half.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Kurt turned to his sister. "Look," he told her. "Bobby looks pretty bad. But don't freak out, alright? He's going to be fine."

"Going to be fine." Louisa echoed. "Meaning he's not fine now."

"Of course he's not fine now." Kurt looked at her like she was crazy. "Louisa, James Kent beat him with a tire iron."

Louisa trembled a little, but she was a strong girl. She'd spent almost thirteen years of her life being the only sister. She could play in the dirt and wrestle around and she didn't cry easily. She certainly wasn't going to start now. She gave Kurt a brave nod and they got out of the car.

They had a little trouble with the admitting nurse—"No," she told them, "He's on a family-only basis right now"—but Jack came out and let them in, saying they were family. They nurse didn't look very convinced, but she'd already learned that arguing with Jack just gave you a headache.

Bobby was awake, and even sitting up, propped up on pillows. He grinned big when he saw Kurt and Louisa. "Hey!" He shouted. It wasn't much of a shout—not for Bobby, anyway—but it was the best he could do.

"Hey," Kurt grinned back at him, moving forward to whack Bobby gently on the shoulder. It wasn't a whack, really; it was a brush, but Bobby knew what he meant by it.

"Hi, Bobby." Louisa sounded slightly pinched, because she was trying to sound cheerful and she wasn't really a good actress. Bobby chuckled a little at her and spread his good arm out.

"See?" He asked. "I'm fine, ma'am." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes, smiling now. Junior got up, giving Louisa a hug before settling shyly at Kurt's side. Kurt slipped an arm around her and kept talking to Bobby.

"You know, _every_one's talking about you at school." It was easier to be light hearted about it with Bobby right in front of his eyes.

"Oh boy, what else is new?" Bobby joked.

Jack frowned. "What're they saying?"

"Just that Jimmy Kent's daddy almost killed Bobby."

Ennis made a noise between a growl and a snort. He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Bastard."

Lureen spoke up for the first time. Kurt had been eyeing her curiously from the corner of his eye. Louisa hadn't even noticed her. "But what are they _saying_? How do they feel about it?"

"Oh, you know, everyone's real upset. They were all making fun of you yesterday, but today it's just tragic." Louisa said bitterly.

Bobby shrugged as best he could. "I don't care."

There was a knock on the door just then. Lureen was closest, so she opened it. The sheriff was standing there. He looked apologetic when he realized how many people were gathered around Bobby.

"Uh." He started. "I, uh, need to talk to you, Jack. Ennis."

Ennis tensed noticeably as he stood up and walked behind Jack out the door. The atmosphere in the room after they left was anxious, to say the least. The only reason the sheriff would want to talk to Jack and Ennis was if he had news about James Kent. They weren't gone long.

"Well," Jack sighed. "They picked up James Kent in Colorado. He's in jail right now until the trial."

"Oh." Bobby said quietly, mulling this over. "And how…how good are the chances of him staying there?"

"Being found guilty? Pretty good, I'd say. He's got a record for domestic violence, after all. And you and Junior will testify."

Junior swallowed loudly. Kurt squeezed her tighter. "Testify?"

Ennis looked at her carefully. "You were a witness," he reminded her. "If you don't, he might get out of jail."

"But you don't have to." Bobby spoke up. "Not if you don't want to."

Now everyone was staring at Junior. She bit her lip. Of _course_ she wanted that evil shithead in jail. But she didn't know if she could relive the whole thing. Watching it once had been bad enough.

"Maybe you don't need to decide now." Kurt said gently.

"Of course not." Jack nodded, though he looked a little troubled.

"You're going to?" Junior asked Bobby.

He hesitated. "Yeah. If it puts him away—then yeah."

Junior locked eyes with Bobby. He told her silently that it was her choice and he wouldn't hate her if she didn't. But she looked at her feet and said, "I'll do it."

"You don't have to decide now!" Bobby said.

"Well, I just did. If you can do it, I can do it."

They shared another significant look. It was so strange, the way they could talk without speaking aloud. Junior had never experienced that before. She could understand her mother sometimes—could understand when Alma was too tired for Junior to bother her about getting new shoes or when she was mad—but it wasn't the same thing.

"What about Jimmy?" Bobby asked then.

"What?" Jack's eyes flitted to Ennis, and Junior saw them having their own silent conversation. Lureen narrowed her eyes at Jack. She wanted to know what was going on.

"Does Jimmy have to go to jail too? Because…well, I don't think he should."

"Bobby…" Ennis ran a hand through his hair. "James was alone when they picked him up."

The room was completely silent as everyone processed this bit of information.

"But…but where was Jimmy, then?" Louisa asked in a small voice.

Jack licked his lips. "We don't know. The police looked around, but…" He trailed off, glancing at Ennis again. There was more to the story, and it had to be bad if he didn't want to tell them.

"But what?" Bobby demanded. "Tell me, Daddy."

Jack sighed. "They asked Kent. He told 'em…" Jack had to stop to take a deep breath, like he was going to be sick. Ennis laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"He said," Ennis picked up, voice simmering with anger, "that he left Jimmy at a truck stop along the way. He didn't know where and he didn't—he didn't care."

"Oh…" Louisa breathed softly, her eyes filling with tears. She had a very heightened maternal instinct for a girl her age, and she imagined one of her little brothers or Gretty left behind at a gas station, alone and afraid…

"Half a mind to drive to that jail in Colorado and beat the shit out of him myself." Ennis muttered.

"More 'an half." Jack muttered back. Ennis grunted in agreement.

Bobby felt like he was going to cry. He'd never liked Jimmy Kent—had sworn more than once that he hated him, to be honest. But he would never wish that on anyone. He looked at Jack and Ennis, holding hands discreetly, and fervently thanked God or whoever it was up there that he'd been given to them.


	47. Winter: Chapter 22

AN: Hey guys--this is going to be the last chapter, and then I've got an epilogue coming. I don't know if I've mentioned that before, but this story is wrapping up. I really want to thank you all for reading. :) It means a lot.

* * *

Kurt and Louisa went home and found the house still standing and all the kids still alive. Roy was getting everyone ready for bed. Mary Ellen was nowhere to be found—probably back in bed.

"How's Bobby?" Roy asked distractedly, trying to convince an unwilling Gretl to put her pajamas on.

"Bobby!" Gretl echoed. Roy used the interruption to stuff her arm into the sleeve of her pink nightgown. "Where's Bobby?" Gretl asked impatiently.

"Bobby's…" Kurt trailed off. He didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to tell her Bobby was in the hospital. Would she even know what that meant?

"Bobby's in bed." Louisa broke in. "'Cause it's time to go to sleep, Gretty."

After more grumbling and some tears, the younger kids were finally in bed, tucked in, and quiet. Brushing their teeth in the bathroom, Max gave Kurt a serious look—it was out of place for him, since Max was always the happiest, the quickest to laugh.

"Is Bobby hurt really bad?" Max asked.

Kurt wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, stalling for a minute. Max was thirteen. Was that too young to get the full story? But he was mature for his age, and smart.

"Yes." Kurt finally said, deciding to be as truthful as possible without scaring Max. "But the doctor said he's going to be okay."

"Did someone's dad do it?" Max's voice was small, but the question echoed in the bathroom. Kurt frowned.

"Yeah…" He said slowly. "Where did you hear that? At school?"

Max shook his head. "When Dad got home me and G went to the arcade for a little while and I heard some of the older kids saying it."

"Well, it's true. It was Jimmy Kent's dad. You know, that kid we got in a fight with on Halloween?"

Max nodded. "Is he in jail?"

"Yep. Hopefully he'll stay there."

Max still looked upset about something. Kurt waited a minute to see if he was going to talk. When he didn't, Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What's up?"

"It's just…how come bad things keep happening around us? Aren't we good people?"

Kurt bit his lip hard, trying to keep his voice steady. His siblings were too young for all this. They shouldn't have to deal with any of it, and it pissed him off.

"We are." He told Max. "The problem is that not everyone else is."

* * *

The flowers, cards, candy, and balloons started pouring in the next day. He got a card from the only bank in town. He got a huge teddy bear (he'd asked, confused, "What the hell?" when he'd woken up and seen it) from one of their neighbors. And as soon as school let out, he had visitors lining up outside to see him. Within an hour, almost all his casts had at least ten signatures. The only off-limits one was the one that spanned his hip and his pelvis—one girl had looked hopefully at it, but Lureen had practically growled at her, so she'd settled for his arm like all her friends.

Lureen and Bobby suddenly found themselves alone around five thirty. Jack and Ennis had gone out scavenging for food and Junior and Kurt had rushed to his house to quickly check on the other kids. Apparently all the kids from school who were going to visit had done so.

"Well!" Lureen broke their semi-awkward silence. "You're certainly popular."

"Today, anyway." Bobby responded with a shrug. Lureen frowned.

"What do you mean? Jack said you've always been pretty popular."

"Well, I used to be, yeah. But then the whole thing with Daddy and Ennis came out in the open and everyone thought I was queer too and no one wanted to hang around me." He said it all rather nonchalantly, considering how miserable the whole affair had made him.

Lureen's nostrils flared, a telltale sign of anger or annoyance. That had been one of the first things Bobby had learned about her. "And all it takes is near-death for everyone to love you again." She said sarcastically. Bobby chuckled a little.

"Apparently almost dying has a few advantages." He indicated all the phone numbers girls had written on various parts of his body. "Almost feels like I'm a rock star or something."

"But you just said these kids didn't want to hang around with you when they found out about your daddy!"

"Yeah, well. It's just high school. I know who my real friends are."

Lureen looked at him for a long time, then shook her head. "You sure ain't a little boy anymore." She said softly, almost sadly. "I missed all that growing up you did."

"I still got some to do. You can…you can see that." Bobby offered. Lureen smiled a real smile that actually touched her eyes—eyes that weren't rimmed with her usual thick make up.

"I plan to."

They were quiet for a minute before Bobby burst out, "Can you believe where Janie wanted to sign?!" He laughed wildly. "When I get out of these casts I'm going to have to give that girl a call. Bet she'd be a real fun time."

Lureen rolled her eyes. "Now don't you go getting into trouble, Bobby Twist, you hear me?"

"Aw, come on." Bobby gave his mother a look. "I know you were pretty wild when you were younger."

Lureen sniffed theatrically. "A lady never tells."

"Well, Daddy never mentioned no lady."

Lureen snorted—not helping her argument that she was a lady—and they dissolved into laughter. It wasn't as completely comfortable as joking around with his dad or Ennis, but it was nice. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come on in," Bobby called, curious as to who it was. It obviously wasn't someone he was real close to—no one in his family or his close circle of friends (meaning, really, Kurt's family) would knock; they'd just barge right in. The door opened and Samantha peeped in.

"Hey, Bobby," she said quietly, shuffling her feet a little.

"Well, come on in!" Bobby grinned. "Have a seat."

"Um, hi," Samantha offered to Lureen. "I'm Samantha."

"Lureen."

"Oh, sorry. Sam, this is my…mom, Lureen." He stumbled only a little over the word. "And this is my friend, Sam."

Lureen was looking at Samantha with a lot of interest—Bobby hadn't introduced any of the other giggling girls who'd come to visit as friends. Samantha shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, blushing but not looking away. Lureen made a "hmm" sound and finally looked away.

"So, I, uh, brought your English homework for you." Samantha reached into her bag and pulled out a few sheets of paper. "Three page paper. There's a bunch of different topics you can choose from."

Bobby groaned loudly. "Ugh, why?!"

"You don't want to fall behind!" Samantha scolded.

"You sound like my daddy."

"Well, your daddy must be smarter than I thought." Lureen broke in. Bobby narrowed his eyes warningly. Jabs at his daddy, even joking ones, weren't quite okay.

"And I brought…um…" Samantha shot a quick look at Lureen before pressing on. "I brought an application. To University of Wyoming."

Lureen looked happy, but Bobby certainly wasn't. "I told ya, I'm not cut out for college."

"Yes, you are." The door had opened in the middle of his sentence and Jack, without even announcing his arrival, butted in. Bobby's frown deepened.

"Well, hello there." Jack said, noticing that he didn't know Samantha. "I'm Jack, Bobby's daddy, and this is Ennis." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder and Ennis nodded awkwardly. "Bobby's other daddy." Jack added with a cheeky grin, just to get a rise out of Ennis. He didn't figure this girl could be too dangerous, and it wasn't like the whole town didn't already know anyway.

"Shit, Jack." Ennis muttered as Samantha's ears went bright red. Jack hadn't counted on Lureen's reaction—she didn't say anything, but her lips went into a tight line. He regretted it instantly.

"Sorry." He murmured to no one specific, feeling like a jackass and hanging his head. He felt Ennis's hand brush against his back; he, at least, forgave Jack.

"Anyway." Samantha, of all people, broke the suddenly tense silence. "If you hurry, you could still make the late application deadline. And if you miss that deadline, you can apply for the winter term or the spring one."

"I don't want to go to college." Bobby said stubbornly.

"Why don't you just fill out the application and see?" Samantha wheedled. "Applying isn't really a commitment." She whipped out a pen. "See, it's easy. Name—Bobby Twist."

"Robert Twist." Lureen corrected. "College applications should be formal, shouldn't they?"

"Robert Twist." Samantha conceded. "Birth date?"

"I'm too weak for this right now." Bobby announced, dramatically throwing his good arm over his eyes. "Oh, the room is so bright. Must…sleep."

Ennis threw a sandwich he'd been holding onto Bobby's lap. Gently, though. "I'm sure you're not too weak to eat."

"Never am." Bobby, suddenly revived, struggled with the plastic wrap for a minute before Lureen took pity on him and helped him.

Junior and Kurt came back not too long after, with the whole brood in tow. Kurt had had a very serious talk with them in the parking lot about _no_ screaming and _no_ jumping on Bobby and _no_ fighting.

"Bobby!" Gretl cried as soon as she saw him.

"Gretty, Kurt said no yelling!" Friedrich scolded her, yelling himself.

"You're yelling!" She squealed back. Kurt rubbed at his temples but Bobby laughed.

"Well, lookee who's here!" He said with a big grin. He patted the empty space beside him on the bed. "Who's going to hop up next to me?"

"Me!" Gretl scrambled up beside him with Ennis hovering protectively beside her, ready to pick her up and move her if Bobby so much as winced.

"Me too!" Friedrich called, following right behind her. Rolfe stood at the edge of the bed, feeling too old to get on the bed but not wanting to be left out.

"What happened?" Rolfe asked, gingerly pointing to Bobby's face.

"I just got hurt." Bobby said nonchalantly.

"But _how_?"

"Fighting alligators." Bobby told him, completely serious. Gretl's mouth dropped open in awe and Friedrich said, "Wow!"

"He's just kidding." G rolled his eyes.

"Sorry guys, but there are waaay too many people in here." Lisa had poked her head in the door and saw everyone gathered around Bobby. "Some of you are going to have to leave."

"How many?" Jack asked.

"Uh…'bout four."

"But we'll be quiet." Gretl promised with a sweet smile that always worked on her daddy. Lisa laughed.

"Sure you will."

"That's alright." Samantha stood up. "I gotta head home, anyway."

"Oh, you don't have to." Junior said. "Sorry, we didn't know there was a limit."

"No, really, it's fine." Samantha smiled. "My mom's expecting me pretty soon. I'll see you later, Bobby. Hope you feel better soon."

"And I'm going to take off," Lureen said. "I need to call my mama and see how Daddy's doing. That alright, Bobby?"

"Yeah, 'course. Um, I hope he's doing great." It wasn't completely a lie. He wanted L.D. to feel better for Lureen's sake. Lureen chuckled dryly.

"I'll pass on the message."

After the door shut behind her, Jack gave Ennis a look. "Why don't we go for a walk or something, bud? Give the kids some time to talk to Bobby." All the older kids tried to ignore the wink he slipped in there.

"That, uh…yup." Ennis stuttered, his lips threatening to curl into a smile.

They walked out, bumping shoulders, shutting the door quietly on the squabbling kids. Jack knew there was a garden or something somewhere—didn't all hospitals have those? They wandered around the parking lot for a while, not talking, until they finally found it. It wasn't much of a garden, really—a bench and one measly, bare tree. But it looked out over the creek, and when spring came there would be birds. It was better than being stuck in a hospital bed; that was for sure.

They plopped down on the bench and Ennis felt weariness flow into him as soon as he sat down. A sigh escaped before he could help it.

"Tired?" Jack murmured, exhausted himself.

"Mm." Ennis rumbled, head nodding a little. Jack reached up to thread his fingers through the curls at the nape of Ennis's neck, cuddling close into him.

"We could take a nap." Jack suggested.

Ennis shot a quick look around before licking his lips and kissing Jack slowly. "A nap wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Didn't think so." Jack smiled against Ennis's lips. They kissed languidly for a while, smiling and chuckling for no real reason. Ennis's eyes darted around every so often to make sure no one was coming, but they were blissfully alone.

"So…" Jack finally decided he had something to say. "We're good?"

"You're very good at that." Ennis laughed at his own joke. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Well, look at you, cracking jokes and being funny. I must be rubbing off on you."

"Sure wish you would."

They both laughed, snickering and nudging each other like little middle school boys telling dirty jokes.

"Well, I think we are." Ennis said quietly, suddenly serious. "It's not our fault."

"It's really not. And I love you. So I think we're fine."

Ennis ducked his head and smiled. "'Kay."

"Now. Where were we?"

* * *

Jack and Ennis didn't get back for a while. Bobby didn't want to think about what they were doing, because—gross. He doubted they had driven all the way home, so were they just out in the car or something? He made a mental note to examine his seat before sitting in it anytime he rode in either of their trucks. Or maybe he didn't want to.

Lisa came in and did all her nurse stuff, taking his temperature and whatever else she was examining. Bobby knew she'd explained it to him at least twice, but he'd been drugged up and his attention waned even under the best circumstances.

"Bobby? Where did your…parents go? Deputy Taylor's here; wants to talk to them."

"Oh. Uh, I don't know. He can come in here and talk to me, though."

When he came in, Deputy Taylor looked uneasy about talking to Bobby. "I don't know, son…" He trailed off, glancing at Gretl, Friedrich, and Rolfe, who had given in and climbed up on the bed, too.

"Why don't we get everyone home?" Kurt suggested. "It's about dinner time, anyway."

"Bobby, are you coming with us?" Gretl asked.

"Nah, I have to stay here."

"Then I want to stay too!" Friedrich shouted.

"No yelling." Gretl reminded him.

"Guys, we can…we can get ice cream after dinner if you come now." Kurt wasn't above bribery—never had been. They went pretty willingly after that. Junior looked from Kurt to Bobby.

"I'm going to stay…" She said quietly.

"Yeah, of course you are." Kurt answered, giving her a half-smile that told her she was worrying over nothing. He gave her a squeeze and a kiss, prompting G and Max to make gagging noises. Friedrich and Rolfe joined in because their older brothers were doing it. Gretl screamed with laughter.

"You _kissed_ her!" She giggled. Kurt, who normally didn't get flustered, was red at all the attention his siblings were giving a harmless little old kiss.

"Yeah, gross." Louisa teased, laughing. Junior, ears red, laughed too. It was nice to have something to laugh at.

"Alright, alright, let's go." Kurt muttered. Very suddenly, all the noise and laughter and chatter died away, and it was just Bobby, Junior, and Deputy Taylor.

"So, uh, what's going on?" Bobby asked, trying not to sound nervous when really his insides were jumping all around.

"Well…" Taylor frowned and glanced out the door, as if hoping Jack and Ennis would show up. No luck. "We found Jimmy Kent."

Junior and Bobby looked at each other. His voice didn't make it sound like this was a good thing.

"Okay." Bobby said slowly. "And?"

"He was in pretty bad shape. He, uh…" Taylor bit his lip. "He'd had a run-in with some guys."

"They hurt him?" Bobby asked, concerned.

"In a lot of ways." He didn't elaborate, but he looked sick, and Junior felt her legs go weak. Bobby took some deep breaths.

"But is he alright?"

"He hasn't said much. He does what the guards tell him to, but—"

"Whoa, the guards?" Bobby interrupted. "What guards?"

"The prison—"

"No!" Bobby broke in again. "No, he shouldn't be in prison. Why the hell is he in jail?"

"He was an accomplice." Deputy Taylor sounded confused.

"Like hell he was!" Bobby was losing it. "He was a victim as much as I was! He tried to get his daddy to stop and his daddy just hit him, too! Shit! Get him outta there!"

"What's going on?" Jack and Ennis burst through the door, agitated. "What's wrong, Bobby?"

"Daddy, they stuck Jimmy Kent in jail!"

"What the hell didja do that for?" Ennis growled. "Kid ain't hardly eighteen and didn't do nothing wrong."

"But in your statement—"

"I didn't say shit about Jimmy!" Bobby hollered.

"I did." Junior said suddenly. "But that's not what I meant. I said he was there and he drove off with his daddy, but I didn't say anything about him helping."

"But by driving off with his father—"

"He didn't have a choice! James Kent shoved him in the car and knocked him around. Goddamn!"

"Bobby, calm down, son." Jack said, though his own voice was shaking and he couldn't stop pacing. "Is there something we gotta do to get him out of jail? We gotta pay bail or something?"

Deputy Taylor stared at Jack for a long moment. "His bail's set at three thousand dollars."

"Shit." Ennis muttered. "Well…I mean, we'll pay it. But don't we get any say in who goes to jail over all this?"

"You can drop the charges…"

"We drop 'em." Bobby said immediately. "Well, off Jimmy. Not for his daddy."

Deputy Taylor ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. We need to head down to the station and get all this figured out." He bit his lip and motioned for Jack and Ennis to follow him. In the hall, he told them what he hadn't told Junior and Bobby.

"He ran into some guys at that truck stop his daddy dumped him at. They didn't just knock him around. They did a lot of other stuff to him, too." He gave them a meaningful look.

"Oh, shit." All the blood drained from Jack's face and Ennis covered his face with a hand.

"Are you saying…I mean, what'd they do to him, exactly?" Ennis asked around his hand.

"We think…he won't tell us, and he won't let the doctors near him, but we're pretty sure they raped him."

"Goddamn fucking shit!" Several nurses paused and looked up, scandalized.

"We have him in solitary right now, for his own protection. But I'd say the sooner we get him out of there, the better."

"You stuck the kid in a cell after that?" Jack demanded. "What the hell? Why couldn't you send him to a juvenile place or something?"

"We don't have a juvenile facility for almost sixty miles. We're hoping the trial date'll get pushed up in a hurry, and sending him so far away—I mean, it's three counties over—involves a lot of paperwork and takes longer."

"So you took the easy way out?" Ennis's voice was burning. "You didn't care about what happened to the kid, so long as you didn't have to do your paperwork?"

Deputy Taylor held out his hands, palm out. "Look, this wasn't me, okay? I hurried on over as soon as I found out we had him. But arguing ain't helping him. We need to get to the station."

* * *

Jack had never been in the police station before. Ennis had, once, when he found somebody's wallet outside and took it in to them. It was a dreary place. There weren't a lot of inmates—most got shipped out to the state prison—but they had a fair number of drunks and guys whose wives got sick of getting knocked around and called them in.

Deputy Taylor led them down the line—Missy Jameson, the town prostitute, let out a wolf whistle when they passed and Jack felt his lip curl at the way she was eyeing Ennis's ass—to a dimly lit cell in the bank. Jimmy Kent was lying on the filthy cot. His face was almost as bruised as Bobby's and he was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Jimmy?" Deputy Taylor called softly. Jimmy jumped about a foot in the air and stood up quickly.

"What?" He growled defensively. As tough as he was trying to be, it didn't banish the dirty streaks on his face where tears had fallen or the way he looked all of twelve years old in the over-sized jumpsuit he had to wear.

"You're going to get out of here, okay? I'm going to let you out right now."

"Where am I going to go?" He dropped the tough guy act, sounding like a little boy on the verge of tears. Jack wanted to hunt down James Kent and every single one of those men who'd hurt him and strangle them with his bare hands. Ennis's hands were balled so tightly into fists that he could feel his fingernails digging holes into his palms. The kid was like a dog Ennis's neighbor had had when he was a kid—he'd been beaten as a puppy and he'd grown up mean, but when it came down to it, he just wanted someone to cuddle him and give him some food.

"You can come with us." Jack said quietly. Jimmy jumped; he hadn't really noticed Jack and Ennis before. His eyes widened when he realized who they were.

"No." He shook his head. "I swear I didn't hurt Bobby, okay? Don't do anything to me." He retreated to the furthest corner of the cell, his wide eyes standing out in the gloom. They could hear his ragged breaths.

"We know you didn't." Jack said gently. "Bobby told us. You tried to help him, so now we want to help you."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Ennis added. Jimmy curled further into the corner, trying to disappear.

"I didn't do anything." He repeated, voice shaking.

"Do you want us to take you to your house? You can stay there, but you'd be alone."

"No! Not by myself." He started to cry, and he turned his face to the wall so they wouldn't see. Ennis ran a hand through his hair, and Jack had tears shining in his eyes. His jaw was clenched so tight he thought his teeth might break.

"You want the police to drive you over to our house?" Ennis suggested. "We can get Junior to be there."

"Junior was nice to me." Jimmy whispered. "Is Bobby going to be there?"

"No. Bobby's still in the hospital."

"I tried to stop him, but nothing stops him!" Jimmy was pleading with them now. "I swear, I tried. I'm really sorry."

"We know, Jimmy. It's okay. No one blames you."

He took a step away from the corner cautiously. His eyes darted between the three men in front of him. He was bare foot and his feet were filthy. Deputy Taylor explained every move he was going to make before he did it—it seemed to help. They walked back down the line, Jimmy between Jack and Ennis and mostly shielded from the other inmates. Ennis was glowering at anyone who looked like they might say anything and Jack was fighting the impulse to put his arm around Jimmy's shoulder. That probably wouldn't go over well.

"We have to go to the hospital first, okay, Jimmy?" Ennis was using the same voice he used on his horses. It was working a little; or at least, they couldn't hear every breath Jimmy took anymore. "Just to get Junior. Deputy Taylor here's going to drive us, and then we'll go home and you can get some dinner and a shower. You want that?"

He shrunk away at the mention of a shower. "Shower?"

"If you want. You don't have to." Jack reassured him.

Jimmy waited in the car with Deputy Taylor while Jack and Ennis went in to get Junior. They needed to explain things to her first.

"Did you get Jimmy out?" Bobby demanded as soon as they walked in. Neither of them spoke—they needed a minute. "Daddy? Ennis?" Bobby sounded scared now. "What's wrong?"

"Jimmy's going to come home with us." Jack said quietly. "He…well, he's not doing good. The guys who beat him up—well." Jack took a deep breath, and Ennis left to the bathroom that was attached to Bobby's room. They could hear him retching.

"God." From the look on Junior's face, Jack could tell she understood. "Oh, no."

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby…" Junior trailed off. Before they could figure out what to say, the light clicked on in Bobby's head, and he let out a stream of curses, fast and loud.

"He's real scared. He seemed to want you there, Junior, 'cause he said you were nice to him. So we need you to come right now."

Ennis came back, wiping his hand across his mouth. "Do you think it's safe?" He asked Jack quietly. He wanted to help Jimmy, he did, but he wasn't going to put his daughter in danger to do it.

"It'll be fine, Daddy." Junior said, distracted. The word popped out of her mouth on its own accord; she didn't even give it a second thought.

"God, can't I come home too?" Bobby was near tears now. He didn't want to stay here. Jack went over to the bed and sat on the edge. He pulled Bobby into as tight a hug as he dared. He couldn't imagine the kind of man who would drop his own son at a truck stop in the middle of the night, not caring what happened to him. Bobby gave Jack a tight squeeze back.

"We'll come back right away." Jack promised. "Soon as we get up in the morning."

"Okay." Bobby's voice was muffled by Jack's shoulder.

Jack stood up, swiping at his eyes a little, and Ennis went over and hugged Bobby too. Bobby couldn't think of many times that Ennis had hugged him, not that he could remember, anyway. He did so gingerly, afraid of hurting Bobby but for once not embarrassed about his feelings. Even Junior hurried forward and gave Bobby a quick hug.

Jack and Ennis walked with Junior in between them, both with an arm around her shoulders so that the three of them were connected. They walked out of the hospital together, wishing Bobby were with them and ready for their nightmare to be over.


	48. Epilogue

AN: This is the epilogue, the end--I'm going to miss writing this **SO** much, but I'm happy with the finished product. **THANK YOU** to all you wonderful readers out there! I love you guys burningly. :)

* * *

Junior turned down the gravel road, smiling at the familiar crunching sound under her tires. That was the sound that meant she was home. She parked haphazardly in her haste to get out of the car. Buddy jumped up on her and then rolled onto his back for a tummy rub. She sighed and obliged, because she never could quite say no to him. She finally got past the dog and bounded up the front steps.

"Hello?!" Junior called out when she opened the door. No answer. She growled and went to her bedroom to dump her bag on her bed. She needed to do her laundry but she knew she was going to put if off until she didn't have any clean underwear left. Her room was the same, except there were some boxes shoved in there for storage now. It made her a little sad. "Hellllooooo?" She yelled again. Still no answer.

She went out to the barn, where she'd known along they would be anyway. She heard them before she saw them.

"Well, did you look in the drawer under the phone?"

"Course I looked in the drawer by the phone, and they weren't there."

Jack had his back to her, hands on his hips. He was most likely looking for his keys, or maybe his baling gloves. He had a pitchfork propped on the wall next to him and Ennis was in the stall with the wheelbarrow.

"Did you look in your office?" Junior asked from behind him. He started and she heard Ennis curse so she knew it had scared him a little, too.

"Junior!" Jack cried, whirling around and grabbing her for a hug. Ennis hurried out of the stall, wiping his hands on his jeans. As soon as Jack let her up for air, Ennis took his turn.

"We didn't expect you 'til tomorrow!" Ennis was smiling down at her, a full-on wide smile that usually only Jack could coax out of him. But then he suddenly frowned. "You didn't skip class, did you?"

She laughed a little. "Nah, my teacher got sick and cancelled. So I got to come home early."

"Well, shit, if we'd known you were coming we'da made you some dinner."

"Oh, it's no big deal. I can eat sandwiches…it ain't gonna kill me."

"Good thing," Ennis joked. "'Cause you'd sure be dead by now."

Jack pointed, grinning at Ennis. "Hear that? He cracks a joke just 'bout everyday now." He waved his arms around like those TV evangelists he was always watching just to poke fun at. "It'sssss a miracle!"

Ennis threw a piece of hay at Jack. "Ah, you shut up."

"Where's Bobby?" Junior asked.

"Him and the hands had to go fix the damn fence again. We're gonna have to do something about those fences…they're just not strong enough for the wind out here." Jack pursed his lips.

"And how many years we been saying that, Jack? We either gotta do something about it or—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know: quit bitching." Jack rolled his eyes. Junior couldn't help but laugh. It was all so…_familiar_. The way they teased each other and bickered and complained made that hollow home-sick feeling she'd been nursing since she'd left finally fade away.

"He get home yesterday?" Junior cut in before they could keep picking at each other. (As familiar as it was, it did get a little old.)

"Yeah, yesterday afternoon. He's gonna be pretty steamed when he gets in and finds out you're here already. He had some big idea to decorate the house, was gonna make some banners or something." Ennis rolled his eyes, but with one of those don't-we-love-that-kid smiles.

Just then, they were interrupted by thundering hooves and whoops. "I beat you again!" Bobby crowed.

"You're such a cheater." Jimmy growled back. They both had pink cheeks from the wind and were out of breath from their race. "You kept blocking me out."

"That ain't cheating, Jimmy—it's called strategy. Quit being a sore loser."

"I ain't being a sore loser, you little bitch!"

"Junior!" Bobby dropped the argument, noticing her there. "You weren't supposed to be home 'til tomorrow!"

"I got to come home early." She said with a big grin. Bobby reined Firefly in and scrambled down, rushing over to Junior. He only had a slight hitch in his step these days. In the two years since his accident, he'd been working tirelessly to get his legs back to full strength. Most people couldn't tell it was a limp; they just thought he walked funny.

He didn't hug her, just sort of hovered over her and whacked at her shoulder, grinning that famous Twist smile. When he'd gotten out of the hospital, everyone had loved him again—especially girls. He was still going on dates every Saturday night, whether he was there at home or up at school. He'd always been widely known as a looker, but after that he was a looker with a story. He'd grown a little more, too, so even though she was the tallest of all her friends, he still fairly towered over her.

Junior looked closely at Jimmy. He'd been riding Thunder, which gave Junior a twinge of annoyance. But Thunder was nickering and straining toward her, so she had to get closer to Jimmy to pat the horse. _Her_ horse, actually, thank you very much.

"Hey, Jimmy," she said warily. Although he was much more pleasant to be around now, he was still a bit prickly. In the first few days that he'd stayed with them, he'd been so shell-shocked that he'd done whatever Junior told him to. He'd given Jack blank stares and had shrunk away from Ennis altogether. But after the shock had worn off, there'd been some extremely tense days.

In the months leading up to James Kent's trial, Jimmy had run hot and cold. One day he'd be polite and the next he'd lash out; one minute he was cracking jokes and the next he was spitting fire. He was usually okay around Bobby and Junior; Jack and Ennis had been the problem. More than once, he'd said something that had made Ennis growl at him to pack up and get the hell out, but Jack had always let him stay as long as he promised to change his attitude.

Once they'd had him start helping with chores, things had improved significantly. He and Bobby got along pretty well—they'd never be bosom buddies, but they didn't hate each other anymore. And after the trial, where Jimmy and Junior and Bobby all testified about the accident and Jimmy also revealed that his daddy'd been beating on him for years, he'd become much more relaxed.

"All he needed was to talk." Jack declared more than once. And it sure didn't hurt that James Kent was doing twenty to life in the state pen for assault, battery, and attempted murder.

"So how are you?" Junior asked after Jimmy nodded to her.

"Ah, I'm fine." Jimmy said with a shrug. "I, uh…" He smiled shyly. "I just got accepted to the community college."

"Jimmy, that's great!"

He ducked his head. "Well, it ain't fancy. I ain't smart like you and Bobby…"

"Hey now." Jack broke in. "Nothing wrong with community college, and you're a smart kid."

Bobby and Jimmy shared a look and an eye roll, because they were both used to and pretty sick of Jack's pep-talks. Affectionately so, though. Junior helped Jack and Ennis finish mucking out the last two stalls while Bobby and Jimmy put Thunder and Firefly away so they could all head in to get some dinner.

"Too bad we finally finished off all that food them church ladies brought us." Ennis said with a chuckle. After word had spread about what had happened, they'd had so many covered dishes left on the doorstep that they thought they'd never eat it all. For almost a year after Bobby got out of the hospital, they'd had an overflow of casseroles, cookies, and stews. It'd been the best the men had eaten in a long time.

The phone was ringing when they got inside.

"Ah, shit! I sorta forgot it was Thursday." Bobby hurried as fast as he could to the phone, snatching it up mid-ring. "Hey, Mama. Yeah, we was outside, sorry. Fixing the fences again."

"Does he still talk to her every week?" Junior asked, a little amazed. When Lureen had finally left, a week after Bobby got out of the hospital, they'd set up weekly phone calls. Junior didn't really think it'd last, especially after a big blow-up they'd had over Bobby's schooling. (Lureen wanted to him to go to a bigger school; Bobby wanted to go somewhere half-way between Wyoming and Texas.)

"Sometimes twice a week." Ennis told her. "Bobby really worries about her since her daddy died."

"Even if the man was an ornery old bastard." Jack muttered. Ennis shoved at his shoulder.

"Respect the dead, Jack!"

"I don't gotta respect him! He can't spit on me no more, not from hell."

Ennis just grunted. He didn't like to admit it, but he was slightly superstitious, and speaking ill of the dead was liable to get you into trouble, he was sure.

"I'm going to go over to Samantha's." Jimmy cut in. "I want to tell her the news."

Bobby and Samantha had never become more than friends, but after Jimmy had settled down and quit being such a hard-ass to everyone, he and Samantha had discovered each other. Jack said she was good for him because she'd always tell him when he was being a jerk and she could put him right in his place.

"You coming back for dinner?" Ennis asked. Jimmy had a pretty long rein to come and go as he pleased, but he usually ate there.

"Samantha can come, too." Jack added, brushing Ennis on the shoulder as he slipped past into the kitchen.

"Uh, sure, I guess so." Jimmy murmured. He still got a little awkward sometimes when Jack and Ennis were affectionate, but Jack refused to tip-toe around, and Ennis was getting better.

"Kurt gonna come?" Ennis turned to Junior as Jimmy washed up and left. She and Kurt were still going strong, something he couldn't decide if he was happy about or not. Kurt was a good guy, but didn't she need to branch out, try some other kids?

"Um…no." Junior licked her lips. The subject of Kurt was something she was nervous about. "He's going to spend some time with his family first. There's actually, uh, something I wanted to tell you. About Kurt. And me. About us."

Jack turned off the water and with a last, "Okay, talk to you next week" Bobby hung up the phone, so the kitchen was suddenly very quiet.

"Well, what is it?" Ennis asked hesitantly, worried that she'd say they broke up and maybe she'd cry and what the hell was he supposed to do then?

"Um…" She took a deep breath. "Jack? Bobby? You guys want to come over here? I want to tell you, too."

They were all staring at her now, and she felt herself go red under their gazes. Bobby hoped they hadn't broken up for the sake of his friendship. How awkward would that be for him? He hoped they'd considered _him_ before ending things.

"What's up?" Jack sounded a little worried now. Oh, God, she wasn't pregnant, was she? He tried to keep panic from his eyes because he didn't want Ennis to catch his wavelength. He'd just go kill Kurt straightaway and then they'd _never_ find out what Junior wanted to say.

She licked her lips. "Well, see, Kurt and I are almost twenty, you know, and we been talking 'bout this a lot, and…" She paused again.

"Just spit it out! God!" Bobby cried, always the most impatient.

"Sorry!" She wrung her hands a little. "Okay, look. Me and Kurt are getting married."

Complete silence. And then—she was pretty sure she was imagining this—the sound of three jaws dropping to the floor. Unsurprisingly, Bobby was the first to find the words.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed. And then laughed, which Junior figured was probably a good sign. She let herself crack a smile and looked at Jack and Ennis.

"Um." Ennis still didn't know what to say.

"Aren't you…a little young?" Jack ventured.

"I'm 'bout the same age as both of you when you got married." She pointed out.

"And look how good those marriages turned out." Ennis muttered. Jack winced in agreement.

"Well, hey." Bobby interrupted scoldingly. "She's the same age as when you two met."

"But we didn't shack up 'til we was nearly twenty-two." Ennis grumbled. Jack put a hand on his arm.

"But that wasn't really a good thing, was it?" He murmured. "'Sides for the kids we got out of it."

Ennis bit his lip, thinking it over. He and Jack had met when they were nineteen—same age as Junior was now. And they'd only spent a few months together before going their separate ways, and then only another week before deciding they were going to make a go of it together. Junior and Kurt had been dating steadily for two years. Hell, they'd technically been together longer than he and Jack had been before settling down.

"Guess you are old enough." Ennis finally said. "And Kurt's…well. He's a good kid. Man, I guess," he corrected with a shrug.

"He is." Jack agreed. "You two'll be happy."

Junior's whole face lit up. "That went easier than I expected." She admitted. "I thought it'd take at least a day for you two to come around."

"Well, I guess we're getting submissive in our old age." Jack said sagely.

"Who you calling old?" Ennis teased with a little nudge.

"Well, Mary Ellen's gonna cater, so you don't gotta worry 'bout that." Junior said quickly.

"Oh, good for her." In the last year, Mary Ellen had started up a small scale catering business, with Louisa as her right-hand woman. There had been a few set backs—Roger's birthday had seen Mary Ellen in bed for almost three days—but for the most part, she was doing considerably better.

"And I was hoping…" Junior didn't know how to phrase her question without it sounding weird.

"Junior, you are killing me today." Bobby said, exasperated.

"Well, I was just wondering about…about the whole walk down the aisle thing." She stared down at her shoes.

"Wondering what?" Ennis asked quietly. Junior looked up and saw how serious his eyes were.

"I was wondering if my daddy would walk me." She couldn't help it—she was a little choked up. Ennis turned his head for a second, so she knew he was, too. And from the corner of her eye, she saw Jack duck his head a little, trying to fight the jealousy that he thought was completely selfish of him to be feeling during this moment. "Well, I was wondering if…if _both_ my daddies would walk me."

Jack looked up quick, eyes wide with surprise. "What? No, no, not me." He stuttered. "That's—well, that's Ennis's place."

"Why's that?" Ennis asked him. "You known her long as I have." He was smiling, Junior noted with relief. She didn't know why she'd worried about his reaction; of course he'd want Jack to have a place, too.

"We'd love to." Jack choked out, drawing Junior in close.

"So proud of you, darling." Ennis murmured into her hair as he joined in.

"Oh, Bobby," Junior looked up from Jack's chest. "Think Kurt's got something to ask you later. See, he needs a best man…"

"Hell yeah!" Bobby crowed. "Knew you guys wouldn't forget who got y'all together."

"You did not get us together."

"You would never have met if I weren't an idiot who couldn't read!"

"Now Bobby…" Jack started.

Junior laughed a little, her family all around her, the arms of these strong men all around her. She was so glad to be home.

* * *

Ennis was reading at the table while Junior and Bobby bickered in the living room when Jack came thundering down the stairs, yelping. Ennis jumped up, sure that fool man had nicked a vein shaving or something and needed to go to the hospital, but when Jack came into sight, Ennis didn't see any blood.

"What, Jack? What the hell's going on?" Ennis growled, mad because his heart was still thumping away and he couldn't stop picturing Jack with blood all down his neck.

"I found something." Jack said breathlessly. Junior and Bobby had hustled in to make sure he hadn't been on the verge of death and were now staring at him like he was crazy—which Ennis could agree with.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I put it there, I hid it, but I forgot about it! And then I was looking for my blue parka and digging around back there and I found it!"

"Found what?" Bobby asked curiously. It had to be something good.

"The picture!"

"The picture?" Bobby repeated dumbly. He looked at Junior; she shrugged, and Ennis looked as mystified as the rest of them.

"Would you quit talking in riddles?" Ennis requested.

"Here—look. Wanted to present it a little better, but—well, just look." He stuck out his hand, thrusting forward a small picture. Everyone leaned in to see better.

It was a young man with a tumble of gold curls and freckles across his wide, grinning face, holding the halter of a horse. His other big hand was stretched out, hovering protectively around the back of the horse's rider—a baby girl with the same curls, grinning wide and showing off her two teeth.

"Is that…?" Junior breathed, even though she already knew the answer—there was no mistaking Ennis, and she'd seen enough of her baby pictures to know who the baby was.

"Shit." Ennis muttered, staring, transfixed, at the picture.

"I found it when we went to Amy's to get those pictures. You know, for Junior's first birthday here with us? And then I hid it because I was going to save it—I don't know, for Christmas or something, but then with everything that happened I forgot about it!" Jack was talking fast, waving his arms wildly because he was excited.

Junior had a lot of pictures of her family—pictures of her and her mother through the years; pictures of her cousins; pictures of her and Bobby at their high school graduation; pictures of the four of them on the trip they'd taken to the beach that summer; pictures of her with Ennis when Kurt came to pick her up for a dance, Ennis's face in a (mostly) fake scowl; pictures of her and Jack taking pictures of each other at the same time, both of them with big, laughing mouths under their cameras; and a picture she'd snapped of Jack and Ennis on the front porch, hats on their heads, smiling their special smiles at each other.

But she didn't have a single picture of her as a little girl with her daddy. Until now. She glanced at Ennis and saw tears glistening in his eyes. She was a little surprised to see that—she'd only seen him cry openly the one time, when they both thought Bobby was going to die.

He hugged her tight and stroked her hair, and when they pulled apart Junior saw Jack smiling at them, tears gathering in his own eyes. Ennis went to him and pulled him in close, whispering something in his ear that wasn't for Junior or Bobby to hear.

Junior looked at the two of them, still so strong after all these years, after everything that happened in their lives, and wished with all her might that she and Kurt would prove to have a love like theirs.


End file.
